@PloddingTurtle : That’s great! That was really smart to give her access to your food diary so you could have a professional’s opinion on your diet.

@bigghunny

Now listen to me, Miss Hunny. All that healthy eating and physical activity you've been doing has made you a healthier and stronger individual, so a much stronger and more resilient patient. You have a lot on your side in addition to a healthier physical you. You have built up a fighting spirit of determination, discipline, and optimism. That makes you strong in the head too, and we are definitely rooting for you. Find something to laugh about every single day.
Please keep us in the know about your progress.

Saw my doctor on Friday and we had a nice long discussion on the results of my thyroid bloodwork and depression. She doesn't think I'm dealing with dysthymia (chronic depression) though I still kind of think I'm in that boat simply because I'm been feeling this way for 20 years now with a slow, downhill trend and periods of deep holes - she considered it to be major depression (though I did notice that it didn't show up as a diagnosis on the print out I received after the visit was over).

We discussed Contrave and in the end, decided to just go with the Welbutrin by itself. I picked it up today and will start it in the morning. She thinks that it will help with the lack of energy, the brain fog, and the inability to concentrate and did suggest taking it of a morning so it doesn't interfere with my sleep. She said I would probably experience a temporary giant boost in energy for a while before things leveled off, which is kind of funny because the pharmacist recommended taking it of an evening because ti could cause drowsiness.......

Anyway, the pharmacist also warned that Welubtrin curbs appetite, and I told her that's a secondary reason for why I'm taking it in the first place - I WANT it to curb appetite and help me get my willpower back so I can start losing weight again and not have these dab-blamed food cravings when I know I'm not hungry!

I admit I'm still really nervous about starting the medication, primarily because I come from a background and subculture that believes that needing medication for depression is a weakness that is frowned upon, so it hurts that part of me that wants to believe myself to be strong. That and I still have relatives and go to church with folks that think that all medication for mental issues is wrong and that we just need to repent or "count our blessings". But I've finally come to the realization that its true that you can't separate your spiritual self from your physical self - the spiritual/mental affects the physical and vice versa, and letting myself live in a depressed mood can have very well caused physical abnormalities in my brain that medication can help me break free from.

I'm still searching for a counselor and am determined to find one as I have no intention of using medication as a crutch for the rest of my life. I have physical issues yes, and my doctor pointed out the problems with my thyroid bloodwork and said that its possible that my body has changed how it responds to the medication and so we need to adjust my medication to account for that, which unfortunately takes time to find an optimal level. She also asked what time of day I take it and suggested that switching back to taking my synthroid of a morning may help.

And I can acknowledge that I have unrealistic thought patterns and expectations and a completely unhealthy view of myself that needs corrected if I'm ever going to break free of this mental prison I have myself in. Worse yet, the depression itself has created a barrier between me and God as well, which just leaves me feeling abandoned, unworthy of love, guilty, and judged, which I know are false feelings but which have me pretty locked down right now, and I need help to get free of that web I'm trapped in.

I do feel a little better this week, I admit - perhaps the decision to finally try to get help has provided a temporary boost. In any case, I'm really hoping this helps and I can start being able to think again and find some energy to actually get stuff done, rather than procrastinating because the very though of housework is exhausting in and of itself, or procrastinating at work because its exhausting trying to get my brain to function and understand the complexity of the issues I am supposed to be working with. I hate how this funk has affected my productivity at work, so I'm really hoping that the next few weeks will show improvement on that front!

I need to have a 3rd quarter check-in conversation with my supervisor, and I'm debating on whether just coasting along with the status quo and hope things improve without putting attention on my problems, or telling her about the depression diagnosis and treatment to explain things that might have already come to her attention. That, and I'm afraid that telling her might lead to expectations from her, considering her personality type, that I may still not be able to reach, but at the same time, it may also give her some understanding as to my struggles to meet her deadlines and might open up some dialogue in getting some of my grievances with this job answered, especially as I know that my job is a major source of my depression problems in the first place.......

It would be really nice if I could finally figure out what I really wanted to be when I grow up! *crooked smile*

Meanwhile, I've picked up a new hobby - cold process soap making! My first try was a grand success, and I'm using those bars now. I've since made 5 more batches of various recipes, and have plans for at least 3 more. The problem with this hobby is that I end up with a TON of soap So guess what people are getting from me for Christmas!

@bmeadows380 I stopped in because it's overdue. I am working on some things and I don't know if I am quite ready to get back to work yet. But I know step one is coming back here and man did this make me smile. I have been making cold process for about 4 years. I love soaping!!

MzCara148 wrote: »

@bmeadows380 I stopped in because it's overdue. I am working on some things and I don't know if I am quite ready to get back to work yet. But I know step one is coming back here and man did this make me smile. I have been making cold process for about 4 years. I love soaping!!

@MzCara148 Welcome back!

I'm really enjoying the soap making, though it's an expensive hobby on the front end The problem I'm running into is that to experiment with different types and oils and colors, its takes practice - I still haven't gotten a standard size yet, and have just barely started exploring natural ways of scenting and coloring and all the styles and methods - but practice means I end up with a TON of soap! And there are so many other recipes I want to try and methods to perfect! I'm going to have to get creative in figuring out how to offload all these extra bars

Haloooooooo.

Yep. You're right, @RunaMarti, there's definitely a lonely echo in here.

I kind of miss having a challenge to check in with everyone this month. I've also been trying to catch my breath. In the summer I was working 3-day weeks (using up some banked overtime), but I'm back to more normal hours now in September, so fitting in fitness and food prep along with a full-time schedule, plus social and family events is proving to be a little more challenging than I anticipated. And it's gotten really cold, so I'm feeling whiny. It snowed here last night, and I had to scrape 2 inches of ice and snow off my car this morning, so I think summer is over for us. (this is really unusual, and it should warm up again in a couple of days....I hope)

I do not miss the snow ... at all! I think I am going to sign up for a virtual race if I can start getting myself out and moving more. Need to start using that Y membership I keep paying for.... 🏊🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

I know, I've been logging in every morning and it's sad to see the conversations have just dwindled away. I think we need another challenge for October. I promise I am still here and just as motivated to change my life!

@jst1986 Way to go! That is awesome progress!

I'm not adding a progress report update for this week - I just got back from vacation and I know I over ate then and am still dealing with a lot of water retention because of the eating-out. I'm trying to get back on track and even turned down my mom's homemade pizza yesterday and opted for roasted veggies and trout instead for supper. Not quite as good as the pizza, but I know exactly what my calories were in the fish and I was able to keep my dinner calories reasonable. My mom's pizza is to die for, but definitely a calorie bomb considering the amount of ground beef and cheese she puts on the sucker.....

Meanwhile, yesterday, for the first time in months, I actually managed to eat under my calorie goal!

AND I managed to NOT stop at Arby's on my way home for a turkey slider with no cheese (I've been addicted to those things recently and was stopping about every evening on the way home for one. 160 calories per slider, which isn't much calories, true, and has 16g protein, but they still didn't really fill me up that much and they bit into my dinner calorie alotment pretty badly, so I know I need to stop getting them.

Hey all! Just icing from my next walk towards my virtual race!! I am so sore and stiff, but I have to do this!! I would LOVE an October challenge!! Been checking the challenges tab every day practically for one from MFP. Decided to push myself with the virtual race when I realized I was starting to get close to jumping off the wagon.

Doing pretty good. Lost some weight this week. Got some good food from the pantry. Many protein bars and health food donations to pick from. My diamond art painting is coming along, too.

I’m still here too and keeping on keeping on. I had a bad cold and spent two weeks going up and down on the scale which was so frustrating. Plus it’s the craziest time of year with my kids after school stuff and my job. I’ve had to white knuckle more than a few dinners, snacks, and treats lately. Friday I ate all of my calories for the day at a birthday lunch. I wasn’t hungry for the rest of the day and wound up just under my calories, but I felt like a failure.
I finally saw a loss yesterday. Yay!! I’m down 109.9 today. Three more pounds and I’ll be in the 200s! Hopefully it won’t come off as slowly as the last three did!

And I’ll participate in the October group challenge. I love this group too!

Had a very emotionally draining weekend. Out of home eating 3 days in a row. 2 days at a buffet. Tracked everything as best I could. Need to increase water intake again. Been lacking. Need to get back on track with walking virtual race. Behind in goal this week. Time to push through. Seems like walking and protein intake has helped. Jumped on scale to gauge damage of the last several days. Was down over a pound from Saturday weigh in. Have to tighten the reigns for awhile now.

What kind of October challenge do we want to do? I don’t know where everyone is located, but stores have been flooded with fun size candy in preparation for Halloween. Glad I live in an apartment building... no need to worry about traffic at my door!!

I have a ton of difficult “anniversaries” in October. Need to get focused on other things to distract self.