I grate potatoes and carrots into my chili for some hidden veggies.

Add more pinto beans (or whatever kind you use) and keep increasing the ratio of beans to meat with each batch until they are mostly eating beans. If you guys eat chili all this month and next, that is o.k. Beans (with only enough meat for flavoring) are cheap. I remember that when my two brothers were young teenagers my mom could barely keep enough food in the house for them.
Get them involved in the planning, shopping, preparation, and cooking so that they have some stake in the process. Cooking will become easier for you when everyone one is more involved.

nikkib0103 wrote: »

How old are your boys? Maybe it's time they did some cooking! Sounds like they can really put it away....

Long answer to a short question but it'll provide some context.

It's a kind of an unusual situation born out of a dysfunction marriage. It took me years (including some time in therapy) to admit it but my ex is a high-functioning sociopath. I knew she had issues and she spent years, literally decades in therapy, so I kept hoping she would become a full partner in our marriage. Some stuff got better; other stuff got worse and worse. Eventually, she started using divorce threats as manipulation... and I was miserable enough that I called her bluff... which set off a sequence of events that finally resulted in divorce. The kids stayed with me; they were old enough to make up their own minds. It's coming up on a year since the divorce finalized and over three years since we legally separated. My ex dragged everything through legal processes.

When the kids were younger, she didn't allow them in the kitchen. Her own cooking skills weren't great but she could not tolerate the mess of kids cooking. I did most of the cooking and all of the baking. She did everything she could to undermine any attempt on my part to institute family meals, including feeding the kids snacks minutes before meals out of sight of me so when they sat at the table, they were not hungry.

So the kids didn't learn to cook. I've given them some lessons now that they're adults. My daughter is 21 years old and a quick study and picked up most of the basics easily... which was good because her college was +100 miles from Ottawa where I live. She and her boyfriend are currently going walk-about in the Euro-zone. Last check in, she's in Spain.

My son is 23 years old and studying to be a mechanical engineer. He is useless in the kitchen and doesn't want to learn. When I ask him to help, he does the minimum possible, makes a mess and gets testy if I correct him. Yes, there's been some therapy there too. Very much a work in progress.

To make matters a bit more confusing, after getting my consent, he invited one of his college mates, a nice young man with Asperger, to do room & board with us. The young Aspie is like a less obnoxious and ginger version of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. In his first year, he was in dorms and massively over-stimulated so he couldn't sleep. In his second year, he got a place off-campus but the apartment was a single in an older house so he was under-stimulated. As a result, he spent a good bit of time visiting at our house until, as the semester ended, my son asked me if he could ask the young Aspie to move in during semesters. I agreed and this is his second year with us.

Both of the boys out-eat me routinely. My son weighs around 175lbs and no weight issues so far. The young Aspie out-eats both my son & I but weighs around 135lbs with rocks in his pockets... nothing but skin & bones... I honestly don't know where he puts it all.

Have you ever seen Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory cooking? There's a reason...

marekdds wrote: »

I still think, if they eat, they can help. Any body can chop veggies. What are they going to do on their own?

Agreed, Jen. Like I said, my daughter picked up cooking quickly. In the summer before she went to college, we cooked together a couple of times per week. Nowadays, I get the occasional call or email asking for particular recipes or advice. It's been a few months since I last attempted to get help from my son. Perhaps I will try again?

Both of you are right... if I wasn't cooking, he would find a way around the kitchen. I fear, like me, his meal planning wouldn't be elegant to say the least... and I expect frozen pizza & Kraft Mac & Cheese would be his staples.

UncleMac wrote: »

As I was preparing the beef for my stew, my son wandered in. I didn't say a word, just handed him a veg peeler and a rutabaga. Once he finished peeling that, I handed him the potatoes. When he was done, I thanked him. He replied "Thank you for letting me help. Sometimes I feel guilty because you do so much." and manly hugs followed.

They will just shock the heck out of you, won't they? It sounds like you are making great lemonade out of the lemons life has handed you, though.

MostlyWater wrote: »

You can control eating at home. Eating OUT is harder.

Eating out is really hard. Even in chains that provide calorie counts. A friend recently ate in two different Applebees. One was in upstate NY where she had a salad that she said was monstrously large. She had the same at one down here in NYC and it was half the portion. Same chain, same dish, two different size servings, same calorie count on the menu. It's just not as reliable as we would assume.

Develop three good dishes. Roasts generally work well. Make do ahead dishes like mashed potatoes. Then all you have to do is maybe heat stuff up. It takes the stress off if you don't have to be all mad scientist in the kitchen while your guest cools his heels in the living room, bravely staring into space, wondering if he will survive the chaotic noises emanating from the kitchen.

My biggest obstacle is stress. I get overwhelmed, and frustrated...and then I want to quit. I won't, obviously, but I have in the past. I guess just taking things one day at the time and realizing food is not the answer to problems. Obvious that tonight is one of those nights?? )

Saying NO is a muscle that has to be worked to be strong.