Struggling.
EmmaOnTrack
Posts: 425 Member
I've been doing pretty well for the last 9 weeks on this eating plan (almost 4kgs lost, 2 or 3kgs to go) but have hit a speedbump and lost motivation to keep going til Xmas as I'd planned.
I'm feeling and looking great (even if I do say so myself) and am so close to goal for the first time in 10yrs that I just feeling like calling it a day.
As those of you on my friends list will know, I'm recently in the midst of a wee health scare (lump found in breast over the weekend, referred for an urgent scan next week) so my brain is pretty preoccupied with "what ifs" and my dedication to the programme is suffering as a consequence. Does it REALLY matter if I don't loose the last few kilos?
Guess I just wanted to vent a little, and this seemed like a safe supportive place to do it.
As you were.
I'm feeling and looking great (even if I do say so myself) and am so close to goal for the first time in 10yrs that I just feeling like calling it a day.
As those of you on my friends list will know, I'm recently in the midst of a wee health scare (lump found in breast over the weekend, referred for an urgent scan next week) so my brain is pretty preoccupied with "what ifs" and my dedication to the programme is suffering as a consequence. Does it REALLY matter if I don't loose the last few kilos?
Guess I just wanted to vent a little, and this seemed like a safe supportive place to do it.
As you were.
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Replies
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Venting's good and none of this matters when weighed against what you're going through...and it really REALLY doesn't matter if this thing goes the wrong way.
Sorry that this is happening to you. No matter what and hopefully if (when!) things turn out ok, you can always come back to 5:2...and we'll be here too...waiting to cheer you on (regardless).
Good luck and well wishes...
Now give us another pic in your favorite jeans!
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Thanks for making me smile.Venting's good and none of this matters when weighed against what you're going through...and it really REALLY doesn't matter if this thing goes the wrong way.
Sorry that this is happening to you. No matter what and hopefully if (when!) things turn out ok, you can always come back to 5:2...and we'll be here too...waiting to cheer you on (regardless).
Good luck and well wishes...
Now give us another pic in your favorite jeans!
I know whatever happens I'll be fine...we've got it early, the Doc is confident it's nothing to worry about but just wants to check, so even in the worst case scenario I suspect I'm going to be a pretty straightforward fix.
I'm just disappointed that the first thing I want to do when faced with a bit of upheaval is fall off the wagon into a big pile of cream donuts! You'd think after a year of tracking and trying to eat well most of the time it would have formed some sort of habit...but no.
Ahhh well, off to gorge myself on a home made chicken, bacon and pineapple burger. Happy days.
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Emma,
so sorry you are going through this. Don't worry about fasting, and I totally get the wanting to console yourself with food!
But do try to take care of yourself!
Angela0 -
Hmm...donuts...
Your fighting evolution...when we stress we want to get back to comfortable. We aren't the first generation of hominids to associate food with comfort; we're just the most recent (out of thousands and thousands). Remember that living in a warm cave (your home), sitting around a fire (table), eating the day's rewards, sharing good times with our clan (family and friends) has been at the heart of our existence far beyond recorded times. We've been about the "food" way too long for you to change it all in a blink of an eye (when compared to the human race's timeline), especially when dealing with a crisis. Eating (in my eyes) ranks right up there with curling up into a fetal position and/or running away...they're all instinctive reactions to perceived threats, it's just how we're wired. So it's ok to be a cave-woman...sometimes. Now...if we could just force ourselves to eat only treats that were available to our ancestors (unprocessed foods) when we need a pick me up...there's the rub.
But I'm human too...I want comfort food every time one of our cats go missing...and I decidedly hate dislike them. Poor fuzzy little evil things...they deserve better than me.
Dang, now I want donuts...hmm...and a burger...
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Hmm...donuts...
Your fighting evolution...when we stress we want to get back to comfortable. We aren't the first generation of hominids to associate food with comfort; we're just the most recent (out of thousands and thousands). Remember that living in a warm cave (your home), sitting around a fire (table), eating the day's rewards, sharing good times with our clan (family and friends) has been at the heart of our existence far beyond recorded times. We've been about the "food" way too long for you to change it all in a blink of an eye (when compared to the human race's timeline), especially when dealing with a crisis. Eating (in my eyes) ranks right up there with curling up into a fetal position and/or running away...they're all instinctive reactions to perceived threats, it's just how we're wired. So it's ok to be a cave-woman...sometimes. Now...if we could just force ourselves to eat only treats that were available to our ancestors (unprocessed foods) when we need a pick me up...there's the rub.
But I'm human too...I want comfort food every time one of our cats go missing...and I decidedly hate dislike them. Poor fuzzy little evil things...they deserve better than me.
Dang, now I want donuts...hmm...and a burger...
Very well put and completely true from my experience.
PS. The burger was great.
PPS. If I get the all clear I'll post my first ever bikini pic. You have been warned.
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angela233Z wrote: »Emma,
so sorry you are going through this. Don't worry about fasting, and I totally get the wanting to console yourself with food!
But do try to take care of yourself!
Angela
Thankfully today isn't a fasting day - and I stuck to my usual fast yesterday (mainly cos I lost my appetite at the Drs office)...so I reckon I can keep to it, I just don't care so much if I don't right now.
Thank you for your kind words. Prior to my current job I worked 8yrs at the Cancer Society, so I know all is likely to turn out ok and there are LOT of folks worse off than me right now - doesn't stop you getting a wiggly tummy and frazzled brain about the whole thing when it happens to you though.0 -
I am glad you felt safe here to share your feelings. Such a compliment to us!
Seems to me you have been given some potentially bad news. We all here to turn to food when the anxiety in our lives heighten. Others may turn to alcohol, drugs, work, shopping, etc., etc., etc. We turn to food. That is why we are here trying to lose weight. If you eat more than usual during this time. It's ok. You have been dedicated to eating well for two months. You feel good about the changes in your weight and health. You will want to return to that place.
Another option is to make a list of non-food activities that normally also help you feel better - a walk, watching the sunset, a warm bath, a hug, writing down your thoughts, whatever works for you. Try to tick a few of those off your list this week. They should lift your mood and help you through the week.0 -
@emmaontrack.
You've done brilliantly so far and will be able to pick it up again when your brain is not busy playing the "what if" game. Having been there with drs and lumps, the good news is that things are dealt with quickly so there won't be a prolonged period of uncertainty. From a slightly different angle, if the worst thing that happens is you get an "all clear" but gain a couple of pounds...I'd still call it a win!
Be gentle with yourself, it's perfectly normal to be "weirded" by the situation.
(I know weirded isn't a word but it describes what I needed to express!)0 -
Emma those last few Kilos aren't important at the moment. If you can, continue with the fasts though. Studies aren't conclusive yet, but there are indications that regular fasts could be good against different illnesses including the cancer cells, we all carry in our body.
If you can't fast, don't worry. Try to stay positive! Try to do some of the things jknight listed above.
I hope, it remains just a 'wee scare'. But make sure you get it all checked out properly. Let us know, what they find out.0 -
We are all here for you. It is difficult to have to deal with scary things like this. I know I worry about it and I haven't even had a scare yet, but it runs in my family so it always at the back of my head. The positive thing is that you have been getting regular checks...which means that if they have found anything they will be able to deal with it and quickly as @jemimasmum said. We will be here for you and you have been doing great so far and you will do great again. Anyone of use can have hiccups along our journey, but the main thing is that we will be here to support each other. Thinking of you next week for you scan.0
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Sorry you're having to go through this. I know how you're feeling, having gone through it when I was younger. Try to stay positive, and as everyone has said, we are all here to support you.
Good luck for next week's scan.
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So kind of you guys. I'm in a much better space today (I think dragging my sorry *kitten* to the gym after work yesterday helped) and in "Business as Usual" mode.
The fasting days are actually the easiest...it's convincing myself I don't REALLY need those fries and baked goods on my non-fast days that's proving tricky. Just feel like spoiling myself and I still don't think I've got out of the mindset of treats being food based.
Really, really appreciate your thoughts and kind wishes...it means a lot. Thank you.0 -
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I haven't had a health scare to that level, but I totally understand how engulfing it can be. Important questions force themselves onto us in times of crisis. Like "What do I really want in life ?" etc. Nothing else seem to matter for a while. Life becomes extremely vibrant when it's threatened, like the senses are sharper, you notice things in other ways. Small everyday stuff suddenly is very valuable and can make me weep.
When I was hospitalized because I lost ability to walk for a few days, I swore to myself that I would appreciate the gift of walking if I could walk again. It was the reason I started exercising.
Everything has it's ups and downs, be compassionate with yourself and keep that inner compass that tell you what really matters to you or not
Please keep us posted.0 -
I am also very sorry and hope everything will work out fine for you! It's totally understandable that your priorities are elsewhere right now.
Just do what makes you feel good. 5:2 is not going away :-)0 -
I have decided that everything is going to be absolutely fine. An eerie calm has descended and I'm hardly even thinking about it. I'm usually a very light sleeper who will only get an hour or two if something is troubling me, but I've been sleeping like a baby this week (and not one of those ones that wake up every 3hrs).
It is just so wonderful to have this forum available and you lovely folks to bounce off. I haven't told anyone in my family apart from my husband as there is no sense worrying anyone until I know what's going on myself...so this is one of the few places I can vent.
Thanks again and will keep you updated.
In the meantime, 5:2 doesn't seem to have suffered. Two successful fasts this week and my weekend of normal debauchery ahead.
xx0 -
EmmaOnTrack wrote: »I have decided that everything is going to be absolutely fine. An eerie calm has descended and I'm hardly even thinking about it. I'm usually a very light sleeper who will only get an hour or two if something is troubling me, but I've been sleeping like a baby this week (and not one of those ones that wake up every 3hrs).
It is just so wonderful to have this forum available and you lovely folks to bounce off. I haven't told anyone in my family apart from my husband as there is no sense worrying anyone until I know what's going on myself...so this is one of the few places I can vent.
Thanks again and will keep you updated.
In the meantime, 5:2 doesn't seem to have suffered. Two successful fasts this week and my weekend of normal debauchery ahead.
xx
So glad you are able sleep. I have found that with all the talk about breast cancer the medical community is on hyper alert. They want to check out every oddity they find. It is good for us they are hyper vigilant but it means there many more false alarms. I am with you in thinking everything is going to be absolutely fine.
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EmmaOnTrack wrote: »
It is just so wonderful to have this forum available and you lovely folks to bounce off. I haven't told anyone in my family apart from my husband as there is no sense worrying anyone until I know what's going on myself...so this is one of the few places I can vent.
Glad you are feeling more at peace. And I agree with you...it is nice have a place to vent. I know it helps me to post anything really. I try to us this space to say how it is going with me just like if I were venting to my best friends.
When I moved to the UK 10 years ago I left everything...friends, family...cloths
. But for a very happy reason...I found my husband and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but although he is my best friend...there is only so much complaining you can do (and I think the the lovely male specimen loves to try and fix everything, but us lovely women just want to vent). So after ten years...six kids...I now have 7 lovely family members here to keep me company, but no real outside friends (I have been kinda stuck in the house taking care of the kids and working on my BA, MA and now PhD). So thanks to all of you for being my outside friends . 0 -
Love is worth the sacrifice...and you're welcome.EmmaOnTrack wrote: »
It is just so wonderful to have this forum available and you lovely folks to bounce off. I haven't told anyone in my family apart from my husband as there is no sense worrying anyone until I know what's going on myself...so this is one of the few places I can vent.
Glad you are feeling more at peace. And I agree with you...it is nice have a place to vent. I know it helps me to post anything really. I try to us this space to say how it is going with me just like if I were venting to my best friends.
When I moved to the UK 10 years ago I left everything...friends, family...cloths . But for a very happy reason...I found my husband and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but although he is my best friend...there is only so much complaining you can do (and I think the the lovely male specimen loves to try and fix everything, but us lovely women just want to vent). So after ten years...six kids...I now have 7 lovely family members here to keep me company, but no real outside friends (I have been kinda stuck in the house taking care of the kids and working on my BA, MA and now PhD). So thanks to all of you for being my outside friends .
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Thanks for your kind words @emmaontrack 0
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Emma - I saw your bikini pics...Does that mean all is good? I really hope so!0
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I know I said I'd post them after I had good news, but then I thought "screw it, I'm feeling good today and if this experience has taught me nothing else it's to live in the moment". Will def update you as soon as I know.Emma - I saw your bikini pics...Does that mean all is good? I really hope so!
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Love your attitude! Fingers crossed!0
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I went through that in 2008, scariest feeling ever. I never realized how hard waiting could be. That was actually the worst part. I ate and ate and ate while I waited for the results and then having to wait for surgery and for the results after surgery. It was such a scary experience and it was amazing how food just helps you cope.
Thinking of you Emma 0 -
I was doing so well up til yesterday (appt with Radiologist is this afternoon). Was all geared up to do my second fast day of the week and then just started inhaling everything around me....and didn't stop. Never experienced that before and it didn't thrill me, but I'm telling myself after this weekend (which isn't Thanksgiving here, but we're travelling to a cousin's 40th) I'll get myself back on track.I went through that in 2008, scariest feeling ever. I never realized how hard waiting could be. That was actually the worst part. I ate and ate and ate while I waited for the results and then having to wait for surgery and for the results after surgery. It was such a scary experience and it was amazing how food just helps you cope.
Thinking of you Emma
As you say, it's the waiting...
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I hope all went smoothly at the radiologist. The unknown is not easy. If you do feel the urge to overeat again, perhaps writing down your feelings would help? You are in my thoughts and prayers. We are all pulling for you. 0
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Just popping in to thank you all again so much for your support and kindess...but I can officially report I have perfect, non-cancerous breasts! In fact, the lump has miraculously disappeared altogether....which made me feel just a little embarrassed for taking up valuable time and resources that genuinely sick people need.
Still, it had to be checked, and the Doc felt it before referring me so I know I wasn't imagining things.
YIPPPEEEEEE!!!0 -
Oh, that is WONDERFUL news EmmaOnTrack! A beautiful answer to prayer. Now go and enjoy your day. You are free. YIPPEEEEEEE!!!
P.S. You are worth our valuable time0 -
Thanks sweet. Certainly a load off in advance of a big party weekend...jknight001 wrote: »Oh, that is WONDERFUL news EmmaOnTrack! A beautiful answer to prayer. Now go and enjoy your day. You are free. YIPPEEEEEEE!!!
P.S. You are worth our valuable time
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OMG, what WONDERFUL News!! Thank you for keeping us posted! I know, who will enjoy their day now! GO CELEBRATE! 0
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Delighted for you! Party on!!0
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