Fat Brain
NovusDies
Posts: 8,940 Member
There is probably something better to call it. Fat brain happens after you start losing weight and start having NSVs but your brain has not completely caught up. This thread is to discuss it. I think shining a light on something helps.
I will have plenty to share because I started out very large and I have battled my weight (mostly unsuccessfully) for more than 30 years.
There is a lot of ongoing mental adjustment that I believe I have missed because of my belly skin. I looked and often still felt 100 pounds heavier. 2 weeks ago I was still wearing 5XLT shirts because they helped conceal my "problem". I actively buying XL shirts and they all fit but because of the swelling 2XL are a little more comfortable at the moment. I have some claustrophobia so the tightness I feel when I go to put even the 2xl shirts on right now gives me some anxiety. Each time I put my shirt on I have to override my fat brain and remind myself it will fit.
That is the thing I have found about fat brain. It seems to affect me most in the smallest ways like seeing a narrow opening and assuming I need to walk around but I will actually fit. I think it is more than that though. I think there is the background fear of past failure that is hard to overcome. I can fit nicely in a booth now but each time I go to sit in one I pause and I have a little fear that this is the time I won't fit again.
I will have plenty to share because I started out very large and I have battled my weight (mostly unsuccessfully) for more than 30 years.
There is a lot of ongoing mental adjustment that I believe I have missed because of my belly skin. I looked and often still felt 100 pounds heavier. 2 weeks ago I was still wearing 5XLT shirts because they helped conceal my "problem". I actively buying XL shirts and they all fit but because of the swelling 2XL are a little more comfortable at the moment. I have some claustrophobia so the tightness I feel when I go to put even the 2xl shirts on right now gives me some anxiety. Each time I put my shirt on I have to override my fat brain and remind myself it will fit.
That is the thing I have found about fat brain. It seems to affect me most in the smallest ways like seeing a narrow opening and assuming I need to walk around but I will actually fit. I think it is more than that though. I think there is the background fear of past failure that is hard to overcome. I can fit nicely in a booth now but each time I go to sit in one I pause and I have a little fear that this is the time I won't fit again.
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yep, this is a thing. I've noticed the apprehension about smaller spaces/chairs, followed by pleasant surprise when I fit more comfortably than expected.
I also still have a low level dread about standing up, which could be difficult before, or at least took specific effort. less weight plus more activity has definitely made me more comfortable with little things like getting out of a chair.6 -
@amkita
I hadn't noticed my fat brain when getting out of a chair but you are definitely right it is there. I still watch where I put my hands to make sure I get them in just the right position to push me upward.
Sometimes I feel silly realizing I can sit in a chair comfortably but at the same time I hope I never take it for granted again.3 -
This post may be better suited to the cognitive behavior therapy thread - but here goes!
I am attempting to actively re-program my "fat brain" tendencies. Here is an example: Yesterday our family concluded my son's deployment ceremony with lunch out. Looking over the menu I challenged myself to find the most interesting and healthful entrée that I would not typically make at home. Turns out it was a salad topped with grilled salmon for a very modest amount of calories and packed full of a variety of salad fixings.
Fat brain me would have automatically selected what everyone else was ordering (huge cheese burger, fries, onion rings, etc.) not only to conform but also because eating a 1400 calorie lunch was a "fat brain-er" with no consideration of calories, just desire.
I am attempting to catch my brain up to the idea that I eat differently now. If I want a burger I eat a burger, but not for 1400 calories. Charbroiled goodness does not always have to be beef, lol. 1400 calories does not have to be at one sitting but I have not yet mastered the idea of taking half of it home.1 -
@hansep0012 ... it's funny but I have somewhat the same issue. Whenever I get together with my family I go on a food bender that seems to take a week to get out of my system. My Grandmas funeral was a week ago so I was surrounded by lots of family and I'm just now getting my food choices back under control. Just really bizarre to me. I have a fantastic relationship with my family so I'm not sure what triggers the week long bender...0
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A few things recently came to my attention....I don’t have to order everything on the menu because I will probably get to eat out again, I don’t have to eat everything I order, I can take some home and eat it for another meal,and lastly everyone else is so concerned with what they are going to order, they dont really care what I am getting!1
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Yes! I know exactly what you mean. The weather is turning cooler, so I got my family’s coats out of storage. My coat from last year is a 3X, and it’s pretty big on me now. I really like my 16yo daughter’s coat, and I’m thinking about ordering the same style in different color. I still weigh about 50 pounds more than her, but she likes her coats big because she often wears bulky hoodies underneath. Anyway, her coat is an XL, which I KNEW would be too small, but I decided to try it on anyway. It fits!!! It would still be a bit snug with a heavy sweater on, but it zipped right up without making me look like a stuffed sausage.
The thought that I can wear something of my daughter’s is just BIZARRE to me! Even if she does prefer oversized stuff. My “fat brain” just can’t process that yet.
@NovusDies — you’re in for some surprised reactions when you start wearing those XL shirts! I’m sure it’s been hard for people to notice the extent of your weight loss when you were still wearing 5X shirts. To them, I bet it will seem like you dropped those 100 pounds overnight. I have to admit, I’m still pretty uncomfortable with people commenting on my weight loss. Do you mind sharing how you handle those situations? Fat brain also seems to prevent me from just saying “thanks” when I get a compliment, lol.1 -
Yes! I know exactly what you mean. The weather is turning cooler, so I got my family’s coats out of storage. My coat from last year is a 3X, and it’s pretty big on me now. I really like my 16yo daughter’s coat, and I’m thinking about ordering the same style in different color. I still weigh about 50 pounds more than her, but she likes her coats big because she often wears bulky hoodies underneath. Anyway, her coat is an XL, which I KNEW would be too small, but I decided to try it on anyway. It fits!!! It would still be a bit snug with a heavy sweater on, but it zipped right up without making me look like a stuffed sausage.
The thought that I can wear something of my daughter’s is just BIZARRE to me! Even if she does prefer oversized stuff. My “fat brain” just can’t process that yet.
@NovusDies — you’re in for some surprised reactions when you start wearing those XL shirts! I’m sure it’s been hard for people to notice the extent of your weight loss when you were still wearing 5X shirts. To them, I bet it will seem like you dropped those 100 pounds overnight. I have to admit, I’m still pretty uncomfortable with people commenting on my weight loss. Do you mind sharing how you handle those situations? Fat brain also seems to prevent me from just saying “thanks” when I get a compliment, lol.
I hate comments but that is because I am a very private person. I do say "thanks" and then hope they don't ask me for details on how I lost it and how much I have lost. I will answer the how but the how much I will say that I don't share that information which is very shocking now that social media has everyone sharing everything. I am rarely uncomfortable in social situations though.
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At my heaviest the seatbelt in my van gave me trouble and I could only get it on if the door was open because I would have to pull it all the way out to get it on. I no longer need to do this and can easily buckle up, but I still find myself doing this all the time.
I’m also still wearing my 3x t-shirts, the ones that were a little tight at my highest. The other day my husband commented that we should get me some new shirts because it looks like I’m wearing a tent. For note I wore my big jeans until the day I realized that I could fit both my daughter and me into them at the same time. I forced myself to get rid of them so I would stop trying to wear them.5 -
@ConfidentRaven Way cool. I continue to wear clothes 3 sizes to large for myself. It’s just comforting to me in some way.0
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At first I wore clothes that were too large because it was a novelty. It was a constant reminder of my size change. Then as I really lost weight it became a concealer for my belly skin and I carried it to a ridiculous (according to my wife) degree.0
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The biggest issues are with space. I still get nervous when I sit in a booth that I won't fit or that I won't fit in a chair that is next to the wall in a restaurant. Same for passing people on the street or tucking up my chair in a restaurant to let a waiter pass. Apparently I made a wide berth for a woman to go around me in a store and she shot me an ugly look. She must have thought that I was doing that to accommodate her size which was completely the opposite. People don't need as much room to get around me. I'm going to an amusement park in a couple of months and I am still nervous about being able to fit on rides even though I am within 10 lbs of moving from obese to just overweight. I am also surprised when I try on clothes that I can wear a XL or a 16.3
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When I tell my wife what I weigh I almost always start the number with a 3 instead of a 2. I cannot seem to stop making that mistake even though I am currently closer to a 1 than I am a 3.6
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I don't know how to wear clothes
I'm in about 4 different sizes, some things can be too small and too big at the same time!!
I've spent so long covering my expanding width that I don't know what to do with my new curves and my fat brain doesn't always know it something's too tight or that's how it supposed to be.5 -
[quote I've spent so long covering my expanding width that I don't know what to do with my new curves and my fat brain doesn't always know it something's too tight or that's how it supposed to be.[/quote]
This is exactly where I am in the clothes shopping arena! I feel like I need someone to go shopping with me to tell me what's okay to wear. Things can be fitted and not be too tight. A friend gave me several dresses that fit but I am still not confident enough to wear them because they "fit" me-not just cover my body. I am not used to seeing myself like that. It is very disconcerting. Definitely something I must continue to work on moving forward.
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Yes michne16, I'm hoping it'll get easier as I lose more lbs. But I also think no matter what size I am, I'll focus on bits that aren't flat or if they wiggle. It's mad cos when I look at other people I don't think that. Hopefully, losing lots of lbs means finding lots of confidence
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I've spent so long covering my expanding width that I don't know what to do with my new curves and my fat brain doesn't always know it something's too tight or that's how it supposed to be.
This is exactly where I am in the clothes shopping arena! I feel like I need someone to go shopping with me to tell me what's okay to wear. Things can be fitted and not be too tight. A friend gave me several dresses that fit but I am still not confident enough to wear them because they "fit" me-not just cover my body. I am not used to seeing myself like that. It is very disconcerting. Definitely something I must continue to work on moving forward.
I think that is all of us. The whole point of this thread is that we recognize various things in ourselves so that we can add them to our list. The mistake is thinking that we will instantly change with weight loss. That might happen for some people but I have a feeling those people were probably not obese for as long as I and some of us have been.
This radical change in appearance courtesy of the surgery is really throwing me. If you saw my pre-op pictures you would definitely understand why. It would be easy to see it and think I weighed close to 100 pounds more than I did. That is not me being hard on myself either. That is how it looked and that is how it felt. I was in a really weird place where on one hand I could tell that I weighed much less because of certain NSVs on the other I was being held back from NSVs I could have gotten much earlier. The surgery might have removed 30ish pounds of actual weight but it removed over 100 of mental weight.
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On the clothing situation one suggestion might be to friend another person in the same boat that you trust and send pictures back and forth for an honest but caring assessment.2
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For a long time after I lost weight, I could get weirded out by my hands. Even now, writing about them here, I kind feel odd if turn and look at them typing. Something about the way they're very visible, and not something seen in a mirror, it was kind of hard to connect mentally that the hands I was looking at are my hands. They're so very different from the hands I've had my whole life. So less stout and sausage like, and now with veins on the back that are always there.
Clothes shopping has been kind of odd for me. There was a window during down the lose when sizing things was simple, but I didn't want to go too in on things I felt I'd shrink out of. When I got lean, I've found sizing sometimes feels worse than when I was at my heaviest. If I size pants to my waist, I'm liable to have tight thighs and really tight calves. I feel a little ridiculous with the kind of scrunch that happens near my knees, but I feel like I'd feel just as ridiculous using a belt to cinch pants in that are oversized in other dimensions. I'd be tempted to move to the south to live in shorts weather all year round.
Shirts aren't as bad but some can be odd. I don't like losing so much to have a baggy waist on my shirt, but size smalls kind of fight my arms and chest. Again, tank tops work, but not at this point in the year.
I also feel a bit out of very particular comments - when people talk about my health or how much healthier I must be for my kids. I feel like people are assuming better intentions to my loss than I feel I had. I don't feel I started losing weight to get healthier, or to be a better role model to my sons. It really just started because I started working out to reduce anxiety, to have an outlet and a focus of control while I was going through so much. The weight loss just kind of became a goal that went with that. Mixed in with that was a bit of vanity, a desire to look better as I went through a divorce.6 -
This is so true for me...I had to share it....
“My brain does not keep up with my weight loss...if I have clothes too big for me in the house, I will continue wearing them!”
I recently realized I am wearing clothes that are so big and loose on me,that if I was shopping and trying them on, I would never buy them...yep, time to get rid of some old clothes!
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I did replace my wardrobe when I got down to 200 lbs because I simply had to - I could see that my clothes were falling off. But I still can't get my mind to accept that I'm in a 22W pants. My brain will accept 24's, which is progress since I was in 30's, but it still can't quite get to the 22's yet. I'm also always reaching for 4X shirts when I can get into 3's and probably 2's though I don't like my clothes tight so I don't wear 2's.
I did keep a couple of shirts and i think a pair of pants to compare to, though!2 -
oh! How about the jeans that would grow? In the morning I'd put on jeans that were a little loose but not to bad but by the end of the day, I swear I was coming home with ballon pants. I finally ditched them last week but I have been weariing them longer than I should have.1
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I so enjoy this thread. It is one of those things only certain people will understand. Our brains get all confused. I just started again at the beginning of this year, so only down 8-10 lbs... But some days I feel thinner than I am and then look down and say, Oh yeah I am just starting again. I think for some of us that are used to yo-yoing a bit, our brains forget where we are in the process.
For that reason I try to just put my head down and live life a week at a time, then come up for air and weigh in and figure out where I am. Anyone else relate?2 -
I so enjoy this thread. It is one of those things only certain people will understand. Our brains get all confused. I just started again at the beginning of this year, so only down 8-10 lbs... But some days I feel thinner than I am and then look down and say, Oh yeah I am just starting again. I think for some of us that are used to yo-yoing a bit, our brains forget where we are in the process.
For that reason I try to just put my head down and live life a week at a time, then come up for air and weigh in and figure out where I am. Anyone else relate?
I hear you loud and clear but I am obsessed with my scales...I used to weigh once a week but now I like to see my weight graph going down lol...I am the queen of yo yo dieting and HUGE food binges, you have no idea if you are not a binge eater!...sometimes I think since I have lost weight that I look as thin as my head thinks I am and then I look in a mirror and get a harsh reality check...other times I feel like I still weigh as much as I used to and I forget I am starting to look better than before....it’s all a bit confusing!3 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »I did replace my wardrobe when I got down to 200 lbs because I simply had to - I could see that my clothes were falling off. But I still can't get my mind to accept that I'm in a 22W pants. My brain will accept 24's, which is progress since I was in 30's, but it still can't quite get to the 22's yet. I'm also always reaching for 4X shirts when I can get into 3's and probably 2's though I don't like my clothes tight so I don't wear 2's.
I did keep a couple of shirts and i think a pair of pants to compare to, though!
Before weight loss I dressed like an unmade bed. After losing 25 lbs, I celebrated by buying a new suit. Game changer. Next 25 lbs, I found Harry the tailor. Harry taught me how to dress. I became the best dressed guy in the office.
But when left on my own, I consistently buy clothes that are too big. My initial goal was to lose 100 lbs.
That seemed to leave me on the large/medium line for a lot of stuff. But now I’m 10 lbs under that. 2 weeks ago I ordered a couple of t shirts on line. Large. I’m swimming in them. And I’ve been a GW for years. But this next 10 lb loss- I’m a medium. Medium. W
AZZ
You aren’t alone. Not sure there’s an answer to this. But don’t be distressed. It’s a good problem to have. Kinda funny now that I think about it.
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conniewilkins56 wrote: »I hear you loud and clear but I am obsessed with my scales...I used to weigh once a week but now I like to see my weight graph going down lol...I am the queen of yo yo dieting and HUGE food binges, you have no idea if you are not a binge eater!...sometimes I think since I have lost weight that I look as thin as my head thinks I am and then I look in a mirror and get a harsh reality check...other times I feel like I still weigh as much as I used to and I forget I am starting to look better than before....it’s all a bit confusing!
As long as the number is just a number, and the true reward is your ability to follow your plan(all the small actions you are taking to keep yourself in alignment with your ultimate goals), I think weighing yourself daily is a great practice to desensitize our mind to the realities that fluctuations exist in the number for many reasons. I also believe our brain is tricky, in that part of it has evolved over millions of years to tell you that in order to survive you need to be constantly worried about when, where and how you are going to eat, and when food is available, you need to be eating as much as possible. I think binges may be related to this, and if we can just sit and listen to those thoughts, recognizing it’s the primative part of our brain giving us those thoughts, and we don’t need to act on them, we might be able to stop a binge before it starts.2 -
Great Thread!
Speaking of clothes, I was talking to one of my friends describing this journey. And explained how I had refused to buy pants larger than the 28's I was in at the very start in May 2018. But as I started to lose weight they went from being too tight, to comfortable, to slightly loose, to I could take them on and off without undoing the buttons or zipper. When they get that lose that is when I am like time to donate. So I have gotten rid of quite a few of dress pants in a variety of sizes. And now in size 16, and still working on getting more weight off. I do have some jeans in varying sizes I think smallest is size 18 and a few 20's nothing bigger. Tops same thing, but I wore 3X way too long. Someone pointed out time to get rid of the sacks.
One thing I read quite a bit of on MFP, and see on main threads so often in success stories, and see it all over the web as well. Is all these people obessed with taking picture after picture of themselves. Um no? After I lost about 65 lbs I took an upper body, head shot. And now am taking pics every 10 lbs for me to see my journey. And have started to take some of my measurements as well. But those before letting it all hang out pictures, just not going to happen. Even when I take pics, what I think I see and what a few friends have commented on, really surprises me.
The hands/fingers getting so much thinner. I never expected that, so I have cheap ring guards so I do not lose my rings. Eventually I will get them professionally sized.
I am convinced that Fat Brain, often causes me to have Fat Eyes, that are not really seeing the truth.3 -
maureenkhilde wrote: »Great Thread!
Speaking of clothes, I was talking to one of my friends describing this journey. And explained how I had refused to buy pants larger than the 28's I was in at the very start in May 2018. But as I started to lose weight they went from being too tight, to comfortable, to slightly loose, to I could take them on and off without undoing the buttons or zipper. When they get that lose that is when I am like time to donate. So I have gotten rid of quite a few of dress pants in a variety of sizes. And now in size 16, and still working on getting more weight off. I do have some jeans in varying sizes I think smallest is size 18 and a few 20's nothing bigger. Tops same thing, but I wore 3X way too long. Someone pointed out time to get rid of the sacks.
One thing I read quite a bit of on MFP, and see on main threads so often in success stories, and see it all over the web as well. Is all these people obessed with taking picture after picture of themselves. Um no? After I lost about 65 lbs I took an upper body, head shot. And now am taking pics every 10 lbs for me to see my journey. And have started to take some of my measurements as well. But those before letting it all hang out pictures, just not going to happen. Even when I take pics, what I think I see and what a few friends have commented on, really surprises me.
The hands/fingers getting so much thinner. I never expected that, so I have cheap ring guards so I do not lose my rings. Eventually I will get them professionally sized.
I am convinced that Fat Brain, often causes me to have Fat Eyes, that are not really seeing the truth.
*laughs* I can pull most of my pants on without undoing the zipper or the button, but that's because I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs, so my pants are usually loose in the waist so I can get them up over my tush!
I didn't take many pictures, either. I had to go back a couple of years to even find a "before" pic, and I don't think I took my first "progress" pic until I down 50 lbs? I've got a few others when I was 100 lbs off the last time, but not that many. I've got a couple from around Christmas, but that was because I had a new dress on and I wanted to see how it fit. And those who take pics in sports bras or tank tops? Nope, not me - I'm too self conscious to want that sort of evidence laying around!2 -
Several people have mentioned skinnier fingers and wrists. Can I just say I love feeling my elbows, shoulders, and collar bones? I have to remind myself that yep! These are mine. Lol.3
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I am trying to learn how to dress myself while standing (again). My wife and I were talking about moving some furniture around and I mentioned that I needed the chair where it was to get dressed. She asked why. It had not even occurred to me that it was possible.
She also has pointed out that when I sit in a chair designed for much larger people (we still own many) I sit all the way to one side instead of sitting in the middle.
I have much improved walking downhill and down stairs. My fat brain with some help from my 'had a lot of skin hanging in the front brain messed with my center of gravity' brain made me walk oddly and cautiously down inclines because I was still afraid of falling forward.
I recognize some things but I am glad my wife is watching my habits too. It is hard to shake the habits formed over decades of being obese.5
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