How do you respond?



  • ClareForester
    ClareForester Posts: 6 Member
    The first one is a totally reasonable question (but remember that you don't have to answer if you don't want to) and you seem to be handling it fine with your current answer. The other two are kind of rude. I think a simple "No" without explanation would suffice for "Aren't you hungry?" For the third one, ask them to explain what "That type of person" is. They'll either get flustered that you turned the question back on them or give you an insight into exactly what they're worried about. Win-win.
  • ressapowell
    ressapowell Posts: 35 Member
    I have lost 60 lbs and am now working on building muscle. My favorite thing people say when I tell them I lift weights is "aren't you worried about getting too bulky and looking like a man?" Or when I am eating something not healthy they say "you're going to get fat again" loosen up people it's my body worry about your own self.
  • lulubeanzy
    lulubeanzy Posts: 16 Member
    My favorite is when people say things like "but you always eat healthy" or "but you're skinny already." Yeah, maybe to them but I'm trying to improve myself here, not maintain. Sometimes saying it that way makes them realize that we're all on our own journeys and we can always do more to take care of our bodies. Peeps are gonna say things and we can't stop them. It usually has everything to do with them and nothing to do with us. Keep up the good work, ladies! Send me a friend request- I'm looking for women like you to help me feel sane on here!
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    The husband is a whole other thing. Both of husbands parents were super crazy fit people. His Dad was a real life Venice beach body builder and his mom was an aerialist (spellcheck?) in the circus. Both had rock hard bodies into old age. He has an effortless quasi six pack and makes muscle gains in the blink of an eye. We met when I was at my fittest (93lb). I'm now down to 100lbs down from 114 and he makes comments. "Don't get too comfortable" "are you sure you want to eat that?... Are you going to feel guilty" I just get the feeling he's not attracted to me with extra weight and all though it's partially motivating and supportive it's also hurtful. I could just be extra sensitive . Hard to say.

    Oof. I don't think you're being extra sensitive. People respond to different kinds of motivation, and if it's hurting you, you need to talk about it and find ways he can encourage you in a more positive manner. If he said "You're doing great, keep it up!" instead of "Don't get too comfortable," would you feel the focus is on your goals instead of his personal preferences?

    (I AM super sensitive to that sort of language. An ex would negatively comment on my weight and eating choices, and I ended up with an eating disorder because I felt like I wasn't Good Enough or Trying Hard Enough. Instead of changing his behavior, he just kept triggering it. Sooo... this is touchy for me.)
  • DanyellMcGinnis
    DanyellMcGinnis Posts: 315 Member
    Is it weird that I just don't have this problem? My husband says I look skinnier (and he does all the cooking so I've got him calorie counting) but hasn't said I need to stop losing weight or anything like that. My parents were recently in town and they said I looked good and started asking how I did it and I don't think they liked the answer which involved eating a lot less and exercising a lot more (and have since asked about sketchy supplements that I told them were junk and not to buy...).

    No one at work has said a word. Granted, I had about 42 pounds to lose and am a little over halfway there and am making some strange wardrobe choices based on what in my closet won't fall off or reveal too much bra or something so that I don't have to buy new clothes twice (i.e., once now and once later versus only once at the end of my weight loss journey). At any rate, larger clothes that look baggy on me hide fat (why I got them in the first place) but they also hide weight loss.

    So anyway, this is not something I have to deal with.
  • GoKelsey
    GoKelsey Posts: 15 Member
    Here are my responses:
    2.) "No, I'm not hungry. I eat every 3 hours! And it's awesome! Aren't YOU hungry? I hear you don't eat breakfast, so your last meal was probably 12+ hours ago. Yikes!"
    3.) Kind-of in the same category, from coworkers I get "You need to eat!" or "You shouldn't deprive yourself of dessert--life's too short!" And all these comments are, as others have stated before me, a reflection of the commentator's own guilt/shame/short-comings. I used to try to be polite and matter-of-fact about it: "I actually just ate" or "I'm not hungry yet", but they'd respond very snarkily: "Ohhh, you're being good" (like eating healthy is a bad thing! What?!) or simply "So?" These people want others to join them in their bad habits in order to make themselves feel better about those choices. It's the strangest thing I've ever experienced. Why should someone be shamed for making healthy choices? It's madness! If the roles were reversed and you commented on someone's unhealthy choices, you'd be considered a huge b*tch. Anyway, my go-to response now is just shrugging and walking away. Those people will just never get it, so there's no use in trying.

    I also get "How's the DIET going?" or "Can you eat this on your DIET?" (from a life-long yo-yo dieter who's always complaining about the 20lbs she wants to lose) and I have to explain to her (every time!) I'm not on a diet. It's a life-long NUTRITION PLAN. It's all about NOURISHING my body, not depriving it.

    I'm also annoyed about being called "skinny" by larger women. For one thing, I'm not skinny. My BMI is 24. I could squeeze my tummy flab and make it talk. Second, "skinny", for me, equates to "lack of any body mass", and I've worked so hard for my muscles! I am *this close* to rolling up my sleeve, flexing my bicep, and going "You call this skinny?!"