Completely agree. My relatives are always quick to point out when I've gained weight or look pudgy or "could stand to lose a few", but when I start making changes and counting calories, suddenly I'm "too skinny" and need to "stop dieting". Forum trolls I can take with a grain of salt, but family get under my skin all too often.

Same here. My sister actually told my parents that she thinks I'm anorexic. Hello???? I LOVE food and eat all the time. I eat well over 2,000 kcal every day and often over 3,000. I had 2 friends in high school who ended up in the hospital -- one from anorexia and the other from bulimia -- and I've never understood how someone could do that. It's totally against my views on health. I was so upset I couldn't even talk to her for a month. She hasn't even seen me in 6 months so why would she say that?? I later found out from one of her own kids that she wanted to weigh less than me for once in her life. She's older and has my mom's build -- bigger frame, bigger build (and bigger boobs, lucky woman!) -- and she got upset when, listen to this, I GOT VERY SICK from food poisoning and for an entire week could eat nothing but cucumbers and avocados and so I lost 10 pounds. She didn't have any concern that I had food poisoning -- she only cared that I had lost weight. Doubly insulting!

Family can be so frustrating b/c we count on them for support and when they don't provide it (or worse, they criticize us), it's really hurtful. Oh well, that's why we chose our own friends and our own support network!

This type of behavior is either ignorance or (in your sister's case), jealousy. Sisters are especially bad when it comes to being competitive with looks/weight/significant others. I feel for you lady. Family can be the best or the worst; their cuts are the deepest, whether it is about weight or anything else. It is too bad humanity can't lift each other up, instead of bringing each other down.

Stay strong. :flowerforyou:

So, at what point does wanting to lose "just a few more pounds" become disordered?
...

Also, (as I've already questioned on another thread) if you have to severely restrict your calories, (OP, I've been lurking for a while, and I see you encouraging others to restrict to 1000 calories or less in order to reach their goals) how is that going to look once you reach your goal weight? Realistically, can you keep up eating like that for the rest of your life?

"A few more pounds" becomes a disorder when it would put you in the unhealthy range. Duh. :noway:

You must me mistaken ma'am, I have never encouraged people to restrict calories under 1,000. I have frequently combatted the whole "eat more to lose more regime" because I think it is a farce, but that is another topic than this board is intended. Please do not attack my credibility with nonsense. :grumble: And it always creeps me out when people say "I have been watching you" or something to that effect. Stalker much? :huh:

And obviously, once you reach your goal weight, you are supposed to no longer be eating at a defecit. So, you are not supposed to "keep up eating like that for the rest of your life" because you are intending to maintain, not lose (but yes you are still supposed to keep watching what you eat and not start pigging out and never exercising once you do reach your goal to make sure you don't undo all your hard work). But I feel like you know this already and are just playing devil's advocate.

So what is the unhealthy range? According to BMI, I only see "healthy" vs "underweight" - I do not see anything to suggest that being underweight means unhealthy.

It seems silly that you can rant and say that it's none of other peoples' business if you want to get to the cusp to underweight, and yet you (or so I am understanding from your reply) get to be the decision-maker that once a person is underweight they don't have the right to desire those extra 10lbs without being "disordered". Hmmmm...

So, say one wanted a goal weight of 100lbs, and had to eat at a deficit of say, 700 calories to achieve that. What would happen once they reach that goal weight? Can they go back up to eating 1200+ calories per day and magically keep that weight off? <-- No, I'm not playing devil's advocate, I'm truly curious.. Because it seems to me that this same principle would apply no matter what the weight is. If you need to restrict in order to lose it, then how are you going to keep it off once you stop restricting?

Uhm, I think from most people's BASIC understanding, UNDERweight= unhealthy just like OVERweight= unhealthy. On MFP the BMI calculator very clearly shows the space in between "Under" and "Over" as the "HEALTHY" range, thereby indicating from the process of deduction that anything NOT in the "HEALTHY" range is "UN-healthy." If you don't like BMI (which alot of people don't because it is a very blunt tool that doesn't work in all cases), then one should base their decision off a doctor's opinion when he or she says "you shouldn't lose any more weight because it would be unhealthy." THE DOCTOR and the entire field or medicine gets to be the decision maker about what unhealthy is, not me. I don't see why you are splitting hairs, this is not a complex issue. :huh:

If someone was eating at a 700 cal DEFECIT from their TDEE (or 1 lb loss every 5 days) and they got to their goal weight, then they would increase their cals by that 700 cal a day and they would be at their TDEE or maintenance cal intake.That's just how the math works, it is not "magic:" If you take in exactly (or close to) as many calories as your body burns in a day doing your normal activity (aka TDEE), you are going to stay at the same weight. If you take in less than that, you are going to lose, if you take in more, you are going to gain. When you get to your goal weight, you start eating back at your TDEE (BMR x activity level) WITHOUT your deficit, and if your TDEE is correct you will maintain that weight. You aren't going to be "restricting" your intake in the broad sense of the word because you are going to be eating everything you burn (instead of eating LESS than you burned, like before), but you aren't going to be IGNORING what you eat either, as I said previously. You always have to keep one eye on the scale if you don't want the weight to creep back on (the average American gains 1 lb a year), but you don't need to be eating at a defecit to LOSE weight anymore either. And you will maintain that weight you worked so hard to get to and be eating at a healthy level. :happy:

I generally just avoid long explanations of my diet. If I don't want to eat cake, I just say, "no thanks, I'm stuffed." I think it is a red flag for people to hear about calorie counting and carbs, etc. when you clearly look like you're fit and lean. Why go into lengthy explanations. Plus it might make others feel bad if they are sightly or more than slightly overweight. I am also a pescatarian and similarly would not rant about how gross I think meat is at a BBQ. Why make people feel bad about it or bring up a big debate? It's all a personal choice. If someone really pushes the questions, I'll just say, I'm interested in eating healthy and balanced. It's all a personal choice and leave it at that.

I like your way of thinking. Thanks for posting this.

Agreed.
My problem mostly comes from people who are trying to get help on the message boards and are shot down.

But you are right, I think from now on I will try to be more dismissive in my personal life than fight the fight, because it seems like it just ends with me being upset and them being convinced that I am sick in the head. :grumble: