RE: Online Dating....don't you hate it when.................

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Replies

  • Belle8312
    Belle8312 Posts: 2,151 Member
    edited August 2015
    When you find people on a dating site that work in your office....and you find out they have a girlfriend, and have had a SERIOUS girlfriend (living together!) for over a year?



    I finally deleted all of my dating apps. I realized that I was going about it the wrong way.....I'm learning that I need to focus on myself right now, and once I am happy with myself, I can be happy with someone else.

    Side note though, 95% of the guys that messaged me just wanted to sleep with me. Definitely sad and disappointing.
  • court_alacarte
    court_alacarte Posts: 222 Member
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    When you find people on a dating site that work in your office....and you find out they have a girlfriend, and have had a SERIOUS girlfriend (living together!) for over a year?

    god that is so awkward, even if they are single...

    or how about when you actually land a date with a guy that you legitimately had a good time with and he texts you pretty much every other day that week after but with no follow through on asking for a second date and then suddenly... he disappears...

    stupid tinder culture, i swear... always something better a swipe away. dating sucks LOL.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    JanieJack wrote: »
    I met my hubby through online dating. Of course, I met a few jerks along the way too!

    I tried online dating twice: The first time was an abysmal failure because I wasn't happy with myself and I only attracted other people who weren't truly happy with themselves either. You know the saying "hurt people hurt people." Plus I didn’t know that some of the things I thought were “good things” to do or say on a date actually communicated something else to the guy I was with. I didn’t know that most people approaching me online were just looking for diversions, not relationships. I learned a LOT through forums like this and from guys I dated but clearly wasn’t a match for.

    I actually got dumped by someone in this forum with a long post about how we really weren't dating- that I was just gap filler til the real thing came along and that he’d never really want religious woman especially one with kids. It hurt since we were talking on the phone every night and taking trips with my son, but it also did something amazing for me: It motivated me to be “more like a guy” and focus on just having fun. I opened my Match.com profile went back online and decided to go out with everyone who asked me out, whether or not I thought it would work out. Apparently only choosing guys I thought looked compatible was not working.

    What did I change the 2nd time around? Well, I insisted on meeting within a week of contact, in public places (not hidden out of the way places) to drastically reduce the number of guys who were only looking for affairs/diversions. I also did NOT take down my profile or stop accepting dates until the “we’re exclusive” talk. I had so many guys contacting me that this helped me not get too attached before I could get to know who he really was.

    In the 4 months before I started dating my husband exclusively, I went on 40+ dates and had a blast! One week was 4 guys! That was TOO much! Most of the guys were nice guys who really wanted to get married. We just weren’t compatible long term. Only one was a jerk. And one I was a jerk to without realizing it til it was too late. Most are still facebook friends and many have gotten married since.

    I think the way my profile was written the 2nd time around really filtered out the riff-raff along with my “I’m not in a rush to get married, let’s just have fun and see where this goes” attitude, and a disinclination to get intimate before commitment.

    I’m writing all that to give you hope. When I joined this board, I think most people here figured I’d be the LAST person to ever actually find a compatible mate (after all, the less “normal” you are, the harder it is to find someone who is a great partner) but I want to encourage you that it can be done!

    Blessings,

    JJ

    That's exactly what my mentality was when I met my husband. Like was over it. Everything I had been doing wasn't working and everything I thought I wanted, I obviously didn't. I started to give others a chance I normally wouldn't whether it be looks, career, interests, etc. I was a little unsure of my now husband but I was having fun!! And that had been awhile. So I went with it. I took my time, I dated other people until the exclusive talk, and I made him be on my time / when I was ready. Worked for me!! Fell hook line and sinker.
  • SMarie10
    SMarie10 Posts: 953 Member
    Curious why there are so many married people in the Single Peeps group??
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,757 Member
    SMarie10 wrote: »
    Curious why there are so many married people in the Single Peeps group??

    I've been on MFP and a part of this group for a few years now. I think 4 or 5 years. It was a pretty active group back then. Few of the old regulars from years ago, though were single back then, have found someone and are now in relationship, engaged and even married! They pop in every now and then to catch up and give updates. I myself am not single anymore and in a relationship with someone from my old high school. A while back when I was single, I volunteered to stay on as a forum moderator to help keep the group around on MFP when the original creator didn't have time to and was going to close the group.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    SMarie10 wrote: »
    Curious why there are so many married people in the Single Peeps group??

    I was a single peep for many years. I am scared to go back and read on here all my dating struggles lol. Met a lot of great people. That's all :)
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,011 Member
    lacroyx wrote: »
    SMarie10 wrote: »
    Curious why there are so many married people in the Single Peeps group??

    I've been on MFP and a part of this group for a few years now. I think 4 or 5 years. It was a pretty active group back then. Few of the old regulars from years ago, though were single back then, have found someone and are now in relationship, engaged and even married! They pop in every now and then to catch up and give updates. I myself am not single anymore and in a relationship with someone from my old high school. A while back when I was single, I volunteered to stay on as a forum moderator to help keep the group around on MFP when the original creator didn't have time to and was going to close the group.

    Congrats!!!
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,757 Member
    kimad wrote: »
    lacroyx wrote: »
    SMarie10 wrote: »
    Curious why there are so many married people in the Single Peeps group??

    I've been on MFP and a part of this group for a few years now. I think 4 or 5 years. It was a pretty active group back then. Few of the old regulars from years ago, though were single back then, have found someone and are now in relationship, engaged and even married! They pop in every now and then to catch up and give updates. I myself am not single anymore and in a relationship with someone from my old high school. A while back when I was single, I volunteered to stay on as a forum moderator to help keep the group around on MFP when the original creator didn't have time to and was going to close the group.

    Congrats!!!

    Thanks!
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,537 Member
    I hate it when the picture that looks the LEAST like me in real life gets the MOST amount of positive attention.
  • free1220
    free1220 Posts: 416 Member
    I'm trying online dating now and I find that I can send out 15 messages and maybe get one returned.We'll talk for a couple of days,even talk on the phone then........................nothing.Sheesh,really... you can't put out the energy to say you aren't interested...wow!
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    edited November 2015
    free1220 wrote: »
    I'm trying online dating now and I find that I can send out 15 messages and maybe get one returned.We'll talk for a couple of days,even talk on the phone then........................nothing.Sheesh,really... you can't put out the energy to say you aren't interested...wow!
    Yes, this is the same for every man (or at least not top of the crop).
    You should absolutely NOT waste too much time and effort in online dating if you are average, or if your pictures aren't professional pics - and to an extent you probably don't imagine.
    If you're interested in any data, have a look at this blog (this guy is doing a pretty good job of showing how *kitten* online dating is for guys):
    https://sirtyrionlannister.wordpress.com/2015/10/12/pof-experiment/

    Of course it will depends on the age range you're looking at as well, but I would assume this translates universally and is almost always a waste of time for males (and an ego boost for females).
    That being said if you send a few canned introductions, and 1 line about the profile you read, all wrapped up in 2 minutes, what's the harm? But yeah... Don't overthink it. Statistics are playing against you in the online dating game.
    I hate it when the picture that looks the LEAST like me in real life gets the MOST amount of positive attention.
    Your dog with a hoodie is getting all the attention?
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,757 Member
    edited November 2015
    I hate it when the picture that looks the LEAST like me in real life gets the MOST amount of positive attention.
    Your dog with a hoodie is getting all the attention?

    To be fair, it's a nice dog and hoodie.
  • OS_KAT
    OS_KAT Posts: 176 Member
    I am so over online dating. Every time I try, I am on there for about two days and then delete my profiles/apps. It seems to be virtually impossible to meet the kind of man I genuinely click with on a dating site.
  • free1220
    free1220 Posts: 416 Member
    I looked at it as a huge ego blast for girls....like a message collector.The must get hundreds if not thousands of hits....oh well....lol
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    free1220 wrote: »
    I'm trying online dating now and I find that I can send out 15 messages and maybe get one returned.We'll talk for a couple of days,even talk on the phone then........................nothing.Sheesh,really... you can't put out the energy to say you aren't interested...wow!

    Guys ghost like that too, just so you don't get the wrong idea...
  • OS_KAT
    OS_KAT Posts: 176 Member
    In defense of women, I will say it is more exhausting than an ego boost to get lots of messages, especially since most of them end up being "hi" or "wat up u seXy" or even my personal favorite "I'm into asphyxiation." I don't really understand ignoring a nice message that shows thought and makes it obvious the guy did more than look at my pics, but it is also entirely possible that most girls are burned out by all the d*ck pics and asking if she wants to *kitten*
  • free1220
    free1220 Posts: 416 Member
    OS_KAT wrote: »
    In defense of women, I will say it is more exhausting than an ego boost to get lots of messages, especially since most of them end up being "hi" or "wat up u seXy" or even my personal favorite "I'm into asphyxiation." I don't really understand ignoring a nice message that shows thought and makes it obvious the guy did more than look at my pics, but it is also entirely possible that most girls are burned out by all the d*ck pics and asking if she wants to *kitten*

    I see what you're saying,I guess I just never saw that side of it but I certainly see your point.I'm a little naive about the whole online dating situation,probably because I'm actually there to try to meet someone.....silly me..lolol
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
    edited November 2015
    OS_KAT wrote: »
    In defense of women, I will say it is more exhausting than an ego boost to get lots of messages, especially since most of them end up being "hi" or "wat up u seXy" or even my personal favorite "I'm into asphyxiation." I don't really understand ignoring a nice message that shows thought and makes it obvious the guy did more than look at my pics, but it is also entirely possible that most girls are burned out by all the d*ck pics and asking if she wants to *kitten*
    You're right. I think online dating doesn't seem to work too well for anyone.

    Add to this the "shopping cart" mentality that develops when a "better offer" is potentially just one click/swipe away, so you end up with the shallowest environment to create relationships.
    Why would anyone ever commit to an interaction if the potential number of partners is unlimited? You end up with completely shallow and stupid criteria to move on to someone else (good old "next!" people use to plaster happily all over this subforum because someone reported their potential date used the word XYZ, didn't reply immediately or something insignificant like that).

    I am going to say, though, that a majority of women are hugely responsible for their own problems with their passive approach to dating (which translates in mostly "waiting for it to happen" either on or offline).
    And also (what will be a less popular opinion, I'm sure) unrealistic expectations. To be clear: you (random woman) are not special to me (random man) before the first few dates (yes, everyone is a special snowflake but nobody knows that you are so you have to prove yourself first), nobody will magically swipe you off your feet by simply discussing online (attraction is a complex beast, so don't expect to fall in love/know this is "the one" online) and Channing Tatum isn't doing online dating (sorry!). I know this is mostly a problem with younger women (more experienced women just know better), but the things I read in online dating are absolutely ridiculous sometimes...

    There are websites where men cannot contact women, instead women contact men. I think this is the best approach, although as usual I imagine 80% of the messages go to the same 20% most attractive people of each gender.

    Yeah. Online dating is *kitten* because it's mostly a popularity contest where the most attractive people reap all the rewards. Like in life, but worse. Because everyone (men, women) feels "entitled" to message that extremely attractive/successful man/woman. I just prefer real interactions, at least you can get people to go past some of your physical flaws with an attractive personality.
  • OS_KAT
    OS_KAT Posts: 176 Member
    ^^ I completely agree with you. I watched a news special once about online dating v. using a professional matchmaker. The professional matchmaker said that online dating has become ridiculous because people would meet someone with 80% of the qualities they are looking for in a potential spouse, and yet they check them off because they think they can find someone who is 100% of what they are looking for. In reality, if you meet someone with 80% of what you want, you should be running down the aisle, not looking for the next better offer ;)

    Honestly, I was kind of tempted to look into finding a matchmaker haha. Real life interaction is infinitely better.
  • Ponkeen
    Ponkeen Posts: 147 Member
    My roommate and I were discussing this very thing this morning. She is online dating right now; I am taking a break (with no end in sight).

    I have an analogy for the whole experience that should work for all genders (though it was prepared from my straight female perspective, so I don't know): Online dating is like trying to pick up a really nice rock in a field full of rocks. There are all kinds of rocks to look at, and a seemingly endless supply of them. Some are big and shiny, some are drab and unassuming but may be beautiful upon closer examination. Many refuse to budge when you try to lift them up, so you move on to other, friendlier rocks. And still others, a shocking large percentage, in fact, are not rocks at all, but active landmines waiting for some poor soul to try and pick them up.
    You eventually learn the easiest, most obvious signs of 'landminehood,' but some are very cleverly disguised and you don't know what they truly are until you've picked them up and suffered the consequences. You get a little jaded, a little overprotective, as a result. You learn to steer clear of most of the landmines, but do wind up steering clear of a lot of very lovely rocks as well.
    Still, there may be a great rock out there for you, so you return to the field periodically. Then leave again, empty handed, wondering if you really need a rock after all.