Hubby, Keto and the battle of the Scale
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klkateri
Posts: 432 Member
I'm not sure what to do and I'm hoping for some advise, help, or anything at this point really!!
Here is the background. We are both heavy and I was doing strictly CICO and lost roughly 40-50 pounds over a year and then maintained a roughly 30 pound loss the next year. My SO was impressed but he couldn't handle the idea of counting everything all of the time.
He was surfing around on Reddit one day and came across all kinds of Keto posts and was curious and couldn't get over the results people where having. I, after having limited success with CICO, was curious but skeptical. But he was so into the idea that I did research for almost a year and had several conversations with my doctor who suggested, strongly, that I do it.
So, on January 11th (after the holidays and both of us being sick) we started on Keto. I am religious with my counting (Calories and macros) while my SO just eats and "kinda knows how many carbs he has had". I know my numbers, obsess over them, tweak them... try to get the most bang for my buck. Meanwhile the hubby just throws down.
Here we are, a little over a month later. I'm down 10 lbs (not a huge loss but I'll take it considering I have thyroid issues) and my clothes are defiantly fitting differently. Meanwhile, the hubby is throwing a fit as he has only lost a pound.
Part of me feels like, see... I told you to count but part of me also feels like I can't share my success too much around him because he gets so upset. This was HIS idea and HE wanted to do it and I'm just along for the ride.
So I guess what I need is some help or advise... or possible reasons he might not be losing. He is over 350 so part of me feels, like he shouldn't need to be too conservative to be losing either. Also, he primary eats what I eat and I come in around 20-40 carbs a day (40 is about the highest I get and usually on the weekends). Could something else be going on?! Thanks!!
Here is the background. We are both heavy and I was doing strictly CICO and lost roughly 40-50 pounds over a year and then maintained a roughly 30 pound loss the next year. My SO was impressed but he couldn't handle the idea of counting everything all of the time.
He was surfing around on Reddit one day and came across all kinds of Keto posts and was curious and couldn't get over the results people where having. I, after having limited success with CICO, was curious but skeptical. But he was so into the idea that I did research for almost a year and had several conversations with my doctor who suggested, strongly, that I do it.
So, on January 11th (after the holidays and both of us being sick) we started on Keto. I am religious with my counting (Calories and macros) while my SO just eats and "kinda knows how many carbs he has had". I know my numbers, obsess over them, tweak them... try to get the most bang for my buck. Meanwhile the hubby just throws down.
Here we are, a little over a month later. I'm down 10 lbs (not a huge loss but I'll take it considering I have thyroid issues) and my clothes are defiantly fitting differently. Meanwhile, the hubby is throwing a fit as he has only lost a pound.
Part of me feels like, see... I told you to count but part of me also feels like I can't share my success too much around him because he gets so upset. This was HIS idea and HE wanted to do it and I'm just along for the ride.
So I guess what I need is some help or advise... or possible reasons he might not be losing. He is over 350 so part of me feels, like he shouldn't need to be too conservative to be losing either. Also, he primary eats what I eat and I come in around 20-40 carbs a day (40 is about the highest I get and usually on the weekends). Could something else be going on?! Thanks!!
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Could he be insulin resistant? Diabetic or pre diabetic? Men tend to want eat a lot of protein when doing the low carb thing and if that's the case and he's IR, which he might be without even knowing it. I'd actually bet he is honestly, a large protein intake could be causing an insulin spike and preventing fat burning.0
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It would really help him to count. It's not just for the carbs. The simple process of counting makes you more mindful of what you eat. Eating becomes more conscious and less unconscious.
It also gives you a better idea of the impact of what you're eating -- both calories and carbs.
If he won't count, you can count for him.
Or if he really is against the idea of counting, just tell him to shoot for no carbs. That makes it a no-brainer.0 -
Just because you are eating Keto foods does not mean you have unlimited calories. He very well could be eating more than he thinks and blowing his calorie counts causing him to stall or gain weight.0
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Hi, sorry I don't actually have any advise but I just wanted to say that I love the title of this thread, it sounds like a novel! Also congrats on your weight loss, 10lbs is an excellent loss! Good luck with your hubby. I cant get mine to give up beer
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The insulin resistant or pre-diabetic never occurred to me. I know that I was close to pre-diabetic and that was why I started on Keto. As for too many calories, I have a feeling he eats too few. He just doesn't eat. He will snack but never eat. I can polish off half a chicken and a good portion of veggies and then some sugar free jello later. He won't. Now, I know he eats once I go to bed but there are very few non-Keto things for him to nosh on. Personally, I think it's either too much cheese or too much sugar free/low carb treats.
I have considered counting for him but again, with him eating after I go to sleep it would be a hard battle.
EDIT - He is a HUGE diet soda drinker though. Whereas I'll drink a glass with dinner maybe, he can demolish just under a 2 liter in night... could this be part of his issue?!0 -
The insulin resistant or pre-diabetic never occurred to me. I know that I was close to pre-diabetic and that was why I started on Keto. As for too many calories, I have a feeling he eats too few. He just doesn't eat. He will snack but never eat. I can polish off half a chicken and a good portion of veggies and then some sugar free jello later. He won't. Now, I know he eats once I go to bed but there are very few non-Keto things for him to nosh on. Personally, I think it's either too much cheese or too much sugar free/low carb treats.
I have considered counting for him but again, with him eating after I go to sleep it would be a hard battle.
EDIT - He is a HUGE diet soda drinker though. Whereas I'll drink a glass with dinner maybe, he can demolish just under a 2 liter in night... could this be part of his issue?!
Sounds like there are a lot of things. The cheese or diet soda could be it, but it's hard telling without some kind of logging.
While people keep calling it "counting," I think that triggers the wrong kind of connotation. "Counting" generally equates to "restricting." At the moment, we don't want him to restrict. We want him to just get a baseline for where he's at.
Consider putting it this way -- this is a scientific experiment, and in order to make changes, we need to find out where we are now. For a big guy like him, he probably doesn't need to weigh everything, but just writing it down with a general idea of how much he ate is a start. Ate half a package of deli meat? Well, we know that a full package is 8oz, so you probably ate about 4oz of it. Write it down for a week or two, then you can see whether it's too many calories, too few calories, or something throwing hormones off.
That said, guys tend to be big babies.
So, there's a chance you'll either need to tell him "suck it up, buttercup," or just let him whine about it and go back to his old habits until he's ready to actually put forth some effort. That whole "you can lead a horse to water..." thing. 0 -
Is he "on his own" for any meals during the day? I know that sometimes when people feel "restricted" they will binge. I guess I would personally just ask him if he's been tracking his carbs, and if he says no, you could share that you feel like you've had some success with being a bit more mindful with your tracking, and perhaps he could see what happens in a week or 2 weeks with some more diligent tracking...keep the conversation light and let him direct it, but posing it as a suggestion might be helpful. You'll know him better than we will, so if you can't talk about this sort of thing, then maybe just work on being an example to him and he might see your success and start being more diligent himself. Good luck!0
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Another thing to get him on board with tracking for a bit is to tell him that you want to make sure he's eating enough! Because if he's not eating enough, he won't lose well either. Tell him it's not just about what he eats, but what combinations of foods, and how much at a time, etc. Appeal to the experimenter in him...
That, and I'd ask him what he misses most - and try to make those keto recipes. Maybe the foods you're eating are great for you, but don't really trip his trigger.
And if he's not getting enough sodium and water and such, he could be feeling crummy, which could add to him eating away his misery at night after you've gone to bed.
Way way too many factors to guess. Mix things up 2-4 weeks at a time... Good luck.0 -
My vote would be insulin resistant. Some say that counting calories on a keto diet is necessary, but I completely disagree with that. I don't count calories, but I do count macros. Eating over your macros for protein is an easy thing to do.0
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My vote would be insulin resistant. Some say that counting calories on a keto diet is necessary, but I completely disagree with that. I don't count calories, but I do count macros. Eating over your macros for protein is an easy thing to do.
And yes, being insulin resistant, especially in the beginning (I'm in week 4 of a post-holiday reboot - will NOT be repeating this next year, promise to SELF), you're starving all the time, and your body keeps reacting as if you're dumping carbage into it, even when you're not close. Anything sweet tasting, especially as sickeningly sweet as diet drinks are are going to keep the insulin pumping which is going to keep the hunger raging and keep the body in fat storage mode.
I've been having insulin reactions to non-carby foods the past few weeks and it was like a light bulb just went on for me. Every time I'm having a insulin reaction (postprandial somnolence for me mostly - or immediate hunger), I'm basically having to restart my keto-adaption or just reboot it that day...because if I'm fat STORING I'm sure as heck not fat BURNING, which is what I was doing before my body was being stupid!
I might have to go back to intermittent fasting (eating breakfast, skipping lunch, eating dinner) to make my pancreas snap to again! *SIGH*
EDITED TO ADD: This leaves you feeling always hungry, leading to snacking, usually on substitutes for old favorites or things that make you "FEEL" better, keeping the cycle going, because really, our metabolisms need a break.... That's why IF is so effective for some folks.0 -
I've heard of eating for two but dieting for two has to be a real drag. He's a grown up boy now and should be responsible for his own health and well being, which includes doing the necessary research and taking the appropriate actions for weight control. So far you've done all the work and taken on all the responsibility (and blame, apparently) for both of you. Eat right for yourself, stock the kitchen with the right things and tell Whatshisname to man up.
Sounds harsh but wives having to act like mothers gets on my nerves.0 -
Insulin resistance kinda makes not counting calories and naturally being able to keep from overeating on Keto a rare thing I think. It messes with your hunger hormones too much to trust them.
I think there may be sneaky eating going on. It would hard to admit especially since you are having success. But I don't think that suspicion should be mentioned.
The experiment sounds good to me. Pose some questions like "I wonder if you ate higher fat in the morning" or "I wonder if you limited artificially sweetened drinks to some certain number" or "I wonder if you had a cup of beef broth before lunch" ya know? Just pondering some ideas.
And, you said he was inspired by r/keto, maybe he could post on there and let them guide him a bit directly. He might be more likely to heed their advice if he seeks it out himself.0 -
mandycat223 wrote: »I've heard of eating for two but dieting for two has to be a real drag. He's a grown up boy now and should be responsible for his own health and well being, which includes doing the necessary research and taking the appropriate actions for weight control. So far you've done all the work and taken on all the responsibility (and blame, apparently) for both of you. Eat right for yourself, stock the kitchen with the right things and tell Whatshisname to man up.
Sounds harsh but wives having to act like mothers gets on my nerves.
So true0 -
Diet soda, cheese and artificial sweeteners plus evening sabotage. Could he be an angel by day and not eating enough then binge eating while you sleep? Many here find artificial sweeteners stall weight loss. Could cut that for a month n see if anything changes. Up to him to want to change. You being a patient role model could help. 10lbs is amazing!!0
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You did tell us about the zero cal sodas, the cheese and the keto friendly snacks, but i have to ask, is your DH drinking enough plain water everyday? Is he drinking bone broth or bullion? Has he been able to enjoy pickles?
Certain foods, when consumed, really cut the need to snack way down..he is low carb but is he HF enough?0 -
2 liters of diet soda a night, HOLY MOLY. That could be exactly why he's not losing. Some sweeteners react to glucose levels in your body differently and knock you out of ketosis. At 350lbs there's a good chance he may be pre diabetic and not even know it. I advise you/your hubby to see a Dr and get some bloodwork done if you can, it's good to have a baseline anyway.
Don't log his calories for him, once he gets fed up enough he will do it.0 -
All that being said I am similar to him in that most of my eating was always at night. This meant I ended up choosing to eliminate breakfast (except for coffee and a bit of HWC), had a small lunch, and become a fattie at night (lol).
For example last night I ate a 1lb ribeye with asparagus and brussel sprouts with Almond milk to drink. That's about 10-12oz of fatty meat. Both sides had olive oil and the brussel sprouts had bacon and walnuts in them. The flipside to that is the only other meal I ate that day were eggs and bacon at lunch at noon, and didn't eat again until noon today. I am still in ketosis.
Now this isn't a normal meal for me but it's an example of what he could do once in awhile. Good tradeoff? For me absolutely. For others, some people can't deal without having breakfast.0 -
I don't have much to offer. We are kind of the opposite. I count everything and my wife just wings it. She was doing great then took off for a birthday meal. Back in October. And has never really gotten it going again. I count and weigh almost everything. I don't know how to help her other than be encouraging when she eats on plan and help her by cooking more and doing more to guide her. She knows that I know more than she does around this though and will often accept my comments if they are said with love and not nagging. I want to help her and she knows it.0
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I agree with everything already said. Insulin resistance, higher protein and sweeteners may combine to create hunger and result in eating more calories.
When my carbs or protein creep up my hunger does too (along with my blood glucose darnit) so I end up eating more and stalling. If my carbs hit 20 g (just over 5%) lately, that will slow me up. For protein, If I go much above 70g (20%) I see the same thing.... And I tend to do my snacking when everyone else is in bed. My pork rinds and cheese dip may be low carb but I definitely do NOT need those calories. I look like I eat very little since I skip breakfast for bullet proof coffee (and often lunch, or just a light lunch). I eat a normal dinner and then when I overeat it is in the evening. To my family, it could look like I ate very little.
Perhaps try logging his foods for him for a few days, or on a weekend when you are seeing him eat.0 -
Without accountability, there can't be success. He needs to log everything so he can really truly know what he's putting into his mouth. If he doesn't want to log his food, then he doesn't want to be accountable, and that means he's not really committed to making the change in his diet.0
