Binge Eating
conniewilkins56
Posts: 3,391 Member
If you suffer from Binge Eating, you already know it is not a pleasant situation to endure...it is an addiction not unlike smoking, drinking or drugs...I am a Binge Eater...yesterday I easily consumed 7 to 8 thousand calories...I lost count somewhere between a huge bagel with gobs of cream cheese on it and my third slice of pizza that I almost hurled...but did that stop me?...nope...I ate an entire bag of Keebler’s fudge stick cookies and a quart of milk...feeling sick and knowing the guilt and shame I would suffer later did not deter me...I finished off someone’s doggie bag of food I found in the fridge and a stale chocolate cupcake....I also found some chocolate kisses on a shelf in the pantry...I think they were from Christmas...I also had lunch earlier....onion soup, onion rings and a quesadilla burger..an a few things I can’t remember... finally went to bed and literally passed out...I slept in this morning and had put on over 7 lbs....mostly excess food weight and fluid I am sure...today I went back to basics and I am watching every hour tick by...so far so good...this is my story...it is a struggle...thanks for listening and all of your support....my doctor is very aware of my addiction and my struggles...I am on a medication that does help with anxiety, stress, pain and depression but some days it isn’t enough...it is hard to share the horrible helpless feeling a binge causes...a binge is not just overeating...a binge is eating anything you can get your hands on and eating it mindlessly...sorry for the long whiney post....the last 24 hours have been hell..
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Sounds really frustrating Connie. I wish I was qualified to help more with this -- have you tried talking to a therapist about it? (You mention medication for meds for anxiety/stress/depression, so you likely have a therapist, but have you broached this particular issue with them?)4
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I went to a therapist years ago and he said he was glad I don’t do drugs or drink much because I have such an addictive personality...I am also somewhat OCD about really stupid things...I feel best when I am in control of everything in my life...my regular doctor has helped me so much and I am better than I was a year ago...it’s just a constant struggle and some days I get tired of fighting it....yesterday was bad...almost like a black out....my grandson goes to the cardiologist again today and a lot of stuff is going on at home right now with our daughter and her family that live with us....normal every day things but I am not handling it very well right now...Spring break next week will help with my daughters work load and her problems...3
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Hugs to you Connie. I've had days like you've described and I wish I had great advice to you, but all I have is to try to keep the tempting foods out of the house. And yes I know that it's very weak advice, but sometimes it helps me if I don't have treat items in the house. If all I have is healthier foods I look at it and go meh I don't really want that. It doesn't work 100% of the time, but it's kept me from a binge or two.
All you can do at this point is to move on and know most of the gain will be gone in a few days, and whatever doesn't will go eventually.
It could also help if you keep track of your emotions, situations, food choices, macros, that occur in the day or days before a binge. This information could help you avoid or at least start predicting a binge and that could help you get some control of them.
Hang in there.3 -
That dam Lizard! He runs around like a 3 year old, out of control, eating everything in sight. At times it seems we can’t reason with it. We just need to love it, and put it to bed early. I’m not sure my Lizard would binge on veggies and proteins, if that is what was available. As for your addictive personality, that could be seen in a more positive light!3
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How do I want to put this?
Do I really want to share a part of me that I am not proud of, something that lurks behind the image I put out to the world?
Yes. Because @conniewilkins56 and @ConfidentRaven you've bravely stepped forward and shared.
So, yesterday wasn't a great day for me me, either, food-wise. My particular emotional trigger is when I am feeling alone, both emotionally and physically. Monday after work was a combination of both because I came home to an empty house and fought off the desire to continuously eat.
As I ate one thing my mind was already working on what the next item would be, and the one after that. I decided, really stopped in the moment, and acknowledged the work stress, the relationship disappointment, the loneliness, and the many other things that were making me feel out of control. I thought about how many calories I had left for dinner and what I was really craving - salty, fatty food - so long as it kept me under my maintenance calorie total, ok fine. I pushed aside my self-judgement about having not one vegetable nor one complex carb.
Potato chips and a cube steak sandwich was my dinner.
Even after that rich food my mind wandered to the options still available to eat ..... and I fought those thoughts until I went to bed. Even as I lay in bed taking stock of the evening I was painfully aware that I was physically uncomfortable.
So, after this ramble, I guess my take away is that I managed this particular incident in a new way; one that acknowledged my triggers, my fears, my desires, but also gave me a small win in that last night I did not eat over my maintenance calories.7 -
I appreciate these posts.....sometimes it is so hard to stay strong....being a binge eater does not make me feel proud of myself but I know the shame and guilt doesn’t do any good...at least I didn’t mix up water and bisquick as I have more than once in my past....it does feel good to have a place to be able to share without being judged....thanks6
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As of this morning I am down a little over 71 lbs!....this is in 10 and a half months....I was laying in bed this morning thinking about eating and I had this epiphany....binge eating isn’t fun any longer!...I hope this is a step in the right direction for me....8
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Evidently it’s one step forward and two back because I have heavily over eaten two days this week...I don’t know what is wrong with my mindset...I think I am in control and then BAM it comes over me in a rush and I just start eating...once I start it is SO hard to stop like a snowball rolling downhill....I am so so tired of this...tonight I feel so helpless,so alone and so ashamed...I feel like ten months of hard work is going down the drain...I have got to snap out of it because I know how quickly I can gain the weight back...I have a doctors appointment Monday....maybe he can slap me around and bring me back to my senses!6
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I'm in the same situation so you're definitely not alone!
But I really don't have any answers.
I completely get how you feel, I bought a huge chocolate cake, because it was a bargain, and I've eaten most of it. I bought 3 bottles of nice vodka, because it was a bargain, I've already got 4 bottles so I've drunk one.
Both times I knew I shouldn't be doing this but did it anyway. It's almost like an out of body experience.
I don't feel deprived as I don't eliminate foods, I don't feel hungry, and I don't I have diet fatigue as I don't find it a chore.
For me I think it's partly hormonal, partly job dissatisfaction and partly home life frustration around my son and husband.
I'm off work for nearly 2 weeks now so I'm going to do loads of jobs and try for a sense of achievement and change to kick start my enthusiasm.
I hope your doctor can help you and give you some advice and/or tactics. Hang in there you can do this!4 -
ah, hugs!
But don't let that guilt hold control you or hold you back; power through it and remember that there's always a new day following; the only way to actually fail is to give up and let the guilt win. As long as you keep trying, keep getting up, keep working through, you still have hope of victory.
And take it as a learning experience; no one is perfect; one day is not going to destroy all your work so no need to feel ashamed and you've definitely not wiped out 10 months of work in 1 day; its completely impossible to eat THAT many extra calories in one day, binge or no.
You can do this! 2 days over isn't going to blow the whole week either, if you were under 5 days.
I do know that its hard to get past the guilt and shame, but truly, you can do it and get back on track. You've got a lot of people in your corner!
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Thank you Jackie and bmeadows...I was up 6 lbs over my lowest this morning...I have to pick myself up and get back on the wheel...I know I can do this but my heart isn’t in it this morning...my life style isn’t that much different than before Corona...I am just tired, that is a lot of it...my husbands pain level with his RA and Spinal Stenosis has been raging the past week...I feel so bad for him and so helpless to help relieve his pain...I might sleep in the guest room a few nights so I am not constantly checking on him thru the night...I feel 100 years old this morning...I also have a huge birthday milestone looming in late July...I hate birthdays....I hate anything reminding me that my life is moving toward my last chapters...I am not middle aged...I am not in my “ golden years”... I am getting old...I do not want wrinkles and saggy splotchy skin...Jeez....somebody shoot me!...this pity party is not attractive...2
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Well, the latest binge has passed and I seem to be in control again....I gained a few pounds but I will take it off in a few days...being a part of this group helps so much....we all relate to so many of the same issues....I feel so much better when I eat healthy foods and stay on track!4
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I have been on a bender on and off over the last month. Getting groceries and food delivered to my house has been both a blessing and a curse in that I have been more willing to order things that I shouldn’t be eating and cannot control myself around. This past week I have finally started to feel more in control. I am trying to reestablish routines and go back to the better habits that I have established over the past year. It’s not easy. I feel so hungry but it’s because I’ve been eating so much. It feels in some ways like completely starting over although I know I’m not. I am trying not to do anything drastic to counter the weight I’ve gained. I’m definitely not getting on the scale. I’m trying to be kind to myself and not beat myself up about losing ground. It’s hard but I’m working on it.5
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@michne16 - If I may offer some advice from one who has slipped and relapsed more times than I care to admit -
1. Get on the scale. Take stock of where you are. Then move past it as quickly as possible. No guilt, no shame, no self-flogging. If it makes you feel better, you can add a new starting weight in MFP. Your old weight history will be retained, but sometimes it feels better to work from a clean slate after a big relapse.
2. Have a plan for temptation. Your willpower will only take you so far. It's all about strategy. Sometimes you might need to experiment to find out what strategies works for you. For me, the binges occurred when I came home from work. I was hungry and it was going to take an hour or more to get dinner on the table. I would snack endlessly, then make and eat a full dinner. I've since learned that if I gave myself a small, high protein snack before I started dinner I could get through it. What is your weakest point of the day? What substitution can you make to get yourself past that point to where you feel more in control? Your strategies might also include mustering outside support from friends or family, or maybe its an activity that distracts you. Try different tools in your tool box - then employ them as needed.
Good luck to you. You know you can do this because you've done it before. Now you are stronger because you learned something from your most recent slip.7 -
I have not binged in a week. It’s constantly on my mind but I’m powering through it. Now if I can just fix my sleep schedule...4
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Pffft...I binged and it certainly didn’t help my broken toe....I am so pissed2
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@conniewilkins56
I’m very late to this discussion, but I’m a newbie here so please forgive me
I feel your pain as I have been there myself! I’m having CBT now that is really helping how I’m responding to my binges and emotions. I have been 3 weeks now without any major binge. The most I’ve ‘binged’ in that time is really what I would describe as Normal- like having 2 of something instead of one. I feel much happier about my attitude towards food too
I hope you’re getting on well 2 -
@conniewilkins56
I’m very late to this discussion, but I’m a newbie here so please forgive me
I feel your pain as I have been there myself! I’m having CBT now that is really helping how I’m responding to my binges and emotions. I have been 3 weeks now without any major binge. The most I’ve ‘binged’ in that time is really what I would describe as Normal- like having 2 of something instead of one. I feel much happier about my attitude towards food too
I hope you’re getting on well
I am really doing good right now...opening the pool,swimming and getting out more has really helped...I am glad CBT is helping you...I haven’t had a binge for a while...the binge monster is always lurking in the background but for now he isn’t barking at my shins!1 -
@conniewilkins56
your binge monster sounds more like a yappy little dog - maybe a rat terrier? *laughs* Though when I'm out walking, I hate coming across those little dogs especially if they are running loose - they are more likely to bite than the big ones!3 -
A small victory last night regarding not binge eating.
Dinner was much later than normal which was flag number one. My husband and I drove separately to park and he was significantly later getting home than I (1.5 hours) which in turn had me worried, pissed, and aggravated. When I finally sat down to eat, by myself, I wanted MORE. Sigh.
I decided to log what I had eaten and see where MFP had my calories for the day - and I had a few left. So, the victory was thinking about why I wanted to return to the kitchen and scrounge up something MORE and realizing I did have a small amount of calories to work with and then select a protein that kept me within my calorie goal.
Although I went to bed unhappy about the lack of communication thing with my husband, I decided that my victory over not eating my way through my emotions was a much better way to fall asleep.8 -
Any time I have a victory over not binging, it is a major big deal...I am proud of you for resisting the urge...
Btw I would probably have been a wreck worrying about my husband had the police looking for him!0 -
I relate so much to this discussion. My binge behavior kicks into high gear when there is a disruption to my schedule...or I end up home alone for very long. It is almost an emotional rush to start planning my secret binge.2
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I relate so much to this discussion. My binge behavior kicks into high gear when there is a disruption to my schedule...or I end up home alone for very long. It is almost an emotional rush to start planning my secret binge.
My best secret place to eat was in the car so I could get rid of the evidence before I got home!3 -
While I didn’t have a full on binge I did go over my calories for the first time in a while I had to drive to a clinic in another state today (2 hr each way). This clinic is in a town that has my favorite fast food place. I only get to eat there when I go to this state. So I inputted my calories from my favorite sandwhich and my custard. And yes it was A LOT. But as long as I was super good the rest of the day I could fit it in. Then comes the drive home. It stormed the whole way and was very stressful so when I stopped to pee I got a candy bar. Then I saw that the king size were on sale when you bought 2. So yes I bought and ate 2 king sized candy bars. What the heck was I thinking??? This only put me 500 calories over for the day and I have been way under all week so logic brain tells me that I didn’t do that much damage but still. I ate two freaking king sized candy bars! Sigh.4
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While I didn’t have a full on binge I did go over my calories for the first time in a while I had to drive to a clinic in another state today (2 hr each way). This clinic is in a town that has my favorite fast food place. I only get to eat there when I go to this state. So I inputted my calories from my favorite sandwhich and my custard. And yes it was A LOT. But as long as I was super good the rest of the day I could fit it in. Then comes the drive home. It stormed the whole way and was very stressful so when I stopped to pee I got a candy bar. Then I saw that the king size were on sale when you bought 2. So yes I bought and ate 2 king sized candy bars. What the heck was I thinking??? This only put me 500 calories over for the day and I have been way under all week so logic brain tells me that I didn’t do that much damage but still. I ate two freaking king sized candy bars! Sigh.
when I find myself craving a chocolate chip cookie, fresh baked and warm, I'll stop at McDonald's and order 1 cookie. In some stores, the cashiers will argue with me to buy 2 "its cheaper" and I tell them if I buy 2 I''m going to eat 2 and I don't want to eat 2, I want to eat 1. Many times I'll order 1 and pay for 1, but when I pull out I see I've got 2 in the bag and yup, you guessed it - 99% of the time I end up eating both.3 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »I relate so much to this discussion. My binge behavior kicks into high gear when there is a disruption to my schedule...or I end up home alone for very long. It is almost an emotional rush to start planning my secret binge.
My best secret place to eat was in the car so I could get rid of the evidence before I got home!
I got into this horrible habit of buying a cake "as a treat" when I did the weekly shop and then eating it on the drive home so nobody knew. I haven't done that for a few weeks now as I've taken my daughter with me so hopefully I've won that battle.5 -
An amusing story of a friend who was eating some biscuits at home. Her son came home unexpectedly and she quickly hid the half eaten packet of biscuits in the washing machine. She was very embarrassed when the son went to get his washed clothes out of the machine and found they were all covered in biscuit crumbs. She had forgotten about the biscuits and offered to redo her son's washing.3
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I have not binged in a long time...I think a couple of months....that is a long time for me...I can’t ever let myself forget that I have this problem...I have been swimming a lot and I think it is making me hungry...I am not eating back a lot of the exercise calories because I don’t think I am burning as much as MFP says I am...but I seem to be in a good place right now mentally...6
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Thought about this thread driving home from work last night and counted the number of drive-through food places I pass before getting on the freeway. Too many (16+). I tried to recall the calories for each signature item, whether it was a burger, chicken, or taco for each place.
Binger-Fat-Brain thought pattern included thinking about how easy and cheap it is to utilize drive-through and then I re-framed my thoughts to include finding a different route to the freeway, praising myself for already having a plan for dinner that kept me in a calorie deficit and that, really, this is not who I am striving to be.
On my way into work this morning, using a different route, I only passed one drive-through establishment. Small changes equal larger victories.8
