Rude friends
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I understand that the skin may be less form looking but if you go looking at progress photos of people that have lost weight, I generally think they look younger.
To me it's way more than just the texture of the skin. When we lose weight we tend to get an emotional boost. A little more confidence. We start feeling better and doing more and we carry ourselves a little differently and tend to smile more in photos.
All of that exudes youth to me and I feel like I can see it!
Think about older actors/actresses that just seem young. Like Betty White for example, she's 80 or something and I have no idea if she ever had any work done, but even if she did, she has plenty of wrinkles but overall she just seems youthful.
I think people that lose weight successfully, especially if they haven't really been successful in the past, tend to take on youthful behaviors and a level of confidence greater than what they previously had. This WOE comes with added benefits of improved health, less pain, more energy and so much more too!
I have no doubt your "friend" was seeing all of these things in you but her inner green monster focused on one tiny detail so it was an easier pill to swallow.2 -
Work on the assumption that any comment about personal appearance is a compliment. You are assuming good intentions from friends and all. So you say "Thanks! I have been on a diet since *whenever*, and it is good to have made some progress. I appreciate your noticing!" It helps to present as slightly distracted when you say this.
There is also the fight fire with fire approach. You still work on the assumption that it is a compliment and return it. If this is the approach, you might say, "Thanks! Your face has really been looking old recently too."
There is always the nuclear option. "It looks as if you have found some of the weight I lost. Those slacks are just not a good look on you right now."
....
...." You know, my sister is into Mary Kay, but she also carries girdles. Shall I have her call you?"5 -
You could also just tell them straight up: "That was hurtful and rude, you need a filter between your mind and your mouth."5
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MzLazyBones wrote: »You could also just tell them straight up: "That was hurtful and rude, you need a filter between your mind and your mouth."
Yes, there IS that approach....1 -
mandycat223 wrote: »Obviously there's a typo in your original post. What you meant was "former friends." These people need to be either out of your life or pushed as far towards the perimeter as possible. Life's too short to deal with morons. "You are dead to me" comes to mind as a courteous rejoinder.
Having said that, facial exercises can be very effective. I'm 71 and (I'm told) look in my early 60's. Genetics is partly to thank and lots of protein is a help. But a year of daily facial exercises, only ten minutes a day, has made a significant improvement. However, promise me you'll do this for your own self-esteem, not to impress those strangers.
I don't do all of the exercises in this book, only the ones that through trial and error seemed to be the most difficult.
https://www.amazon.com/Facial-Fitness-Exercises-Techniques-Healthier/dp/140278046X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1493201970&sr=1-2&keywords=facial+exercises
I was going to say something alone the lines of this, too. There's a fine line between tough love/telling it straight, and just being a straight up rude jerk/inconsiderate/hurtful, etc.
I'm not Willy Wonka AND I'm low carb, so I don't candy-coat ANYTHING. But, I can say things politely and in a civil tone without being a suck up, kiss butt, or getting so annoyed at having to placate someone's tender feelings that I want to relegate them to Generation Butthurt, regardless of birth year... Sometimes it's just not worth being polite.
But friends will couch truthful tough love in actual loving statements. Being blunt is not the same as rudeness... Rudeness is believing that they themselves, their opinions, and their words - are more important than yours. Anyone who can't stop being a jerk isn't a friend of mine. Not anymore.0 -
MzLazyBones wrote: »You could also just tell them straight up: "That was hurtful and rude, you need a filter between your mind and your mouth."
@MzLazyBones - I'm SOOO stealing this.1 -
baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.2 -
castlerobber wrote: »baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.
Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
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castlerobber wrote: »baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.
Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
a baseball bat applied liberally about the head and shoulders
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castlerobber wrote: »baconslave wrote: »I just look at them like they've just sprouted antlers and then stare at them in disapproval for a moment to make them feel awkward, and then change the subject.
I believe that's what Miss Manners suggests. Seriously.
Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
a baseball bat applied liberally about the head and shoulders
(Theirs, not yours. Although such comments can drive anyone to distraction.....)1 -
I'd take the tac of reminding them that aging is a privilege denied to many and aren't you so damn lucky to be able to be alive and in good health and able to worry about such things as fine lines. Perspective, rude people need it
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To me these kinds of people aren't rude so much as clueless. Civilized people don't comment on someone's appearance unless they're asked or have something positive to say.2
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I'm 42. When I was fat people thought I was about 30. They didn't believe me when I told them I had grown children and now a grandchild. Now that I'm 90lbs lighter I look 42. People don't question my age anymore. I don't actually give one fig what they think either way.2
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Oh, my. What does the gentle MM recommend for doctors and dietitians who wag their "low sodium" and "don't eat fat" fingers (other than a muzzle)?
I was making a pastoral call on my doctor's mother at the hospital when he came in today to see her. I mentioned I was getting close to the goals he had set for me before I left. He said it was unusual for patients to actually listen to their doctors, and he was really impressed at my progress. I did not have the heart to tell him in front of his mother that I had made that progress by ignoring his advice.
Sometimes you have to nod and smile pleasantly. You say, "Thanks!" and go back to the office to have a coffee with HWC to celebrate a NSV.
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AlexandraCarlyle wrote: »If it hurts - you have every right to tell them so. "Well thank you for being so insensitive; I'm losing weight because I want to. Just like you're staying fat because YOU want to.....Such comments are a classic angle from those who are usually envious. So if you like, I can tell you how to be less pudgy, how does that sound?"
Personal remarks are both thoughtless and tactless, and are bound to hurt your pride, but yes, I have often found that if you point out to people that their comments feel barbed, it's come about that in actual fact, there's a small streak of envy....
I think this is perfect.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with thoughtless people. Congratulations on your success so far!!!0 -
Looking younger is not the same thing as looking better. People sometimes look worse after plastic surgery when they do it just to look younger. There are a LOT of people that actually look better as they get older. I personally think that most of the time a slimmer, older face is more attractive and healthier, than a younger, pudgier face.
Sometimes good friends can be a little too honest. I would probably give them the benefit of the doubt that it was meant as constructive criticism, but nicely let them know that it stung a little. If your skin hasn't tightened up after a while (it probably will) there are always products and things that can help if it still bothers you.2 -
...Or sometimes, you can pass off their comments with humour. This obviously depends on how you really feel, but perhaps something like "Oh, really? Well do you have a stapler handy? I can fix that right now!" Or "Yes, my face may look thinner, but you should see my butt! I can crack nuts between those cheeks!" or even "Yes, my cosmetic surgeon tells me I need plenty of room for the polyfiller and araldite to get a grip...."
Or even, try suddenly contorting your face, doing facial exercises and then saying, "Are they working yet....?"4 -
AlexandraCarlyle wrote: »...Or sometimes, you can pass off their comments with humour. This obviously depends on how you really feel, but perhaps something like "Oh, really? Well do you have a stapler handy? I can fix that right now!" Or "Yes, my face may look thinner, but you should see my butt! I can crack nuts between those cheeks!" or even "Yes, my cosmetic surgeon tells me I need plenty of room for the polyfiller and araldite to get a grip...."
Or even, try suddenly contorting your face, doing facial exercises and then saying, "Are they working yet....?"
You just triggered the "Is that better?" scene where the Edgar suit is speaking to Edgar's wife, when she says his skin is loose, in Men In Black. LOL.2 -
LOL!! Oh Lordy, yeah, I remember that....! That's made my day!!2
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"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been..."
Barefoot Children by Jimmy Buffett6
