Why can't I just say "Thank you" when someone says I'm slim
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Funny, I read this thread earlier this morning, then had a complimentary experience of my own.
I went to the gym over lunch for my regular Thursday step class. I've been doing this class for about 2 or 3 years now and have advanced from one riser (a 6 inch step) to three (a 10 inch step). I'm also doing all of the advanced moves and have recently started holding a 3lb weight in each hand throughout the class--why not throw in a little shoulder and arm work while upping my heartrate, eh?
Anyway, long story short, one of the other ladies was just gushing all over the place after class today about how impressive all this is. Meanwhile, all I can think is that I'm one of the heaviest people in this class (I'm 5'4 and weigh about 158lbs). And it's taken me forever to get to this point. And I'm still fat.
I just smiled, laughed a bit, and kept on stretching. We're friends, we work together, we take almost every class at the gym together, yet I still can't take a compliment from her. Even knowing how obvious my progress has been. Sigh...0 -
Yeah, I have an inner diva too and she thinks I am a bad *kitten* in training.
Still, I just try to say thank you. I have a good bit to go, but when I receive a compliment--even an awkward "you have lost weight" compliment--I just try to take it in the spirit it was given and appreciate the fact that they took the time to say something nice.
The bad *kitten* in me thinks "heck yeah, I am looking goooood". Ha!0 -
I hope I get to the point I can graciously accept a compliment. After 65 pounds lost, I still feel like I look the same. I'm trying to change my own view of myself and am heading to get a fresh new haircut today. Hopefully, it will be flattering so I can start to see myself as I actualy look - not like I still weigh 288.
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I hope I get to the point I can graciously accept a compliment. After 65 pounds lost, I still feel like I look the same. I'm trying to change my own view of myself and am heading to get a fresh new haircut today. Hopefully, it will be flattering so I can start to see myself as I actualy look - not like I still weigh 288.
Feeling you.
Sometimes I see the new me. And sometimes, I just look at the parts (like thighs or belly) and I just see the obese-me. I feel like I still look so huge. So I try to just remember to zoom out and look at the big picture. I bought a bunch of size 10 clothes the other day. So it feels more real. My thighs still look like tree-trunks...fat tree-trunks, to me. Don't get me started on my "abs". But me in stretch jeans and a fitted tee looks pretty nice. I keep getting compliments.
Sometimes I have nightmares that I've gained all the weight back. Getting used to the new us is a journey all its own.
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I think it is not unusual to have some of these feels when losing noticeable pounds. It's like you have to find a new way to see yourself in a different space. I think our identity is partly bound in our perception of our physical selves, and when we lose weight, the cognitive dissonance is real and has to be worked through. My husband said to me one night while we were laying in bed talking "I can tell you are losing weight because your arms are smaller". It was a weird feeling and caught me off guard.
But I could definitely hear more compliments like this before I get tired of it
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Sometimes I think I look better than I actually look. Then I see a picture or my reflection and I start getting down. When I actually see myself, all I can see is all of the weight I need to lose. I am a size 8 now but I still wear large in almost everything. That's kind of hard for me. When I knew I was large, a large didn't bother me. Now that I feel smaller, a large feels like a label of who I am. A reminder sitting there that says "hey, don't go feeling good about yourself, you're still large." Don't even get me started on the BMI crap. Or going to the doctor and being told I am overweight and should work on that. I guess all of this to say my self-esteem does better when I just follow the WOE and exercise, don't weigh, don't measure, don't try on new clothes, don't look at pictures of myself. Feeling pretty defeated over the last couple of months.0
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I think we are used to looking where to lose weight, what to fix, where we need work....
We stay that way
I get straight up lectures from women I know
Tell me I am obsessive about losing some fat here or there and that I look fine.
It is a thing that takes time.
We have to be kind to ourselves as we get used to a new reality.
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So many in my family are overweight. They all tell me how good I'm looking then freak out when I tell them I have 15 more to go. I have learned to just say "Thank you!" though. It actually feels good when you get used to it.0
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