I'd like to get all your thoughts on this
poncho33
Posts: 1,511
So I came across a situation I have yet to see on here. Actually I think a lot of guys do this but never a female (that I have heard of). So about two weeks ago my ex text me how she missed me and things like that. She sometimes does this but when I suggest we meet up she puts it off. Well she text me last Thursday and wants to get lunch tomorrow.... actually following through with her words.
Background: We were together over a span of 2 years, on and off do to me not being sure I wanted to get too serious with a gal that has a kid. Well she told me after a year and a half I would need to get more serous or we would have to go separate ways. So I put some thought into it and got to know her son really well and had strong feelings for her always, so I got to a place I needed for us to move on together. Well that scared her and she pushed me away for the last year. I haven't seen her in a year.
So anyway ladies or gents, what the hell is this all about?? I have heard of the regretting breakup meets early in a breakup, but a year of not seeing each other?? I should add that we have text a bit throughout the year and she currently has a convenience bf as she doesn't like to be alone.... However I have heard through sources that this guy is nothing serious to her.
And because it will be asked... yes, I would be open to getting back together with her... however treading lightly like an antelope hanging out with a group of Lions.
Background: We were together over a span of 2 years, on and off do to me not being sure I wanted to get too serious with a gal that has a kid. Well she told me after a year and a half I would need to get more serous or we would have to go separate ways. So I put some thought into it and got to know her son really well and had strong feelings for her always, so I got to a place I needed for us to move on together. Well that scared her and she pushed me away for the last year. I haven't seen her in a year.
So anyway ladies or gents, what the hell is this all about?? I have heard of the regretting breakup meets early in a breakup, but a year of not seeing each other?? I should add that we have text a bit throughout the year and she currently has a convenience bf as she doesn't like to be alone.... However I have heard through sources that this guy is nothing serious to her.
And because it will be asked... yes, I would be open to getting back together with her... however treading lightly like an antelope hanging out with a group of Lions.
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Replies
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She is lonely and looking for companionship as the bf isn`t cutting it.0
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I wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole. Your never gonna get completely over her if she keeps tugging at you. And sometime after a year the nostalgia hits and you start to remember all the good things and forget the bad.0
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More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.0
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So SHE says you need to get serious. YOU get serious. SHE backs out?? SHE gets another fella. YOU go back??
Sounds like she's wrapping you round her little finger Jim! Fine, if you dont mind that. But in the long run she's emotionally unstable and could flake at any time.
Of course you need to talk to her and ask HER why she's so pathetic? Did the fill in b/f not deliver? Or has she realised her love for you? I woudnt go running back to someone like that without satisfying my doubts.
Let us know how your luncheon goes. Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!0 -
So SHE says you need to get serious. YOU get serious. SHE backs out?? SHE gets another fella. YOU go back??
Sounds like she's wrapping you round her little finger Jim! Fine, if you dont mind that. But in the long run she's emotionally unstable and could flake at any time.
Of course you need to talk to her and ask HER why she's so pathetic? Did the fill in b/f not deliver? Or has she realised her love for you? I woudnt go running back to someone like that without satisfying my doubts.
Let us know how your luncheon goes. Good luck :flowerforyou:
I think I'd agree with you the most Anna... and don't worry I'll be pretty blunt at this lunch. I think she flaked on me because I flaked on her early... it turned into a who is going to hurt who in her head.0 -
More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation0 -
Protect and have fun! :bigsmile: :drinker:0
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More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation
Well how do you think I started drinking again?! jk. So what do you think her play is here?? She has a slew of guys that would bow at her feet, she doesn't need me for attention.0 -
Protect and have fun! :bigsmile: :drinker:
haha, if you were my dad, I'd nominate you for father of the year :glasses:0 -
She is lonely and looking for companionship as the bf isn`t cutting it.
I agree with Carl0 -
She is lonely and looking for companionship as the bf isn`t cutting it.
I agree with Carl
Agree as well. You're familiar. It's easier to rekindle something with you than try something fresh with the next guy in line.0 -
More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation
Well how do you think I started drinking again?! jk. So what do you think her play is here?? She has a slew of guys that would bow at her feet, she doesn't need me for attention.
I read something somewhere about women the other day that you might find interesting (note I'm a women and I dont mean all women so dont rip my head off)
Women treat men they've left like shoes in thier closet. Yes the shoe is last season and so you've thrown it to the back of your closet. But every once in a while you take out those shoes and put them back on just to see if they still look good...
She might be feeling nostalgic about you guys right now and wants to try on those "shoes again"0 -
I agree with all of teh above. Also, she may be wanting to do family type of activities and since you bonded with her son, you just might be the one filling in as dad. Not saying that's bad but you should figure out if you two work together before getting the kid attatched to you.0
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More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation
Well how do you think I started drinking again?! jk. So what do you think her play is here?? She has a slew of guys that would bow at her feet, she doesn't need me for attention.
I read something somewhere about women the other day that you might find interesting (note I'm a women and I dont mean all women so dont rip my head off)
Women treat men they've left like shoes in thier closet. Yes the shoe is last season and so you've thrown it to the back of your closet. But every once in a while you take out those shoes and put them back on just to see if they still look good...
She might be feeling nostalgic about you guys right now and wants to try on those "shoes again"
So then answer this (if it were you): If the shoe fits or looks good, then what happens??0 -
More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation
Well how do you think I started drinking again?! jk. So what do you think her play is here?? She has a slew of guys that would bow at her feet, she doesn't need me for attention.
I read something somewhere about women the other day that you might find interesting (note I'm a women and I dont mean all women so dont rip my head off)
Women treat men they've left like shoes in thier closet. Yes the shoe is last season and so you've thrown it to the back of your closet. But every once in a while you take out those shoes and put them back on just to see if they still look good...
She might be feeling nostalgic about you guys right now and wants to try on those "shoes again"
So then answer this (if it were you): If the shoe fits or looks good, then what happens??
Oh This wouldn't be me I never go back to my ex'es I remember why we split up and I never like to make the same mistake twice:blushing:
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However if the shoe fits or looks good you wear it for a while before throwing it back in your closet..0 -
Exes are exes for a reason. Always best to keep moving forward.0
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More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation
Well how do you think I started drinking again?! jk. So what do you think her play is here?? She has a slew of guys that would bow at her feet, she doesn't need me for attention.
I read something somewhere about women the other day that you might find interesting (note I'm a women and I dont mean all women so dont rip my head off)
Women treat men they've left like shoes in thier closet. Yes the shoe is last season and so you've thrown it to the back of your closet. But every once in a while you take out those shoes and put them back on just to see if they still look good...
She might be feeling nostalgic about you guys right now and wants to try on those "shoes again"
She's wearing the used shoes while she shops for new ones. He'll be the same f'n shoe, but she'll have it in her mind he's better.
F her unconscious and walk.0 -
[/quote]
I read something somewhere about women the other day that you might find interesting (note I'm a women and I dont mean all women so dont rip my head off)
Women treat men they've left like shoes in thier closet. Yes the shoe is last season and so you've thrown it to the back of your closet. But every once in a while you take out those shoes and put them back on just to see if they still look good...
She might be feeling nostalgic about you guys right now and wants to try on those "shoes again"
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She's wearing the used shoes while she shops for new ones. He'll be the same f'n shoe, but she'll have it in her mind he's better.
F her unconscious and walk.
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^^^^^ BTW I fully approve of this statement lol.... Just dont let yourself get hurt...0 -
Yeah this.She is lonely and looking for companionship as the bf isn`t cutting it.
Or maybe she needs something, because she is in a bad spot right now. Chances are you're more likely to help given your past...
I wouldn't go near her anyway.
She's decided not to move to the same place as you, there were reasons for this, for this failure. It's not going to be magical suddenly between the two of you...
I wouldn't even go for a short spin - I'd go elsewhere for that, as with her this might attract more problems in the future (she knows you, knows how to find you, knows what string to pull probably).
But, you know her better than I do...0 -
Some sound advice you all give!! Well I already agreed to meet for lunch and I'm curious, so I'm going to that. I think you all are right on this though and I should walk in the end, I will keep this advice in the front of my mind the whole time. I will try my best to drag out her intentions for our library of furoms and get you all an update tomorrow.
$5 says I can get her to pay for lunch!!0 -
More than likely, she's hit a drought in dating and figured you'd be good for a short spin.
Well the good news is... she's F'n hot and the sex was good, so I'd be down for that short spin!
but thats not gonna help you get over her either. Its like giving alcohol to a guy in AA just a bad idea.. Resist temptation
Well how do you think I started drinking again?! jk. So what do you think her play is here?? She has a slew of guys that would bow at her feet, she doesn't need me for attention.
I read something somewhere about women the other day that you might find interesting (note I'm a women and I dont mean all women so dont rip my head off)
Women treat men they've left like shoes in thier closet. Yes the shoe is last season and so you've thrown it to the back of your closet. But every once in a while you take out those shoes and put them back on just to see if they still look good...
She might be feeling nostalgic about you guys right now and wants to try on those "shoes again"
She's wearing the used shoes while she shops for new ones. He'll be the same f'n shoe, but she'll have it in her mind he's better.
F her unconscious and walk.
Once again, I concur! So what she wants to take an old favorite for a nostalgia ride!!! Enjoy the ride, have a great time, just know you will be replaced by a new shiny toy at some point. Doesn't mean you can't have fun in the meantime.0 -
Do you love her...... If you love her, find a way to work it out, even if it means therapy. Sometimes when someone behaves erraticaly, there are deep reasons which need to be brought to light and healed.0
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Some sound advice you all give!! Well I already agreed to meet for lunch and I'm curious, so I'm going to that. I think you all are right on this though and I should walk in the end, I will keep this advice in the front of my mind the whole time. I will try my best to drag out her intentions for our library of furoms and get you all an update tomorrow.
$5 says I can get her to pay for lunch!!
I won't take that bet, haha, but good luck. I meant to jump in earlier and share that I get what you're sharing. I had an ex that was totally hot, the guy all my coworkers wanted, etc... and every time I tried to make things progress, he'd pull away. We were together almost a year before I got wise and pulled away for real I thought. Yet the attraction led me back when things didn't work out with someone else... he knew what I liked and what to say. So I kept reopening that door and he'd happily take me back in. (Don't laugh) 5 years of back and forth went by before I finally shut the door... and damn, if he didn't come barging back in suddenly begging me for a relationship just a few weeks ago! I told him to back the hell off and then stopped responding. I don't need that drama. I know that now... wish it hadn't taken a total of almost 6-7 years to realize it.
I share all that because I feel like I've been on both sides of your situation. Both people are filling their needs without really caring about the others. Fine for a while if you're good with that... but not healthy long term. Good luck figuring out what you want!0 -
Funnily enough I'm sort of in the same situation. Same circumstances cept no other guy involved but she has just started texting me a bit and moved in up the road from me.
Needless to say. Not going there.
I suggest you do the same! Dont even do the whole sex thing.. will just complicate shiz that doesnt need to be complicated.0 -
Not read all the replies but just to add a slightly different persepective - if she wanted you to get serious and you were close to her son then in all likelihood she has strong feelings for you and is being genuine. The thing is, it takes more than this to have a healthy relationship. Your doubt was about whether you were ready to handle parental responsibilities, that's much more easily resolved than her doubts. For some people, the fears they have about relationships are far more fundamental. They are scared to be vulnerable in relationship and often it presents as just this pattern of pursuit when the other person seems not to be available and retreat when they are. The cause of these difficulties is often to be found in early childhood patterns of attachment to others. If she has this problem, then unless she has recognised and dealt with this, the pattern may well continue. The confusing thing for people involved with someone with these kind of issues, is that they convince themselves that the other person doesn't care and then get confused and won over again when it's clear they do. I'm afraid it's more a case of love not being enough, in situations like this.0
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. The confusing thing for people involved with someone with these kind of issues, is that they convince themselves that the other person doesn't care and then get confused and won over again when it's clear they do. I'm afraid it's more a case of love not being enough, in situations like this.
Hi Lorro! Not sure I follow this - please elaborate??? Thanks so much for the words of compassion! I think sometimes on these forums we tend to think of relationships as "commodities" in a consumer culture. There is so much more to Love than this.0 -
I think you will want to contact the girl, then... She's the one who needs therapy, not him.Do you love her...... If you love her, find a way to work it out, even if it means therapy. Sometimes when someone behaves erraticaly, there are deep reasons which need to be brought to light and healed.0 -
Don't do it! (Shouting this through a megaphone) It would be the beginning of a vicious cycle that lasts for 3 years until you finally realize you're enabling her to f**k with you emotionally! Um, sorry, bad memories!0
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Some people only want what they can't or don't have. She wanted you until you were ready to get serious, that might be a sign that she's one of those people. In which case, move on and find someone who wants what she can have.0
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