My problem is more that, when I explain pansexual to someone, they generally respond with, "...so you're bisexual?", at which point much facepalming ensues.

To be fair, I had no idea what pansexual was until this past year, and that is the label that best describes me. When I explain it to people though I generally get, "So you'll sleep with anyone?" "Um, no. I will not be sleeping with you. Also, I still have standards."

THIS!!! Same, its like bisexual = easy
I finally started to use the label bi/pan just in the past year, if you had asked me before that I would just say that I am a romantic. I fall in love with people, its the personality and characteristics, not attached to their genetics and biology that attracted me, I am not looking for a hookup, I look in terms of lasting. In the world we live in, I realized that I need to use a label or I would be spouting off the same speech every 5mins, all that it boils down to is that......I have dated women that are very feminine, some could be called butch, I have dated very metro guys and very manly men, but in each of those people I found something that called to me, made me smile or laugh and be open to love. This would can label and make all the misconceptions that its wants to make, I am going to live and love....and be happy.

I have had long term, monogamous relationships with women and men. I've always considered myself bisexual, but the more I have looked up pansexual the more I feel that could be me as well. I would easily date a transgender person if they were the right person. I would be open to any HUMAN being so long as they were good souls.
If sexuality was black and white, it would be SO boring. I'm glad I am the way I am, no matter how confusing it was in adolescence. I actually originally came out to my family as gay, because I could never see myself in a LTR with a man, but I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I would actually say more so to women, but right now I am engaged to a man (actually my first really serious relationship with a man). He knows about my past, has met a few of my past girlfriends, and is 100% okay with it so long as I am faithful, which isn't even a concern of mine or his. It wasn't until I met him could I see myself getting married and starting a family the traditional way.
The biggest problem I have found with being bi-sexual is the fact many in the gay and straight communities outcast us, always telling us we should pick a side, or that "being bi isn't even possible" (I have heard that one many times especially about men), 'you're just experimenting/confused/curious', 'you just like to have sex' (yeah no *kitten*, most people do?), 'it is just an excuse to be slutty', etc. So many people don't realize the struggles bisexuals have. Sometimes we have it harder. As a child/young adult, it was extremely conflicting to have both sexual feelings and crushes on both sexes, and to be honest sometimes I wonder with marrying a man, if I will ever have full sexual and emotional fulfillment since I truly am greatly attracted to both- and my personal belief in a marriage of any kind is to share monogamy (I have no issues for others who don't believe this, it is just my personal opinion~live and let live). Also, there is a lot less research and focus on bisexuality; questions are often left unanswered and ignored, making it more difficult for youth or even adults with questions. Many people also accuse us of just being in self denial because we 'are actually just gay'. It is so frustrating, bisexuality and pansexuality need to be recognized as being valid sexualitys so others can feel like they have somewhere to belong and feel validated for completely normal feelings.

I have had long term, monogamous relationships with women and men. I've always considered myself bisexual, but the more I have looked up pansexual the more I feel that could be me as well. I would easily date a transgender person if they were the right person. I would be open to any HUMAN being so long as they were good souls.

I agree, I consider myself bisexual, but feel like I could also be pansexual.

The biggest problem I have found with being bi-sexual is the fact many in the gay and straight communities outcast us, always telling us we should pick a side, or that "being bi isn't even possible" (I have heard that one many times especially about men), 'you're just experimenting/confused/curious', 'you just like to have sex' (yeah no *kitten*, most people do?), 'it is just an excuse to be slutty', etc. So many people don't realize the struggles bisexuals have. Sometimes we have it harder. As a child/young adult, it was extremely conflicting to have both sexual feelings and crushes on both sexes, and to be honest sometimes I wonder with marrying a man, if I will ever have full sexual and emotional fulfillment since I truly am greatly attracted to both- and my personal belief in a marriage of any kind is to share monogamy (I have no issues for others who don't believe this, it is just my personal opinion~live and let live). Also, there is a lot less research and focus on bisexuality; questions are often left unanswered and ignored, making it more difficult for youth or even adults with questions. Many people also accuse us of just being in self denial because we 'are actually just gay'. It is so frustrating, bisexuality and pansexuality need to be recognized as being valid sexualitys so others can feel like they have somewhere to belong and feel validated for completely normal feelings.

I HATE when people say these things. How isn't it possible? lol it's not that just want to have sex or that we are greedy or anything. That's just who we are. We are attracted to men and women. I guess people just don't get it since theyre not in our shoes, but still its not right to judge.

I've heard it all. People saying that bisexuals are just desperate people and are willing to be with whoever they can. I've heard them be called sluts, *kitten*, etc. It offends me big time. That's so not true. I've had people say that no one loves bisexuals because they can't make up their mind about who they want to be with. And that is so wrong. People can love anyone. Just because someone likes both sexes doesn't mean that they don't have their own taste and preferences in people. I won't settle for just anyone. I've heard people say that bisexuals are allowed to date a girl and a guy at the same time and it wouldn't be considered cheated because they're different genders. Wrong! Dating more then one person at any time is wrong! I don't fall in love with just anyone. It doesn't matter if they're a girl or a guy, they have to have a romantic side. I gotta admit it, I'm a die hard, old fashioned, romantic girl at heart. People always ask me if I lean more torward girls or guys. But I have no answer. I love both just the same. I don't fall in love with someone more easily just because they are a certain gender. I fall for the person inside, personality, etc.
I've always refered to myself as a bisexual simply because it's easier but then I learned about pansexuals and think that fits me more. It doesn't matter about the gender to me. What matters is a person's personality and soul, etc. If Iove them I love them, it doesn't matter if they're a guy, girl, trans, etc. I don't care about the gender of the person I fall in love with, only who they are.

Out here in sacramento many lesbians wont even give a Bi/Pan female a chance.
I guess out of the fear that they will cheat on em with a guy or leave em for a guy.
If ur gna cheat, ur gonna cheat, girl or guy.
So me being pansexual out here is kinda hard when i find interest in a female....

Well, I only very recently found out about the definition "Pansexual". When asked about why I was attracted to both men and women, the only label I had to use was 'Bisexual". I would try to explain that I was attracted to people more for their personalities than their looks or sex. It also had a lot to do with how THAT person treated ME. Having someone desire me was a HUGE turn-on for me. I should just label myself eccentric and be done with it...seeing as how I seem to have become ASEXUAL these past few years...lol All these labels...I am as I am, and I do as I want...as long as it doesn't hurt others..

side note: if i hear one more straight man respond to finding out i'm bisexual with "oh really? need a third?" i will punch him in the man parts.

eh eh, no violence on MFP



:laugh:

I'm sick of people assuming I haven't "made up my mind yet" when they find out I'm bisexual. Yes, I have made up my mind. I decided that I like both and that to restrict myself baised on gender wouldn't be being true to myself.
I also hear a lot that I'm "going through a faze" because I'm young. Ugh, that one particularly gets me.


Bisexuality does not equate to being undecisive, greedy, desperate or a slut.

It doesn't come up much since I'm married to a man. But I hear it from others. What frustrates me the most is "bisexuality doesn't exist". Aaaahh!! Of course it does!

I think the reason bisexuals/pansexuals get such a bad rap sometimes is the same reason you get so many bi people asserting that everyone is bi ... it's because some part of our sexuality is hardcoded into us. As a"bi" queer person, it's difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that some people really, truly are attracted to only one sex of person. Likewise, I think it is difficult for some people who are not bi or pan to wrap their minds around the idea that sex doesn't limit who we are attracted to. It's not all non-bi/pan people, but for some it might just be incomprehensible because it is so counter to their own sexual wiring.
That is why I personally disagree with saying everyone's bi or a little bi. I feel like that undermines other very valid sexualities simply because I am not that sexuality and therefore do not experience attraction that way.
I sometimes think it is like belief in god. You get people who KNOW that there IS a God and you get people who KNOW that there IS NOT. Most of the time these two camps simply don't get where the other is coming from. And you get people in between too. But for the people firmly on one side or the other, it is something you can feel to your core to the point where it seems like the other side has to be lying to feel so differently than you. But they're not ... like sexuality, belief in a God is something that can be partially hardcoded into our brains, too. (I use the religion analogy because it was after watching a very well done documentary on the temporal lobes by the BBC that I had my "a-ha!" moment about all of this.)

I think this is a good post.

Also, I think its entirely fair for people to define their sexuality the way they identify even if its not how YOU would define it, so its rude to say a lesbian is bi just because she sometimes sleeps with men.

I will never know what a panssexual is, even once I am told, I just don't get it.

I don'tlike it when people do all that thing saying 'oh I love people not body parts', I mean, i get what they saying but it makes me feel like they think they are really deep and unshallow and the rest of us just see people as a walking **** or boobs. I am totally gay but it dont mean am shallow or that i restrict myself. i love people too, they just hapen to be male people who i love romantically!

Its kind of hard to explain but for a lot of people, its that you don't get sexually interested in someone without getting to know them first. Period. It doesn't mean people who can are shallow and don't also like to get to know someone but they generally look around and think "hey that person has a penis, I am totally hot for that".

Its not a big deal. If you like, think of it as a fetish. You can have a fetish and not be somehow a 'worse' person that someone who doesn't.

I will never know what a panssexual is, even once I am told, I just don't get it.

I don'tlike it when people do all that thing saying 'oh I love people not body parts', I mean, i get what they saying but it makes me feel like they think they are really deep and unshallow and the rest of us just see people as a walking **** or boobs. I am totally gay but it dont mean am shallow or that i restrict myself. i love people too, they just hapen to be male people who i love romantically!

Its kind of hard to explain but for a lot of people, its that you don't get sexually interested in someone without getting to know them first. Period. It doesn't mean people who can are shallow and don't also like to get to know someone but they generally look around and think "hey that person has a penis, I am totally hot for that".

Its not a big deal. If you like, think of it as a fetish. You can have a fetish and not be somehow a 'worse' person that someone who doesn't.

being gay is likea fetish? i don't understand, am not kinky! idk maybe i got it wrong?

for me what attracts me to men is their appearence as a whole and also the dynamic i can have with a man like feelin protected and all that, like the strength and masculinity, i can't even expalin it, its a whole package and a dynamic and an aura... it goes real deep, not just about the penis. Penis is not that important to me but then again I am a virgin, sooo.

Ugh. Everything most of you have said.

I've mostly dated trans people. I'm probably your dictionary definition "pansexual" but I sorta hate the term. I think that if you know your greek prefixes it's easy to see why people take it as "being sexually attracted to everyone" -- which also presumes sexual attraction is the foremost concern of romantic relationships. I like "gender blind" a little better, but nothing quite feels like it is "technically accurate". The tendency to shoot for "technical accuracy" in the gay community drives me a little crazy. I vacillate between going as "bisexual" (what I came out as when I was 15), "pansexual" or "gender blind" (more technically accurate, if not perfectly so) and just throwing in the towel and going with "queer" (which gets a lot of blank looks now because I am married to a dude).

But, ultimately, whose business is it, other than someone with whom I might want to actually have a romantic and physical relationship? People who don't approve can shut the front door.

Anyway. It's interesting where people's prejudices lie. Just because all my most dysfunctional relationships were with lesbians, and the ones that were the most epic and romantic and sexy were with bi women, does not lead me to believe that lesbians are all bad and incapable of having healthy relationships. But most of the people I've met who have a chip about bisexuals haven't even dated one!

I never feel entirely comfortable being out in a GLBTQI community. I'm always on guard. But it's better than hanging out in straightsville where no one has any idea that gender and sexuality might not be the same for everyone. A no-win scenario. I try not to be too *****y about it, but I am probably massively unsuccessful.

I don't feel comfortable using the term bisexual. I mostly just say I'm not straight. Not that it's any easier for my friends to understand... :I

I told my dad I was bi in high school, and he told me "you can't be bisexual, you're either gay or straight."

really?? why can't one be attracted to men AND women? sometimes I like the softer touch of a woman, other times I like to be rougher with a guy.....

I wonder what he'd say if I told him I might be pansexual....hehehe