Selfish? Hate Kids?
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Am I selfish? Yes, but not because I don't want kids. I'm selfish because I don't want to give my husband the remote control or share my loaded tater tots* with him
Do I hate kids? Well, yeah, yeah I do. Maybe I should hate the parents that are doing a crappy job of raising the kids, and I do, but I strongly dislike kids. I really don't see anything redeeming about them. Why should I give up my time and my SLEEP? Hell no.
How do I know I'd be a good mother? How do I know it wouldn't be my kid that brings a gun to school? My husband & I don't have a lot of money, we go from paycheck to paycheck. I have 2 puppies and I want more! The list is infinite as to why I don't wat kids.
I love the bingoes. I turn into a snarky *****.
* loaded tater tots: queso, jalapenos, bacon & scallons 0 -
This is the most selfish thing I hear."Who is going to take care of you when you get old?"0 -
If you are financially secure, mentally stable and both parents are in agreement on how to raise children, it can still be tremendously difficult to raise children.
If you don't see yourself as a parent or don't want to raise a child then you absolutely should not. I don't think it's selfish at all. I think you've just demonstrated acute self-awareness.0 -
I love this group....seriously you all are making all the points my husband and I TRY to explain to people!!! Ummm, how about you mind your business and not be so concerned about my life and pay attention to your own...oh and your obnoxious kid running around too!!!
That came off alittle harsh, I do like kids, SOME kids....but not even all the time. My nieces, nephews, cousins, etc are great, but not always.
There are a few reasons we will not have children....1) $$$$$, they are ridiculously expensive...I prefer to spend my money on myself....which leads me to #2) I'm FRIGGIN selffish and I will admit it every day of my life. I LOVE the life I have with my husband and know a child would only put stress/worry/doubt on a wonderful and beautiful relationship (not saying that our marriage wouldn't survive if we had kids, but it would definitely strain it.....I've watch it happen with every couple I know).
My parents and in-laws have come to terms with the fact that they will get no grandchildren from us...all is good on that end.
So we had a pretty idea that we were not going to have children before we got married and it came up at a family party or something and my (soon to be) sister in law said to us "Well why are you even getting married if your not having kids" REALLY WTF!!!! But after three kids, she has changed her tune and now realizes that no kids isn't that bad of a bad scenerio!!!!!!
And the weekend we got back from my honeymoon, we where with my husband's family again and his Uncle asks (first thing out of his mouth...even before hello) "so when are you having kids" ...uhhh we literally JUST got married Dude, back off :laugh:
Ok my rant is done!!! Thanks for the group!!!
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Oh and we decided 4yrs ago to adopt two cats......CATS, self reliant CATS, yeah they are a bit too much for us and our schedules :laugh:0
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Oh.... and no. You will never know "true" love until you see your child for the very first time. But that "true" love is a biological flood of opium-like hormones and only lasts for about 1/2 an hour. It's the next 17 years, 364 days, 23 hours, and 30 minutes that really count.
Just 18 years? yeah right...lol EVERY old hen in my office has their 20 or in some cases 30 something year old recent "college graduate" back home. I tell them...if your "child" graduated more than 6 months ago, it is no longer recent. And they need to get a job...and move out. :huh:0 -
How about this one: "Who is going to take care of you when you get old?"
As if you can count on that to happen? You can do everything right, and your kids can still end up totally screwed up, or (God forbid), you could outlive them, or they might not be able to afford to take care of you some day...(among the many things that could happen).
and, how is having kids so they'll take care of you when you're old not selfish?
Frankly my oldest niece likes me a LOT more than she does her mom. So IF I need someone to "take care of me" when I'm older I'm pretty sure I can count on her.
Funny story somewhat related. My best friend and I were having lunch the other day (she is CFBC as well). We were discussing the holidays and the fact that since we do not have children and neither of us very close with our siblings, what happens in 20 years when our parents are gone and the children are grown? My parents and my nieces/nephew are the only reason I spend time with my sister. Once they are gone, I honestly don't foresee spending holidays with her.
So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?0 -
We've talked about this, as well. When the nieces and nephews are grown, I don't see getting together as much. Kind of looking forward to that, actually.So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?
In fact, husband and I are planning a Thanksgiving trip next year. I was promised I would not have to deal with his family this year. That is not happening. So he has agreed to my terms...I will go this year if we skip next year. We've already discussed what trips we might want to take.0 -
That's a great idea really. My grandparents are all gone, and my parents sometimes do their own thing like that now too. In fact, they're going out to dinner and to the casino for Thanksgiving....
So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?0 -
I'm going to be very sad when my niece outgrows me. She is 15 and so awesome and we get along great. I know that when she hits 16 and gets a car I will age 10 years or more in her eyes and she will move on. I have the type of relationship with her that I wish I had with my sister (her mom), so she's like a surrogate I suppose.
On the flip side, when the drama queen comes out (she IS after all a teenage girl), I am thankful she is not mine and does not live with me. :noway:0 -
How about this one: "Who is going to take care of you when you get old?"
As if you can count on that to happen? You can do everything right, and your kids can still end up totally screwed up, or (God forbid), you could outlive them, or they might not be able to afford to take care of you some day...(among the many things that could happen).
and, how is having kids so they'll take care of you when you're old not selfish?
Frankly my oldest niece likes me a LOT more than she does her mom. So IF I need someone to "take care of me" when I'm older I'm pretty sure I can count on her.
Funny story somewhat related. My best friend and I were having lunch the other day (she is CFBC as well). We were discussing the holidays and the fact that since we do not have children and neither of us very close with our siblings, what happens in 20 years when our parents are gone and the children are grown? My parents and my nieces/nephew are the only reason I spend time with my sister. Once they are gone, I honestly don't foresee spending holidays with her.
So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?
That's what my husband and I do on the holidays- Vacation! Instead of dealing with presents, kids, crazy family and unnecessary stress, we travel around the world! :happy: Ok, we still have stress, actually a lot right now... but it would be 1000x worse with kids. Leaving tomorrow for a Far East adventure starting in Hong Kong!
A child-free couples cruise would be awesome to do sometime!!0 -
I am selfish. Having a dog is seriously a stretch for me. I hate that I can't just go. I helped my sister raise my neice and nephew while my BIL was overseas. It is a TON of work. And I just don't want to do it right now. And maybe not ever....
This was my favorite thing about having my neice around. We would go out together and people make small talk. This conversation would happen in some variation....
Random person: Your children are so cute.
Me: They are my sister's.
Random person: You are so good with them.
Me: Thanks
Random person: Do you have children?
My neice: Yep...Me and Gavin. We are all the kids she needs....
She is a real gem
That's so cute! I love my nieces too! I wish I lived closer to them cause I'm sure I would spoil them silly! My oldest niece has celebral palsy and there are other problems that seem to run in our family with children- so another reason I don't want to have one. But my little Lexi is the sweetest girl ever...even with celebral palsy- she giggles and laughs- and hugged and kissed me for the first time this last summer! 0 -
When people ask me why I don't have children, I tell them it's because I'm selfish. Because I like SLEEPING. (A lot.) I like going camping for a weekend without having to pack a minivan full of toys and kid supplies. I like making last-minute decisions. And I like spending my money on ME.
I've never been comfortable around kids. I've never wanted them. When I visit my family back east, someone is always trying to hand me a baby, because they think it's funny that it makes me uncomfortable.
I'm 36 and I've finally stopped hearing the "oh, you'll change your mind" comment. (At least, it's been a while.) I'm glad for that. It really is infuriating.
I have a 15-year old niece and two nephews, 5 and 10. The boys are fun, but exhausting - after spending a few hours with them, I am just done. I can't imagine how anyone does that 24 hours a day. My niece is a little clone of me at 15, so I'm enjoying lending my assistance to my sister with understanding where her daughter is coming from. But I guess that's because she's almost an adult, and I like adults. (Well, some of them...) 0 -
no lie - my neice, who is FIVE, looked at me a month or so ago and said "when are you going to have a baby?". I replied, "Never." you would have thought i had set a puppy on fire and thrown it at the pope by how she looked at me!! she has it so ingrained in her ALREADY that women NEED to have kids. um, no. so i told her, "I'm an auntie, not a mommy" she still didn't get it. but i can't exactly look at a five year old and explain that i need me time, i like my brother's kids fine, love them to bits, but i get to send them HOME.
being a parent isn't for me. and if i had them only to cave to societal pressures... recipie for disaster much?
my mom has finally come to terms. She now calls Weasley her "grand dog"0 -
My parents are cool with it, and totally understand...especially at my age with the risks it would involve, but my mom was horrified when I told our old dog that she was her new Grandma...LOL! Then my youngest niece (7 or 8 at the time) came to visit and is very, very spoiled. Suddenly, she decided the pit bull granddaughter was looking pretty good!0
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That's when I realized she had come to terms...was when she did thismy mom has finally come to terms. She now calls Weasley her "grand dog"0 -
no lie - my neice, who is FIVE, looked at me a month or so ago and said "when are you going to have a baby?". I replied, "Never." you would have thought i had set a puppy on fire and thrown it at the pope by how she looked at me!! she has it so ingrained in her ALREADY that women NEED to have kids. um, no. so i told her, "I'm an auntie, not a mommy" she still didn't get it. but i can't exactly look at a five year old and explain that i need me time, i like my brother's kids fine, love them to bits, but i get to send them HOME.
being a parent isn't for me. and if i had them only to cave to societal pressures... recipie for disaster much?
my mom has finally come to terms. She now calls Weasley her "grand dog"
That reminds me of one of my lil nieces, she's such a cutie......she said that she learned at school (she's 7) what a woman's "place" was - you know, to take care of the kids and such, and she looked at me and told me - not you Aunt Charity - you don't need kids to be complete! Awww. If a 7 year old can get it, why can't grown adults get it?!0 -
That's when I realized she had come to terms...was when she did thismy mom has finally come to terms. She now calls Weasley her "grand dog"
My husband has one brother who has two kids. So my MIL has the 2 grandkids and that's it. Last year my husband made a fleeting comment, mostly to rib his mother when she was talking about Christmas presents for the kids, "what about Jackson and Penny?" That is my dog and cat.
And yep, under the tree last Christmas was a new dog bed for Jackson and a lovely pot of edible grass for the cat.0 -
My mother-in-law, every time she visits (which is only once or twice a year), mentions how big my dogs have gotten. They are 7 and 14 years old. They are 12 and 14 pounds, respectively. We got them at age 4 and 9, respectively. No, they have not gotten bigger. They are not like children. My husband and I have a silent laugh every time because it never fails she'll say that.0
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My husband has one brother who has two kids. So my MIL has the 2 grandkids and that's it. Last year my husband made a fleeting comment, mostly to rib his mother when she was talking about Christmas presents for the kids, "what about Jackson and Penny?" That is my dog and cat.
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Yes my MIL has 5grandkids....more than enough!! And my mom has 2 from my brother so all set
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The planet is over-populated as it is!
I don't know why everyone is expected to want to have kids! I just want my animals, and that's good enough for me!! I hate it when people expect a reason. I just don't want kids, that's all!0 -
Best answer...I don't need a reason!0
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You're right...not sure why people feel the need to ask about that in the first place. Its such a personal decision!Best answer...I don't need a reason!0 -
We've talked about this, as well. When the nieces and nephews are grown, I don't see getting together as much. Kind of looking forward to that, actually.So the bf and I decided we will start taking couple's trips at that point for the holidays. Anyone else up for a Christmas cruise?
In fact, husband and I are planning a Thanksgiving trip next year. I was promised I would not have to deal with his family this year. That is not happening. So he has agreed to my terms...I will go this year if we skip next year. We've already discussed what trips we might want to take.
my ex and i did this a couple of times - even though i was the one that didn't want children. He wanted them, but after watching our friends struggle financially, physically, and emotionally due to having children too young and other side effects... he started to enjoy some of our spontaneous escapes. he might have been a complete tool while we were married, but there were a few good times - and skipping the family nonsense (our families are batsh0 -
I totally agree. I think choosing not to have kids when you don't want them is the least selfish thing. How is it fair to the children when thier parents don't really want them and just feel obligated to have them?
I've also heard that "you'd be a great mother" thing. Maybe I would be, who knows. I don't hate children, I just don't feel like I have to love other people's children the way they do. I may even change my mind about having kids someday, I just don't feel like my biological clock is ticking and I'm a slave to it.0 -
The planet is over-populated as it is!
I don't know why everyone is expected to want to have kids! I just want my animals, and that's good enough for me!! I hate it when people expect a reason. I just don't want kids, that's all!
YES! Why is it so taboo to talk about there being just way too many people in the world? We are strangling our planet!0 -
I think it is funny that people are becoming aware of their carbon footprint, but neglect to calculate the carbon footprint of each child they produce and then the children those children produce....We have neighbors with 5 kids. They don't even recycle.
I am a nurse and can promise you that just because you have a child there is no guarantee that they will show up and care for you later in life. I have seen it many times.
My husband and I absolutely do not regret being childfree. Our lives are our own and we are more financially stable than we would be with kids.0 -
Hell yea I hate kids. I think it's selfish to want kids actually. I mean no one can use the excuse they are keeping us from going extinct because there are billions of people and millions of homeless kids. Personally, I have gone to school, I plan on maybe getting married one day and I don't want kids. Forget that. I a blunt with people if they say anything. What the hell would I want to get pregnant and be fat as hell for 9 months, squish something incredibly painful out, ruin my body more than it's already ruined, and have to take care of this screaming annoying sack of crap that eats money? No. That is not the life I want no thank you ma'am.0
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Wow, it was really great to read all these posts. My whole life I always wanted kids and couldn't imagine NOT having them, but, at 37, I now cannot imagine having them. My brother has 5 kids, so my mom is set with the grandkids, but just the other day she said, "I never in a million years thought you nor your sister would never have any kids." My sister is gay and hates kids. I'm still undecided, but I do love my sleep and we travel 4-5 times a year, so the likelihood of me giving that up is pretty small. I'm so glad there are others on here who I can relate to.0
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