Dating
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@bmeadows380 I tried ChristianMingle, but there weren’t very many people on there in my area. This thread has got me *considering* putting myself out there again. There is a part of me that wants to date, but I’m so awkward on dates (another fellow introvert here).1
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Mellykay88 wrote: »@bmeadows380 I tried ChristianMingle, but there weren’t very many people on there in my area. This thread has got me *considering* putting myself out there again. There is a part of me that wants to date, but I’m so awkward on dates (another fellow introvert here).
Yeah, it has me considering the same thign, @Mellykay88
That was why I put feelers out at Match.com! But I wasn't too impressed with what they returned to me. I tried ChristianMingle too, but wasn't too happy with it. I might browse it this evening, though, just to see.
I had a friend online here suggest going to bookstores or events; the difference, however, is he lives in DC where there's plenty of places to social and meet folks. I live in the rural Appalachians - which is another story all together! I love it here and it took me 15 years to get back to where I want to be and what is home, but I am fully aware of the social limitations here.......
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I am, however, seriously considering going to a Christian Writer's conference this year. I went to one last year in PA and I had a lot of fun! I love spending time talking about characters and storylines and the process of crafting fiction and creating worlds, and it was a blast being around people who were of like mind. That conference, however, was more for folks who were into historical or modern fiction, not so much speculative fiction like fantasy or sci fi.
But while I was there, they mentioned this other writer's conference called Realm Makers, which is a Christian conference for those who have a interest in speculative fiction - which sounds right up my ally! I looked into their conference which is going to be held in St. Louis this year, and the classes they are having sound really interesting - especially the one in giving tips and demonstrations for writing fight scenes
I would love to go as it sounds like there would be a lot of folks there who have the same interests I do. Though if its like the one in PA, then its going to be almost all females with few men........
Anyway, the only thing stopping me from signing up is the cost - I don't know if I can come up with that kind of money, since the conference fee is $400, the hotel fee is $120 each night for 3 nights, and then there are food costs, rental car costs, gas costs......that's just a LOT of money for someone who's budget is tight.
If I can get my house sold this spring, I might have what I need - so keep your fingers crossed! lol1 -
@bmeadows380 that sounds awesome! I think I need to find ways to get more social. I pretty much just go to the gym, go to work, go to my parents’ house, go home. So not a lot of opportunities to meet people. It doesn’t help that I work in a female dominated field (mental health)... I’m not likely to meet someone at work.0
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@bmeadows380 Sorry to jump in here (it's been a while since I've gotten to these message boards), but I just wanted to say that I think that conference sounds great if you're willing to go be social at that kind of thing; I hope you're able to financially! Smile directly at some guys - you'd be shocked at the response you may get! I saw those pics too, and your looks are not holding you back because you're beautiful.
I think a *lot* of us are introverts or are at least shy, and I know for myself, my weight was at least in part a defense mechanism after getting some unwanted attention as a child. I'm able to lose when I am well and truly ready to meet and be physical with someone. When I'm not, I gain. I'm definitely introverted and work enough hours that mean when I'm not working, I really just want to recharge alone or with people I'm 100% comfortable with, not put myself out there; it's exhausting. I am in a more male-dominated field and have 3 brothers so have a masculine edge to my personality for sure, but I've only ever had any extra-curricular relationship with one work guy, and ugh, those stink because then you have to see them all the time, and it's weird and hard to stop getting sucked back in... and no. Just nope, never again!
I did go ahead & open my profile again on okcupid for a few days but it's down again, ha. I just couldn't do it, but I know as the weight keeps coming down, I'll be more likely to make more eye contact in public myself. Not that being overweight makes me less valuable, you all are right when you talk about that, but I still feel more comfortable at a smaller size.2 -
Alright guys! All of the love stories you guys posted convinced me... I’m swiping again
I re-downloaded Bumble today and I’ve already got a match. 1 -
@mellykay88 that's so awesome. I hope it works out. Glad to see you getting out there again.0
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Well, looks like ChristianMingle is out - I went on there last night (and actually remembered my really old - like in 4 years ago - password!) just to browse and keep my profile and such hidden....except I found that you can't hide your profile or just look unless you pay for a subscription.
Sorry, nope, not willing to do that just to be able to preview and figure out if its even worth my time and trouble. I deleted my profile all together.
So for the non-tech savvy amongst us, or those who are new to all this socializing via the internet, would you guys mind listing the dating sites that you have experience with and your thoughts on which ones are worth it and which ones to avoid? I'm not kidding when I say I don't know anything about online dating - I know of exactly 3: Match.com, Christianmingle.com, and eharmony.com!0 -
@bmeadows380 PlentyOfFish.com is by far the largest and I think has been around the longest.0
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@bmeadows380 OkCupid is one that has been mentioned before. It’s free and I’ve used it in the past. I actually met my ex-boyfriend on there. You take surveys and they match you based on that.
Match and eharmony are not free and so in more rural areas there aren’t usually a lot of people to choose from.
Plenty of Fish has a ton of people, but (in my area) it attracts a lot of creeps so I didn’t stick with it.
Bumble is an app which is becoming more and more popular. You “swipe” through profiles of people in your area. You swipe right if you’re interested and left if not. If you match with someone, you can send them a message. Bumble differs from other “swiping” apps like tinder because the woman has to be the first one to send a message.
Tinder started out as a hook-up app, but a lot of people are using it for dating now. You swipe left or right on profiles and message people that you match.
I will say, I like the apps that match you based on mutual interest. At least you know they are interested before you send a message. It lower the risk of outright rejection a bit.
Edited to add: it’s too bad MFP doesn’t having a dating app... I wouldn’t mind finding someone on a similar journey. I tend to be hesitant to swipe right on a super fit guy, but then I worry about getting into a relationship with a man who is overweight but not working towards getting healthy. I think that could potentially lead to me getting derailed. *Sigh* this is so complicated.
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@Mellykay88 That's an idea! though I understand that anything MFP would do would have to be very basic and I'm not sure how you could police it to keep it from becoming very unwieldy very fast.
Perhaps they could start a new subforum for Single and Available and within have 4 further subforums for Women seeking Men etc. Then perhaps have sticky threads within each for each month and have people post a personals add within? That way, we wouldn't have to spend a lot of time looking for the latest posts.
but at the very least, a subforum with sticky threads for the 4 "seeking" types for people to post their own personal adds in would be nice - MFP already has a messaging system in place. Though their search options leave much to be desired....
*grins* not a bad idea, though I'm not sure MFP would want to assume the liability But if you know a mod, you might suggest it to them - can't hurt, right? 0 -
Yeah, MFP won't likely add that service because it's already being used that way! There are singles threads in the forums and "would you x the person above" threads. If you are looking for people in your area you can search through users and specify certain stuff. Or find the threads for your states you would include in your search. Put up your best picture in your profile and in your synopsis write SINGLE somewhere and watch the magic happen. If you frequent the forums and comment in those areas you will get hit on. Remember that in the android app (and possibly the iphone one) people only see the first pic of your profile, not successive ones. Those can be seen in the web view. (Hence why some people will put up a dumb picture first and other real pictures after.) I say get out there and see what's available on MFP if you're curious.1
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ugh. I just read through a thread titled "how to date in 2018" or something like that, and after reading the 7 pages of posts, I sincerely hope that is not a representation of the typical date these days, or else I might as well give up right now!
Apparently, according to that thread, the fact that I'm not willing to hook up means I'm pretty much not going to find anyone in this new digital age.
I knew I was born in the wrong decade........0 -
@bmeadows380 i think that might be geared to a younger crowd. Hook up culture stops before it hits us. If you're not into it, likely the person you will mesh with best won't either. And it's not going to be the highest on the list for christian singles if they are serious about their faith and if theu are your same type of Christian. Have faith that you will find exactly what you want at the exact right time. 1
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@theowlbox Most of them were younger, though there were some very cynical older people commenting there, too. It was rather depressing as most of the folks who commented were rather down on the whole thing. I've just got to remember that a small, vocal minority do not always represent the views of the quieter majority!
they were also very down on online dating and using dating apps, but since they were very cynical about dating in general, that shouldn't have surprised me
You are right about what a serious Christian is going to look for - which is probably why the whole thing really just didn't jive with me. That and I'm an old fashioned romantic
I don't think I'd want to try the would you x the person above threads for that reason. I did do a quick browse for threads with Single in them or my home state, but the search engine here leaves much to be desire, and there weren't too many WVians posting around.
I did a quickie search for other Christian dating apps besides ChristianMingle, and whenever I can get some decent internet, I'll look more into them.
Thank you, though for the advice and the support!
@Mellykay88 I'm excited for you! let us know if something works out for you!1 -
cassie9393 wrote: »@bmeadows380 Sorry to jump in here (it's been a while since I've gotten to these message boards), but I just wanted to say that I think that conference sounds great if you're willing to go be social at that kind of thing; I hope you're able to financially! Smile directly at some guys - you'd be shocked at the response you may get! I saw those pics too, and your looks are not holding you back because you're beautiful.
I think a *lot* of us are introverts or are at least shy, and I know for myself, my weight was at least in part a defense mechanism after getting some unwanted attention as a child. I'm able to lose when I am well and truly ready to meet and be physical with someone. When I'm not, I gain. I'm definitely introverted and work enough hours that mean when I'm not working, I really just want to recharge alone or with people I'm 100% comfortable with, not put myself out there; it's exhausting. I am in a more male-dominated field and have 3 brothers so have a masculine edge to my personality for sure, but I've only ever had any extra-curricular relationship with one work guy, and ugh, those stink because then you have to see them all the time, and it's weird and hard to stop getting sucked back in... and no. Just nope, never again!
I did go ahead & open my profile again on okcupid for a few days but it's down again, ha. I just couldn't do it, but I know as the weight keeps coming down, I'll be more likely to make more eye contact in public myself. Not that being overweight makes me less valuable, you all are right when you talk about that, but I still feel more comfortable at a smaller size.
@cassie9393 Ah, thank you!
I do try to make a point to make eye contact and smile at most people I meet. There's a very shy young man in my local convenience store where I stop for coffee most Sunday mornings on my way to church, and he's very much the type to not look you in the eye. I've been trying to establish friendly eye contact with him for a while just because the poor fellow seems so shy, and I make an effort to smile and be friendly just to get him to relax a little. He's doing better! lol
I'm with you, too about work being exhausting - by the time the workday is over, I just want to go home and spend some time alone or perhaps with my parents or my sister. I don't often want to spend time socializing! My best friend is even worse than I am - I really have never figured out how we became friends in the first place lol I'm introverted and a loner and quiet, and she's practically anti-social, but we managed to click in college and have been very good friends for over 15 years now.
Becoming friends with her has given me a smidgen of hope, though - after all, if I can be friends with one person and be open and honest with them, perhaps I might be able to be connect with someone else as well! Then again, being friends is a whole different kettle of fish than being romantically involved.......0 -
Sorry I'm late to the convo. I met my husband on Match.com. I was well over 300 lbs. I actually met and dated A LOT of men before I met my husband. Some of the men are still very good friends of mine - I'm trying to say there are good quality people on the site, not just scum bags looking to get into your pants (although there are those too!). Match.com is not free, but for me it was worth it because I felt that the people were in it for the right reasons. Being behind a keyboard made it a little easier to be myself. I was very honest with my pictures, and when we'd chat I made it a point to let them know that if they were looking for a barbie doll they should keep looking. Point is, there are people of all tastes out there, and even though it's hard to believe sometimes, YOU ARE EXACTLY WHAT SOMEONE IS LOOKING FOR - you just need to find each other. I am so blessed to have found my husband who loves me just the way I am. Yes, we are both trying to lose weight, but are doing it to be healthy, not because we find each other unattractive. Trust me, there's plenty of chemistry. Good luck! And don't let your insecurities get in the way of your long-term happiness.
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Has anyone here tried out sportships.org? I came across it recently and it sounds intriguing. Curious to know if anyone has had any experiences or even met someone through the platform. Would love to hear your thoughts and feedback! Cheers!0
