RE: Online Dating....don't you hate it when.................

Moe4572
Moe4572 Posts: 1,431 Member
You email all day with someone and seem to be getting along great, even discuss meeting and then NOTHING.........
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Replies

  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
    Hmm... there may be a couple reasons as to why that happens. My guess is either they're already committed to someone i.e.: GF or wife. Or, they happened to be playing the field and found someone else who interests them a bit more.

    I hate it when I send a respectful pleasant message and hear absolutely nothing in return. It gives me the impression they're snobs. ?? Is it the nice guy is finishing last again?
  • BringingSherriBack
    BringingSherriBack Posts: 607 Member
    Yep had the happen before. The guy would only contact me while I was working and then proceeded to get pissy that I wasn't instantly getting back to him even after I told him I was at work. Well then he could only blow up my email until 3:30 and then nothing. Come to find out he was married.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    I hate it when I get a message from someone who *clearly* didn't even read my profile and then he gets aggressive when I don't respond.
  • DirrtyH
    DirrtyH Posts: 663 Member
    Follow_me wrote: »
    I hate it when I send a respectful pleasant message and hear absolutely nothing in return. It gives me the impression they're snobs. ?? Is it the nice guy is finishing last again?

    Not necessarily. I signed up for match.com on a lark a few months ago just to see what was out there but never had any intention of actually doing anything with it. So I don't pay for the service. I get notices fairly regularly that someone emailed me, but I'm not paying (however much it costs) to read an email when I don't even know who sent it, so...
    it's very possible that I've "ignored' some decent guys. It wasn't personal.
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
    I get what you're saying. But I use the free sites like POF or OK Cupid where it's free to read and send messages. It used to upset me but now I take it for what it's worth. And that's not too much....
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    trixieloo wrote: »
    Follow_me wrote: »
    I hate it when I send a respectful pleasant message and hear absolutely nothing in return. It gives me the impression they're snobs. ?? Is it the nice guy is finishing last again?

    Not necessarily. I signed up for match.com on a lark a few months ago just to see what was out there but never had any intention of actually doing anything with it. So I don't pay for the service. I get notices fairly regularly that someone emailed me, but I'm not paying (however much it costs) to read an email when I don't even know who sent it, so...
    it's very possible that I've "ignored' some decent guys. It wasn't personal.

    When I first started match I responded to everyone. It was a huge time suck. I think I had received almost 200 e-mails in the first 3 days. I would get sucked into conversations with guys I wasn't attracted to (mentally or physically). You could almost feel their excitement about getting 'a live one' and I would feel bad about ultimately saying no thanks.

    Now I have changed my ways. If it sounds in any way generic or doesn't cite something specific to my profile? I won't respond, even if I think the guy is handsome or has a good profile.

    Unless it's really quiet at work..on a Thursday and there aren't any fun articles on buzzfeed. Even then, I just call them on it and joke around in a friendly way. Or sometimes I send unsolicited advice...

    If someone does include a detailed e-mail to me, I will respond even just to say, thank you but no thank you. But also, each time you correspond with someone, your matches get skewed as a result. So the 55 year old surfer who shares none of my same interests? Won't typically get a response.

  • mnwalkingqueen
    mnwalkingqueen Posts: 1,275 Member
    Follow_me wrote: »
    Hmm... there may be a couple reasons as to why that happens. My guess is either they're already committed to someone i.e.: GF or wife. Or, they happened to be playing the field and found someone else who interests them a bit more.

    I would agree with this statement. I personally found in my area online dating of free sites like POF and OK are hook up sites for sex only or no commitment people no matter what the profile says. I have completely stopped dating online I have better luck hitting on the man standing on the corner waiting for the bus.
  • lkaoki
    lkaoki Posts: 53 Member
    Follow_me wrote: »
    Hmm... there may be a couple reasons as to why that happens. My guess is either they're already committed to someone i.e.: GF or wife. Or, they happened to be playing the field and found someone else who interests them a bit more.

    I hate it when I send a respectful pleasant message and hear absolutely nothing in return. It gives me the impression they're snobs. ?? Is it the nice guy is finishing last again?

    I think they're afraid you're too good to be true or women are looking for that ego boost wanting a guy to contact them with no intentions of responding back.
  • obscuremusicreference
    obscuremusicreference Posts: 1,320 Member
    edited February 2015
    Follow_me wrote: »
    Hmm... there may be a couple reasons as to why that happens. My guess is either they're already committed to someone i.e.: GF or wife. Or, they happened to be playing the field and found someone else who interests them a bit more.

    I hate it when I send a respectful pleasant message and hear absolutely nothing in return. It gives me the impression they're snobs. ?? Is it the nice guy is finishing last again?

    Without seeing what you're writing, it's impossible to say whether they're snobs or if there's something in your message that isn't translating. "Hi beautiful, what are you up to today?" is a pleasant and respectful message, but it's so generic that it almost screams "I didn't read your profile, I'm just fishing." Or maybe your message is fine but you haven't spent enough time on your profile. Someone with a vague profile makes me wonder if they change their personality to match the recipient.

    But if this is only an occasional problem for you, it's probably them. They're snobs, nonexistent, just fishing, or really should get around to deleting their profile. I wouldn't give them another thought.

    But to the OP: Probably a married dude just trying to see if he still has it. Ugh.
  • thekacks
    thekacks Posts: 146 Member
    I will go through periods where I get on for a few days and then I get busy with life or just tired of the whole online dating thing and disappear for a few weeks. I am sure the people I was talking to for those few days are like "WTF?!?!"
  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    when you get a message that says "wow you're beautiful" yet they don't have a picture of themselves. Kind of seems odd that you will comment on someones appearance yet hide your own.
  • dbienz
    dbienz Posts: 188 Member
    Moe4572 wrote: »
    You email all day with someone and seem to be getting along great, even discuss meeting and then NOTHING.........
    Follow_me wrote: »
    Hmm... there may be a couple reasons as to why that happens. My guess is either they're already committed to someone i.e.: GF or wife. Or, they happened to be playing the field and found someone else who interests them a bit more.

    ^He's probably right about already being committed!! I met a guy, dated for a few months, thought it was getting serious then he disappeared and NOTHING. He WAS married. I called to see what had happened and she answered. Her response to him, "Seriously, another one." That was when I stepped away from online dating for awhile...

  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,444 Member
    I called to see what had happened and she answered. Her response to him, "Seriously, another one."

    Gosh! What an arsehole!! I really think married people that lie about it should not be forgiven......grrrrr!

    On a more practical note, was there anything (in hindsight) that gave it away before you found out? Something that you would advise we check, like where he lived, or what time he didnt answer his phone etc.....
  • lologyrl
    lologyrl Posts: 183 Member
    I kinda hate everything about online dating...yet I still do it, lol.
  • greenrn
    greenrn Posts: 11 Member
    I keep getting the Scammers, Want My $$$!
    Is there anyone real out there?
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    Ya I am suffering the same thing. Had one guy who I got along with at least messaging well, and POOF! Now I have one guy who is thinking he can "tame" me with his male unit. I told him, I doubt it's made of platinum. That is not one way to win me for sure. Although I do seem to be a magnet for inmates... Ironic since I work in a prison. Needless to say I have to report them. I think I will just stick with my animals and live life that way.
  • free1220
    free1220 Posts: 416 Member
    I just bought a tablet for home use so I'll give online dating a shot...we'll see........
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I met my hubby through online dating. Of course, I met a few jerks along the way too!

    I tried online dating twice: The first time was an abysmal failure because I wasn't happy with myself and I only attracted other people who weren't truly happy with themselves either. You know the saying "hurt people hurt people." Plus I didn’t know that some of the things I thought were “good things” to do or say on a date actually communicated something else to the guy I was with. I didn’t know that most people approaching me online were just looking for diversions, not relationships. I learned a LOT through forums like this and from guys I dated but clearly wasn’t a match for.

    I actually got dumped by someone in this forum with a long post about how we really weren't dating- that I was just gap filler til the real thing came along and that he’d never really want religious woman especially one with kids. It hurt since we were talking on the phone every night and taking trips with my son, but it also did something amazing for me: It motivated me to be “more like a guy” and focus on just having fun. I opened my Match.com profile went back online and decided to go out with everyone who asked me out, whether or not I thought it would work out. Apparently only choosing guys I thought looked compatible was not working.

    What did I change the 2nd time around? Well, I insisted on meeting within a week of contact, in public places (not hidden out of the way places) to drastically reduce the number of guys who were only looking for affairs/diversions. I also did NOT take down my profile or stop accepting dates until the “we’re exclusive” talk. I had so many guys contacting me that this helped me not get too attached before I could get to know who he really was.

    In the 4 months before I started dating my husband exclusively, I went on 40+ dates and had a blast! One week was 4 guys! That was TOO much! Most of the guys were nice guys who really wanted to get married. We just weren’t compatible long term. Only one was a jerk. And one I was a jerk to without realizing it til it was too late. Most are still facebook friends and many have gotten married since.

    I think the way my profile was written the 2nd time around really filtered out the riff-raff along with my “I’m not in a rush to get married, let’s just have fun and see where this goes” attitude, and a disinclination to get intimate before commitment.

    I’m writing all that to give you hope. When I joined this board, I think most people here figured I’d be the LAST person to ever actually find a compatible mate (after all, the less “normal” you are, the harder it is to find someone who is a great partner) but I want to encourage you that it can be done!

    Blessings,

    JJ
  • free1220
    free1220 Posts: 416 Member
    Your post was quite interesting..thanks for you insight!
  • ahealthiercara
    ahealthiercara Posts: 139 Member
    When you meet and find their profile picture should be the 'before' shot on a 'stay away from meth' ad.