The Proverbial Wagon
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Syleyna
Posts: 86 Member
I can tell you exactly when it all went pear shaped. September 19th, 4:30pm. It was the day of my son's 3rd birthday party and I had been so busy getting ready and running around after miniature humans that all my structure and rules went out the window. I forgot to fuel my body. I forgot to eat. I knew that it was the worst thing I could do. I hastily prepared my konjac spaghetti bolognese and loaded it with cheese in the hopes of squashing the wave of cravings I knew would be coming. It was no use. My body officially hated me for neglecting it that day and as soon as all our guests left and our youngest was asleep in bed, I began on the cup full of M&M's. Hell, I'd already started, why not try the beautiful butterfly cake I had put so much effort into baking? I'll clamber back on the wagon tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow came with wondrous ideals of how easy it would be to just keep on keeping on with my LCHF lifestyle change. I foolishly decided that one more small taste of the leftover cake wouldn't hurt. It wasn't long before there was no cake left. What else was in the house? What else could I eat? Maybe I could walk to the shops and buy myself some chips. It's been FOREVER since I've had salt & vinegar chips. I'll get back on board tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is yet to come.
Yesterday I realized how rubbish I felt. I've *only* put on about 1kg, but my body is bloated, lethargic. It doesn't like what I'm putting in it. I know how to fix it. I know I feel better when I eat right. But in the midst of everything, the junk foods make me feel better NOW. I need my fix NOW. Not when I get time to go for a run, not when I can have a shower by myself and just unwind. Now, now, NOW!
I see the looks on the faces of those closest to me, I know what they're thinking- There she goes again, all that hard work down the drain. I knew she wouldn't stick with it. Even though all they say is "no more diet then?" to which my response is a shrug and "I'm taking a hiatus" as I pretend this isn't the second block of chocolate I'm about to finish today. It's hard not to feel like a failure. I was doing so well, how could I have slipped so far so fast? Have I no self control?
Re-motivation, a reminder of why I'm doing this. That's what I need. I want my sons to have a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, with life. I would like to have those things, but I think it may be too late for me. So I'll fake it til I make it, until it's so ingrained in my children that it's second nature.
I finished my first 60minute run last night, 9.5km in total. It was during this run that I made my resolution that I won't have any more tomorrows. This change happens now. I WILL be strong. I have made so much progress and I will not allow myself to landslide back into obesity again. I will NOT.
Tomorrow came with wondrous ideals of how easy it would be to just keep on keeping on with my LCHF lifestyle change. I foolishly decided that one more small taste of the leftover cake wouldn't hurt. It wasn't long before there was no cake left. What else was in the house? What else could I eat? Maybe I could walk to the shops and buy myself some chips. It's been FOREVER since I've had salt & vinegar chips. I'll get back on board tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Tomorrow is yet to come.
Yesterday I realized how rubbish I felt. I've *only* put on about 1kg, but my body is bloated, lethargic. It doesn't like what I'm putting in it. I know how to fix it. I know I feel better when I eat right. But in the midst of everything, the junk foods make me feel better NOW. I need my fix NOW. Not when I get time to go for a run, not when I can have a shower by myself and just unwind. Now, now, NOW!
I see the looks on the faces of those closest to me, I know what they're thinking- There she goes again, all that hard work down the drain. I knew she wouldn't stick with it. Even though all they say is "no more diet then?" to which my response is a shrug and "I'm taking a hiatus" as I pretend this isn't the second block of chocolate I'm about to finish today. It's hard not to feel like a failure. I was doing so well, how could I have slipped so far so fast? Have I no self control?
Re-motivation, a reminder of why I'm doing this. That's what I need. I want my sons to have a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, with life. I would like to have those things, but I think it may be too late for me. So I'll fake it til I make it, until it's so ingrained in my children that it's second nature.
I finished my first 60minute run last night, 9.5km in total. It was during this run that I made my resolution that I won't have any more tomorrows. This change happens now. I WILL be strong. I have made so much progress and I will not allow myself to landslide back into obesity again. I will NOT.
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Replies
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(hugs) and wishing you luck. Don't forget to love yourself in non-food ways while you heal and progress.0
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Wishing you the best. You can do it. It's not easy but then things that are hard are usually worth doing. This is not the end of the road merely a bump in the way.0
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Just forgive yourself and love yourself and get right back into it ! You'll soon be back in the swing of things!0
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One of the things that helped me mentally was telling myself that it's okay to throw food -- yes, even perfectly good cake -- away (it might help to start composting, check out worm bins, that way it doesn't actually go into the trash, but goes to feeding the worms).
The only time it's too late for you is when you're 6 feet under. You're still breathing, upright, and above ground? Good, then it's not too late. You have an addiction. That's okay. Accept it, realize that you have the tools to overcome it, and make the decision each day to do so. You got this, you can do it, and do it for long enough and it'll be second nature to you.0 -
Don't think you are alone in this, you could have easily been writing my story, many times....But we are not giving up! There is room in the wagon, come on up! And next time we will get farther along before we might fall out, and one day we will make the whole journey! : )0
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I see the looks on the faces of those closest to me, I know what they're thinking- There she goes again, all that hard work down the drain. I knew she wouldn't stick with it. Even though all they say is "no more diet then?" to which my response is a shrug and "I'm taking a hiatus" as I pretend this isn't the second block of chocolate I'm about to finish today.
Thus made me nod and cry a bit because I thats exactly how I feel when I fall off the wagon. Make that fuel your fire. Prove to them that you are NOT a failure and you've got the drive. Make today the day! No better day than today!0 -
Wow, you could have taken that from a page in my book! Best of luck, and buckle your seatbelt so you don't fall off again.
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Thank you so much for the support everyone. I really did just need to get it off my chest. Seems it was all just fancy words though, as I ended up binge-ing again that night. As Dragonwolf pointed out though, I'm still alive so it's not too late
15 days of very bad food choices and I've put in 2.1kg (not at all surprised, but *groan*).
I decided to look at my progress pics this morning to help motivate myself. Feeling better, looking better. There's no downside to eating right- so just do it!
Left to right:
Mid June 86kg, mid July 79kg, mid September 72.6kg.
The last one was just before I fell off that darn wagon. Up we get again!
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I decided to look at my progress pics this morning to help motivate myself. Feeling better, looking better. There's no downside to eating right- so just do it!
Left to right:
Mid June 86kg, mid July 79kg, mid September 72.6kg.
The last one was just before I fell off that darn wagon. Up we get again!
You look great!0 -
The wagon is always there!0
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Climb back on that good looking wagon!0
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Half of it will be water weight so should come right back off. The work that you do to recover your position will help motivate you for the future, I'm sure. We've all been there - carbs are so binge-able and there seems to be no "full" button where they are concerned.
When I fall off the wagon, I motivate myself by having an "eat whatever I like so long as it's low carb" day the next day - so I can binge on fat and then move right back into my lchf woe afterwards but I don't feel deprived or like I'm denying myself the first day because I'm eating whatever I want.
You can do this, because you've done it before.0 -
Awesome results...between the first and the last pic..you look as if you've taken off 10 - 15 years...You go girl! So what if you run beside the wagon a few times...you're going in the right direction! You got this!0
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Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote: »Awesome results...between the first and the last pic..you look as if you've taken off 10 - 15 years...You go girl! So what if you run beside the wagon a few times...you're going in the right direction! You got this!
I like that idea - running beside the wagon!
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As a veteran of falling off the wagon, I think that getting back on to the LCHF is much easier that trying to go back and stick to a calorie restricted SAD diet. Your progress is sure to be motivation enough. Great work! And remember that all of that progress hasn't been lost. You do got this!0
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You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.0 -
A lot of water in that minties! It should come off just as fast. Tell us!0
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You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.
Thank you for putting that on here! I can easily put on 1 kilo a day when I fall off the wagon, generally in the weekends, then spend the next week losing that and maybe 1 more kilo, it can be very frustrating and also a bit scary when it goes on so easily
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You look amazing!
I'm just now clambering back up on the wagon. Grazed my knee on a bolt I think...
I am envious of those who only put on a couple of kg when falling off, I went from 74.4kg to 80.2kg in a week :-(.
When I fall off the wagon and eat carbs, I can easily put on 4 to 5 lbs in a day. Go for a two day binge, and at least 10 lbs!! Its very unfortunate, and it takes me a week and a half minimum to get rid of it!!0 -
greenautumn17 wrote: »Time2LoseWeightNOW wrote: »Awesome results...between the first and the last pic..you look as if you've taken off 10 - 15 years...You go girl! So what if you run beside the wagon a few times...you're going in the right direction! You got this!
I like that idea - running beside the wagon!
Thanks, I think we beat ourselves up too much ,sometimes...for falling off...every now and then.
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