. If Smiley found out that I slept with FL and that I'm still carrying this type of relationship with him (wanting to visit him, taking midnight calls), it could hurt him. Just saying that makes it sound even more scandalous like I'm lying to my bf.

Boom there it is! I thought he knew that you had slept with him. Wow.

Your talking about how smiley should be honest with you, yet your sitting there having not told him the entire truth about FL.

He most certainly would have a problem with it, I know, Ive been in the exact same situation as smiley is in. It's not cool. To still be talking and hanging out at his house, going to movies, with someone you slept with whilst you have a boyfriend is just crazy talk since you haven't told smiley you have slept with him.

Not cool.

Am I supposed to tell him everything about my past? No. I don't want to know who all he's slept with.

I understand this point though. If this was the case, i would have had to tell my bf.. hey by the way, I slept with my guy friend.
How is that productive?
Or as soon as bf and I went exclusive, I had to drop my friend because I slept with him 1 time several months ago?

The best option I see now is to just quit FL. Simple. And if Smiley asks me if I've ever slept with him, I'd be honest. I wouldn't lie.

I have told bf that I had sex with a friend earlier in the year because we had talked about how long it had been etc.. I was open with him about how sex was something emotional for me, blah blah. I wonder if he's figured it out.

Regardless this is getting to complicated for me to keep up with so I'm just backing off the friend lover. Simple.

I want my bf. He's my priority. Friend is now just a friend, that's all. No more special connection with him.

The point is that the nature of your relationship with FL cannot continue the way that it is. You are still too emotionally connected to him, and it is almost the same thing as cheating on Smiley. FL is going to continue to take advantage of your feelings to manipulate you. It is time to close the chapter on that relationship, or, if you just can't let go of that friendship, then it is time to establish some new boundaries with him that respect Smiley's feelings.

If you continue to behave the way you do towards FL, then you will put a strain on your relationship with Smiley. You can't have both.

The point is that the nature of your relationship with FL cannot continue the way that it is. You are still too emotionally connected to him, and it is almost the same thing as cheating on Smiley. FL is going to continue to take advantage of your feelings to manipulate you. It is time to close the chapter on that relationship, or, if you just can't let go of that friendship, then it is time to establish some new boundaries with him that respect Smiley's feelings.

This.

"Emotional affairs" can hurt worse than the real thing. I do NOT believe that a man can't help himself, but when I came back from my last 6 month military trip to discover my ex had been spending hours on the phone with the person who WAS my best friend, spending all kinds of fun time with her, taking platonic group trips together I was WAAAY more hurt than if he had just found some quickie to "get his needs taken care of."

So glad you've decided to quit FL! :flowerforyou:

I had to drop my friend because I slept with him 1 time several months ago?

No... I think we're recommending you drop him not because you slept with him, but because you have become so emotionally attached to him that it's threatening what could be a great relationship with a great guy.

What she said!

Shouild I talk to bf about it again just to make sure all is okay? Reassure him? Or let it die.. he hasn't brought it up but for some reason FL keeps commenting and posting stuff on my FB page and so he's dripping in there.

I think I'll just reassure him w/o bringing up FL??

oooo I cant wait to hear what the guys tell you... I, myself, would ask FL to back off (you're such a good friend, I'm sure you understand I don't want your posts to give my new boyfriend the wrong impression) and if he doesn't block him. If you don't want to BLOCK him for the friendship's sake, you can set up default customization that he won't see all of your posts (if he doesn't see new posts, he can't comment on them). Then you choose to let him see only a post every so often. In real life, I've only done this once...most times someone backs down when I ask them to.

ETA: I wouldn't mention FL to Smiley again, just show him how much you care for him with your actions... again, I'm curious what the guys will recommend

I wouldnt bring it up I dont think, then he will know you've been thinking about it and it might prop thoughts in Smileys head as to why you think you should be thinking about it.. As in " has my girlfriend done something to feel guilty about"

Def do not bring up that you slept with him. Ever. This will unleash a sh%tstorm of doom.

Shouild I talk to bf about it again just to make sure all is okay? Reassure him? Or let it die.. he hasn't brought it up but for some reason FL keeps commenting and posting stuff on my FB page and so he's dripping in there.

I think I'll just reassure him w/o bringing up FL??

I would do as Janie said and ask FL to please respect your relationship and not overdo it with the Facebook comments.
He is trying to drive a wedge but likey only to get you back to what he had before,a built in companion not a relationship.

Late reply. Hope you don't mind me saying this, sweetie, but FL has already affected your relationship when you chose not to say you'd slept together in order to try and keep him as a friend while dating Smiley. Yes we all have a past and the right to choose what to share, but this is slightly different as this is not just your past, it's your present too. This is someone you still care a lot about who until recently you loved, who you attempted to include as a friend in both your lives (yours and Smileys). You still share (or are susceptible to sharing) emotional intimacy - as evidenced by the fact he just tried to get it back and you got confused then felt guilty - both about upsetting him and now about smiley.

I know you had the best of intentions and hoped for a platonic friendship. If he had played along, maybe with the move you'd have got it, but it was always a long and risky shot. Think for a moment if the situations were reversed how would you act ie meeting a freind of smileys he felt the same way about as you did FL and not knowing the score, then her making a move. It's done now and I agree with the others - to come clean would raise more questions than the situation deserves. But only if you let FL go - otherwise the risk to your new relationship continues.