Vicki,

First of all, three cheers for you!!!! I know how difficult it was for you to get up the gumption to post here, but I do have to say that we are an awesome, fabulous, international group of guys and gals, so it definitely sounds like you are in the right place.

As for the forums, it is generally uncomfortable for those of us who don't fit the normal expectations - we have conditions or eating disorders or illnesses or life problems or gods help us, all of the above! So in general, I personally stick to the groups, because the moderators make sure we are all behaving like mature adults (well, mostly mature, anyway) and play nice. I'm also far more at home with like minded people and those in similar situations to me...

Me, personally, I've had every diagnosis under the sun - PMS, PMDD, atypical depression, unexplained depressive disorder, Bipolar II, Bipolar II with anxiety, ADD (no H, thnakfully), control freak in a miserable marriage attempting to control all the things that didn't matter and losing her mind because of it, and probably a plethora of others.

That last one is where I have ended up, mostly. I got out of the miserable marriage, accepted the fact that there were way too many things I could not control (and accepted that attempting hyper-control on other things did not help at all the things beyond my purview), lost the mind but decided I didn't care because life was more fun that way, and much like you, got RIGHT with MYSELF. Whether or not I am truly bipolar probably will never be known. I never used to have any kind of mania, which was why I always disputed the diagnosis, but I had a 20 or so minute hugely manic episode last week, and I had an afternoon of minor episode 3-4 months back, so who knows?

I too was raised Christian, but it didn't click for me either. I'm not sure which path I'm currently walking, but it is Pagan as well, probably most closely aligned to Heathenry. (I'm happy to explain in PM or group to anyone who wants more detail, but I don't want to bog the group down unnecessarily.) I'm pretty open about all this and have been for a while, but not everyone understands and can accept difference. For me, it doesn't matter what you believe personally (or don't believe) as long as it a) works for you, b) doesn't infringe upon the rights of others, and c) you don't go around pushing your beliefs on others like some kind of Amway product (sharing openly is all good - going full on sales pitch or conversion attack is no bueno here!)...

Also, for anyone who hasn't realized this yet (is there anyone on the planet? People who've been sleeping through my posts maybe?), I tend to speak freely and openly. It is kind of a tough love type thing I have going on. I try very hard to never be mean, but I don't hide the truth, either. I fully ask and expect others to call me on my BS, and most friends prefer I return that favor. Again, there is a difference in unemotionally pointing out facts - and bashing someone's beliefs and sense of self - I do NOT do that - and if anyone has ever felt otherwise, please stand up and smack me... (HUGS)

I don't know if I am a Food Addict, Binge Eater, Overeater, or what, maybe a bit of all of the above. Thankfully, I've recently been formally diagnosed as Insulin Resistant, and learning all about that (among my plethora of other weight and health inflicted conditions and issues) have really helped me to know myself better than I ever had before. I've also come to see that certain foods are a type of drug and poison to me. With my doctor's approval and monitoring, I'm on a LCHFMP (low carb high fat moderate protein)/Ketogenic diet, and it has made many positive differences for me. I still deal with addictions to certain foods, the urge to binge eat yummy things, and overeating in general sometimes...but the raging intensity of those things is lessening. I am still a work in progress though...as aren't we all?

In addition to your fabulous alcohol metaphor, I like this one, too. If I know that my body treats sugars and most carbohydrates as a poison, why wouldn't I avoid them? You would not tell someone addict to Methamphetamines as I am to carbs that they can have "just a little Meth" and that it "wouldn't hurt" them, would you? I am the same way about most carbs. It has been a slow process to learn which ones affect me (I'm through maybe 20-30% of all foods out there) and which don't. I might figure it out in my next twenty years!

So, welcome Vicki. You are NOT alone here. Welcome. To the crazy bunch.

HUGS,
Carly

I guess I should say that... I'm down roughly 75 or so pounds and have somewhere near the same to go, so Lise, we're both at "halfway" of sorts! LOL

I don't know what my end goal will be because really, I haven't been healthfully below 200 pounds in 15 years, and I had a baby at that time, so I don't know what my healthy body will be!

Welcome Vicki! I enjoyed reading your blog and love the pictures too. I've only been in this group a few weeks but there are some great people here. I think I have around 100 pounds to lose so that'll take a while! I've recently recognized that I am a binge eater so I am working through that. I'm also a Type 2 diabetic and when I'm being good that stays under control with a LCHF diet. As of lately it is under control with readings under 100 all month long! We look forward to sharing in your journey!

Okay, I don't know if you believe in cussing, but there is a great writing I love called the "F(bad word here) OFF Fairy." You can easily google to find the writing, or I can PM the link, but it is SO worth reading. And actually, Vicki, I think there is a book I ran across that you would love. It is called "The Dance of Anger." It is about how we as women (and I imagine more docile/less confrontational men, too) are taught that Anger is bad, that we shouldn't have it, that we shouldn't use it as a tool to secure a better life for ourselves, that we should let people walk on us to keep the peace, and all that. I haven't finished reading it all, but the author goes on about how anger is natural, normal, AND NECESSARY. We can't change and improve without it. But, when we do try to use it to create change, we tend to do so in an outburst (because we've been holding it in so long) and/or emotionally (because we're SOOO frustrated), and those techniques backfire. I'm looking forward to seeing how she talks about using Anger as a tool to elicit changes we need in our worlds... I highly recommend it, as it was also highly recommended to me!

My mother is diabetic, also, but she is the type that feels so helpless (hers is full blown auto-immune with a ton of other issues now, too), and she's always shocked when I share new concepts with her.

And did you know, as an interesting aside, that so many people are addicted to the things that are worst for them. Like if someone is allergic to dairy or wheat, there is a weird psychological reaction that causes them to be addicted to those very things? Isn't that crazy? I do still enjoy the odd potato or two, but I really don't miss chips (I make cheese crisps that are so much tastier), sweets (I've found awesome low carb versions I like better), etc. Going lower carb at the recommendation of my endocrinologist has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself!

Hang in there, Vicki - and please, come vent to us any time. We'll gladly keep you out of the cupboard!!! We know you will return the favor when needed...

Hugs,
Carly

Ron - I SO have to share when I find awesome things. Awesomeness like love is one of those things that is always best when shared! I have to pass things on!! It's almost a compulsion. I hope these work for you. Those "Dance of Anger" books are actually several in a series. There is the basic one, then there are different special focuses, too. And I did add that comment about men, because they are written for women, but some of the stuff I've already listened to (yes, this one is a free audio book, too!) easily applies for any gender...

KnitOrMiss wrote: »

Ron - I SO have to share when I find awesome things. Awesomeness like love is one of those things that is always best when shared! I have to pass things on!! It's almost a compulsion. I hope these work for you. Those "Dance of Anger" books are actually several in a series. There is the basic one, then there are different special focuses, too. And I did add that comment about men, because they are written for women, but some of the stuff I've already listened to (yes, this one is a free audio book, too!) easily applies for any gender...

Of course I already have the Audio Book making it's way to my library!

I don't want to go into a lengthy amount of detail, but recently my Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law were staying with us while in between homes. They decided to invite my Sister-In-Law over for the weekend (without asking my wife and I) and then proceeded to try to monopolize our weekend. In the end my SIL and MIL were bullying my wife about some family issues telling her "she just had to get over it". I watched them bully her for about 40 minutes. I finally snapped (which is something I so rarely do - most people who know me in person think I'm just a big teddy bear). I told them if they couldn't respect our boundaries to get the F#$% out of our house. Well they all jumped up and packed up and left. That was about a month ago. No one is talking much. I got some info that my FIL is mad at me for using a cuss word in front of them. So like this weak man to totally miss the entire point of what I said. He sat there and didn't speak up in defense of my wife (his daughter) and didn't offer anything constructive to the conversation. He just let it happen, and now I'm the bad guy for saying a bad word, but I have pretty much given up and these people. I don't know when this will end, but I am devouring everything I can read about anger and family conflict. At most I only feel compelled to eventually apologize for my word choice, but I can't apologize for the rest of what I said as I firmly believe I had to stop the bullying ESPECIALLY IN MY OWN HOME!!!

Rant over for now, but I can't wait to check out the book. I'm still looking for the "F(bad word here) OFF Fairy". Mostly only seeing FaceBook references so far.

Vixxie75 wrote: »

KnitOrMiss wrote: »

Kind of off topic, but I can I ask y'all a question about the OA group?

The focus seems to be on "giving yourself over to a higher power," etc.

I had a very intense, knee-jerk, almost visceral type of reaction in reading this. My instinct was to run fast and far from this group, with flaming wings on my shoes.

It might not be something everyone can understand, but...here goes.

The gods I believe in empower me and expect me to stand on my own two feet, and they'll offer guidance when I ask, but they expect me to do it myself.

If the basic tenets of this group, after accountability/ownership/acceptance - which I completely get and agree with, are so based on things being beyond my control and having faith OUTSIDE of myself, instead of THROUGH myself as a conduit to a higher power, I simply don't see a way to reconcile the two. Do you? Abdicating that personal responsibility to someone else, anyone else - even a presumed higher power, instead of teaming with that higher power WITH MYSELF IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT contradicts my personal faith on almost every level.

Does this make sense to anyone? I've worked truly hard at taking responsibility for my actions and choices, understanding that some things are outside of my control due to health issues and such, but to be empowered to make changes actively for myself, and to not depend on some mythical being that has zero personal interest in me to do things for me just makes my internal voice scream in protest. I do not mean this offensively to anyone else's beliefs...but I'm trying to line it up with my own, and it seems like apples and onions or something...

Dunno what group you're on about but I'd run for the hills too!!! lol!

I agree with what you've said. I don't believe in the idea of a God, I believe I have guides who help me to choose the right path for me and help me to be the best person I can be. I think there are Spirits who are 'in charge' for lack of a better word. For example Mother Nature, she keeps balance between the seas sky and earth.

The idea that you hand over all responsibility to something seems a bit of a cop out to me! If you don't accept you're the only one who can change things how are you ever going to change??!

Vicki, I love you so much for writing this right here ^^^. I think that last statement is what I was trying to say without saying. And Ron, this kind of "cop out" attitude is why I find such problems with organized religion. It all ends up copping out and saying "God did it." SMH

Sorry to have hijacked the thread - and that is the Overeaters Anonymous group here on MFP. I basically was reading the stickied posts before deciding to stay or not...