You can speak for me! Everything you said here in this discussion I agree with spot on, especially including this.
Men say "I want to have sex with the girl that I am dating, because I like her" but then they're also willing to go do it with any girl, so ho ware we supposed to know when you're being genuine and when you're using us for sex? So I think it's just better to wait, because as stated earlier, a guy generally won't stick around more than a month or so if he's not getting laid. It's the truth.

That adds a whole other level to things, besides the fact that to me, sex is special.

I'd rather be single than date someone who has that kind of attitude, that they deserve something in return for taking me out, or that just because I'm attracted to him I will have sex right away.

I totally understand and respect all of that. Hopefully I speak for most guys when I say that I could never use somebody for sex, unless maybe if it's mutual. If I don't like someone I'm sure as hell not going to keep them around simply for sex, it's so not worth it. And I apologize on behalf of the good guys to anybody who's had this happen to them, that's not cool. I know there are plenty of a-holes out there.

But the difference between men and women is when guys get used for sex, we usually go brag to all our friends about it.

To me it's special too, but it's also part of getting to know someone. That and the fact that if I really like someone, I tend to want to rip their clothes off. That's why it's hard for us to understand why women aren't the same way.

I would like to have some of it at some early point (since let's be honest, I can have the sex part somewhere else anyway if I truly want to, so sex doesn't mean *THAT* much to me).

But if sex does mean something to someone else, and you really like that person, would you stop dating them because of it? Is sex that important to you that you would throw away a potentially great relationship just because you had to wait 3, 6, 9 months or even a year (maybe that is an exaggeration for the most part, but knew you would eventually have sex with her/are on the way to sex)??

This is just a theoretical question that I am curious to hear the answer to, if you or other men wouldn't mind answering? Or even women! Just reverse the situation. I am sorry to hijack the thread!

I'll go. I need sex. It makes me feel like a man. That said, I am a patient man. If we understand each other and it is a comfort thing and you are earning your quirks, I'll wait (but probably not for a year...).

You can speak for me! Everything you said here in this discussion I agree with spot on, especially including this.
Men say "I want to have sex with the girl that I am dating, because I like her" but then they're also willing to go do it with any girl, so ho ware we supposed to know when you're being genuine and when you're using us for sex? So I think it's just better to wait, because as stated earlier, a guy generally won't stick around more than a month or so if he's not getting laid. It's the truth.

That adds a whole other level to things, besides the fact that to me, sex is special.

I'd rather be single than date someone who has that kind of attitude, that they deserve something in return for taking me out, or that just because I'm attracted to him I will have sex right away.

I totally understand and respect all of that. Hopefully I speak for most guys when I say that I could never use somebody for sex, unless maybe if it's mutual. If I don't like someone I'm sure as hell not going to keep them around simply for sex, it's so not worth it. And I apologize on behalf of the good guys to anybody who's had this happen to them, that's not cool. I know there are plenty of a-holes out there.

But the difference between men and women is when guys get used for sex, we usually go brag to all our friends about it.

To me it's special too, but it's also part of getting to know someone. That and the fact that if I really like someone, I tend to want to rip their clothes off. That's why it's hard for us to understand why women aren't the same way.

Oh, women are the same way. I used to live next door to a guy who was so hot that I honestly had trouble even talking to him because all I could think about when he was around was having my way with him. And I could have. He could not seem to stop himself from looking me up and down every down we talked. It was like we were daring each other. But I also knew he only wanted sex, and that (and the fact that he was my neighbor) was enough to stop me from taking it any further. I knew exactly what would've happened ... I would've gotten emotionally attached to a guy who lived 12 feet away and didn't feel the same way. If I saw him take another woman into his place, I probably would've gone psycho. So I left it alone, but that doesn't mean I didn't want him like crazy.

I also want to clarify something I said earlier about a guy not respecting me if he doesn't agree with me on the sex issue. I don't think disagreeing with someone means you don't respect that person. What I mean is if my boundaries have been made clear and a guy continues to push the envelope, then he doesn't respect me. And I think the same is true in reverse. If a guy tells me that he wants to be in a sexual relationship and doesn't want to wait around for a long time, then I either accept that or I move on. Continuing to date him, knowing we are not on the same page, is disrespectful to him.

I also want to clarify something I said earlier about a guy not respecting me if he doesn't agree with me on the sex issue. I don't think disagreeing with someone means you don't respect that person. What I mean is if my boundaries have been made clear and a guy continues to push the envelope, then he doesn't respect me. And I think the same is true in reverse. If a guy tells me that he wants to be in a sexual relationship and doesn't want to wait around for a long time, then I either accept that or I move on. Continuing to date him, knowing we are not on the same page, is disrespectful to him.

See, I've never had a girl set clear boundaries for me before. I usually have to test the water and try things until she says no or pushes me away. Sometime they say we are not having sex tonight, so of course I'm going to try to figure out what she is okay with instead and then try and have sex again in the morning. So my question would be how clear are these boundaries?

Also girls seem to like when guys take control and initiate sex. Yet they want to be the ones who decide when it's okay to have sex, and have a problem saying it. It gets very confusing.

I have said before that one of many womens worst dreads is rejection but also they also detest the thought of surrendering the power of being the one to do that.

I would like to have some of it at some early point (since let's be honest, I can have the sex part somewhere else anyway if I truly want to, so sex doesn't mean *THAT* much to me).

But if sex does mean something to someone else, and you really like that person, would you stop dating them because of it? Is sex that important to you that you would throw away a potentially great relationship just because you had to wait 3, 6, 9 months or even a year (maybe that is an exaggeration for the most part, but knew you would eventually have sex with her/are on the way to sex)??

This is just a theoretical question that I am curious to hear the answer to, if you or other men wouldn't mind answering? Or even women! Just reverse the situation. I am sorry to hijack the thread!

Sex does mean something to me with the right girl. I have had my share of meaningless sex and learned it didn't make me happy long term. But my answer is no. 3, 6, etc months? I won't wait that long, we just aren't a match if she wants to wait that long. If we are seriously dating and exclusive no I won't wait 3 months. I will either assume she is not really into me or we will end up in the friend zone or we have different boundaries and I will have moved on. I'm sure this isn't true of all women, but the ones I have met that wanted to wait 3 months or more made me feel like, and often said, I had to earn it! I'm not at all sure what that meant but what it almost always turned into was a load of crap about making sure I wasn't just in it for sex etc. Making me wait 3 or more months doesn't endear me to you in other emotional ways, to me it says you are holding out and using sex as a reward and I don't have time for that and won't stick around. Again this is based on my experience and I'm sure is not true for everyone.
Short answer no I wouldn't normally wait that long and I wouldn't see it as throwing away a potentially great relationship because I wont get to know you all that well. I will have already moved on or put you in the friend zone. To me sex is a big part of a healthy relationship and I don't buy timelines etc.

I think that's a far enough call. Too many woman do use it as a reward. Too bad for them if they don't enjoy it enough or feel as if they want to with the person they are seeing. Unlucky.

I agree with the timeline statement as well, I'm sure it's different upon each individual scenario but I would have to be sooo sure this girl is just that amazing before I could wait 6months to be with someone I felt so strongly about. If I feel that way about someone, I want to have sex with them, if she doesn't then it's not going to work. Everyone has needs! Attend to them :laugh:

I also have to say I don't buy the "I'm a man, and I can't live without it" thing. I know plenty of guys, most of whom had been in sexual relationships before, who waited until marriage to have sex with their wives. I'm not saying it's easy (for the man OR the woman), but people do it when they meet someone they care that much about.

I do think if you are insistent on waiting until marriage, it needs to come up pretty quickly. It sucks that one-night stands and first date sex are so common these days that a woman is forced to open up about that sort of thing right away, but those are the times we live in. I don't think it's honest to try to get a guy strung out on you and then drop the bomb that you're not going to sleep with him until there's a ring on your finger.

I don't hang out with guys I have a romantic interest in. Either we're dating or we aren't. If we're dating, and he doesn't want to commit to an exclusive relationship for 6 months because he likes to take his time, okay. But I'll be dating other guys, too. And I can't promise one of them won't win me over before the 6 months are up.

This is what I think: people have their ideas about what they are and aren't willing to "tolerate," and those ideas often disappear when they meet someone who changes their world. (I don't put waiting for marriage in that category because that's almost always a religious conviction and not simply an idea.) If a guy is willing to walk away from me because I wouldn't have sex with him when he wanted me to, then he is, with his actions, telling me I was not the someone who changed his world. And I would rather lose him than lose myself.

Not only that, I've had guys tell me they refuse to not have sex early into dating. Then they whine about how their ex wife hadn't put out in years. So what's another 6 months or so while getting to know someone?

I think the fact they told you part of the reason they resented a woman with whom they made a vow and a lifetime commitment so much that they dissolved the marriage, split their assets and took their chances on finding better out there is a very good indication of what another 6 months is to them.

Every guy needs to know what a lady wants and how she is pleased when they have sex, would greatly encourage all parties to be very open about what they like and how.

Not directed at you Janie,just using your statement to make a general point and a thing that bothers me as a guy about other guys who view sex as them getting off and the lady being the tool.
They ruin it for all us men.

Yeah, they do ruin it for good men. But few of us come across good men. I mean, even in kissing a man you can tell they are going to be very selfish lovers. When I listen to my coworkers talk, they echo the same sentiment that my ex did: They're getting off and the woman is the tool. VERY few (they exist, just rarely) care about the woman beyond what she can do for them. Look good in public, cook, clean, run their errands, and let them get sexual enjoyment without regard for the lady's feelings.

I hope you don't think that *I* think *all* men are this way... if I did, I wouldn't still be dating. But it does make it difficult for me to date military guys. They have that huge stereotype to overcome.

Im a military guy and I think you are just dating the wrong branch of service!! I think nothing is sexier or more amazing than a woman in the throes of org**m. So yes I will do anything and everything to make that happen and dont see women as a tool to my enjoyment. I would not classify myself as a good man per se, but I do know that women deserve to have their needs met just as much as I do so sexually and as a partner in crime I do my part to make sure those needs are met and or exceeded.

Basically Janie you need to switch to Marines! Semper Fidelis

my fantasy!! i would love to love a Marine!!

Basically Janie you need to switch to Marines! Semper Fidelis

women can make sure they get something out of sex! they have to be vocal and perhaps proactive about it, but if you're with a guy that make HIM the priority either have a sit down, or move on.

most of the guys i've met have at least offered " i take care of my woman" via lip service. no clue if they all make good on that or not, but i'd say 99% of them SAY it!!!