Would anyone tell me I was right if I said "You didn`t want anything to do with me when I had crooked teeth so don`t talk to me now that I don`t".
Of course not.

It is the same thing outside of the politically sensitive issue of weight so no one would even think it.

Ummm, actually, I might. If someone had indicated that their lack of interest in you was because of your teeth (which can be fixed, and are rather less changeable once 'fixed' than someone's weight, as well as being less immediately visible than a whole body!), but then suddenly indicated an interest as soon as the teeth were changed, I'd probably be saying you were absolutely right.

I think most of the women here would agree that bad teeth might put us off initially, but that if we really liked the man in question we'd either put up with/learn to ignore it, or encourage him to get them fixed once we were close enough for the suggestion to be made without offence. Maybe that's just me, though, living in the UK/Europe where a bright white, perfectly-even set of teeth is less of an automatic assumption than a genetic lottery win! Specifics aside, though, I'd still have the same worries about the genuine-ness/durability of the interest if something visual and so relatively unimportant was the fulcrum on which physical attraction turned.

Perhaps I have read them wrong but when listing deal breakers (I assume that means what it says,no possible interest) it is almost always one that ladies mention as is being fit and healthy.
Take it for what it is worth I guess.

I probably wouldn't care. I know back when I was fatter it was mainly just because I was lazy, and the girls I was going after were all in shape and pretty active, if I was them I wouldn't have wanted to date me either.

I see it as a great way to detect an incompatible personality. Any woman with that mentality is not someone I would want to date anyway. I want to be physically attracted to a partner, if she can't handle that fact because she's egotistical, then it's her loss, not mine.

I don't expect people who aren't attracted to me to date me just because I'm awesome.

Why is physical attraction considered a lesser/shameful kind of attraction? Can anyone reply to that?

I think because physical appearance is inherently transient. Someone's physical appearance will change, unless they're Dorian Gray and have a portrait in the attic that changes instead, come what may, and no plastic surgeon, however brilliant, has ever been, or is likely ever to be, able to completely convincingly re-create the bloom of youth. We are all going to get older, and few of us, let's be honest, are going to get better-looking as we get older. The fundamentals of someone's personality and character are far more likely to remain fixed, or undergo less change as we age. A person whose mind/personality/whatever you want to call it is compatible now is likely to still be compatible in the long term, whereas you can pretty much guarantee that the physical things you find attractive in someone will change, and in all likelihood, not for the better.

As a society, we prize monogamous, long-term relationships above all others. It's logical therefore that we consider attraction based on things that are likely to endure - personality, character, intellect - more valuable than attraction based purely on physical attributes that will certainly alter with age. Physical attraction is fine as a basis for something short-term and I agree that it's a necessary part of a romantic relationship, but a part only, as it is unlikely to remain sufficient to sustain a relationship into our increasingly-long geriatric years, which is what most of us, societally-conditioned or evolutionarily-programmed as we may be, want.

I remember I once asked my grandmother how she'd chosen my grandfather to marry, and her reply was illuminating on this subject. Without much need to think about it, she said :He was great fun to be with, I trusted him always to be honourable, we always had lots to talk about, he respected me, and he had lovely, kind blue eyes. They were married 72 years. For me, that speaks for itself.

I am going to repost what I wrote in another post about who we are intrested in.

The people I am interested in really hasn't changed but the people that are interested in me has grown 10 fold. I was never asked out or hit on while I was heavy. I had 1 date in over 10 years. Am I saying it is all because I was heavy, no. I was unhappy with my life and not active. Now I am happy with my life, active, more out going, ect. Combine that with being average size and it is a lot more appealing to men.

I changed more about myself then just my weight so I wouldn't have wanted to date me when I was heavy either. I have a lot of friends that say I smile more and just seem to be a happier person now.

This.

And to the rest of the people for who physical aspect of things should not matter, and they should be loved solely for their amazing personality... I laugh at your foolishness.
I know a hobo, and even though he *kitten* stinks and has got diseases and is full of spot that release puss all the time, he has got an amazing personality. Don't get too wet please. Where you set the physical line is up to you, not up to me, after all.
We don't just hang around with brains. If you're not attracted physically, you're not attracted physically.

Why is physical attraction considered a lesser/shameful kind of attraction? Can anyone reply to that?

And please, oh please, complaining about this is the best way of attracting the kind of bullcrap *YOU* don't want to hear: "No, I'm not ready for a relationship yet!" => you're fat, but at least you're not offended and I still have a chance 10 years down the line if you ever become hot - thanks for the heads up.
Your punishment for this silliness should be to hear all men tell you they are not ready for a relationship, forever, and never know what is true or not.

Florian, nobody's talking about 'physical attraction' per se!! We're JUST talking about WEIGHT!!!

So, assuming you're attracted to someone cos they are pretty, smell nice, make you laugh, nice teeth, kind, generous, no puss (ffs!!! lol)............etc BUT they are on the chubby side of average, are you going to say "I would fancy you if you were thinner" ??

Also, assuming you marry someone for all their attributes and over the years they put on weight, are you going to leave them??

IOW, does fat make that much difference??

Just fat - not teeth or hygiene or looks or anything else!!! :laugh:

Why is physical attraction considered a lesser/shameful kind of attraction? Can anyone reply to that?

It's not!! I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. However, if weight is your be all and end all to attraction, then you've got the right end.........:huh:

Thankfully, everyone has their own attract-0-meter!!

I am going to repost what I wrote in another post about who we are intrested in.

The people I am interested in really hasn't changed but the people that are interested in me has grown 10 fold. I was never asked out or hit on while I was heavy. I had 1 date in over 10 years. Am I saying it is all because I was heavy, no. I was unhappy with my life and not active. Now I am happy with my life, active, more out going, ect. Combine that with being average size and it is a lot more appealing to men.

I changed more about myself then just my weight so I wouldn't have wanted to date me when I was heavy either. I have a lot of friends that say I smile more and just seem to be a happier person now.

This.

And to the rest of the people for who physical aspect of things should not matter, and they should be loved solely for their amazing personality... I laugh at your foolishness.
I know a hobo, and even though he *kitten* stinks and has got diseases and is full of spot that release puss all the time, he has got an amazing personality. Don't get too wet please. Where you set the physical line is up to you, not up to me, after all.
We don't just hang around with brains. If you're not attracted physically, you're not attracted physically.

Why is physical attraction considered a lesser/shameful kind of attraction? Can anyone reply to that?

And please, oh please, complaining about this is the best way of attracting the kind of bullcrap *YOU* don't want to hear: "No, I'm not ready for a relationship yet!" => you're fat, but at least you're not offended and I still have a chance 10 years down the line if you ever become hot - thanks for the heads up.
Your punishment for this silliness should be to hear all men tell you they are not ready for a relationship, forever, and never know what is true or not.

Florian, nobody's talking about 'physical attraction' per se!! We're JUST talking about WEIGHT!!!

So, assuming you're attracted to someone cos they are pretty, smell nice, make you laugh, nice teeth, kind, generous, no puss (ffs!!! lol)............etc BUT they are on the chubby side of average, are you going to say "I would fancy you if you were thinner" ??

Also, assuming you marry someone for all their attributes and over the years they put on weight, are you going to leave them??

IOW, does fat make that much difference??

Just fat - not teeth or hygiene or looks or anything else!!! :laugh:

Why is physical attraction considered a lesser/shameful kind of attraction? Can anyone reply to that?

It's not!! I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. However, if weight is your be all and end all to attraction, then you've got the right end.........:huh:

Thankfully, everyone has their own attract-0-meter!!

But you see it all goes together,to me it is not fair to insinuate a person is "bad" because at a given weight (varies person by person and case by case) a man or woman did not find someone attractive but did when they lost some yet it is okay to have disqualifiers with other physical attributes.

id give them a chance, cuz who knows what might happen, but definitely don't give them an advantage over anyone else that you might consider dating because of the past.

in the past i was either too heavy or too skinny, and how that I am somewhat built(after a ton of hardwork), I wouldn't let the past influence what the present holds.

Ok, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but pleeeeaaaassssseeeee stop saying that guys will only use fat girls for sex. I get it. I really do. I have achieved over half of my goal now, but I realize I'm still overweight. It is so disheartening to read that opinion over and over again and assume that every time a man expresses interest, it's only because he thinks I'm good for sex, not for a relationship. If I were just sitting on my *kitten* doing nothing about my weight, yeah, I can see not having any room to talk, but the fact is, I'm not. I promise, I'm not trying to be a jerk or hate on anyone, it's just that, as someone who has a tendency to think negatively about herself, it just adds fuel to the fire :embarassed:

I haven't seen anybody agree with that mentality yet. Personally, if I'm not attracted to someone but I like their personality I would rather just be friends with them. I don't want to sleep with someone I'm not really attracted to. If I'm going to use somebody for sex (not that I would obviously) I'd rather use the hot, dumb, boring girls that can't hold a conversation.

Ok, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but pleeeeaaaassssseeeee stop saying that guys will only use fat girls for sex.

There are plenty of guys who like women who are overweight, who are attracted more to a great personality than to a great figure. There are also plenty of guys who like black women. But guess what I've found? MANY of the guys that have expressed interest in me (back in college or even now as being single for a couple of years) wanted to DATE me and HAVE SEX with me... but they weren't taking me home to Momma. Most of the time that's because of my race, not size, but maybe you should read some PUA books/articles. Will definitely open your eyes.

I can stop saying guys aren't typically attracted to fat girls. Doesn't change reality. I can stop saying guys typically want to sleep with black women and marry a white woman, but that also doesn't change reality. And, even now, though I tell the (honest) truth that I don't know my full ethnicity, I eventually find a way to dig into how a guy feels about black women, because that's the culture I was reared in. And I usually find that the guy would never marry a black woman, though for some reason latina or asian is A-ok.

It doesn't mean I whine about "stop saying most guys don't want black women." It means I accept this, and because of it, maintain my emotions even when the guy appears to be really into me. That way I don't get hurt when he disappears in two weeks after not getting what he wanted. One of the guys I'm getting to know now had been married women who fits multiple ethnicities and was also short and squat-shaped like me. But in the last three years I've only met *3* guys who really preferred my body style. The rest went out with me as filler, because I actually responded online, they wanted to try something new/step outside their comfort zone, or maybe they were just trying to get some.

"Oh, JJ", I hear some say, "you are overreacting. You're just around too many dumb military guys" Hm, well.. I'll let the guys here and on the Chit-Chat forum who have discussed this same question many times speak for themselves. Overwhelmingly size makes a difference in initial attraction and, for a guy (so they say) once a woman is in the friend zone she's pretty much stuck there.

PS: I do keep tab on many of the guys who have expressed interest in me and ...guess what... even the ones who swear they love ethnic women with my shape don't seem to end up with one on their arm in a serious relationship. In fact, I can show you pictures that they all tend to gravitate toward the same type It's actually kinda freaky (and it's why I've been more open to dating guys of other types this time around- obviously I've been picking men who all like a certain type). And when it comes to heavier women... well.

I've known a few men who liked their women so bone skinny they shouldn't date anyone who isn't naturally that way. They're a rare bunch, but I wouldn't want to date one of those even at the lowest end of my weight when I know fluctuating just 10 pounds might freak him out.

I feel the same way. A guy had in his dating profile if you’re bigger than average don’t email me. I didn’t get mad, I was glad not to waste my time.

I don't fault a guy for being attracted to the skinny-skinny girl, but I do get frustrated when that guy complains he can't get a date without acknowledging that his preference is part of the problem. And I know this from experience, as I am more attracted to white or light-skinned guys and few of those are actually interested in taking a black girl home to momma.

Even though that’s my preference, I won’t kick an ebony brotha to the curb, though, because my desire isn’t just about physical attraction. And most black guys think I’m smoking hot, even when I was heavier (and a partner thinking I’m hot actually makes me more attracted to him)! But I rarely find men who say, “well, I’m really attracted to skinny brunettes, but I’ll think about marrying this fat blonde chick because she has a great personality.” Sleep with, yes. Marry, no.

I'm fine with people dating who they're attracted to, whether it be weight, height, skin color, or whatever.

I am not fine with someone refusing to date someone because of what mom might think, but then again, I've always been fortunate in that regard. My immediate family has never given a darn one way or the other about skin color or ethnicity. Religion, now. They like those good Christian guys. Too bad for them I'm an atheist now, so I'm not likely to bring one of those home again!