Single over 50?
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[quote="AnnPT77;36286547"
My heart goes out to folks who are in straitened circumstances, who are unable to reach even modest financial comfort at or beyond normal retirement age. [/quote]
Sadly, I see a lot of that in Florida, elderly folks living in falling down manufactured homes, no cars, no family to help them. So while I complain that I can't retire as early as I would like, I am blessed to have my health and the ability to work and save for the next 9 years.2 -
The place I bought after divorce was an original owner house... built in 1961 or 62... When the owner downsized to an assisted living facility, he was in his 90s. I would say he hadn't maintained the house for the last decade or so.
Since I've moved in, I've replaced the furnace, replaced the roof on the house & the separate garage as well as reinforcing the garage roof as the original rafter construction was inadequate to say the least. I'm surprised the roof didn't cave in from snow load over the years.0 -
My second hubby and I work in the same place in a field not not generous with salaries but we are are child-free and participating in a plan offered by our employer (but not matched by our employer at this time).
We do much of our work from home, so although that has its own stressors, we love its benefits.0 -
I gave up my career (school counselor) when I married my second husband almost 38 years ago. I stayed home with our three kids and did some part time work over the years and when the kids were mostly grown up (in 2001) we bought the business where he worked for over 20 years.
In 2006 we built a warehouse in our backyard and moved the business home and we've been working together since then.
We talk about retiring, and have the assets to do it (I'm 66 and he's 68 today), but we'd rather just slow down a little, which we have been doing, and keep some parts of the business going for a bit longer. He doesn't really have many hobbies and enjoys his work. I, on the other hand..............have plenty of hobbies and would just as soon get to them.
His health isn't too good though so we may go ahead and pull the plug on working here sooner than we planned.
Regarding the original topic, single after 50 sounds difficult to me but it also appears you all have a handle on it and are doing quite well. Lots of good ideas have been tossed around which I may keep in mind for future reference.
We've suspected for quite a few years that the chances are my husband will go first and we actually talk about what I would do sometimes. I don't really enjoy those conversations. I think I would more than likely just sell everything and move to CO where 2 of our 3 children live and our grandchildren. I wouldn't want to live with them though, just nearby. I would prefer to keep my independence as long as possible I think.0 -
We've suspected for quite a few years that the chances are my husband will go first and we actually talk about what I would do sometimes. I don't really enjoy those conversations.
Such things aren't always predictable. Old friends of mine passed over the past couple of years. She went first and quickly, a few months before their 60th wedding anniversary... Since they'd always assumed he would go first, it was a shock.... and he was absolutely lost without her. Moreso than any of us realized. It soon became apparent he wasn't doing well... forgetting his meds, etc... so he moved to an assisted living facility. MD on staff soon diagnosed Sundowners Syndrome. Within two years of her passing, he's gone now too.
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We've suspected for quite a few years that the chances are my husband will go first and we actually talk about what I would do sometimes. I don't really enjoy those conversations.
Such things aren't always predictable. Old friends of mine passed over the past couple of years. She went first and quickly, a few months before their 60th wedding anniversary... Since they'd always assumed he would go first, it was a shock.... and he was absolutely lost without her. Moreso than any of us realized. It soon became apparent he wasn't doing well... forgetting his meds, etc... so he moved to an assisted living facility. MD on staff soon diagnosed Sundowners Syndrome. Within two years of her passing, he's gone now too.
Oh that's sad. That happened to my grandparents too, my grandfather only made it a year after my grandmother died and he was miserable without her.
I'd much rather go first though!
My doctor and my physical therapist both told me I was the healthiest 65 year old they'd seen in years but health can be unpredictable so I'm not counting on that!
I'm also hoping he'll keep his promise to celebrate at least 80 birthdays!!!
BTW, I finally convinced him that we need to take Friday's off from now on and just work a 4 day week. I didn't think he'd ever agree but he has. So our first official 3 day weekend begins tomorrow!!!2 -
We've suspected for quite a few years that the chances are my husband will go first and we actually talk about what I would do sometimes. I don't really enjoy those conversations.
Such things aren't always predictable. Old friends of mine passed over the past couple of years. She went first and quickly, a few months before their 60th wedding anniversary... Since they'd always assumed he would go first, it was a shock.... and he was absolutely lost without her. Moreso than any of us realized. It soon became apparent he wasn't doing well... forgetting his meds, etc... so he moved to an assisted living facility. MD on staff soon diagnosed Sundowners Syndrome. Within two years of her passing, he's gone now too.
I completely endorse the idea that speculation about what one would do is fruitless, but I put a more positive (?) spin on it - if there's any positive way to spin the thought of losing a beloved partner.
Here's my point: Having gone through loss of spouse, loss of parents (I'm an only child), and advanced cancer myself, there is no case of extreme change in my life where I would've correctly predicted, in advance, how I'd feel or what I'd do.
For example: I was widowed semi-young (he was 45, I was 42). He had cancer, so we knew in advance. He asked me if I would sell the house (big lot, lots of issues to take care of). I unhesitatingly said "yes". Eighteen years later, I'm still living there. I was a prime candidate to isolate myself after he died (introvert, he did all the social arrangements). Instead, I took a lesson from watching him, and built a social life.
I thought my dad would have problems when my mom died (she was 81, he was 77). In their case, he was the less social (and in some ways a difficult personality). Expected problems didn't happen. He was very sad for a while, but managed to make friends, even got a very nice lady friend, and went on to live for another decade, independent until an accident blinded him - and then did well for several years in an assisted living he chose to move to.
I think it makes sense to make logistical plans (finances, etc.) for the more possible future scenarios, so that nothing's overlooked that could be a major bump in the road. After that, I think it's utterly pointless to speculate.2 -
Well I finally got the courage to go out on a date. Discovered that I am not ready yet. The man was very nice but there wasn't enough there to create a spark. I actually got so lonely I practically groveled to get back together with my ex who is truly an A-hole. Argggh, being single sucks but so does dating!0
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I suppose that's one difference... While my ex is worse than an a-hole, once I made the final decision, there was no going back. I've never missed my ex. In fact, I felt lonelier when I was with her than once I was free.debsdoingthis wrote: »Well I finally got the courage to go out on a date. Discovered that I am not ready yet. The man was very nice but there wasn't enough there to create a spark. I actually got so lonely I practically groveled to get back together with my ex who is truly an A-hole. Argggh, being single sucks but so does dating!
As I said earlier, time to heal is hugely important. I've read your first dates should be with someone with whom you are making a lifelong commitment to loving... YOURSELF... Seriously, do stuff by yourself, for yourself and enjoy yourself. Until you've secured that relationship, adding another person is going to be difficult.2 -
I'm trying, its the nights(sleeping) and weekends that are hardest. I guess I just have to keep focusing on what was continually wrong instead of what was occasionally right.
I suppose that's one difference... While my ex is worse than an a-hole, once I made the final decision, there was no going back. I've never missed my ex. In fact, I felt lonelier when I was with her than once I was free.debsdoingthis wrote: »Well I finally got the courage to go out on a date. Discovered that I am not ready yet. The man was very nice but there wasn't enough there to create a spark. I actually got so lonely I practically groveled to get back together with my ex who is truly an A-hole. Argggh, being single sucks but so does dating!
As I said earlier, time to heal is hugely important. I've read your first dates should be with someone with whom you are making a lifelong commitment to loving... YOURSELF... Seriously, do stuff by yourself, for yourself and enjoy yourself. Until you've secured that relationship, adding another person is going to be difficult.
Thanks for the kind words!
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debsdoingthis wrote: »
I'm trying, its the nights(sleeping) and weekends that are hardest. I guess I just have to keep focusing on what was continually wrong instead of what was occasionally right.
I suppose that's one difference... While my ex is worse than an a-hole, once I made the final decision, there was no going back. I've never missed my ex. In fact, I felt lonelier when I was with her than once I was free.debsdoingthis wrote: »Well I finally got the courage to go out on a date. Discovered that I am not ready yet. The man was very nice but there wasn't enough there to create a spark. I actually got so lonely I practically groveled to get back together with my ex who is truly an A-hole. Argggh, being single sucks but so does dating!
As I said earlier, time to heal is hugely important. I've read your first dates should be with someone with whom you are making a lifelong commitment to loving... YOURSELF... Seriously, do stuff by yourself, for yourself and enjoy yourself. Until you've secured that relationship, adding another person is going to be difficult.
Thanks for the kind words!
It is easy to focus on the negatives. Been there, done that. It's natural... and you'll get through it...0 -
The discovery that you are not ready yet will help move you forward.
In the meantime, find /immerse yourself in activities/places that you love.
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Single and over 50? Yep, and mostly thankful that I am
I keep pretty busy. I have a full-time job, I teach part-time, and I just wrapped up my first year of a three-year doctoral program. I somehow thought this would be a good time to adopt a dog and brought home a mini-Aussie a few months ago, so I go to puppy school too. Toss in my gym schedule, which is seven days a week when I'm on track. I'm also, like so many others, beginning to care for an ailing parent.
I've been single again for three years now and have not dated. I'm ready and willing, lol, just need the time and a few candidates
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Newb to the group checking in as 51yo single...been single all my life, not for lack of trying (engaged twice). Not even going to run down the list of potential reasons why I'm still single...it just is what it is. So, I find other things to keep me busy - church, working out, my stereotypical trio of cats, online gaming, reading, and working from home (to be semi-retired). Housework should probably be in that list too, but alas it isn't...lol. Cheers!0
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Hello and welcome. Our homes should have built in gadgets that do the housework
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Welcome! Good group here....you will find as much (or as little) support as you want.
There is not much housework done around here either. I've decided life is too short to worry about the hair balls .... I have better ways to enjoy my dogs. Mom is rolling over in her grave; her home was always immaculate. Just another personality trait that skipped me!1 -
Hello and welcome. Our homes should have built in gadgets that do the housework
On the relative scale of things, we are pretty spoiled already. I remember helping my mother using the wringer-washer when I was a kid. I wasn't tall enough to hang laundry on the line at that point. We had a furnace but my father kept the wood stove stoked to save oil...1 -
(good gif snipped)Hello and welcome. Our homes should have built in gadgets that do the housework
On the relative scale of things, we are pretty spoiled already. I remember helping my mother using the wringer-washer when I was a kid. I wasn't tall enough to hang laundry on the line at that point. We had a furnace but my father kept the wood stove stoked to save oil...
Our house was heated with a central wood furnace (coal in a pinch) until I was in junior high. Most of the cordwood cut on site, too.
As far as gadgets to do the housework . . . low standards are working pretty well for me, and it's dead cheap.3
