How do you respond?

So I started this journey at 167lbs. I'm 5'8" so I considered it not so heavy. I have lost 20 pounds but realized the journey is more than I thought. Now that my loss has been more noticeable I wonder how people respond to different comments about your weight.

1. How much more do you want to lose? My personal response has been, "all of it." I don't know what that number is.
2. Aren't you hungry?
3. My personal fave so far... "You need to stop before you turn into one of those people." What does this mean? What if I have already turned and I like it. Its healthy, not becoming a vampire.

It reminds me a lot of pregnancy where all of a sudden people get an open dialogue to say what they please without any regards for manners.

So what are your responses or favorite questions/comments people have said.
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Replies

  • Allie6011012
    Allie6011012 Posts: 28 Member
    I totally know what you mean ! I have learned to just keep things to myself. I feel like, people say things, and its not encouraging, so it just doesn't feel helpful. But there are some people who are easier to talk to then others. I try to keep the weight loss victory to myself, bc peoples comments are just so annoying.
    If i had to pick one comment, it would be...make sure you don't do too much. (exercise)...ummmmm, from a sedentary smoker. hmm.
    Contrats on all the hard work so far :smile:
  • ginnyokeen
    ginnyokeen Posts: 11 Member
    Who cares what they said as long as you happy of what you doing right now that's all it matters right . I rather see myself thin and healthy than see myself fat and miserables ;)
  • taylormadeclare
    taylormadeclare Posts: 2 Member
    It's your journey alone :smile:
  • mamainthekitchen
    mamainthekitchen Posts: 929 Member
    Someone said to me yesterday, "omg you have lost a LOT of weight...WOW"!! With the tone in utter amazement. It bothered me a bit for a second but really, I'm healthier and in new jeans and felt great! So, bring on the comments! ;)
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,072 Member
    My husband told me last night, "please just don't get too 'froggy'". I don't have much body fat on my upper body, so my back muscles really pop when I lift weights. I once had a manual labor job and we joked that my back looked like a frog's. LOL

    Someone will always have something to say, either good or bad. Take it all with a grain of salt and just make sure YOU are happy with your body. How it performs, how it supports you, carries your babies...it's an amazing thing that we need to take care of.
  • JeepHair77
    JeepHair77 Posts: 1,291 Member
    "Froggy!" Sorry, that made me LOL. What a weird thing to say.

    I've got no advice. I'm frustrated with a few people in my life, too. I let a friend pick our lunch destination last week, and she picked chick-fil-a. Fine. She ordered the fried chicken sandwich and fries and I ordered the grilled chicken strips and fruit cup and she complained ALL through lunch that I was eating all healthy. She couldn't believe I ordered that. A friend that we both knew stopped by to say hi and she pointed out my meal to him - can you believe how good she's eating at chick-fil-a?

    Why do people have to comment? I'm not bothering you. I'm not commenting on YOUR lunch. But when I'm in the middle of that, I can't think of anything to say, I just get shy and self-conscious about it.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,072 Member
    It's because it makes them feel self-conscious about themselves. It's the same way with drinking. People who drink don't want to be around people who don't because they think the non-drinker is judging them.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    I bought Strong Curves because my glutes were seriously weak - I actually injured my hip running because I didn't have enough glute strength. My husband: "Please don't go crazy with that, I don't like huge butts!" Uh, do you know how very impossible it would be to get my pancake *kitten* looking anything like Kim Kardashian? I don't have those genes.

    I used to get called out by my coworkers every time I had a cookie or a bagel. "Aren't you on a diet? You can't eat that!"

    At least with the husband, every time he says something incorrect or discouraging, we can have a good dialogue about it where he learns something and I get to the heart of his concerns or insecurities. With coworkers, I either ignore them or tell them it fits in my day. My responses are usually blunt and accompanied by a hard glare, so they stop commenting pretty quickly.
  • tinywonder25
    tinywonder25 Posts: 148 Member
    OMG the comments! I know! I told a friend I was focusing on losing some weight. She said " I know I noticed you had put on a few pounds... You look really fit now though". It threw me so hard and i felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole . I'm sure she meant it as a compliment but geez!
  • Kerryatoon
    Kerryatoon Posts: 374 Member
    It's because it makes them feel self-conscious about themselves. It's the same way with drinking. People who drink don't want to be around people who don't because they think the non-drinker is judging them.

    Exactly this! It's like because we are saying THIS (weight/body composition/drinking/etc..) isn't enough for me right now so I'm going to work on it, somehow makes others feel judged for being ok with their status quo. I quit drinking about 4 years ago and all my drinking buddies disappeared..or said things like can't you have just one? I just say it's a choice I'm making for me right now and its making me happy. The glare helps too..lol! ;) Just do you and brush it off!
  • fakexpearls
    fakexpearls Posts: 1 Member
    It pisses me off to no end that while I'm 14 pounds from my goal weigh (4 from my original), people keep telling me "You don't need to lose more!" or "You're so skinny!" The second one doesn't bother me so much - thank you for noticing my hard work, but the first one. Way to piss me off. It's my body and health. I have a goal in mind! I want to meet it!
    Or my extremely overweight boss will offer to buy us lunch, and then say things like "I mean, a salad is healthy right?" or "One piece of pizza won't hurt." He then sits there and eats 7 cookies (I kid you not, I counted them) for breakfast and jokes about being healthy.
  • bybyq
    bybyq Posts: 4 Member
    I am glad I am not the only one.
    I've gained more or less 20lbs because of contraception pill and I want to lose it now that I am no longer or it. But my husband would say "You're not fat" -- which is true because I am still within the healthy BMI range, or "you look good like this" -- and this is the one that bothers me the most. And it makes me feel alone because if he doesn't understand, then who would? I don't care if he thinks I look good, thing is I don't feel good about myself with this extra 20lbs.
    I don't know how to respond, though. I just sighed and left.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    bybyq wrote: »
    I am glad I am not the only one.
    I've gained more or less 20lbs because of contraception pill and I want to lose it now that I am no longer or it. But my husband would say "You're not fat" -- which is true because I am still within the healthy BMI range, or "you look good like this" -- and this is the one that bothers me the most. And it makes me feel alone because if he doesn't understand, then who would? I don't care if he thinks I look good, thing is I don't feel good about myself with this extra 20lbs.
    I don't know how to respond, though. I just sighed and left.

    I totally understand this. I definitely have thought (and then expressed and discussed with my husband) that if I'm not happy with myself at this weight, why is he happy with my body? But on the other hand, it's a blessing that he finds me attractive at a range of weight. It wouldn't be good if he was turned off by me at 10, 20, 30 lbs heavier than my ideal - *kitten* happens, weight changes, and you're in it for life, right? As long as he's supportive of you obtaining the body you want, appreciate that he thinks you look good!
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,072 Member
    It's a fine line to draw with significant others. My husband gained a TON of weight after we got married...almost 200lbs. I didn't care one way or the other except for the health implications. He had a lap band installed and lost 100lbs taking care of the health issues. So I know he will NEVER say he's not attracted to me no matter what I look like, but when I gained some weight he would try to make me feel better by saying I looked good with a little extra meat on me (which I did up top). But I just explained to him it was very uncomfortable for me. He's been very supportive. His main concern is that I don't end up looking like a steroided out body builder.
  • bybyq
    bybyq Posts: 4 Member
    Thank you mskessler89 and mom34mangos. Next time the subject is up again, I will talk to him about this. I think you're right, and it would be so much nicer to do this knowing him supporting what I do. Thank you :)
  • MountainMaggie
    MountainMaggie Posts: 124 Member
    I yelled (lovingly), at my 2 best girlfriends the other day, "Oh my god! Can't you guys just let me have a fat day??!!!"

    It's frustrating because they're bigger than me, as they should be, because they're a lot taller. I went on to explain that I am well aware of my ideal weight as a runner and the line between that and what is too skinny to carry me through double digit miles. I worked really hard to be as fit as I am, and if I slacked off and gained 7 pounds (which is more like 20 for less petite people) I have a right to talk about it! I am not fishing for compliments. There is nothing wrong with having a healthy knowledge of where currently am and where I know I could be.

    I really think it boils down to people trying to make excuses for you so they can make them for themselves.
  • carolerunsalot
    carolerunsalot Posts: 96 Member
    It pisses me off to no end that while I'm 14 pounds from my goal weigh (4 from my original), people keep telling me "You don't need to lose more!" or "You're so skinny!" The second one doesn't bother me so much - thank you for noticing my hard work, but the first one. Way to piss me off. It's my body and health. I have a goal in mind! I want to meet it!
    Or my extremely overweight boss will offer to buy us lunch, and then say things like "I mean, a salad is healthy right?" or "One piece of pizza won't hurt." He then sits there and eats 7 cookies (I kid you not, I counted them) for breakfast and jokes about being healthy.

    This is exactly where I am at. My original goal was 145 so I have made it to 144 and you would think I'm trying to do something crazy to move down to my new goal of 9 more pounds. If one more person calls me Skinny Minnie I am going to scream! I appreciate the people who say I look thin because if I had done this an nothing was noticed it would suck a lot worse! The buttholes that keep telling me I can stop now are what get under my skin. Because in the end, it really isn't about them. I guess I just need to move my expectations of how others will receive me and let it roll off my back. (Which is looking great btw!)
  • tinehill73
    tinehill73 Posts: 1 Member
    edited May 2016
    Probably the most annoying response to my confession that I am watching my calories is 'yes but you're tall'!! What has being tall got to do with my concerns about excess body fat, other than the number on the scales will obviously be higher for my ideal bodyweight than for a shorter person? Having been freakishly tall as a preteen/teen (I stopped growing at 14), I still have residual hangups about being tall. I'm actually only 5'9" and weigh 148 (goal is 138 lb), so I know I'm not a giant… but still these poorly throughout comments make me feel like a big fat giant!!
  • fiitgiirl
    fiitgiirl Posts: 1 Member
    I have lost 20 kilos and I am on a journey to become a strong and fit woman :)
    It is very hard because my friends don't understand my goal anymore and are not very supportive (luckily my boyfriend is!). I have lost a lot ; why do I want to lose more?
    Every once in a while, someone will ask me why I work out, why I try to lose the last kilos, why, why, why... and criticize ("It's too much workout", "You don't enjoy life"). And the worse is when some of them tell me "You know, people in magazine are all photo-shopped, normal people can't be really fit, you look good now!" (I wonder what they imagine I want to become and if they try to find excuses because I am not there yet... I don't know, but it is strange ^^''')
    So I barely answer them and I directly ask "What about you? Have you bought that gym membership? How is it going?" or "What about your resolution about eating healthier?". I prefer talking with them about that and trying to encourage them then listening to their negative speech!
  • tinywonder25
    tinywonder25 Posts: 148 Member
    The husband is a whole other thing. Both of husbands parents were super crazy fit people. His Dad was a real life Venice beach body builder and his mom was an aerialist (spellcheck?) in the circus. Both had rock hard bodies into old age. He has an effortless quasi six pack and makes muscle gains in the blink of an eye. We met when I was at my fittest (93lb). I'm now down to 100lbs down from 114 and he makes comments. "Don't get too comfortable" "are you sure you want to eat that?... Are you going to feel guilty" I just get the feeling he's not attracted to me with extra weight and all though it's partially motivating and supportive it's also hurtful. I could just be extra sensitive . Hard to say.