Who cares what they said as long as you happy of what you doing right now that's all it matters right . I rather see myself thin and healthy than see myself fat and miserables

Someone said to me yesterday, "omg you have lost a LOT of weight...WOW"!! With the tone in utter amazement. It bothered me a bit for a second but really, I'm healthier and in new jeans and felt great! So, bring on the comments!

"Froggy!" Sorry, that made me LOL. What a weird thing to say.

I've got no advice. I'm frustrated with a few people in my life, too. I let a friend pick our lunch destination last week, and she picked chick-fil-a. Fine. She ordered the fried chicken sandwich and fries and I ordered the grilled chicken strips and fruit cup and she complained ALL through lunch that I was eating all healthy. She couldn't believe I ordered that. A friend that we both knew stopped by to say hi and she pointed out my meal to him - can you believe how good she's eating at chick-fil-a?

Why do people have to comment? I'm not bothering you. I'm not commenting on YOUR lunch. But when I'm in the middle of that, I can't think of anything to say, I just get shy and self-conscious about it.

I bought Strong Curves because my glutes were seriously weak - I actually injured my hip running because I didn't have enough glute strength. My husband: "Please don't go crazy with that, I don't like huge butts!" Uh, do you know how very impossible it would be to get my pancake *kitten* looking anything like Kim Kardashian? I don't have those genes.

I used to get called out by my coworkers every time I had a cookie or a bagel. "Aren't you on a diet? You can't eat that!"

At least with the husband, every time he says something incorrect or discouraging, we can have a good dialogue about it where he learns something and I get to the heart of his concerns or insecurities. With coworkers, I either ignore them or tell them it fits in my day. My responses are usually blunt and accompanied by a hard glare, so they stop commenting pretty quickly.

mom23mangos wrote: »

It's because it makes them feel self-conscious about themselves. It's the same way with drinking. People who drink don't want to be around people who don't because they think the non-drinker is judging them.

Exactly this! It's like because we are saying THIS (weight/body composition/drinking/etc..) isn't enough for me right now so I'm going to work on it, somehow makes others feel judged for being ok with their status quo. I quit drinking about 4 years ago and all my drinking buddies disappeared..or said things like can't you have just one? I just say it's a choice I'm making for me right now and its making me happy. The glare helps too..lol! Just do you and brush it off!

I am glad I am not the only one.
I've gained more or less 20lbs because of contraception pill and I want to lose it now that I am no longer or it. But my husband would say "You're not fat" -- which is true because I am still within the healthy BMI range, or "you look good like this" -- and this is the one that bothers me the most. And it makes me feel alone because if he doesn't understand, then who would? I don't care if he thinks I look good, thing is I don't feel good about myself with this extra 20lbs.
I don't know how to respond, though. I just sighed and left.

It's a fine line to draw with significant others. My husband gained a TON of weight after we got married...almost 200lbs. I didn't care one way or the other except for the health implications. He had a lap band installed and lost 100lbs taking care of the health issues. So I know he will NEVER say he's not attracted to me no matter what I look like, but when I gained some weight he would try to make me feel better by saying I looked good with a little extra meat on me (which I did up top). But I just explained to him it was very uncomfortable for me. He's been very supportive. His main concern is that I don't end up looking like a steroided out body builder.

I yelled (lovingly), at my 2 best girlfriends the other day, "Oh my god! Can't you guys just let me have a fat day??!!!"

It's frustrating because they're bigger than me, as they should be, because they're a lot taller. I went on to explain that I am well aware of my ideal weight as a runner and the line between that and what is too skinny to carry me through double digit miles. I worked really hard to be as fit as I am, and if I slacked off and gained 7 pounds (which is more like 20 for less petite people) I have a right to talk about it! I am not fishing for compliments. There is nothing wrong with having a healthy knowledge of where currently am and where I know I could be.

I really think it boils down to people trying to make excuses for you so they can make them for themselves.

Probably the most annoying response to my confession that I am watching my calories is 'yes but you're tall'!! What has being tall got to do with my concerns about excess body fat, other than the number on the scales will obviously be higher for my ideal bodyweight than for a shorter person? Having been freakishly tall as a preteen/teen (I stopped growing at 14), I still have residual hangups about being tall. I'm actually only 5'9" and weigh 148 (goal is 138 lb), so I know I'm not a giant… but still these poorly throughout comments make me feel like a big fat giant!!

The husband is a whole other thing. Both of husbands parents were super crazy fit people. His Dad was a real life Venice beach body builder and his mom was an aerialist (spellcheck?) in the circus. Both had rock hard bodies into old age. He has an effortless quasi six pack and makes muscle gains in the blink of an eye. We met when I was at my fittest (93lb). I'm now down to 100lbs down from 114 and he makes comments. "Don't get too comfortable" "are you sure you want to eat that?... Are you going to feel guilty" I just get the feeling he's not attracted to me with extra weight and all though it's partially motivating and supportive it's also hurtful. I could just be extra sensitive . Hard to say.

I have lost 60 lbs and am now working on building muscle. My favorite thing people say when I tell them I lift weights is "aren't you worried about getting too bulky and looking like a man?" Or when I am eating something not healthy they say "you're going to get fat again" loosen up people it's my body worry about your own self.

tinywonder25 wrote: »

The husband is a whole other thing. Both of husbands parents were super crazy fit people. His Dad was a real life Venice beach body builder and his mom was an aerialist (spellcheck?) in the circus. Both had rock hard bodies into old age. He has an effortless quasi six pack and makes muscle gains in the blink of an eye. We met when I was at my fittest (93lb). I'm now down to 100lbs down from 114 and he makes comments. "Don't get too comfortable" "are you sure you want to eat that?... Are you going to feel guilty" I just get the feeling he's not attracted to me with extra weight and all though it's partially motivating and supportive it's also hurtful. I could just be extra sensitive . Hard to say.

Oof. I don't think you're being extra sensitive. People respond to different kinds of motivation, and if it's hurting you, you need to talk about it and find ways he can encourage you in a more positive manner. If he said "You're doing great, keep it up!" instead of "Don't get too comfortable," would you feel the focus is on your goals instead of his personal preferences?

(I AM super sensitive to that sort of language. An ex would negatively comment on my weight and eating choices, and I ended up with an eating disorder because I felt like I wasn't Good Enough or Trying Hard Enough. Instead of changing his behavior, he just kept triggering it. Sooo... this is touchy for me.)

Here are my responses:
2.) "No, I'm not hungry. I eat every 3 hours! And it's awesome! Aren't YOU hungry? I hear you don't eat breakfast, so your last meal was probably 12+ hours ago. Yikes!"
3.) Kind-of in the same category, from coworkers I get "You need to eat!" or "You shouldn't deprive yourself of dessert--life's too short!" And all these comments are, as others have stated before me, a reflection of the commentator's own guilt/shame/short-comings. I used to try to be polite and matter-of-fact about it: "I actually just ate" or "I'm not hungry yet", but they'd respond very snarkily: "Ohhh, you're being good" (like eating healthy is a bad thing! What?!) or simply "So?" These people want others to join them in their bad habits in order to make themselves feel better about those choices. It's the strangest thing I've ever experienced. Why should someone be shamed for making healthy choices? It's madness! If the roles were reversed and you commented on someone's unhealthy choices, you'd be considered a huge b*tch. Anyway, my go-to response now is just shrugging and walking away. Those people will just never get it, so there's no use in trying.

I also get "How's the DIET going?" or "Can you eat this on your DIET?" (from a life-long yo-yo dieter who's always complaining about the 20lbs she wants to lose) and I have to explain to her (every time!) I'm not on a diet. It's a life-long NUTRITION PLAN. It's all about NOURISHING my body, not depriving it.

I'm also annoyed about being called "skinny" by larger women. For one thing, I'm not skinny. My BMI is 24. I could squeeze my tummy flab and make it talk. Second, "skinny", for me, equates to "lack of any body mass", and I've worked so hard for my muscles! I am *this close* to rolling up my sleeve, flexing my bicep, and going "You call this skinny?!"