"You're too amazing" is the new "It's not you, it's me"
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
Just some intel for the ladies... In the last week I've had 3 guys write me something like this, so last night I asked one of my guy friends what gives. And he explained it to me.
When a guy says you're so amazing that he already knows he can't make you happy (so he won't even try), this is *not* your cue to send him 20 texts the next day explaining how down to earth you are and how of course he can make you happy. It's his way of saying he's not into you, but you're such a wonderful woman he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying "I don't like you *that* way).
Just thought I'd let you know.
(and, guys, if that's not always true, feel free to jump in and share your thoughts... after all, this is just one friend's opinion)
When a guy says you're so amazing that he already knows he can't make you happy (so he won't even try), this is *not* your cue to send him 20 texts the next day explaining how down to earth you are and how of course he can make you happy. It's his way of saying he's not into you, but you're such a wonderful woman he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying "I don't like you *that* way).
Just thought I'd let you know.
(and, guys, if that's not always true, feel free to jump in and share your thoughts... after all, this is just one friend's opinion)
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Replies
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Wow.. I think that one is worse than "It's not you, it's me."
Jerks. :grumble:0 -
I just tell 'em it's not for me. Sorry. Less confusion that way.0
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That's a really lousy line on so many levels. But then again, pretty much all lines or actions are when things cease.0
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If a guy said that to me I'd be turned off by his lack of confidence anyway. Of course, that's what I would get for always taking things at face value
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I would say, "Oh, I'm so glad you said that. I was going to tell you the exact same thing! I AM too awesome for you and you could probably NEVER satisfy me in any form or fashion. Let's be friends!"
:flowerforyou:0 -
It is not something I would ever think of saying.
It sounds to stupid to expect anyone to believe.0 -
bane! This hurts so much - its like when you're unemployed and willing to try anything and McDonalds tells you that youre overqualified to work there- when you know they really just dont want the hassle of having to pay you.
or something.
I would rather they just quit calling.0 -
Not surprised at all.0
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Who comes up with *kitten* like that?0
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I would rather they just quit calling.
Honestly, me too. People say they hate that, but to me a man's silence communicates clearly. Though a part of me wishes he could tell me why he poofed, I know that even if I ask I won't get a straight answer.
The few that voluntarily told me why things didn't work out, it's always about kids... I don't want more and they do.
(and, yes, I’m struck by the irony that I get all the guys who want kids and my girls who want to have babies get all the guys who don’t want children. Makes no sense to me)0 -
my bf who was dating for 7 months (out of the blue) told me that hes breaking up with me bc I could do so much better then three weeks later he was in another relationship (though that didnt last)0
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Sometimes I wonder if they're hoping for a certain reaction when they say stuff like that, kind of like how a lot of women will pick a fight with a man just to see if he cares enough to fight back.
The last guy I dated exclusively pulled this stunt where he wanted me to break up with him. You know how they do it ... pretty much constant unacceptable behavior. So I called him on his BS, and he said to me "I just know I am not good enough for you." I agreed with him and wished him the best. He called me a week later to apologize and said he wanted to see me again. Men ...0 -
I've said it before, but for a time the book "He's Just Not That Into You" was my literal dating bible. Somewhere in the book it said that a guy would rather do ANYTHING than tell you he's not into you -- so anything other than him tripping all over himself to win your affections means he's not into you...which includes "you're too amazing" and other similar statements.0
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I've said it before, but for a time the book "He's Just Not That Into You" was my literal dating bible. Somewhere in the book it said that a guy would rather do ANYTHING than tell you he's not into you -- so anything other than him tripping all over himself to win your affections means he's not into you...which includes "you're too amazing" and other similar statements.
You're too amazing......not to kiss!
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I've said it before, but for a time the book "He's Just Not That Into You" was my literal dating bible. Somewhere in the book it said that a guy would rather do ANYTHING than tell you he's not into you -- so anything other than him tripping all over himself to win your affections means he's not into you...which includes "you're too amazing" and other similar statements.
^^^I agree with this! There are times when I wish I hadn't read the book because I hope the guy is the exception to the rule. Then the dumbbutt does something really stupid and makes me realize that darn book is always right!0 -
so anything other than him tripping all over himself to win your affections means he's not into you
Exactly! A man who really loves you pours on the attention. A guy who poofs then reappears, who doesn't want to take pictures with you, who doesn't respond to your texts and such is not into you. Even if, when you are together, you have an amazing time. Even if he's always trying to convince you he's not looking for anyone else. He’s really only doing that because nothing else yet came along.
I still hang out with such guys when I don't have something better to do. Most of my guy friends are that way, and they’re fun, great guys! But I always keep in the back of my mind that one day they're gonna meet some woman who knocks them off their socks. And when they do, you’ll know it. And so will the world. And if you don’t realize this about men, you will be devastated. Heck, I *know* this about men, and it still hurts a little sometimes.
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I would rather they just quit calling.
Honestly, me too. People say they hate that, but to me a man's silence communicates clearly. Though a part of me wishes he could tell me why he poofed, I know that even if I ask I won't get a straight answer.
Not me. There is nothing worse than just having a guy disappear. I would much rather have him tell me I'm too good for him -- at least that shows he cared enough to try to spare my feelings in some way. It's lame, but it's better than some of the alternatives.0 -
I have been getting a lot of "I'm too busy to date right now" excuses lately. I had been taking them on their word until one who no more than 2 weeks after I asked and got the line she began dating some other guy. Now I wonder if they have all been their way to brush me off. Oh well.0
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I would rather they just quit calling.
Honestly, me too. People say they hate that, but to me a man's silence communicates clearly. Though a part of me wishes he could tell me why he poofed, I know that even if I ask I won't get a straight answer.
Not me. There is nothing worse than just having a guy disappear. I would much rather have him tell me I'm too good for him -- at least that shows he cared enough to try to spare my feelings in some way. It's lame, but it's better than some of the alternatives.
I have been "dumped" by ladies before after a couple of get togethers via a cold shoulder and I would put that at on par with some BS line.
Just once it would be nice to get an honest discussion about whatever was wrong or a polite retreat but I guess I am dreaming about that.0 -
I would much rather have him tell me I'm too good for him -- at least that shows he cared enough to try to spare my feelings in some way.
I can see that. It’s just that when I got this kind of a message 3 times in a week, I wondered if perhaps my posts were giving the wrong impression. If all the men think you’re too good for them, then you’ll never get to keep one ;-)
But now that I know it’s just a polite way of saying he’s not interested, I can deal.0 -
I would much rather have him tell me I'm too good for him -- at least that shows he cared enough to try to spare my feelings in some way.
I can see that. It’s just that when I got this kind of a message 3 times in a week, I wondered if perhaps my posts were giving the wrong impression. If all the men think you’re too good for them, then you’ll never get to keep one ;-)
But now that I know it’s just a polite way of saying he’s not interested, I can deal.
I'm not sure it's always a brush off. I think there are times when guys have an inferiority complex and literally think that they won't be able to look after you/protect you/provide for you/give you what you want, and whatever other notions that men think they are 'needed' for.
I think some men just struggle with independent, successful women. They prefer a wallflower with a vagina! :laugh:
But I think its a cowardly rejection too! :flowerforyou:0 -
I've texted that girl to tell her that I was too busy to see her this week. Which is true.
Is that bad?
On the other hand, I met her only last week and I had plans for every evening this week already, and tons of work...
On the other-other hand, if I was indeed into her, I would invite her to some of the night outs with me... Probably.
On the other-other-other hand, I only saw her once, so can I really be into her that much that I "betray" my friends who I said I would go out with, in order to see her instead at this stage?
Can someone sort that out for me? Thanks, I'll give you 1£.0 -
Can someone sort that out for me? Thanks, I'll give you 1£.
When you already have plans with friends, you don't cancel them for a new girl.
(shows you are dependable and implies you won't make plans with her and just break them at the last minute)
When you don't like her, you just tell her you already have plans and leave it at that.
(which I would interpret as, he's not really into me but too polite to say so or thinks I’m too nice and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings)
When you do like her, you say you have plans but what about doing ABC on XYZ date.
(which I would interpret as, he's a fun, busy guy and this might be worth exploring)
Now... about that 1£...does it come with a plane ticket attached so I can come pick it up???0 -
Thanks. I might say to her, "OK sorted all my sh!te, what about a drink on XYZ" just see what she is about.Now... about that 1£...does it come with a plane ticket attached so I can come pick it up???
As for the £1, I'll fax it to you.0 -
Thanks. I might say to her, "OK sorted all my sh!te, what about a drink on XYZ" just see what she is about.Now... about that 1£...does it come with a plane ticket attached so I can come pick it up???
As for the £1, I'll fax it to you.
Har har!0 -
I've said it before, but for a time the book "He's Just Not That Into You" was my literal dating bible. Somewhere in the book it said that a guy would rather do ANYTHING than tell you he's not into you -- so anything other than him tripping all over himself to win your affections means he's not into you...which includes "you're too amazing" and other similar statements.
So this!!! I too would wish he would be the exception to the rule. But like its been said time and time again - if he really wants it to happen, he will make it happen!
And no bueno to the disappearing act - had that happen to a guy I had total butterflies with and I was DEVASTATED!!0 -
Ugh. Would rather hear "Sorry, I'm just not in to you" I'm a girl, I will overanalyze and create meaning in almost anything else. But, as much as an "I'm not into you" sucks I can take it and move on.0
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I just tell 'em it's not for me. Sorry. Less confusion that way.
Ditto.
Anytime I've tried a line, I've had to go through a long drawn out process to just get to the point that I am not interested.
Easier to start with it.0 -
Ugh. Would rather hear "Sorry, I'm just not in to you" I'm a girl, I will overanalyze and create meaning in almost anything else. But, as much as an "I'm not into you" sucks I can take it and move on.
Me too. I just got a version of the "It's not you, it's me" spiel, and it sucks. I'd rather he just say, honestly, "I'm not into you" and go away.0 -
I'd like to hear (from both the men and women) how it's worked out just being honest and saying, "It's not gonna work" or "I'm just not feeling a connection).
I ask because I’ve noticed that guys seem to be ok with it (they move on pretty quick). I’ve known some women who were ok with it, but a few who keep badgering the guy as to why he’s misunderstood something and that they would really actually make a good couple.0
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