Thanks Mama for getting us started. (I should have waited to get this up and running AFTER dinner!) Such a beautiful story!!

Hi, I'm Susie and both my sister and I are adopted. My parents discovered early into their marriage that my father was shooting blanks, for lack of a nicer term. They immediately looked into adoption. My mother has a cousin who is in the medical field and through some contacts found my birth family. From limited information I have she was 16 when she got pregnant and her parents pushed her into adoption b/c they felt like she would have a better, easier life not being a teen parent. My aparents (I hate to use that term, but will for ease of reading) were able to pick me up from the hospital when I was released at 4 days old. That was 1971.

Immediately after I came into the family my parents put their name back on the list. For various reasons though it was almost 7 years before we got my sister.

That is just a simple introduction for now. I will create another topic for more in depth discussion about how adoption has affected my life.

Hi! While I am not adopted and have not adopted(yet), I believe adoption is a beautiful thing. Our family is quiet large already but, we are seriously considering adoption from foster care. I'm afraid I may be using the same rose colored glasses that mamapaints speaks of. We have a strong desire to enlarge our family with a sibling group. The sibling groups just break my heart. We have been weighing and measuring the pros and cons. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Hi...I'm a sister to an adopted child. He was given up for adoption before I was born. He's a full brother...my father is not exactly the nicest person on the planet. He left my mom when she got pregnant...then years later, tracked her down and wooed her back. Then I came along. He had the "decency" not to leave her a second time.

I didn't meet my older brother until I was 18. He's three years older than I am. He was raised in a totally different environment than I. My only input to anyone in an adoption scenario is never try to make the child feel guilty for wanting to know his birth family. My brother's adopted mother HATED, literally hated, that he wanted to know us. She constantly made him feel bad for this, to the point where he asked us never to call him at home. He felt so different from his adopted family, as much as he loved them, that he wanted to know where he came from. They could never accept this. He couldn't get them to understand that it was no negative reflection on them just because he wanted to know others who were genetically related to him.

We look JUST alike. We act alike. It's odd...nature is very strong in us. But there are some nurture influences that make us different, as well. It's kind of fascinating to dissect.

Hi...I'm a sister to an adopted child. He was given up for adoption before I was born. He's a full brother...my father is not exactly the nicest person on the planet. He left my mom when she got pregnant...then years later, tracked her down and wooed her back. Then I came along. He had the "decency" not to leave her a second time.

I didn't meet my older brother until I was 18. He's three years older than I am. He was raised in a totally different environment than I. My only input to anyone in an adoption scenario is never try to make the child feel guilty for wanting to know his birth family. My brother's adopted mother HATED, literally hated, that he wanted to know us. She constantly made him feel bad for this, to the point where he asked us never to call him at home. He felt so different from his adopted family, as much as he loved them, that he wanted to know where he came from. They could never accept this. He couldn't get them to understand that it was no negative reflection on them just because he wanted to know others who were genetically related to him.

We look JUST alike. We act alike. It's odd...nature is very strong in us. But there are some nurture influences that make us different, as well. It's kind of fascinating to dissect.

I agree, thanks for sharing! I think the past generations have had a much harder time "sharing" their (adopted) children, some still do today as well but I think most are much better educated about how healthy it is to keep communication lines open and adoptions open in general. My kids pretty much tell me anything and everything when they have thoughts about their first families/adoptions etc. Both my girls (at this point) want to track down their first moms in the future and I'll do whatever is necessary to help them. With my oldest especially, who lived with her first mom for the first 5 yrs of her life, she has needed to get affirmation from me again and again that it's okay to love two moms and that I am strong engough to hear anything she needs to say.

mamapaints you sound like an amazing woman and mom. My mom had serious jealousy issues when we were younger. I don't fault her for it at all though. She was so afraid that bmoms would change their minds and come take us away. I don't want it sound like my mom was irrational or anything just didn't want to share. LOL. Now that we are older and my sister has found some amazing people with her birth family, my mom is much more at ease with the idea.

My name is Amber and I'm a Mom to 2 precious little boys. My husband I tried to conceive for 3+ years. We went through IVF twice which failed. I never got a positive pg test so we gave up on having a biological child. We began the adoption process in September, 2006. We were approved in January 2007 and we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy on October 21, 2007. He was born October 20th so we met him at 1 day old and brought him home at 3 days old. The day we got the call about our son I had stayed home from church that day because I didn't feel well. I had cramping on and off and wasn't really sure what it was. Well when my son Isaac was 6 days old I figured out what that cramping was....I was pregnant!!!!! We were blessed with another beautiful boy. Our sons are 8 1/2 months apart and such a blessing. Isaac just turned 4 and Caleb was 3 in July.

I do have to say the first couple years were quite tough raising two little ones so close in age but it's been a true blessing. The boys are as different as night and day but the best of friends. God couldn't have painted our family picture a better way. We are contemplating #3 but we probably will try to conceive and won't go through adoption again.

The process was an amazing experience, but with the blessing Isaac has brought us we are reminded daily that his birthparents still feel that loss every single day. We have had a couple very short messages from his birthmom in the past 4 years but we get F.B. messages and emails from his bdad every couple of months.

Thanks for listening to my story.

Thanks Amber. You offer up a great perspective with your story!

Hello all!! Thanks Holly (mamapaints) for inviting me to the group.

For those of you who don't know Holly in person, she's one of my closest friends, and yes...she's an awesome friend, woman, and mother.


Anyway, I'm Michelle...and I need to get my behind on here more often...hopefully this will be the encouragement I need to be more committed to a healthier lifestyle.

My husband and I have three children, all adopted. Jacob (10 years old) was adopted at 5 months old from Colombia. Sara (7 years old) was also adopted from Colombia, she was 10 weeks old. Tessa (2.5 years old) was adopted at 7 months from Taiwan.

Adoption made me a mother, and my kids are my everything. But, Holly and I share a similar perspective. Adoption comes with a huge amount of loss and grief. My middle daughter just told me last night that she misses her birthmom. More than anything in this world, I wish I could take the pain of loss away from my children (and their birthmothers too). My joy in being their mother is so often tempered by the loss I know their birthmothers must feel.


Thank you everyone, for sharing your stories. I love the diversity of experiences that are represented here.

Hi there!!

Nice to meet you I noticed more people seem to be adopting from multiple countries these days rather than sticking with one - I think that's great I think the best thing about parents like you and Holly is that you're actively trying to help your kids come to terms with their grief - I know my parents tried their best, but I remember alot of tears and frustration, saying alot of mean things to my parents, etc (which I regret now, but when you're a frustrated, hurt kid, it's hard not to try and hurt someone else's feelings in the heat of the moment) I know they had a book about issues that kids go through at different ages - but like many parents, I think they struggled to balance hurt feelings of rejection by the child, feeling inadequate, not knowing how to help the child and it not really being a suitable topic of conversation with other family members who hadn't personally experienced raising adopted kids. Especially when the child isn't able to effectively voice the specific feelings of fear, rejection, anger, frustration, sadness. You know your parents are psychic but it hurts more when they just "don't get it" and can't magically figure out exactly what you're trying to convey

Enough of being Debbie Downer!! On the positive side - I am always humbled by adoptive parents... Hearing stories about how much they wanted kids, years of trying with no success... deciding on adoption, jumping through all the hoops, home visits, having your personal life and finances dissected, etc... really makes me realise how "lucky" (not always the best word when discussing adoption, but you know what I mean! The circumstances were bad but the outcome was the best it could have been, given the situation) us adopted kids are to have such dedicated parents who really wanted us

Ah, <<hugs>> Colleen, great story. (I know, I need to put another posting out on the boards about the group!)

You can tell as much or as little hear as you like, go to another thread or start your own.

I feel like there are some things that people who are not touched by adoption just cannot understand, so it's nice to have a place to share stories with others that have that connection.

Hello, I'm Lisa. So interesting to find this group, and see it contains people from all sides of the triad. I love that. And I see parts of our family's story reflected in yours. That's very cool. Thanks Crystal817 for the invite!

I really related to mamapaints description of adoption. It *is* beautiful and messy. I love my kids to the moon and back, and yet I remember that if my son and daughter's birthparents had been in a different position at the time of their birth, that they wouldn't be my kids at all! It's love and loss all tied up together.

We did try to have bio children before we adopted. I had had 4 m/c and 3 failed IVFs when we signed up to adopt from Guatemala. It was not a hard decision to adopt because it seems like it has always been part of our lives. I have cousins that were adopted (foster care), my husband's best friend was adopted (domestic infant), and I have 2 friends that were adopted (domestic infant and Korea).

We ATTACKED the paperwork and chose a "waiting" child from our agency's list the day we were paper ready! The most beautiful 3.5 mo old boy I had ever seen. The international adoption mamas probably know what happened next. Guatemala was going thru a rollercoaster. We were originally told we'd have our son home in 6-9 months, but allegations of corruption (never in our specific case) made Guatemalan adoptions shut down while we were in process. We didn't know if we'd ever get our son home, but fought as hard as we could to get him here.

About 7 months in, we went to Guatemala to visit our son. We couldn't take him home, just visit. While there I found out I was pregnant for the 5th time. I wasn't excited, I was sooo scared. After so many failures I just figured now I had twice as much to lose--the adoption and the pregnancy.

But somehow both chugged along. My bio son came first in Feb 08. Then our adopted son came along 7 weeks later in April 08. He was 20 mo old. So I went from 0 kids to two kids in 7 weeks! Like the pp said, it was really a struggle at first with two very needy babies (imagine my 20 mo old, who felt as if he was left with strangers and didn't even speak English!).

Somehow we not only survived, but thrived. In fact we were having so much fun being parents we decided to try for more. We couldn't adopt again so soon, so first we tried the old fashioned way. Many more miscarriages followed (I've had 11 total now). Then as soon as we were able, we applied to adopt a daughter from Korea. Thankfully it went much more smoothly this time! We went to Korea to get our daughter just this Jan (11).

I really think I have the best kids in the world. A 5 yo son from Guatemala. A 3.5 yo bio son. And a 1.5 yo daughter from Korea. After so much bad luck, I have been so lucky to have such an amazing family!

I think about my kids first parents often. We don't have any contact so far (we have some contact with my daughter's foster family, but that is all). I have thought a lot about doing a search in Guatemala for my oldest son's birthmom, or waiting for him to decide for himself. With our daughter, her adoption was just finalized in September, so I am preparing a package for her file in Korea. I can certainly understand why my children might want to meet them some day. I am curious too!

______________

A pp commented on families with kids from different countries: I know for us, the main reason we adopted from another country is b/c the country rules and procedures are always changing! The country may be closed down to international adoptions, or you may no longer qualify by the time you are ready to adopt another child.

I'm Carla and I'm adopted. My parents were fortunate enough to be able to adopt 4 children ... unheard of in the 60's!! We've all known we were adopted from the beginning. It's never been a big deal. Our parents made sure we knew how honored they were that our birth mothers trusted them to raise their children well ... and it's an obligation my parents took very seriously.

My youngest brother's birth family found him about 10 years ago. None of the rest of us have ever felt the need to find our birth parents. Like many, the birth records are sealed in California so even if we wanted to it would be very difficult to find out information. We do know that my parents have limited information somewhere in their house about our birth parents that we may find when they pass away and we go through all their files.

They did give all of us some information. All 4 of us children are half-Italian - all of us were born to unwed mothers. I even know my birth mothers maiden name. I also know that my birth father was the Italian half and was a musician. Both of those traits are represented very strongly in my life ... and it's nice to know where they come from.

I'm a firm believer in adoption. What a beautiful opportunity to put aside selfishness and do what is best for your child! I am forever grateful to my birth mother for that sacrifice.

Hello ladies (and gents if there are any)

I'm Jessie and I have a beautiful daughter who just turned 5 back in October. I placed her for adoption with wonderful parents and we truly have a wide open adoption. So much so that C's mom was one of my bridesmaids and C was my flower girl this past May. My story is long but the TL;DR version is I was raped, couldn't go through with an abortion so I made the hard choice of adoption without anyone knowing. Stayed at a maternity home where everyone else was parenting. Picked a family through my agency, gave birth and had to re-evaluate all my reasons for adoption when I saw her sweet innocent angel face. The rape wasn't the main reason for adoption but it did play a factor initially. I still couldn't afford to raise her with out 3 jobs and living off welfare, my mom had 3 jobs and missed everything that was important to me and I didn't want that for her.

Now she is a happy thriving 5 year old who could not want for anything. We would see each other more if we didn't live 3,000+ miles away. (they live in MA when I placed in FL, now I live in CA). She knows who I am and knows she came from my tummy. She sometimes states that she has 2 mommies and a daddy and I am "my jessie"

I am happy for her and love being in her life, but it is still hard. I miss her dearly and there is a big C-shaped hole in my heart.

I am also trying to lose that pooch she gave me when she was just "all mine'

Welcome Amaalaa. Thanks for sharing your story. It's awesome to hear from someone on the birth mom side of adoption.

I second this, welcome Amaalaa

Thank you Amaalaa for sharing. I can't even fathom what you went through, both with the rape and the adoption. Sounds like your daughters family is pretty amazing (all the way around!), and I'm glad you get to be a big part of that.

Today we finalized the adoption of our 9 year old foster son. He has been tossed around for the past 6 years, but now has a permanent home with us.

Congratulations! How wonderful for you all!