Fat Brain
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NovusDies
Posts: 8,940 Member
There is probably something better to call it. Fat brain happens after you start losing weight and start having NSVs but your brain has not completely caught up. This thread is to discuss it. I think shining a light on something helps.
I will have plenty to share because I started out very large and I have battled my weight (mostly unsuccessfully) for more than 30 years.
There is a lot of ongoing mental adjustment that I believe I have missed because of my belly skin. I looked and often still felt 100 pounds heavier. 2 weeks ago I was still wearing 5XLT shirts because they helped conceal my "problem". I actively buying XL shirts and they all fit but because of the swelling 2XL are a little more comfortable at the moment. I have some claustrophobia so the tightness I feel when I go to put even the 2xl shirts on right now gives me some anxiety. Each time I put my shirt on I have to override my fat brain and remind myself it will fit.
That is the thing I have found about fat brain. It seems to affect me most in the smallest ways like seeing a narrow opening and assuming I need to walk around but I will actually fit. I think it is more than that though. I think there is the background fear of past failure that is hard to overcome. I can fit nicely in a booth now but each time I go to sit in one I pause and I have a little fear that this is the time I won't fit again.
I will have plenty to share because I started out very large and I have battled my weight (mostly unsuccessfully) for more than 30 years.
There is a lot of ongoing mental adjustment that I believe I have missed because of my belly skin. I looked and often still felt 100 pounds heavier. 2 weeks ago I was still wearing 5XLT shirts because they helped conceal my "problem". I actively buying XL shirts and they all fit but because of the swelling 2XL are a little more comfortable at the moment. I have some claustrophobia so the tightness I feel when I go to put even the 2xl shirts on right now gives me some anxiety. Each time I put my shirt on I have to override my fat brain and remind myself it will fit.
That is the thing I have found about fat brain. It seems to affect me most in the smallest ways like seeing a narrow opening and assuming I need to walk around but I will actually fit. I think it is more than that though. I think there is the background fear of past failure that is hard to overcome. I can fit nicely in a booth now but each time I go to sit in one I pause and I have a little fear that this is the time I won't fit again.
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yep, this is a thing. I've noticed the apprehension about smaller spaces/chairs, followed by pleasant surprise when I fit more comfortably than expected.
I also still have a low level dread about standing up, which could be difficult before, or at least took specific effort. less weight plus more activity has definitely made me more comfortable with little things like getting out of a chair.6 -
@amkita
I hadn't noticed my fat brain when getting out of a chair but you are definitely right it is there. I still watch where I put my hands to make sure I get them in just the right position to push me upward.
Sometimes I feel silly realizing I can sit in a chair comfortably but at the same time I hope I never take it for granted again.3 -
This post may be better suited to the cognitive behavior therapy thread - but here goes!
I am attempting to actively re-program my "fat brain" tendencies. Here is an example: Yesterday our family concluded my son's deployment ceremony with lunch out. Looking over the menu I challenged myself to find the most interesting and healthful entrée that I would not typically make at home. Turns out it was a salad topped with grilled salmon for a very modest amount of calories and packed full of a variety of salad fixings.
Fat brain me would have automatically selected what everyone else was ordering (huge cheese burger, fries, onion rings, etc.) not only to conform but also because eating a 1400 calorie lunch was a "fat brain-er" with no consideration of calories, just desire.
I am attempting to catch my brain up to the idea that I eat differently now. If I want a burger I eat a burger, but not for 1400 calories. Charbroiled goodness does not always have to be beef, lol. 1400 calories does not have to be at one sitting but I have not yet mastered the idea of taking half of it home.1 -
@hansep0012 ... it's funny but I have somewhat the same issue. Whenever I get together with my family I go on a food bender that seems to take a week to get out of my system. My Grandmas funeral was a week ago so I was surrounded by lots of family and I'm just now getting my food choices back under control. Just really bizarre to me. I have a fantastic relationship with my family so I'm not sure what triggers the week long bender...0
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A few things recently came to my attention....I don’t have to order everything on the menu because I will probably get to eat out again, I don’t have to eat everything I order, I can take some home and eat it for another meal,and lastly everyone else is so concerned with what they are going to order, they dont really care what I am getting!1
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Yes! I know exactly what you mean. The weather is turning cooler, so I got my family’s coats out of storage. My coat from last year is a 3X, and it’s pretty big on me now. I really like my 16yo daughter’s coat, and I’m thinking about ordering the same style in different color. I still weigh about 50 pounds more than her, but she likes her coats big because she often wears bulky hoodies underneath. Anyway, her coat is an XL, which I KNEW would be too small, but I decided to try it on anyway. It fits!!! It would still be a bit snug with a heavy sweater on, but it zipped right up without making me look like a stuffed sausage.
The thought that I can wear something of my daughter’s is just BIZARRE to me! Even if she does prefer oversized stuff. My “fat brain” just can’t process that yet.
@NovusDies — you’re in for some surprised reactions when you start wearing those XL shirts! I’m sure it’s been hard for people to notice the extent of your weight loss when you were still wearing 5X shirts. To them, I bet it will seem like you dropped those 100 pounds overnight. I have to admit, I’m still pretty uncomfortable with people commenting on my weight loss. Do you mind sharing how you handle those situations? Fat brain also seems to prevent me from just saying “thanks” when I get a compliment, lol.1 -
Yes! I know exactly what you mean. The weather is turning cooler, so I got my family’s coats out of storage. My coat from last year is a 3X, and it’s pretty big on me now. I really like my 16yo daughter’s coat, and I’m thinking about ordering the same style in different color. I still weigh about 50 pounds more than her, but she likes her coats big because she often wears bulky hoodies underneath. Anyway, her coat is an XL, which I KNEW would be too small, but I decided to try it on anyway. It fits!!! It would still be a bit snug with a heavy sweater on, but it zipped right up without making me look like a stuffed sausage.
The thought that I can wear something of my daughter’s is just BIZARRE to me! Even if she does prefer oversized stuff. My “fat brain” just can’t process that yet.
@NovusDies — you’re in for some surprised reactions when you start wearing those XL shirts! I’m sure it’s been hard for people to notice the extent of your weight loss when you were still wearing 5X shirts. To them, I bet it will seem like you dropped those 100 pounds overnight. I have to admit, I’m still pretty uncomfortable with people commenting on my weight loss. Do you mind sharing how you handle those situations? Fat brain also seems to prevent me from just saying “thanks” when I get a compliment, lol.
I hate comments but that is because I am a very private person. I do say "thanks" and then hope they don't ask me for details on how I lost it and how much I have lost. I will answer the how but the how much I will say that I don't share that information which is very shocking now that social media has everyone sharing everything. I am rarely uncomfortable in social situations though.
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At my heaviest the seatbelt in my van gave me trouble and I could only get it on if the door was open because I would have to pull it all the way out to get it on. I no longer need to do this and can easily buckle up, but I still find myself doing this all the time.
I’m also still wearing my 3x t-shirts, the ones that were a little tight at my highest. The other day my husband commented that we should get me some new shirts because it looks like I’m wearing a tent. For note I wore my big jeans until the day I realized that I could fit both my daughter and me into them at the same time. I forced myself to get rid of them so I would stop trying to wear them.5 -
@ConfidentRaven Way cool. I continue to wear clothes 3 sizes to large for myself. It’s just comforting to me in some way.0
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At first I wore clothes that were too large because it was a novelty. It was a constant reminder of my size change. Then as I really lost weight it became a concealer for my belly skin and I carried it to a ridiculous (according to my wife) degree.0
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The biggest issues are with space. I still get nervous when I sit in a booth that I won't fit or that I won't fit in a chair that is next to the wall in a restaurant. Same for passing people on the street or tucking up my chair in a restaurant to let a waiter pass. Apparently I made a wide berth for a woman to go around me in a store and she shot me an ugly look. She must have thought that I was doing that to accommodate her size which was completely the opposite. People don't need as much room to get around me. I'm going to an amusement park in a couple of months and I am still nervous about being able to fit on rides even though I am within 10 lbs of moving from obese to just overweight. I am also surprised when I try on clothes that I can wear a XL or a 16.3
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When I tell my wife what I weigh I almost always start the number with a 3 instead of a 2. I cannot seem to stop making that mistake even though I am currently closer to a 1 than I am a 3.6
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I don't know how to wear clothes
I'm in about 4 different sizes, some things can be too small and too big at the same time!!
I've spent so long covering my expanding width that I don't know what to do with my new curves and my fat brain doesn't always know it something's too tight or that's how it supposed to be.5 -
[quote I've spent so long covering my expanding width that I don't know what to do with my new curves and my fat brain doesn't always know it something's too tight or that's how it supposed to be.[/quote]
This is exactly where I am in the clothes shopping arena! I feel like I need someone to go shopping with me to tell me what's okay to wear. Things can be fitted and not be too tight. A friend gave me several dresses that fit but I am still not confident enough to wear them because they "fit" me-not just cover my body. I am not used to seeing myself like that. It is very disconcerting. Definitely something I must continue to work on moving forward.
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Yes michne16, I'm hoping it'll get easier as I lose more lbs. But I also think no matter what size I am, I'll focus on bits that aren't flat or if they wiggle. It's mad cos when I look at other people I don't think that. Hopefully, losing lots of lbs means finding lots of confidence
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I've spent so long covering my expanding width that I don't know what to do with my new curves and my fat brain doesn't always know it something's too tight or that's how it supposed to be.
This is exactly where I am in the clothes shopping arena! I feel like I need someone to go shopping with me to tell me what's okay to wear. Things can be fitted and not be too tight. A friend gave me several dresses that fit but I am still not confident enough to wear them because they "fit" me-not just cover my body. I am not used to seeing myself like that. It is very disconcerting. Definitely something I must continue to work on moving forward.
I think that is all of us. The whole point of this thread is that we recognize various things in ourselves so that we can add them to our list. The mistake is thinking that we will instantly change with weight loss. That might happen for some people but I have a feeling those people were probably not obese for as long as I and some of us have been.
This radical change in appearance courtesy of the surgery is really throwing me. If you saw my pre-op pictures you would definitely understand why. It would be easy to see it and think I weighed close to 100 pounds more than I did. That is not me being hard on myself either. That is how it looked and that is how it felt. I was in a really weird place where on one hand I could tell that I weighed much less because of certain NSVs on the other I was being held back from NSVs I could have gotten much earlier. The surgery might have removed 30ish pounds of actual weight but it removed over 100 of mental weight.
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On the clothing situation one suggestion might be to friend another person in the same boat that you trust and send pictures back and forth for an honest but caring assessment.2
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For a long time after I lost weight, I could get weirded out by my hands. Even now, writing about them here, I kind feel odd if turn and look at them typing. Something about the way they're very visible, and not something seen in a mirror, it was kind of hard to connect mentally that the hands I was looking at are my hands. They're so very different from the hands I've had my whole life. So less stout and sausage like, and now with veins on the back that are always there.
Clothes shopping has been kind of odd for me. There was a window during down the lose when sizing things was simple, but I didn't want to go too in on things I felt I'd shrink out of. When I got lean, I've found sizing sometimes feels worse than when I was at my heaviest. If I size pants to my waist, I'm liable to have tight thighs and really tight calves. I feel a little ridiculous with the kind of scrunch that happens near my knees, but I feel like I'd feel just as ridiculous using a belt to cinch pants in that are oversized in other dimensions. I'd be tempted to move to the south to live in shorts weather all year round.
Shirts aren't as bad but some can be odd. I don't like losing so much to have a baggy waist on my shirt, but size smalls kind of fight my arms and chest. Again, tank tops work, but not at this point in the year.
I also feel a bit out of very particular comments - when people talk about my health or how much healthier I must be for my kids. I feel like people are assuming better intentions to my loss than I feel I had. I don't feel I started losing weight to get healthier, or to be a better role model to my sons. It really just started because I started working out to reduce anxiety, to have an outlet and a focus of control while I was going through so much. The weight loss just kind of became a goal that went with that. Mixed in with that was a bit of vanity, a desire to look better as I went through a divorce.6 -
This is so true for me...I had to share it....
“My brain does not keep up with my weight loss...if I have clothes too big for me in the house, I will continue wearing them!”
I recently realized I am wearing clothes that are so big and loose on me,that if I was shopping and trying them on, I would never buy them...yep, time to get rid of some old clothes!
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