What does he mean when he says "I'm just testing you"
Options
Replies
-
Yowzas to all the guys that can't/ won't wait a bit if the lady wants to take the physical part of the relationship slow.
Guess like JJ said, you just wouldn't be compatible with those of us who want to wait a bit or longer.
And actually to me, sex is a gift that is awesome but even more awesome once emotions and chemistry is at a certain level. It can be mind blowing when the mind, body AND heart are connected to the other persons. To me it is, anyway.
I am one of those that knows if I'd sleep with you or not within 5 minutes but I also have self control. Just because I would or want to doesn't mean I actually will. This is a good starting point though! haha0 -
Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Wow, just wow...0 -
Bummer. That's how I took it too. She really likes him though. I hope she doesn’t ask me about it again, because I'm not the kind of person who can say, "I don’t know" when I actually have an opinion. One look at my face and she’ll know it’s not good. And the thought that this “awesome” guy might only see her as a booty call would really hurt.
Then don't throw the "booty call" line out - especially if you're not involved.
He was covering his *kitten*, yes, but that doesn't mean it was just a booty call either.0 -
Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Wow, just wow...
I think it's a fair description. You can sugar coat it with all the I am afraid that a guy is only after sex and not really wanting to commit but after six or seven dates if the comfort level isn't there to the point to move the boundaries then what's really going on is the woman wants attention and affection but doesn't want to make a commitment. As Will said, at some point either **** or get of the pot.0 -
Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Wow, just wow...
I think it's a fair description. You can sugar coat it with all the I am afraid that a guy is only after sex and not really wanting to commit but after six or seven dates if the comfort level isn't there to the point to move the boundaries then what's really going on is the woman wants attention and affection but doesn't want to make a commitment. As Will said, at some point either **** or get of the pot.
Wow... I just... Wow. I hope I never encounter that line of thinking. Six or seven dates and I just hand it over? Did sex become some type of transaction? "I bought you a few meals, hand over the nookie." You've got to be kidding. For some, sex is not just sex, and we need a little more in terms of chemistry and emotions, which may take longer than six or seven dates.0 -
If a girl I was just dating kicked me out for anything as small as that I probably wouldn't bother going back. Not really my type.0
-
Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Wow, just wow...
I think it's a fair description. You can sugar coat it with all the I am afraid that a guy is only after sex and not really wanting to commit but after six or seven dates if the comfort level isn't there to the point to move the boundaries then what's really going on is the woman wants attention and affection but doesn't want to make a commitment. As Will said, at some point either **** or get of the pot.
If you think that's a fair description, I'm going to give you another description that could only be described as fair in light of the above ...
If a man is willing to walk away solely because he hasn't gotten laid after 30 days or six or seven dates, then sex is truly all he was after.0 -
I don't think of it like that, but I know where he's coming from. If I go out with someone 6 or 7 times, and if I'm always the person doing the planning and paying for the dates, then it would be nice to get a little something in return. It doesn't even have to be sex, just something nice to let me know I'm appreciated, although sex is usually preferred. If not, I would just assume that she's using me and I'd just move on.Wow... I just... Wow. I hope I never encounter that line of thinking. Six or seven dates and I just hand it over? Did sex become some type of transaction? "I bought you a few meals, hand over the nookie." You've got to be kidding. For some, sex is not just sex, and we need a little more in terms of chemistry and emotions, which may take longer than six or seven dates.0 -
I think the bottom line is that everyone needs to be sure of their own wants,be very clear and upfront about them and not venture too far outside a circle of like minded individuals in searching for a partner and understand that depending on what they desire they may be alone a long time.
If a guy or gal want a physical relationship early on then spending much time with one who does not want that is pointless and vice versa for one that wants some emotional bond with an individual who doesn`t share that conviction.
Yes I know that is a tilting at windmills statement because early on more often then not both will let the other think they will accept and move to where he/she is.
In the long haul they usually don`t.0 -
If a girl I was just dating kicked me out for anything as small as that I probably wouldn't bother going back. Not really my type.
That's the problem, though. If a woman has established physical boundaries with a man she is "just dating," and he intentionally ignores them and tries to blame it on her, that is not a small thing.
Everyone has boundaries. They may not be of a sexual nature. Maybe your privacy is a boundary. Maybe you don't want a girl you're dating to snoop through your cell phone if you leave it unattended. If she does and then blames you for leaving your phone out where she had access to it, would that be a small thing to you?
I don't think you guys get it. It's not about "Oh, my vagina is a precious jewel, and you must crawl over broken glass to get to it." It's about trust and respect.0 -
If a guy or gal want a physical relationship early on then spending much time with one who does not want that is pointless and vice versa for one that wants some emotional bond with an individual who doesn`t share that conviction.
I agree with this. I do think women are often guilty of staying with a man when they know full well he isn't the "wait for marriage" type, and if you're going to do that, you share some of the blame when things go south. It's not hard to figure out. Men are frequently guilty of the opposite. If a woman has told you what her boundaries are and you continue to date her, thinking you are going to push the envelope until you've changed her mind, then you're at fault for the ensuing drama.0 -
Too much pressure and thought being put on words that were likely:
A) said really late at night, thus not at his quippiest
an unplanned sarcastic retort that failed
C) Possibly misheard. Are we sure he used the word "testing" not "TEASING"?
You're telling me you've never said something a little off-kilter when it was late and you were... distracted? Also - he DID stop, right? Isn't that the most important element of this discussion?
A lot of judgments being made here with very little information. The words themselves mean very little without all of the contextual connotations.0 -
"games" and "tests" are rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, and just plain irritating! bag him and move on!
I have to agree.0 -
Also - he DID stop, right? Isn't that the most important element of this discussion?
Not if she had already told him that she was uncomfortable with the way he kept pushing, as, apparently, she did.
We can all come up with excuses for our behavior. "I was drunk." "I was horny." "It was late." "I was distracted." The question is, if you believe your behavior is acceptable, why do you need an excuse?
I think it's pretty clear when he said he was just testing her that he knew he was wrong. He thought he was going to get away with it, and when he didn't, he came up with a BS response.0 -
Guys....Give up while you are behind, you aren't going find the right woman with "caveman" mentality!0
-
Guys....Give up while you are behind, you aren't going find the right woman with "caveman" mentality!
I agree. My roommate is a classic example of this mentality.
Personally, I would have tried a different way, but would stop if asked.0 -
..Guys....Give up while you are behind, you aren't going find the right woman with "caveman" mentality!
LMAO!! smart man.0 -
Guys....Give up while you are behind, you aren't going find the right woman with "caveman" mentality!
Scapez is one lucky lady :flowerforyou:0 -
Guys....Give up while you are behind, you aren't going find the right woman with "caveman" mentality!
I fully agree but my God I have seen many a lady with one. :noway:0 -
Prolly "lady" isn't the right term then Carl .. lol0
-
Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Wow, just wow...
I think it's a fair description. You can sugar coat it with all the I am afraid that a guy is only after sex and not really wanting to commit but after six or seven dates if the comfort level isn't there to the point to move the boundaries then what's really going on is the woman wants attention and affection but doesn't want to make a commitment. As Will said, at some point either **** or get of the pot.
If you think that's a fair description, I'm going to give you another description that could only be described as fair in light of the above ...
If a man is willing to walk away solely because he hasn't gotten laid after 30 days or six or seven dates, then sex is truly all he was after.
To be fair, I didn't say anything about getting laid after 6 or 7 dates, I said if she was uncomfortable moving the boundaries, then she is the one afraid to commit. At that point it's time to assess if she is playing games with you. In my experience most of the time she is either using you to get some much wanted/needed attention so she feels better about herself or she thinks you're a nice guy but isn't really attracted to you (and is internally conflicted about it). As a result she strings you along in the hopes that maybe just maybe someday she will be physically attracted because she likes almost everything else about you.
You can call it a game or a test but at the end of the day actions speak louder than words. If a woman is comfortable, the boundaries will move. If she is into you but not to that point, she will say something like not yet, slow down and if she isn't into you she'll freak out and tell you to leave. If you ask her how she feels about you, you're not going to get the same level of honesty. No woman will ever tell a guy, "I'm just dating you because I like the attention but I don't take you seriously" and even "you're such as nice guy and I am hoping that someday I will be attracted to you physically but I am not now" is unlikely because you wouldn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. The guy also runs the risk of being considered wimpy and not a real man because he started asking about feelings.0 -
Prolly "lady" isn't the right term then Carl .. lol
I know it sounds dumb but I hate using the word "woman or women" because of all the times it is spit out as an epitaph.
Yes,I have been guilty of doing that too.
It is silly but still seems inherently disrespectful to me for some reason.0 -
Prolly "lady" isn't the right term then Carl .. lol
I know it sounds dumb but I hate using the word "woman or women" because of all the times it is spit out as an epitaph.
Yes,I have been guilty of doing that too.
It is silly but still seems inherently disrespectful to me for some reason.
Just stick with 'chick' then Carl :laugh:
0 -
Prolly "lady" isn't the right term then Carl .. lol
I know it sounds dumb but I hate using the word "woman or women" because of all the times it is spit out as an epitaph.
Yes,I have been guilty of doing that too.
It is silly but still seems inherently disrespectful to me for some reason.
Just stick with 'chick' then Carl :laugh:
That doesn`t seem any better though. :laugh:0 -
wait .. I have to go look up epitaph .. hahahahahaha! Just kidding .. kinda..
I always use "chick" when I speaking about girls in a bad way .. lol. Not that I would EVER do that .. :noway: :bigsmile:0 -
Then again I get annoyed with the female attitude that "sex with me is a gift and I'll decide when you've proven your worthiness."
Wow, just wow...
I think it's a fair description. You can sugar coat it with all the I am afraid that a guy is only after sex and not really wanting to commit but after six or seven dates if the comfort level isn't there to the point to move the boundaries then what's really going on is the woman wants attention and affection but doesn't want to make a commitment. As Will said, at some point either **** or get of the pot.
If you think that's a fair description, I'm going to give you another description that could only be described as fair in light of the above ...
If a man is willing to walk away solely because he hasn't gotten laid after 30 days or six or seven dates, then sex is truly all he was after.
To be fair, I didn't say anything about getting laid after 6 or 7 dates, I said if she was uncomfortable moving the boundaries, then she is the one afraid to commit. At that point it's time to assess if she is playing games with you. In my experience most of the time she is either using you to get some much wanted/needed attention so she feels better about herself or she thinks you're a nice guy but isn't really attracted to you (and is internally conflicted about it). As a result she strings you along in the hopes that maybe just maybe someday she will be physically attracted because she likes almost everything else about you.
You can call it a game or a test but at the end of the day actions speak louder than words. If a woman is comfortable, the boundaries will move. If she is into you but not to that point, she will say something like not yet, slow down and if she isn't into you she'll freak out and tell you to leave. If you ask her how she feels about you, you're not going to get the same level of honesty. No woman will ever tell a guy, "I'm just dating you because I like the attention but I don't take you seriously" and even "you're such as nice guy and I am hoping that someday I will be attracted to you physically but I am not now" is unlikely because you wouldn't want to hurt the guy's feelings. The guy also runs the risk of being considered wimpy and not a real man because he started asking about feelings.
But sex isn't a commitment. For most women, the commitment comes first, and then sex. It's not all (or even mostly) about physical attraction for us. Sure, the attraction has to be there. But there has to be more.
And for a woman who knows she wants to wait until marriage, the boundaries really can't move because once they do, you're opening the floodgates. The guy will start trying to move the boundaries every time you're together until you've reached a point where you either have to sleep with him or tell him goodbye. If you know, as a man, that you are not willing to wait, then be honest about it. But if you say you're willing to wait, then be a man and keep your word instead of forcing her to redefine the relationship every single time you're together.0 -
wait .. I have to go look up epitaph .. hahahahahaha! Just kidding .. kinda..
I always use "chick" when I speaking about girls in a bad way .. lol. Not that I would EVER do that .. :noway: :bigsmile:
Think I used the wrong word and now can`t find the correct spelling but the same as a curse word.
On edit... epithet
Carry on now.
0 -
Too cute Carl .. I wouldn't have known the difference!!!!0
-
If a girl I was just dating kicked me out for anything as small as that I probably wouldn't bother going back. Not really my type.
That's the problem, though. If a woman has established physical boundaries with a man she is "just dating," and he intentionally ignores them and tries to blame it on her, that is not a small thing.
Everyone has boundaries. They may not be of a sexual nature. Maybe your privacy is a boundary. Maybe you don't want a girl you're dating to snoop through your cell phone if you leave it unattended. If she does and then blames you for leaving your phone out where she had access to it, would that be a small thing to you?
I don't think you guys get it. It's not about "Oh, my vagina is a precious jewel, and you must crawl over broken glass to get to it." It's about trust and respect.
Dont get me wrong, Im not advocating, not respecting your boundaries at all. I am saying that if I dont concur with her boundaries, we are not a good fit and I am going to move along whether those boundaries are of a sexual nature or not. I am all for everyone sticking to what they believe in and doing only what they are comfortable with.
My point is the guy said "I was just testing you" and it seems a lot of folks are ready to tar and feather him and make him out to be some sexist dbag. Maybe he is maybe he isnt, but I dont think we can label him with the limited info we have nor can we legitimately say he was only after a booty call. The guy said something that caused his date to seek advice from her friends and we are castrating him as an evil man that just wants to get laid.
Newsflash...everyone wants to get laid! If the person I am interested in has boundaries that, for instance, are set at no sex until marriage, I am not the guy for her. I dont want her to change her boundaries, and I dont think its fair to ask me to change mine either (which is kind of what we have turned this thread into...men are bad because they want sex before a woman may be ready).
So yes, I do respect your boundaries, all Im asking is dont assume I am a sex craved deviant because I dont agree with them and have my boundaries set at a different level. To each their own.0 -
If somebody told me on one date that I can do "XYZ" but not "ABC", I would probably try "ABC" again after a few more dates (unless she clearly said she's waiting for marriage, which I'm assuming is not the case only because it wasn't mentioned). I still don't think it was very clear. It's much better than asking "So what can we do tonight?" Kinda takes all the fun out of it (whatever fun was left at least).If a girl I was just dating kicked me out for anything as small as that I probably wouldn't bother going back. Not really my type.
That's the problem, though. If a woman has established physical boundaries with a man she is "just dating," and he intentionally ignores them and tries to blame it on her, that is not a small thing.
Everyone has boundaries. They may not be of a sexual nature. Maybe your privacy is a boundary. Maybe you don't want a girl you're dating to snoop through your cell phone if you leave it unattended. If she does and then blames you for leaving your phone out where she had access to it, would that be a small thing to you?
I don't think you guys get it. It's not about "Oh, my vagina is a precious jewel, and you must crawl over broken glass to get to it." It's about trust and respect.0
This discussion has been closed.