It's fine to be "just friends" if you are up front about it from the get go. But, you know, since they all fall madly in love with you, you may have a problem. You may just be too awesome for your own good. LOL I say BE HONEST. From the start. But if you go out with them and ask them out again and you don't tell them that you're really just looking for a friendship vs. a relationship, then you are wrong, because you are leading them on. If you tell them you'd just like to be friends and see if they're okay with that, that's their choice.

And NO, you do not have to bang them all.

I would prefer to date someone who didn't bang them all.

Because when I do get in a relationship, I want that to be special and sacred not something that my partner has done with every girl he's dated casually.

It could be hurtful to them if they felt a "spark" with you. Again, I think it's something that has to happen organically. You can't really force it.

It could come off as.... "I'm on this online DATING site, but you're not dating material. So, let's be friends."

That's exactly what I fear. I have two girls in mind in particular that are pretty awesome and I would love to hang out with again but I don't feel any spark for. I guess that spark could happen but in my experience that usually comes out right away.

EDIT: When I first hung out with them, it was definitely for dating. Just wasn't interested like that.

Maybe you could say something along the lines of, "I had a lot of fun with you, but I see us more as friends than something else. Would you be up to hanging out as friends sometime?"

from my perspective all there IS is banging on dating sites................

It's fine to be "just friends" if you are up front about it from the get go. But, you know, since they all fall madly in love with you, you may have a problem. You may just be too awesome for your own good. LOL I say BE HONEST. From the start. But if you go out with them and ask them out again and you don't tell them that you're really just looking for a friendship vs. a relationship, then you are wrong, because you are leading them on. If you tell them you'd just like to be friends and see if they're okay with that, that's their choice.

And NO, you do not have to bang them all.

I would prefer to date someone who didn't bang them all.

Because when I do get in a relationship, I want that to be special and sacred not something that my partner has done with every girl he's dated casually.

^^^This and that's why you are my friend...:)

what you could try is inviting them to things that are less date-y. like the batting cages vs. dinner, or somewhere you like to go for say a hobby vs. a place you could hold hands and talk sweetly to one another.

I was thinking that, good to hear it from a girl. Both of the chicks I mentioned are into a lot of the things I like to do that my current friends are too hung over all the time to do - maybe I will try that.

I would still make your intentions clear though. A girl might think that you're low key or not so touchy-feely.

Girls and women read into everything, and unless you say you want to be friends, she is going to think you're into her, and this is how you show it.

wait so there is banging on dating sites? maybe i need to get my profile online again

^^^^That's what I was thinking... .The only action I got off the dating sites was clients coming into my office to ask about my profile. Did I mention I work with the seriously mentally ill? No more dating sites for this chick.

i have been avoiding them as well

Maybe get involved with some activity groups on Meetup or something?

wait so there is banging on dating sites? maybe i need to get my profile online again

^^^^That's what I was thinking... .The only action I got off the dating sites was clients coming into my office to ask about my profile. Did I mention I work with the seriously mentally ill? No more dating sites for this chick.

Well, that's the last straw. No more dating sites for me, either.

It's back to trying to pick up flight attendants, I guess...

--P

I don't think I have the right personality to manage first encounters from an on-line dating sight, anyway. The issue is communication before actually seeing the person. I realize there are pics at these dating sights, but I've been universally disappointed when meeting the actual person face to face for the first time. Even when the pics are close, there is something about a "spark" upon meeting someone that doesn't translate very well on-line. Especially after having emailed that person over days/weeks. Something just doesn't sit well with me. Am I alone in this?

Add to that the additional pressure of determining if there is truly a romantic connection or not. And this usually happens immediately. In a live setting (wow, so strange to write that), you meet people all the time, without much pressure. A flight attendant (yes, I meet them often), a hotel manager, a marketing exec, a financial consultant, etc. If there is a spark, then you can talk a bit and see if it's mutual, without so much pressure. It's just friendly banter, innocent flirting.

But at your first official meet up after an on-line connection, there is this immediate expectation of "yes or no". I just don't handle those situations well. In any case, I just deleted my OKC account. I'll have to experience on-line dating vicariously, through the rest of you. :-)

While I'm on the topic, there are obviously downsides to trying to meet someone without resorting to on-line dating: limited pool of candidates, seemingly more random, etc. I have the additional issue of traveling a lot on business, and most of the ladies I meet are working in the service industry (heh - bad joke in there somewhere). By that I mean flight attendants (I'm on a plane every other week on average), hotel staff, waitresses, etc.

The one thing I miss about doing business in the US (probably the only thing) is that you have a lot more women in senior management positions (not enough, granted). I spend most of my time in the Middle East and Central/Eastern Europe. And while it's improving, you don't often find as many women here in *senior* positions as in the US. So I'm almost always meeting with men, having business dinners with men, etc. The past couple of years I've been traveling often to the Gulf (Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, etc.), so you can imagine how few women I see during business meetings... :-)

The women I meet in the service industry (hotel staff, flight attendants) are paid to be friendly to me. It's their job! And because I often fly on the same airline and stay in the same hotels, I have very high status there, which ensures even better service. It makes it very hard to determine if someone is interested/flirting with me, or if she is just doing her job: being extra nice to the "diamond card" (or whatever) customer.

Last week I was in Dubai, checking out of the hotel I always use there. The entire staff knows me, I high-five the pool boys, I know the first names of most of the concierge staff, I kiss the attractive, Bulgarian restaurant manager on her cheek (Euro style) every time I see her, etc., etc. It's like a second home for me. Hell, even the Italian husband and wife team that provide entertainment in the popular terrace bar wave when I come in, and I've spent long nights with them drinking between their sets.

So anyhoo, I'm checking out and there is someone new at reception. Incredibly attractive, French, probably mid to late 20's. "Oh, so you're Mr. XXXXX, I've heard so much about you," smile, smile, etc., etc. OK, standard stuff, it's her job, but it seems extra flirty now (because she's French? because she likes me?). As she's checking me out (just literally, not figuratively, I think), we talk a bit. I mention I'm flying back to Prague. I learn she's been there and loves it, magical city, etc., she's thinking she will apply to transfer there once her training ends in Dubai in some months, etc. She asks when I'll be back, more smiles, more eye contact, etc. Again, it's just her job, but it's impossible to know. In any other setting, I would have asked her out immediately.

So at least in on-line dating, you're both at that first "live" encounter for a reason, and that reason is quite clear: are we attracted to each other? Do we want to continue? Live dating is so much more translucent. But yet, that's also what makes it so much more interesting...

--P

Send a text. Always the easy way out :flowerforyou:

....really surprised to see a woman say that. I would've thought that would be a surefire way to make her feel unattractive, kind of like "I'm just not attracted to you"

I was in this exact situation with the only girl I've met in online dating so far. She was really cool and we had a ton in common, but I just wasn't feeling it. I went out with her 3 more times after the first date thinking there was something wrong with me and the chemistry would come. I could tell she was into me a lot more than I was into her so I had to end it. After our 4th date I just told her that I really enjoyed spending time with her and we had a lot in common, but I just didn't feel a spark. If she still wanted to be friends, I'd love that, but if not I understand. At first she was a bit upset and she just wanted to go home. I got a text later that night saying she was fine with just being friends and thanked me for being honest. We've hung out since then and had a good time.

My recommendation is be upfront and be honest, if she's mature she'll respect you for it.
Just remember, you're putting her in the friendzone and anyone that's in the friendzone has the same goal, so keep any subsequent meetings as platonic as possible.

Maybe I'm different since I'm not really looking for someone to date, but when a guy doesn't show he's into me by calling, setting up dates, trying to touch me and make out/ have sex... I'm going to assume he's just not that into me.

A guy can text, I want to see you, be with you. Great!! Are you going
To call to set up a date?? Are you going
To actually SEE me and try to be with me?? If not, you're not that interested. If a guy texts or calls once in a while and is friendly but not pushing for dates, I'm not going to think he's into me.

One of the things I like about sometimes reading advice/ self help, is that some times it works when you apply it in your life :-) even Marc Katz talks about the makings of a good boyfriend. He kind of puts the power in the woman's court. If
The guy isn't doing certain things, he's not a good boyfriend and I liken this to " just not that into you.". HE is not going
To change his behavior, but the woman can!!!! She can move onto a guy that IS into her and good relationship material :-)

It's possible that you can make a friend, as long as she is down for that! You can tell her straight up. You can put on your profile you want it all to start as friends. Since there are two women you would like as friends but have already been on dates with, either tell
Them upfront, or don't act interested. They might very well move on and never talk to you again...... You just never know!!

wait so there is banging on dating sites? maybe i need to get my profile online again

Did my comment on here provoke the FR???