@Moxie42 For me, that time was always after my daughter went to bed. I was very unhappy in my marriage, but too stubborn to admit it. I agree that connecting in some way with someone else - whether a therapy group or a girls' night would be helpful. Until you address the deepest underlying issues, you're unlikely to actually be able to enjoy your "ME" time...

That being said, depending on your relationship with your husband, it might be time for a confession of sorts. Put yourself on blast. Admit EVERYTHING to him. I did something similar with my ex - back when we were in a lull after my kiddo was born, and I was being tempted by a connection with another man. Removing the mystery and secrecy from the event KILLED THE MAGIC.

Also, long before that night, start focusing on things that make you feel better that aren't food. Do some mindfulness exercises, some coloring (you'd be surprised how relaxing this is), meditation if that's something you enjoy, yoga, pilates, HIIT, a walk around the neighborhood, listen to loud angry rock music while dancing around like a moron in a mosh pit, do a mani/pedi - whether yourself at home or go out, take up knitting, reading a silly romance novel, try a new hairdo and a mud pack, lounge in a bath while sipping wine or champagne, journal, and if you don't want to confess to your hubby, use the thought of your assumed reactions to motivate you to stop doing what you are doing. Imagine you found out your future daughter was doing this - your sister or your mother - think of what you would sit and do and how you would talk with them. Imagine if you found out your husband was doing this to himself - and how you would help him. Your best friend. Etc.

It took me some really dark times and some online friends who really made me think (and honestly, my divorce) to help get me through some of my darkest self pity misery hate-myself mood swings and all that before I could move on and start actually liking myself. I was in my early to mid 30's before I woke up... I got married at 19 to someone who was a friend and never had passion in my life, and then, when he told me he wanted out - it shattered my world, my universe, and I had to face up to a lot. I still struggle, and sometimes I don't even understand why I binge or act self destructively, because I still do...

If your job makes you that miserable, it is sincerely time to find another job - no matter how terrible that seems, no matter how much you need the money, no matter how little options you think you have. Life is too short to have the happiness sucked out of you all the time. Sit down, start working on your resume, realize that no matter how hopeless and impossible things seem, you are the only one with the power to make changes for YOU. If you don't look for a better job, YOU WILL NEVER FIND ONE...

And above all, focus on loving yourself, exactly as you are, flaws and all... (HUGS)

There is a book I read called "Change Anything: The New Science of Personal Success." I don't remember the authors, but I really loved this book, because it talks about the willpower trap, that willpower is finite, that it WILL fail, and we have to plan accordingly. Every single aspect of commercials and shopping experiences is geared to make us want and crave and compulsively buy/eat things we absolutely don't even want or need. This is down to the music playing in the stores, the arrangement of the aromatic sections, the coloring of the floors and aisles, the advertisements, the colorful packaging, the arrangement of products on the shelves/product pairings, even the price points are all geared up to make us want this, that, the other, more, but 12 instead of 2 to get a price savings, blah blah blah. And that's before you even get to the addictive chemicals and scientific "bliss point" created in certain foods. And no, I'm not minimizing the need for willpower, motivation, determination, support, or whatever. But when you have 42 points of data, input, and chemical stuff working against you, and you have only 3 in your corner, that's not a game or battle you can win, that's a slaughter before you start!!!

So, it looks like you've got some great things to try. Since the alone time and getting things done is something you need to do, one thing I really like to do is get something indulgent or more expensive that's still on my healthy eating plan to use as a treat for myself. Like, I might get some Kerrygold Dubliner cheese, or a smaller block of expensive sharp cheddar, some fancy salami wraps appetizer things, some expensive Green & Black Organic chocolate, or something I wouldn't normally spend as much money on.

The thing I find that always brings me back here is the satiety point. People are like "it's so rich, I can't eat more than X amount." I always look at them like they're speaking a foreign language, because, does that really happen? I might get to a point where my taste buds get overwhelmed, but it's usually 12 servings back from where it registers in my brain. Am I missing a brain chemical? Am I so addicted to the good feeling because I am hard wired to it by a mom who self-rewarded with "seratonin/dopamine" heavy foods when I was younger? That was the reward for good behavior - or the treatment for the doldrums? I tend to think there's some other "normal" piece of DNA that I was just born without!

Although I do have to say that while I am still definitely a food/sugar addict, and that's still hard to admit, since I went low carb/high fat in my diet, I find that I do binge less, and when I do, it's with eyes open. Like, I make myself admit it before I'm doing it, as I'm doing it, and after I'm doing it. So, it's almost like some of the magic is gone because my eyes are open to the process... Does that make sense? But, it doesn't stop it from happening - or from making bad choices for another time period because I denied myself the psychological release of it all... To me, sometimes a binge is like the food equivalent of "cutting," because at least I'm in control of something, then I get into the head space of realizing how insane that sounds, and it creates kind of a mind worm spiral... I tend to find that the deeper I get in the "crazy" side of the process, and admit that it's a part of me, it's just a part of me that's allowed to spend less time in the spotlight, some days it gets a little easier.

(hugs) I think the biggest thing for me was getting to a point where I just accepted it and started refusing to get caught up in the guilt cycle. The whole, "in 20 years, how much will this matter in my daily life?" question is a good one. If I am not going to care in 20 years that I spent a single day and ate more than 25,000 calories and couldn't stop until certain foods were gone and the evidence disposed of completely, and each time it happened, I delved a little deeper into the why's and worked to ease it, will this exact indulgence day really matter in 20 years when I'm winning battles all the time? Etc. And being almost 40, I have the perspective of sitting here and looking back on the stuff that was SO LIFE AFFECTING FREAKING IMPORTANT to my 20 something self, and now I sit here looking back thinking, "Really, Knit? Was it that important that you had to act like a tantrum throwing 3 year old instead of just rolling with it and XYZ?" Then I can laugh and realize what an jerk I was being, and how those things really just don't even matter anymore, and I'm probably the only person who remembers any of it... And knowing that helps me to think that will what I did yesterday really matter to me in 5 years? 10 years? 30 years, if I live that long? Yeah, probably not. My issues aren't tied to one tiny thing...it's the 5,000,000,000 grains of sand that lead me there, not one stinking binge, etc.

So again, I say, (HUGS). Best of luck to you. And yes, I highly suggest blogging when the urge strikes, even if it is just to gain some perspective. Introspection like that is SO worth the time, even why you don't really have it to spare. Promise. You're worth taking the time.

Hi @Moxie42 I do the exact same thing when I have the house to myself. I love it, and I've even talked myself into not feeling guilty for it, but I know it has to stop. It's extremely unhealthy.

There's only 3 things that have ever worked for me.

1. I just FORCE myself out to the gym and on the treadmill around 7pm. I get really sweaty and gross and just don't feeling like either stopping for food, or eating much after I've done that. The most I'll stop for is a Booster Juice smoothie whichI'm training my brain to think of as my "new treat".

2. The most effective thing is treating myself- but in other ways. I've had a long week at work and have the house to myself saturday night? I clean my apartment (LOVE having a clean apartment), have a nice shower, do my nails, pick a favourite TV show, light some candles, and crawl into bed early to binge watch for the night. I'll combine this with going online and getting on blogs where I can see other people's progress and distract myself that way. one of my favourites is reddit.com/r/xxfitness or reddit.com/r/progresspics (you can narrow down to see progress pics of people exactly your height which is great to see)!

Infact, I think this will be my plan tonight! We can do it!

Good luck