My Come to Jesus moment
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Almoshposh
Posts: 139 Member
In 2015 I lost 10kg through keto and daily exercise. I was even fasting intermittently. It was by no means effortless but looking back it was perfectly manageable. It was my lifestyle. Then came 2016 with a whole lot of changes. My husband and I started our own business which changed me overnight from a stay at home mum to a full blown career woman traveling 3 weeks out of every 4. Along with demanding clients, crazy deadlines, 18 hour days (most of them in airports) and almost no sleep. Needless to say I gained back the 10kg in an embarrassingly short time, then gained a couple more for good measure. I have been trying to get back on the wagon, but the attempts have always been half-hearted. After every start I find myself rationalizing my cheats. "I'm too busy to focus on this right now". And off the wagon I fall again.
Until now. I opened my cosmetic purse today and discovered I now have a collection of pills just to keep me moving. I'm on an anti-depressant for my constant and debilitating panic attacks, an anti-histamine because I'm suddenly allergic to everything. Anti-inflammation drugs and ibrufen for my constant lower back pain. A liver supplement to deal with my increasing dependency on alcohol to wind down and relax. More pain meds to deal with the hangovers. None of this was part of my life a year ago. I am now in constant pain and hovering over clinical depression. My doctor is worried about my climbing hypertension and threatening to throw even more pills at me. Did I mention I hate pills?
Anyhoo, I have decided I have wandered long enough (hallelujah!) and I need to come back home (can I get an Amen!). I'm tired of the constant pain, the buying new clothes in bigger sizes literally every month. And I'm terrified for my health. For the very first time in my weight loss career, I'm actually considering my health. I don't want to leave my husband and daughter by themselves. They deserve a wife and mother who is full of life and vitality, not the sick, depressed shell of a woman I am now. I admit I am doubtful if I can do this. I have tried so many times before. But I have no choice. I have to do this. I'm coming back home.
Until now. I opened my cosmetic purse today and discovered I now have a collection of pills just to keep me moving. I'm on an anti-depressant for my constant and debilitating panic attacks, an anti-histamine because I'm suddenly allergic to everything. Anti-inflammation drugs and ibrufen for my constant lower back pain. A liver supplement to deal with my increasing dependency on alcohol to wind down and relax. More pain meds to deal with the hangovers. None of this was part of my life a year ago. I am now in constant pain and hovering over clinical depression. My doctor is worried about my climbing hypertension and threatening to throw even more pills at me. Did I mention I hate pills?
Anyhoo, I have decided I have wandered long enough (hallelujah!) and I need to come back home (can I get an Amen!). I'm tired of the constant pain, the buying new clothes in bigger sizes literally every month. And I'm terrified for my health. For the very first time in my weight loss career, I'm actually considering my health. I don't want to leave my husband and daughter by themselves. They deserve a wife and mother who is full of life and vitality, not the sick, depressed shell of a woman I am now. I admit I am doubtful if I can do this. I have tried so many times before. But I have no choice. I have to do this. I'm coming back home.
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Replies
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Almoshposh wrote: »In 2015 I lost 10kg through keto and daily exercise. I was even fasting intermittently. It was by no means effortless but looking back it was perfectly manageable. It was my lifestyle. Then came 2016 with a whole lot of changes. My husband and I started our own business which changed me overnight from a stay at home mum to a full blown career woman traveling 3 weeks out of every 4. Along with demanding clients, crazy deadlines, 18 hour days (most of them in airports) and almost no sleep. Needless to say I gained back the 10kg in an embarrassingly short time, then gained a couple more for good measure. I have been trying to get back on the wagon, but the attempts have always been half-hearted. After every start I find myself rationalizing my cheats. "I'm too busy to focus on this right now". And off the wagon I fall again.
Until now. I opened my cosmetic purse today and discovered I now have a collection of pills just to keep me moving. I'm on an anti-depressant for my constant and debilitating panic attacks, an anti-histamine because I'm suddenly allergic to everything. Anti-inflammation drugs and ibrufen for my constant lower back pain. A liver supplement to deal with my increasing dependency on alcohol to wind down and relax. More pain meds to deal with the hangovers. None of this was part of my life a year ago. I am now in constant pain and hovering over clinical depression. My doctor is worried about my climbing hypertension and threatening to throw even more pills at me. Did I mention I hate pills?
Anyhoo, I have decided I have wandered long enough (hallelujah!) and I need to come back home (can I get an Amen!). I'm tired of the constant pain, the buying new clothes in bigger sizes literally every month. And I'm terrified for my health. For the very first time in my weight loss career, I'm actually considering my health. I don't want to leave my husband and daughter by themselves. They deserve a wife and mother who is full of life and vitality, not the sick, depressed shell of a woman I am now. I admit I am doubtful if I can do this. I have tried so many times before. But I have no choice. I have to do this. I'm coming back home.
Wow...this could be my story! I retired from the military...kept myself in very good shape for a year, then let stresses from being more involved with family and loved ones lead me down the same path you followed. Decided I needed to "take the path less followed" and get back to "living my life" instead of everyone else's.
Welcome home @Almoshposh
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You can do this. You have found a very supportive group with an amazing amount of varied experience and knowledge. Sometimes you just have to hit rock bottom before you can get better. Welcome!2
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Good luck!1
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@Almoshposh YES! You deserve good health, more energy and fewer pills! You can do this without adding stress to your overburdened psyche. You will be amazed at how much better you feel and how much less hungry or food obsessed you are on this WOE. Come back often for inspiration and let us know how it's going with you.
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Almoshposh wrote: »(can I get an Amen!)
Amen!2 -
Yes! Amen!
You sound like you're approaching it from the right place. One that it is about doing it for yourself. Think of staying on plan as your gift to yourself and don't let that little devil in the back talk you into thinking any cheat is a reward because you know the rewards are actually many if you just stick to it.
Best of luck!2 -
Amen0
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Welcome home.
Let us know how we can help you on your journey.0 -
Amen, good luck on your journey, you have found yourself a great support network here. The guys on this board is great!!
One piece of advice, do not be scared to ask questions. There is a wealth of knowledge here.0 -
Thank you so much for the support and advise. What I really need is motivation and to be accountable. I am not at all confident that I can win this weightloss game and I know that doubt is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So please help me keep on working at it and not give up again. I don't think I can do this alone.1
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You are amazing - you have such an insight with what is not right with you. A wonderful mother and wife too! You will do it. My recent turning point is "The book mof fasting" by Jason Fung (covers many protocol of intermittent fasting). Also check him out on Youtube, he us very inspirational. This might be the best route for you.0
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Amen!!0
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Thinking about your health and your family, as opposed to just your weight and clothing size, is definitely the way to go. About 18 months ago I found myself in a similar, if considerably less serious, place and turned things around quick smart. I don't EVER want to feel as helpless and weak as I did then. There are enough challenges in this world without being our own enemy.1
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Almoshposh wrote: »(can I get an Amen!)
Amen!
Amen!!0 -
Almoshposh wrote: »Thank you so much for the support and advise. What I really need is motivation and to be accountable. I am not at all confident that I can win this weightloss game and I know that doubt is a self-fulfilling prophecy. So please help me keep on working at it and not give up again. I don't think I can do this alone.
As @mandycat223 said, do not just look at this as weight loss. This is HEALTH first. If you take care of your health, your weight will end up being where it should be. Do NOT get fixated on a number. Many times, people get fixated on a number they think they need to hit. In reality, that number may be a couple digits lower than what is optimal. In some cases, it may be a bit higher than optimal.
When choosing this path, it is much more likely your body composition will change in a different way than with LF or straight calorie restricted diets. By that I mean, your lean mass may actually increase even though you are losing weight. You will also likely go through periods where you lose no weight, but your measurements change. For an example, check out the pics of @Sunny_Bunny_ in this thread:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10486595/well-gaining-slowly-like-i-lost-it-at-the-end-why#latest
They are truly amazing. If she had been fixated on a number, she would not have appreciated the significant difference in her physical health and physique.1
