Rude friends
sbtripp
Posts: 43 Member
Has anyone else had someone tell them not to lose anymore weight because it is making you look old in the face? Two folks have said that to me. I know skin starts to sag and wrinkles show more, but is there a face exercise? Heck, I am 63 after all! It hurts my feelings because I have worked hard to get this weight off, but it is the truth. What do you say to these people? I said, "I know it does, but I am getting healthier." Then there are those who think keto is not healthy. So tired of rude people; they should do their thing and let me do mine.
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Has anyone else had someone tell them not to lose anymore weight because it is making you look old in the face? Two folks have said that to me. I know skin starts to sag and wrinkles show more, but is there a face exercise? Heck, I am 63 after all! It hurts my feelings because I have worked hard to get this weight off, but it is the truth. What do you say to these people? I said, "I know it does, but I am getting healthier." Then there are those who think keto is not healthy. So tired of rude people; they should do their thing and let me do mine.
You could try, "I had a kryptonite smoothie for breakfast." If that doesn't work, perhaps, "I plan to live till I'm 100, so I thought I'd start practicing."
Or the nuclear option, "You don't see many fat old people." Then sigh and say, "Enjoy your happy meal," as you skip merrily away.12 -
Hell. I'm 38 and my best friend said that to me. But she also added, "you're getting too skinny." Which is probably subconcious-code for "I just gained some weight recently and you're smaller than me now. I don't like that." I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I'm sure your friends are all spring-chickens themselves... *rolling-eyes* I'm a smart-mouth, so I would have just told them "That's a lovely thing to say to me, Pot. You should meet my friend, Kettle."
All I can suggest is to start taking some collagen supplements to help support skin elasticity. And exfoliate fairly often, which increases cell turnover and blood-flow.
I'm sorry they were rude. Looks like their jealousy is showing. Either that or their internal dialog filter is looking a little old...pffft.7 -
Waving across Jordan Lake again.
I'm 63 and I have been told the same. Thing is, I have lots of 60+ year old friends and they all look similar to me in many respects but I doubt anyone tells them to quit having birthdays. 
I've been maintaining for 3 years and some of that "sagging and wrinkling" either disappears with time or we and others just get accustomed to it. My facial features seem to have tightened up a bit but I still have wrinkles. Heck, I'm 63. I don't have great genes in the wrinkle category. I used to look in the mirror and see my Mom. Now I see my Grandma. It beats at least one of the alternatives. 8 -
If it hurts - you have every right to tell them so. "Well thank you for being so insensitive; I'm losing weight because I want to. Just like you're staying fat because YOU want to.....Such comments are a classic angle from those who are usually envious. So if you like, I can tell you how to be less podgy, how does that sound?"
Personal remarks are both thoughtless and tactless, and are bound to hurt your pride, but yes, I have often found that if you point out to people that their comments feel barbed, it's come about that in actual fact, there's a small streak of envy....
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Has anyone else had someone tell them not to lose anymore weight because it is making you look old in the face? Two folks have said that to me. I know skin starts to sag and wrinkles show more, but is there a face exercise? Heck, I am 63 after all! It hurts my feelings because I have worked hard to get this weight off, but it is the truth. What do you say to these people? I said, "I know it does, but I am getting healthier." Then there are those who think keto is not healthy. So tired of rude people; they should do their thing and let me do mine.
The skin should start looking better over time anyway. As your body adjusts to being that size the skin should start firming up again. Make sure you are moisturized and think about taking some supplements for your skin, but just ignore them. If you are happy with the way you are that's the most important thing.
They are probably just jealous! 2 -
I might just go with "I'd rather be wrinkled than sick or dead" lol8
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I might just go with "I'd rather be wrinkled than sick or dead" lol3
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Just the green eyed jealous monster talking. If you feel you must respond try, "I'm interested in being healthy not narcissistic." And change the subject.
I find my skin is slowly getting in better shape, could be the protein and fats making it look better. Mind you, I still have wrinkles and from time to time I notice more droopiness, but after a few months, it gets better.5 -
I doubt that they really meant you look older. Sounds like pure jealousy, I was told I look younger and I believe EVERYONE looks younger the slim'er they are. My aunt is 90 years old, skinny and looks in her early 70's.4
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Fat does smoothe out wrinkles, so these kind of comments are not surprising.3
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Sounds like a classic case of ppl talking without first engaging the brain.
Just keep getting healthy for you. I know many ppl who have died by age 63! It's great you are taking control for your life. I'm pushing 50, and the dums never cease to amaze me. Ppl need to filter their thoughts before it reaches their mouth... there used to be a poem called the four gates about it. But Thumper summed it up - if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all!3 -
And to think, the rich and vain pay money to insert fat into their faces to look puffier younger.
Yeah, fat does fill out wrinkles but my guess is that your friend is used to seeing a puffy faced you. Fat and inflammation fills out wrinkles somewhat but I honestly think being slimmer makes people look younger. They stand straighter, move with greater ease, have more energy and are less tired, and the reduced inflammation causes fewer aging health issues like CAD, T2D, arthritis and such. Wrinkles may be marginally deeper but slimmer people's bodies just look younger...they probably are younger.
This is a NSV of sorts. 5 -
You could always turn the tables and say, "Thanks for noticing! I've been workin hard and there are changes with every part of my body. Getting healthy and slim ain't for the faint of heart, that's for sure!" And then just shut up and wait for their next response. If it's not positive or apologetic, make a sophisticated exit with your head held high. "Gosh, look at the time, I've got to run. "12
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You could always turn the tables and say, "Thanks for noticing! I've been workin hard and there are changes with every part of my body. Getting healthy and slim ain't for the faint of heart, that's for sure!" And then just shut up and wait for their next response. If it's not positive or apologetic, make a sophisticated exit with your head held high. "Gosh, look at the time, I've got to run. "
Oh, I like your style. Welcome aboard!1 -
So uncool, it's hard but "beauty" is only part of it, being healthy enough to be able to enjoy life and spend quality time with family and quality friends is much more important, not to mention beauty being only skin deep, such a shame about their petty rudeness, much harder to justify!0
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Look up face exercises on Google. There are a number. Plus there are actual "tools" you can get. I use one that uses electricity to cause muscles to contract in the face. It has worked wonders for me, lifted my eyebrows and tightened around my mouth. If you look, you can find something to help that "face slack" that develops as we olders lose weight. I'm 60 in my picture next to my post.
Oh yeah, and look at the insensitive person who makes a rude comment cross-eyed until they look like THEY feel uncomfortable. Just my 2 cents!
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Obviously there's a typo in your original post. What you meant was "former friends." These people need to be either out of your life or pushed as far towards the perimeter as possible. Life's too short to deal with morons. "You are dead to me" comes to mind as a courteous rejoinder.
Having said that, facial exercises can be very effective. I'm 71 and (I'm told) look in my early 60's. Genetics is partly to thank and lots of protein is a help. But a year of daily facial exercises, only ten minutes a day, has made a significant improvement. However, promise me you'll do this for your own self-esteem, not to impress those strangers.
I don't do all of the exercises in this book, only the ones that through trial and error seemed to be the most difficult.
https://www.amazon.com/Facial-Fitness-Exercises-Techniques-Healthier/dp/140278046X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493201970&sr=1-2&keywords=facial+exercises5 -
Work on the assumption that any comment about personal appearance is a compliment. You are assuming good intentions from friends and all. So you say "Thanks! I have been on a diet since *whenever*, and it is good to have made some progress. I appreciate your noticing!" It helps to present as slightly distracted when you say this.
There is also the fight fire with fire approach. You still work on the assumption that it is a compliment and return it. If this is the approach, you might say, "Thanks! Your face has really been looking old recently too."
There is always the nuclear option. "It looks as if you have found some of the weight I lost. Those slacks are just not a good look on you right now."6 -
I would say something like "Thank you for noticing!" It may make them pause for a moment and realize the rudeness that just came out of their mouth. Then follow up with. "I guess that's what happens when you lose weight"
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I understand that the skin may be less form looking but if you go looking at progress photos of people that have lost weight, I generally think they look younger.
To me it's way more than just the texture of the skin. When we lose weight we tend to get an emotional boost. A little more confidence. We start feeling better and doing more and we carry ourselves a little differently and tend to smile more in photos.
All of that exudes youth to me and I feel like I can see it!
Think about older actors/actresses that just seem young. Like Betty White for example, she's 80 or something and I have no idea if she ever had any work done, but even if she did, she has plenty of wrinkles but overall she just seems youthful.
I think people that lose weight successfully, especially if they haven't really been successful in the past, tend to take on youthful behaviors and a level of confidence greater than what they previously had. This WOE comes with added benefits of improved health, less pain, more energy and so much more too!
I have no doubt your "friend" was seeing all of these things in you but her inner green monster focused on one tiny detail so it was an easier pill to swallow.2 -
Work on the assumption that any comment about personal appearance is a compliment. You are assuming good intentions from friends and all. So you say "Thanks! I have been on a diet since *whenever*, and it is good to have made some progress. I appreciate your noticing!" It helps to present as slightly distracted when you say this.
There is also the fight fire with fire approach. You still work on the assumption that it is a compliment and return it. If this is the approach, you might say, "Thanks! Your face has really been looking old recently too."
There is always the nuclear option. "It looks as if you have found some of the weight I lost. Those slacks are just not a good look on you right now."
....
...." You know, my sister is into Mary Kay, but she also carries girdles. Shall I have her call you?"5 -
You could also just tell them straight up: "That was hurtful and rude, you need a filter between your mind and your mouth."5
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MzLazyBones wrote: »You could also just tell them straight up: "That was hurtful and rude, you need a filter between your mind and your mouth."
Yes, there IS that approach....1 -
mandycat223 wrote: »Obviously there's a typo in your original post. What you meant was "former friends." These people need to be either out of your life or pushed as far towards the perimeter as possible. Life's too short to deal with morons. "You are dead to me" comes to mind as a courteous rejoinder.
Having said that, facial exercises can be very effective. I'm 71 and (I'm told) look in my early 60's. Genetics is partly to thank and lots of protein is a help. But a year of daily facial exercises, only ten minutes a day, has made a significant improvement. However, promise me you'll do this for your own self-esteem, not to impress those strangers.
I don't do all of the exercises in this book, only the ones that through trial and error seemed to be the most difficult.
https://www.amazon.com/Facial-Fitness-Exercises-Techniques-Healthier/dp/140278046X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493201970&sr=1-2&keywords=facial+exercises
I was going to say something alone the lines of this, too. There's a fine line between tough love/telling it straight, and just being a straight up rude jerk/inconsiderate/hurtful, etc.
I'm not Willy Wonka AND I'm low carb, so I don't candy-coat ANYTHING. But, I can say things politely and in a civil tone without being a suck up, kiss butt, or getting so annoyed at having to placate someone's tender feelings that I want to relegate them to Generation Butthurt, regardless of birth year... Sometimes it's just not worth being polite.
But friends will couch truthful tough love in actual loving statements. Being blunt is not the same as rudeness... Rudeness is believing that they themselves, their opinions, and their words - are more important than yours. Anyone who can't stop being a jerk isn't a friend of mine. Not anymore.0 -
MzLazyBones wrote: »You could also just tell them straight up: "That was hurtful and rude, you need a filter between your mind and your mouth."
@MzLazyBones - I'm SOOO stealing this.1 -
baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.2 -
castlerobber wrote: »baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.
Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
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castlerobber wrote: »baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.
Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
a baseball bat applied liberally about the head and shoulders
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castlerobber wrote: »baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.
Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
a baseball bat applied liberally about the head and shoulders
(Theirs, not yours. Although such comments can drive anyone to distraction.....)1
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