Weightloss used AGAINST me! Urgh!!!!
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_jayciemarie_ wrote: »I wasn't starting this thread to bash him though. I was just dumbfounded when my weightloss was thrown at me like it was a negative thing I'm doing to hurt him and/or our relationship.
I think if it's reached the point where you're starting searchable world-wide-web threads which detail your perception of his behavior within the private, intimate relationship you've agreed to share with him (and within the home that you have chosen to live with him) then it's time to re-evaluate. A lot of things.
I don't share my personal business on social media sites like Facebook/instagram/twitter. I don't gossip with family/friends about my relationship. Sure, I may talk about private things on here (to an extent), but I don't know anyone on this site personally. I honestly just wanted to know if people have been treated differently (In a negative way) because they lost weight, because I was dumbfounded it could be done.
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_jayciemarie_ wrote: »I wasn't starting this thread to bash him though. I was just dumbfounded when my weightloss was thrown at me like it was a negative thing I'm doing to hurt him and/or our relationship.
I think if it's reached the point where you're starting searchable world-wide-web threads which detail your perception of his behavior within the private, intimate relationship you've agreed to share with him (and within the home that you have chosen to live with him) then it's time to re-evaluate. A lot of things.
There is much wisdom in this
I would be hesitant to get into a relationship with a person that feels comfortable blasting details to the entire planet.
Edit: I'm kind of new to this internet social phenomenon. It seems fraught with opportunities to make missteps. I do it all the time. The permanence and public nature of comments is tricky.
I used to have to worry if a friend heard a stupid comment. Now hurtful words can linger forever.
Something for me to consider carefully.0 -
_jayciemarie_ wrote: »_jayciemarie_ wrote: »I wasn't starting this thread to bash him though. I was just dumbfounded when my weightloss was thrown at me like it was a negative thing I'm doing to hurt him and/or our relationship.
I think if it's reached the point where you're starting searchable world-wide-web threads which detail your perception of his behavior within the private, intimate relationship you've agreed to share with him (and within the home that you have chosen to live with him) then it's time to re-evaluate. A lot of things.
I don't share my personal business on social media sites like Facebook/instagram/twitter. I don't gossip with family/friends about my relationship. Sure, I may talk about private things on here (to an extent), but I don't know anyone on this site personally. I honestly just wanted to know if people have been treated differently (In a negative way) because they lost weight, because I was dumbfounded it could be done.
I haven't experienced it, personally, but I ended up sort of losing a friend, because he and his wife had lost a bunch of weight and he and I were workout buddies (he was an aspiring personal trainer and helped me get started). She went nuts, because she was paranoid that he was going to leave her for for me or someone hotter or something (never mind the fact that I'm also married, and he was so not my type and I had zero interest in him like that). She started calling and keeping him on the phone for pretty much our whole gym sessions and would interfere and keep him from keeping our sessions and whatnot. It eventually got to the point that I just gave up and went without him for a while, and eventually stopped going altogether and found something else to do.
Regardless, I think for you, it's about more than just your weight or looks. Those are just the current excuse/scapegoat.0 -
Not sure I'm following this. You're looking sexier, your boyfriend is jealous when you go out without him, and you're upset by his jealousy? Sounds like a perfectly normal relationship. Kiss and make up.
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GaleHawkins wrote: »In our heart we often know what our next move should be but it does not make taking that step easy. Often until we make that first step our options are not easy to see. Best of luck and I bet you have more options than you see at this point. Spy was funny.
Beautifully said and oh so true.
Jayciemarie most people are happy for me for losing weight. If he is not happy for you then it is another sign of his abuse. Been in your shoes. Took 13 years to figure it out. Such a waste of time for me and so much emotion. They never change. No matter how kind you are to them. Best of luck to you in whatever you choose.
Keep on your WOE. for you and no one else.
Maggie0 -
My ex used to work in a bariatric clinic, and I know a number of people who have had these procedures. It happened frequently that a person that loses a lot of weight finds a new partner. I think there is a lot on insecurity when you see that your partner is changing. If there were problems in the relationship already then this would only add to or multiply them.
If you are feeling better about yourself your partner is likely worried that you will be moving on. It sounds like he may have something to worry about. While it may be difficult, it may be a good thing for both of you. If you decide there is something there worth working for, might as well start now. This situation won't improve on it's own.0 -
You're first sentence (of the original post) says it all. You know in your heart what's right, when you're ready you'll put in the energy for movement in the right direction.0
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The guy does indeed sound insecure and jealous. He's probably worried that when you lose weight, you get your confidence back and maybe others will see how awesome you are.
Of course there are always 2 sides to things, though. Maybe in his mind, he sees you're making yourself pretty for SOMEBODY ELSE and SNEAKING AROUND. If you do care to work on the relationship, he'll have to work with you to overcome his own jealousy, and you'll have to work on reassuring him.
As others have said, though, might be time to just focus on improving your own health and not let him bring you down.
Yeah...this is what happens when you lose weight. He loses control. Must be scary for him!
-T.
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Eee gawd I'd have snapped by now. No man has the right to treat you that way, no matter what you look like. In my opinion you should leave. And barring that, end the relationship and get a new boyfriend that stays over a bunch.0
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_jayciemarie_ wrote: »He is a narcissist. He can only say nice things about himself. Never compliments me. Never shows affection. Never touches me. For the longest time (and one of the many reasons I started weightloss) is because of how I saw myself through his eyes. I felt ugly and unlovable. Once I started losing weight I did change how I saw myself. I guess he is just threatened that he doesn't have control over how I think about myself. Idk. I told you guys it was dysfunctional. I moved out last June because of everything. Looks like history is going to repeat itself. So much for the little "Hope" I was holding on to.
Good riddance to hope, then. Seriously. Feeds denial for too many. You can do better than this guy.0 -
You need to read your first line of your first post in here. You know its a toxic relationship. It's unhealthy for both of you. You said you live as roommates but Im reading that you both treat each other like you are begrudgingly together. So much hostility, aggression, drama. It's not worth it. You've indicated all of the ways he is not right for you. What on earth makes you think he will change? You know what to do. Say goodbye, good riddance, and move on.
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