What does he mean when he says "I'm just testing you"
Options
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
A friend (not the eHarmony one) posed this question, and I really don't know. I don’t take it positively, and I’m curious what you think:
She was with a date who had previously respected her boundaries, but this particular night tried to push things again. She told him "it's time for you to go," and he laughingly told her “Relax, I’m just testing you…I’ll let you know if *you* let things go too far.”
What does that mean??
She was with a date who had previously respected her boundaries, but this particular night tried to push things again. She told him "it's time for you to go," and he laughingly told her “Relax, I’m just testing you…I’ll let you know if *you* let things go too far.”
What does that mean??
0
Replies
-
It was code for, damn I really wanted to stay for the booty call but you busted me! Lame come back for getting shut down!0
-
It means he wants some booty and wanted to try again to see if she would fold. lol0
-
It was code for, damn I really wanted to stay for the booty call but you busted me! Lame come back for getting shut down!
He either meant it this way or it was supposed to be flirty, but I'd view it more as the first option.0 -
It was code for, damn I really wanted to stay for the booty call but you busted me! Lame come back for getting shut down!
He either meant it this way or it was supposed to be flirty, but I'd view it more as the first option.
Flirty would be "You can't blame me for trying"...That was definately not flirty!0 -
Bummer. That's how I took it too. She really likes him though. I hope she doesn’t ask me about it again, because I'm not the kind of person who can say, "I don’t know" when I actually have an opinion. One look at my face and she’ll know it’s not good. And the thought that this “awesome” guy might only see her as a booty call would really hurt.0
-
I would tell her to give him another chance! He was probably just pushing to see how far he could get, but that doesn't make him a bad guy! The fact that she asked him to leave shows that she has balls, for the lack of a better word, and I think now he'll get it. If he kept trying, then, yeah, maybe he's not worth but but I think he deserves one more chance.0
-
It was code for, damn I really wanted to stay for the booty call but you busted me! Lame come back for getting shut down!
Yep, I agree0 -
It was code for, damn I really wanted to stay for the booty call but you busted me! Lame come back for getting shut down!
He either meant it this way or it was supposed to be flirty, but I'd view it more as the first option.
Flirty would be "You can't blame me for trying"...That was definately not flirty!
^^This! That is NOT flirty. That means he's creepy and will continue to "push" her limits with all kinds of things because he doesn't care how she feels.0 -
I would tell her to give him another chance! He was probably just pushing to see how far he could get, but that doesn't make him a bad guy! The fact that she asked him to leave shows that she has balls, for the lack of a better word, and I think now he'll get it. If he kept trying, then, yeah, maybe he's not worth but but I think he deserves one more chance.
Yeh .. I mean really .. you can't blame a guy for finding her hot enough to want to sleep with .. lol.0 -
Sounds scumbaggish to me...0
-
Yeah he's just seeing how far he could actually go. Surprisingly, some women don't always mean what they say.I would tell her to give him another chance! He was probably just pushing to see how far he could get, but that doesn't make him a bad guy! The fact that she asked him to leave shows that she has balls, for the lack of a better word, and I think now he'll get it. If he kept trying, then, yeah, maybe he's not worth but but I think he deserves one more chance.
Like sometimes I go out to dinner and I tell myself that I'm just going to have a salad. Then I smell the burger and fries and I just can't help myself. Women do the same thing with sex. I'm sure the guy was just testing the water to see how serious she was about it.0 -
WandaDenise posted on my wall a great suggestion for the next time something like this happens: "She could reply back that that was a test for him and he just flunked. That way she comes out strong."0
-
Well I don't know the whole story, but just because he wants to sleep with her doesn't make her a booty call.Bummer. That's how I took it too. She really likes him though. I hope she doesn’t ask me about it again, because I'm not the kind of person who can say, "I don’t know" when I actually have an opinion. One look at my face and she’ll know it’s not good. And the thought that this “awesome” guy might only see her as a booty call would really hurt.
But I suppose if she made it very clear that she wouldn't have sex until marriage or something like that, and he still kept pushing than that would be a little sketchy. Can't really blame a guy for trying to sleep with someone they like though, unless she made it perfectly clear what the "rules" were. Sounds like she made it pretty clear after she asked him to leave though.0 -
Sounds scumbaggish to me...
Yep. If he had any respect for her at all, he would have an actual conversation with her about how far is too far instead of "testing" her like she's a science project.0 -
Yeah he's just seeing how far he could actually go. Surprisingly, some women don't always mean what they say.I would tell her to give him another chance! He was probably just pushing to see how far he could get, but that doesn't make him a bad guy! The fact that she asked him to leave shows that she has balls, for the lack of a better word, and I think now he'll get it. If he kept trying, then, yeah, maybe he's not worth but but I think he deserves one more chance.
Like sometimes I go out to dinner and I tell myself that I'm just going to have a salad. Then I smell the burger and fries and I just can't help myself. Women do the same thing with sex. I'm sure the guy was just testing the water to see how serious she was about it.
In theory I agree with you... But there is something about those specific words that really, really, really bothers me. Probably because I've heard them before and (in my experience) the guys who use them usually turn out to be slimy. The emotional and physical aspects of a relationship should not be a "test". They should be a partnership where each person has a say as to how far things are allowed to go. If you are testing me this early on, you will always be testing me to see what you can get away with...0 -
He was pushing and when refused came up with that as a dodge to try to pretend he wasn`t.
Just a game and while not a killer probably a warning flag.
If there has been back and forth bumping the line then that changes the context a bit,that is both teasing or alluding to the possibility but if not the case then this is what it was.0 -
Fair enough, but I'd be more worried if the guy never tried to have sex with her.In theory I agree with you... But there is something about those specific words that really, really, really bothers me. Probably because I've heard them before and (in my experience) the guys who use them usually turn out to be slimy. The emotional and physical aspects of a relationship should not be a "test". They should be a partnership where each person has a say as to how far things are allowed to go. If you are testing me this early on, you will always be testing me to see what you can get away with...
Obviously I don't know what kind of agreement they had. But as a guy, we're generally forced to make the first move, and we don't always get a green light or an open for business sign, so we have to test the door.0 -
"games" and "tests" are rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, and just plain irritating! bag him and move on!0
-
If there has been back and forth bumping the line then that changes the context a bit,that is both teasing or alluding to the possibility but if not the case then this is what it was.
She said she outlined her boundaries (as in, I’m ok with XYZ, but not ABC) after a couple of dates ago when he pushed things too far and she had to send him home. They’ve hung out since, and he’s kept himself in check, so I guess that’s why she was a little surprised.0 -
Urgh! I hate all these games that people play. Just do it or dont do it. Why test anyone? What exactly would he be testing?
Just urgh!! :grumble:0 -
I'd be more worried if the guy never tried to have sex with her.
I agree with this too.0 -
He was covering up for his man pride. :laugh:
I wouldn't think it necessarily means he's a bad dude though. Give 'im another shot. If he keeps persisting even after she says no, then maybe all he's looking for is some poontang.0 -
Fair enough, but I'd be more worried if the guy never tried to have sex with her.In theory I agree with you... But there is something about those specific words that really, really, really bothers me. Probably because I've heard them before and (in my experience) the guys who use them usually turn out to be slimy. The emotional and physical aspects of a relationship should not be a "test". They should be a partnership where each person has a say as to how far things are allowed to go. If you are testing me this early on, you will always be testing me to see what you can get away with...
Obviously I don't know what kind of agreement they had. But as a guy, we're generally forced to make the first move, and we don't always get a green light or an open for business sign, so we have to test the door.
^^^^ I agree. As has been stated, I dont know what conversations they have had in regard to this matter, but a lot of women Ive been out with expect me to make any and all first moves. It is almost as if it is my responsibility to try and her responsibility to set the bar/say no when and if I have gone too far.
As for him saying Im testing you?!? I dont think that is a big deal at all, stupid sure, but not the end of the world. He was clearly quite excited and said something stupid. I am sure we have all done that a time or two. If one off comment makes someone a scumbag or means she moves on to the next then I have little to no hope for men in the dating world. Way too much analyzing for an offhand comment that probably meant absolutely nothing.0 -
I think most of the responses are ironic. I'd tell him to ditch her. Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness." If she's so cold that the response to trying is "get out!" and he feels the need to calm her down, with an albeit lame reply, then he should keep on going once he reaches the door.0
-
Gentlemen come on now...when she asks you to leave that is clearly your sign to go, nothing else other than "good night" needs to be said, no excuses, no lame lines, no BS, just get up, check your pee pee at the door and GTFO!0
-
If there has been back and forth bumping the line then that changes the context a bit,that is both teasing or alluding to the possibility but if not the case then this is what it was.
She said she outlined her boundaries (as in, I’m ok with XYZ, but not ABC) after a couple of dates ago when he pushed things too far and she had to send him home. They’ve hung out since, and he’s kept himself in check, so I guess that’s why she was a little surprised.
I dont know how long they have been dating/seeing each other, but at some point, at least for me, ABC had better be available as well or I am going to move on. I dont mean I want it all on the first date, but Im not waiting a month of dates for someone to make up their mind on should we or should we not sleep together. I may be a rude inconsiderate dbag, but Ive seen a lot of ladies post on here that they know quite soon if they want to sleep with a man or not, or if they see him as a real potential etc. So I will play devils advocate and say to everyone here that, at some point she needs to **** or get off the pot...Because if it is me and she wants to date forever but not go all in, I will go somewhere else.0 -
I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Most of my friends view sex as reserved for marriage or at least commitment.
Edited to add:I dont mean I want it all on the first date, but Im not waiting a month of dates for someone to make up their mind on should we or should we not sleep together.
...
Because if it is me and she wants to date forever but not go all in, I will go somewhere else.
Everyone's different. You and my friend would not be compatible. There’s nothing wrong with that… it just is.0 -
It was code for, damn I really wanted to stay for the booty call but you busted me! Lame come back for getting shut down!
I so agree with this - any man who plays these testing games - Do not pass go do not collect $200. NEXT!0 -
Gentlemen come on now...when she asks you to leave that is clearly your sign to go, nothing else other than "good night" needs to be said, no excuses, no lame lines, no BS, just get up, check your pee pee at the door and GTFO!
For all my ranting...I do 100% agree with the above. When it is time to go, it is time to go and yes he should have just shut up and left, and if he cannot handle her boundaries then he needs to move on, I know I would if I wasnt happy with the pace of how things were moving along.0 -
If there has been back and forth bumping the line then that changes the context a bit,that is both teasing or alluding to the possibility but if not the case then this is what it was.
She said she outlined her boundaries (as in, I’m ok with XYZ, but not ABC) after a couple of dates ago when he pushed things too far and she had to send him home. They’ve hung out since, and he’s kept himself in check, so I guess that’s why she was a little surprised.
See, there is absolutely no reason why she should've had to do that more than once.
I get it ... men are perpetually horny. This is why a woman has to have the conversation ahead of time instead of feeling things out, if you'll pardon the pun. It's often hard to stop yourself in the heat of the moment, and if you let a man go further than you're really comfortable with, suddenly the goalposts have moved. If you try to stop him before he gets to that point again, he's confused.
But men have to hold up their end of the bargain. If a woman tells you "I'm not comfortable with this, this, or this," you ought to have enough respect for her not to force her to kick you out for intentionally violating her clearly established boundaries. You don't get to blame that on "being a guy." You're telling her with your actions that she cannot trust you.0
This discussion has been closed.