Fivepts wrote: »

Saturday check-in. Today has been a good day. Most everyone is fasting for Ramadan here so that helps me not to overeat during the day, but at night it's very difficult because of all the food. I have managed to avoid sugar and flour which is my main goal but I need to get back to tracking my food since getting over sickness. Tomorrow is a new day.

johicks wrote: »

Daily Post (Friday 5/17)
Track: Through dinner.
Calories: Over.
Exercise: Yes ✔
8+ water: 17 ✔
Daily Goals:

• Morning Affirmations ✔
• Plan / pre-log food ✔
• Exercise goals 30-60 min/day, add resistance: 38min total= 18m am walk, 20m fast-paced grocery shopping ✔
• One post-dinner snack: More than one.
• Post on @RTM before lights out: No.

I need to purge my brain. Sorry, this could be long! I feel horrible about not getting all my ✔ checkmarks in yesterday. Yes! I'm beating myself up a little this morning. I had to put a frown on my calendar. Dang!! I had a 7-day streak of tracking, no night binging and sticking to calories. So I’m sharing my day “raw” and unfiltered to see if I can figure out what happened. Here it goes…… Another early morning with mom, even though shopping; I STILL made sure to get in my morning walk! And had high hopes of walking before work and before dinner. I did speed walk at the stores and walked from one end of the outlet stores down to the other end while mom’s vehicle was being packed. I had my list and almost got a speeding ticket going up and down the aisles. LOL But I don’t think I planned my day well enough. I had protein creamer in my coffee first thing (like always), then a shake for the 45-minute drive to Walmart / Lowe’s. I was hungry but didn’t pack a snack. I had to wait 2 hours until I got to work. Then my brain heard "food" words. I was telling mom about all the dining and fast food places that I could take home to hubby but didn’t want to. And then about our plans for October coming into the city for anniversary dinner. I thought I was doing okay. By Noon I had 8 cups of water and did add an 80 calorie snack bar to my already planned snack. That didn't last very long. I downed four more cups in the next 2.5 hours or so and ate my afternoon snack. My co-workers were all stressed and create an intense office. All I could do was focus on NOT eating. Then one boss brought in ribs and filled the office with that aroma. My stomach was growling so loudly. I got home and was tired. Fortunately, my meal was already plated. So I made my tea and warmed my meal. What I didn’t do was change my clothes, change my attitude to Home. Sweet. Home. I sat on the couch and ate my plate. I did it as slowly as I could to enjoy every bite and to make it last. I was hoping that we’d go to bed early so that I didn’t have to keep fighting my urge to eat. But hubby went to the store instead. GRRRRR! Oh, it was so hard for me to not go into the kitchen and devour whatever! He didn’t grab junk food, just his bottle! I grabbed my computer and started to play a game to distract me. What I should’ve done was go hop on the bike. That is in the very back bedroom and takes me to a different place altogether. And it helps strengthen my knees. Instead, I focused on the game. But it didn’t really help or heal me. [Oh!! I like that! HEAL ME]. It was like I was fighting myself all day and couldn't keep the urge or hunger at bay. So I laid on the couch for another hour or so as he looked through his records. I knew if I went to bed early, he’d blare his music. And I wasn’t up for that!! I was hungry, irritable, and tired. [So why didn’t I pick up on those signs?] We finally went to bed and I didn’t take my laptop or turn on my phone to engage with all of you and nor tell you about my day. I watched a couple of episodes, then got up for a TB of peanut butter and grabbed more. I ate his leftover cheap pizza and snacks on a plate and ate it. Not good! Most of it tasted okay. But I wasn’t being mindful and enjoying it. Then I went back for the TB of PB. THAT was satisfying. So why did I grab more than I intended!? Why didn’t I log the TB of PB first to give myself permission to get THAT and only that!? I did it before and succeeded. It’s like that urge I had been fighting all day finally screamed and said… FEED ME! But as I type it out now, I think I hit on a few things:
I was hungry, irritable, and tired. --- umm… signs of MID-TOM or TOM for me. It’s hard to tell since I’m perimenopause.
So with all that said. I’m not beating myself up anymore and I do feel better. Thank you for letting me post. Here is what I learned and can continue to do to stay on plan, but heal self:
When hungry, irritable, and tired….

• 1. If I’m THAT hungry in the morning, recognize it and eat a small snack. You were at the store!! Being too strict doesn’t pay off, it leads to a binge!
• 2. If fighting the urge all day, again; look at your pre-logged MFP diary and figure out a snack, even if it to give into that darn ol’ candy jar! Log and eat just one caramel. 60 calories are better than a binge!
• 3. Go for that 10-minute walk you intended to do. JUST DO IT! Yes, knees ache a little, but you have ibuprofen in your desk. GET out of the office!
• 4. When getting home stick to the routine, even if tired!! Change clothes. Change Attitude. “Home. Sweet. Home.”
• 5. If that tired when getting home, rest before eating and sip your tea. Calming and filling.
• 6. And when you see “his snacks” or not-so-healthy food; make a plan. You did that the other night, you managed a healthy dinner and exchanged fires for other carb and added a hot dog to dinner instead of a snack. So you know you can do it and have balance.
• 7. Eat mindfully and slowly. When that tired, sit at the dinner table.
• 8. When you’re hungry, tired, and irritable you need to be kinder to yourself. Maybe a bath would’ve been in order; then he could have also played his music.
• 9. It’s like you had a hole burning through you all day, you need a healing moment or two. So exercise while he was gone to the store to get out the frustration and burn off some rage and then a bath to help your body aches and soul.
• 10. Then be sure to get on @RTM and read for inspiration and encouragement, offer support; and journal your day.

PRINT and keep these ten steps handy! P.S. I did post this in my journal log to remind myself. And printed! I'm cut around the edges with design scissors and posted onto purple paper to post on the wall. Now which wall!? Then, I read my other journal moments to remind myself that I am on a journey. And that I’m not perfect. But I did see a pattern! Enlightening! Perhaps I can prepare myself for the next one in about 10 days!? Glad I’m journalling these “dark & binge” times, to keep me moving forward.

Again thanks. That purge felt good. It felt like a conversation over coffee. @jwall309 @j0d13mcc Didn’t we talk about sitting on the kitchen floor having deep moments before?

Okay… enough about me. Onto your posts, AFTER I take a walk. I feel like I need to get the blood flowing and now purge any lingering emotions from last night and this morning's reflection. A time of HEALING for myself. Plus get some endorphins into my system to have a good day! I'll be back soon.
🤗hugs🤗