What you are feeling is not unusual for people with EDs. You CAN'T see your body objectively. So, your tummy may be a bit distended due to gas and water, but you'll see it as huge (whereas most people will barely notice it). You own clothing from when you were at your lowest and unhealthy weight and so now, having to get larger sizes seems horrible (even though they are probably still small sizes). The feelings that many women get on here about this process is even worse with an ED. And it's hard to deal with without the help that you need.

Is there any reason why you can't see a therapist before May? That is a long while for someone who is struggling with an ED. Have you thought about asking to be part of an outpatient recovery programme - they have some pretty good intense ones where you will work with a therapist, doctor and nutritionist. Seriously - tell your doctor that you are in major need to see someone NOW. Be a pain in the tushy about it.

If worse comes to worse and you can't see someone, then I might be able to suggest some self-help stuff, but it's not really what you need. It would just be a bandaid/plaster (not sure where in the world you are).