The Proverbial Wagon
Syleyna
Posts: 86 Member
I can tell you exactly when it all went pear shaped. September 19th, 4:30pm. It was the day of my son's 3rd birthday party and I had been so busy getting ready and running around after miniature humans that all my structure and rules went out the window. I forgot to fuel my body. I forgot to eat. I knew that it was the worst thing I could do. I hastily prepared my konjac spaghetti bolognese and loaded it with cheese in the hopes of squashing the wave of cravings I knew would be coming. It was no use. My body officially hated me for neglecting it that day and as soon as all our guests left and our youngest was asleep in bed, I began on the cup full of M&M's. Hell, I'd already started, why not try the beautiful butterfly cake I had put so much effort into baking? I'll clamber back on the wagon tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow came with wondrous ideals of how easy it would be to just keep on keeping on with my LCHF lifestyle change. I foolishly decided that one more small taste of the leftover cake wouldn't hurt. It wasn't long before there was no cake left. What else was in the house? What else could I eat? Maybe I could walk to the shops and buy myself some chips. It's been FOREVER since I've had salt & vinegar chips. I'll get back on board tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is yet to come.
Yesterday I realized how rubbish I felt. I've *only* put on about 1kg, but my body is bloated, lethargic. It doesn't like what I'm putting in it. I know how to fix it. I know I feel better when I eat right. But in the midst of everything, the junk foods make me feel better NOW. I need my fix NOW. Not when I get time to go for a run, not when I can have a shower by myself and just unwind. Now, now, NOW!
I see the looks on the faces of those closest to me, I know what they're thinking- There she goes again, all that hard work down the drain. I knew she wouldn't stick with it. Even though all they say is "no more diet then?" to which my response is a shrug and "I'm taking a hiatus" as I pretend this isn't the second block of chocolate I'm about to finish today. It's hard not to feel like a failure. I was doing so well, how could I have slipped so far so fast? Have I no self control?
Re-motivation, a reminder of why I'm doing this. That's what I need. I want my sons to have a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, with life. I would like to have those things, but I think it may be too late for me. So I'll fake it til I make it, until it's so ingrained in my children that it's second nature.
I finished my first 60minute run last night, 9.5km in total. It was during this run that I made my resolution that I won't have any more tomorrows. This change happens now. I WILL be strong. I have made so much progress and I will not allow myself to landslide back into obesity again. I will NOT.
Tomorrow came with wondrous ideals of how easy it would be to just keep on keeping on with my LCHF lifestyle change. I foolishly decided that one more small taste of the leftover cake wouldn't hurt. It wasn't long before there was no cake left. What else was in the house? What else could I eat? Maybe I could walk to the shops and buy myself some chips. It's been FOREVER since I've had salt & vinegar chips. I'll get back on board tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is yet to come.
Yesterday I realized how rubbish I felt. I've *only* put on about 1kg, but my body is bloated, lethargic. It doesn't like what I'm putting in it. I know how to fix it. I know I feel better when I eat right. But in the midst of everything, the junk foods make me feel better NOW. I need my fix NOW. Not when I get time to go for a run, not when I can have a shower by myself and just unwind. Now, now, NOW!
I see the looks on the faces of those closest to me, I know what they're thinking- There she goes again, all that hard work down the drain. I knew she wouldn't stick with it. Even though all they say is "no more diet then?" to which my response is a shrug and "I'm taking a hiatus" as I pretend this isn't the second block of chocolate I'm about to finish today. It's hard not to feel like a failure. I was doing so well, how could I have slipped so far so fast? Have I no self control?
Re-motivation, a reminder of why I'm doing this. That's what I need. I want my sons to have a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, with life. I would like to have those things, but I think it may be too late for me. So I'll fake it til I make it, until it's so ingrained in my children that it's second nature.
I finished my first 60minute run last night, 9.5km in total. It was during this run that I made my resolution that I won't have any more tomorrows. This change happens now. I WILL be strong. I have made so much progress and I will not allow myself to landslide back into obesity again. I will NOT.
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Replies
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(hugs) and wishing you luck. Don't forget to love yourself in non-food ways while you heal and progress.0
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Wishing you the best. You can do it. It's not easy but then things that are hard are usually worth doing. This is not the end of the road merely a bump in the way.0
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Just forgive yourself and love yourself and get right back into it ! You'll soon be back in the swing of things!0
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One of the things that helped me mentally was telling myself that it's okay to throw food -- yes, even perfectly good cake -- away (it might help to start composting, check out worm bins, that way it doesn't actually go into the trash, but goes to feeding the worms).
The only time it's too late for you is when you're 6 feet under. You're still breathing, upright, and above ground? Good, then it's not too late. You have an addiction. That's okay. Accept it, realize that you have the tools to overcome it, and make the decision each day to do so. You got this, you can do it, and do it for long enough and it'll be second nature to you.0 -
Don't think you are alone in this, you could have easily been writing my story, many times....But we are not giving up! There is room in the wagon, come on up! And next time we will get farther along before we might fall out, and one day we will make the whole journey! : )0
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I see the looks on the faces of those closest to me, I know what they're thinking- There she goes again, all that hard work down the drain. I knew she wouldn't stick with it. Even though all they say is "no more diet then?" to which my response is a shrug and "I'm taking a hiatus" as I pretend this isn't the second block of chocolate I'm about to finish today.
Thus made me nod and cry a bit because I thats exactly how I feel when I fall off the wagon. Make that fuel your fire. Prove to them that you are NOT a failure and you've got the drive. Make today the day! No better day than today!0 -
Wow, you could have taken that from a page in my book! Best of luck, and buckle your seatbelt so you don't fall off again.
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Thank you so much for the support everyone. I really did just need to get it off my chest. Seems it was all just fancy words though, as I ended up binge-ing again that night. As Dragonwolf pointed out though, I'm still alive so it's not too late
15 days of very bad food choices and I've put in 2.1kg (not at all surprised, but *groan*).
I decided to look at my progress pics this morning to help motivate myself. Feeling better, looking better. There's no downside to eating right- so just do it!
Left to right:
Mid June 86kg, mid July 79kg, mid September 72.6kg.
The last one was just before I fell off that darn wagon. Up we get again!
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I decided to look at my progress pics this morning to help motivate myself. Feeling better, looking better. There's no downside to eating right- so just do it!
Left to right:
Mid June 86kg, mid July 79kg, mid September 72.6kg.
The last one was just before I fell off that darn wagon. Up we get again!
You look great!0 -
The wagon is always there!0
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Climb back on that good looking wagon!0
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Half of it will be water weight so should come right back off. The work that you do to recover your position will help motivate you for the future, I'm sure. We've all been there - carbs are so binge-able and there seems to be no "full" button where they are concerned.
When I fall off the wagon, I motivate myself by having an "eat whatever I like so long as it's low carb" day the next day - so I can binge on fat and then move right back into my lchf woe afterwards but I don't feel deprived or like I'm denying myself the first day because I'm eating whatever I want.
You can do this, because you've done it before.0 -
Awesome results...between the first and the last pic..you look as if you've taken off 10 - 15 years...You go girl! So what if you run beside the wagon a few times...you're going in the right direction! You got this!0
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Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote: »Awesome results...between the first and the last pic..you look as if you've taken off 10 - 15 years...You go girl! So what if you run beside the wagon a few times...you're going in the right direction! You got this!
I like that idea - running beside the wagon!
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As a veteran of falling off the wagon, I think that getting back on to the LCHF is much easier that trying to go back and stick to a calorie restricted SAD diet. Your progress is sure to be motivation enough. Great work! And remember that all of that progress hasn't been lost. You do got this!0
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You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.0 -
A lot of water in that minties! It should come off just as fast. Tell us!0
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You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.
Thank you for putting that on here! I can easily put on 1 kilo a day when I fall off the wagon, generally in the weekends, then spend the next week losing that and maybe 1 more kilo, it can be very frustrating and also a bit scary when it goes on so easily
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You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.
When I fall off the wagon and eat carbs, I can easily put on 4 to 5 lbs in a day. Go for a two day binge, and at least 10 lbs!! Its very unfortunate, and it takes me a week and a half minimum to get rid of it!!0 -
greenautumn17 wrote: »Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote: »Awesome results...between the first and the last pic..you look as if you've taken off 10 - 15 years...You go girl! So what if you run beside the wagon a few times...you're going in the right direction! You got this!
I like that idea - running beside the wagon!
Thanks, I think we beat ourselves up too much ,sometimes...for falling off...every now and then.
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Thank you so much for the support everyone. I really did just need to get it off my chest. Seems it was all just fancy words though, as I ended up binge-ing again that night. As Dragonwolf pointed out though, I'm still alive so it's not too late
15 days of very bad food choices and I've put in 2.1kg (not at all surprised, but *groan*).
I decided to look at my progress pics this morning to help motivate myself. Feeling better, looking better. There's no downside to eating right- so just do it!
Left to right:
Mid June 86kg, mid July 79kg, mid September 72.6kg.
The last one was just before I fell off that darn wagon. Up we get again!
That is AMAZING body recomposition for 13 kg/30 pounds!!!!0 -
You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.
I may not put on as much, but it doesn't come back off quickly, either, damned PCOS, even with water... SIGH
Still in my smaller jeans this week, but up about 5 pounds from where??? bah. Almost 2.5 kg for what reason exactly? Because my body is a sadistic trickster like the Joker from Batman apparently.
And HUGS... Emotional binges are quick to come on and slow to come off.... You doing okay, @minties82?0 -
Thank you all for this post & comments...I've been struggling lately...like a month or 2. I'll do good Mon-Thur, and fall off on the weekends. Maybe stick with it for a full week, only to have a day full of crap. I've avoided tracking my food and this site because I felt like such a failure and didn't want the accountability right in my face. I've put on about 5 pounds and it scares me...especially because I can't seem to get a grip on it. I've slacked on the exercise as well due to the weather getting colder. I really really do not want to see all my hard work go down the tubes. And the most frustrating part is that I feel horrible when I eat a bunch of empty carbs...why in the world do I stray from a satiating and feel good way of eating?0
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Thank you all for this post & comments...I've been struggling lately...like a month or 2. I'll do good Mon-Thur, and fall off on the weekends. Maybe stick with it for a full week, only to have a day full of crap. I've avoided tracking my food and this site because I felt like such a failure and didn't want the accountability right in my face. I've put on about 5 pounds and it scares me...especially because I can't seem to get a grip on it. I've slacked on the exercise as well due to the weather getting colder. I really really do not want to see all my hard work go down the tubes. And the most frustrating part is that I feel horrible when I eat a bunch of empty carbs...why in the world do I stray from a satiating and feel good way of eating?
Because the world and the odds are stacked against you and you haven't mastered the right tools to properly fight back. The biggest things for me are to make a mission statement, very detailed. Imagine what is called your "default future." That's what happens if you don't change anything right now. Pick someone you know who is a very graphic example of what exactly you fear (can be off of TV or anything). Again, get graphic. Imagine every horror. Then pick an image of where you want to be. Then tell yourself you ARE allowed to go off plan, but you have to review each of these things in detail before you do. It's hard to stick with it when you don't care, but sometimes just the reminder of these things is enough.0 -
I lost my father in my early twenties. I don't want that to happen to my son who's now eighteen. Every time I'm tempted by carbs, this is what I tell myself. So far it helped. But like with everything else: there are no guarantees.0
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but my body is bloated, lethargic. It doesn't like what I'm putting in it. I know how to fix it. I know I feel better when I eat right.
This is how I get back on...... because I don't want to feel like crap. I am going to CHOOSE not to feel like crap. So when I have a day where I go off the rails, I know I won't feel great, and I will get back on it as soon as possible otherwise I'm just prolonging the agony. It's like having a hangover, I sure don't want to drink again so soon after, my body won't allow it. With food I just have to overrule the urge and make better choices knowing that in a couple days it will get better again and it will get easier to choose when the cravings go.
Great progress pics! Keep on keeping on!0 -
OH. MY. GOSH. How did I forget how rubbish it is detoxing off carbs? Yesterday was only Day 2 back on track with my eating and an hour after waking up I felt murderous. Not ideal with 2 small children in the house, one who constantly asks "why" and the other who repeats "uh oh" only about a thousand times a day. I indulged in sugar free dark chocolate. My calories were a little over, but my carbs were still within range. Feeling much more chill this morning, thank goodness. I think I must have just needed more fat.
Speaking of fat! Weighed myself this morning and what I gained is gone. Yay! I would have guessed that yesterday afternoon anyway, I (physically) felt so much better/lighter with all that junk out of my system. As @totaloblivia said, it's pretty much all water weight- but it's amazing how great I feel when NOT bloated.
2 birthday events this weekend, hopefully with the memory of detoxing so fresh in my mind it'll be easy to resist cake.
Thank you again to everyone for the support, and for those who are in the same boat as me- struggling to stay on track. We can do this. It's hard, but it's worth it. Don't let the hiccups (or failures as I know I call them when it's me) drag you down and stop doing what you know you gotta do. We all slip up. Just climb back up when you can. When you're ready. Go easy on yourself. We're in it for the long haul, and in the grand scheme of things, what's a week or a month?0 -
@Syleyna now you are remotivating me as I went out for dinner with friends and ate creme brulee because I had drunk too much wine to be self controlled.... up 1.5lbs today. Joining you back on the wagon....0
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Your photos give me hope! My 'after' (imaginary) photo of a similar weight looks more like your 'before'. So my goal is to work towards looking like your 'after' photo. Yes, taking care of munchkins is a lot of work, so indulge in that sugar-free chocolate a bit -- it is all worth it. Enjoy them while they're young. 0
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I think many of us have similar experiences. We are feeling great and we think we can dip our toe in the carb water and end up falling in head first. Usually, it is triggered by life events, stress, etc.
But...you haven't given up. We are human and we make mistakes. And sometimes, we have to make them a few times to learn from them or even periodically to remind ourselves that we are on the right path.
You can do this. You have already been doing it. Just dust yourself off and climb back on.0
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