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She always knows how many marbles are in those giant glass jars
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He likes to skip around the mall and refer to it as "leg day"
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Babysitter
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She doesn't actually know anyone named Rick
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Someone said this to me in anger. FYI- my fiancée died in a car accident back in 2011
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Clueless
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With duel citizenship
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He kept asking if we could do "bedroom Olympics"
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Perks of Being a Wallflower
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Warm up 500 swim 500 dolphin kick with fins 500 paddles 100 back, 100 breast, 50 free Main set 20 x 75 kick, drill, pull rest 10 sec 6 x 150 rest 15 sec 6 x 100 rest 10 sec 6 x 50 rest 5 sec 12 x 25 sprints on 1 min 6 x 50 rest 5 sec 6 x 100 rest 10 sec 7 x 150 rest 15 sec Total 7050
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She all fell asleep during sexy time
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She asked if I'd be willing to shave off my beard to make merkins
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Merkin is a toupee for one's crotch He wore his sunglasses at night
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She asked me to wear a merkin
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Hellboy
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We were both looking for someone with more hair on their head us
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He refused to wash his hands, said the mud "built character"
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Yes, I would like to watch you tell your life story through a three act mime performance
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She thought I was being untruthful when I said I was madly & deeply in love with her moments after I was dumped by she who will not be named
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I make what I call a "Southeast burrito". It's a shredded skinless chicken breast (precooked at home), canned corn (rinsed & precooked at home), low sodium black beans (rinsed & precooked at home), Mexican style cheese and low fat sour cream in a tortilla. I make 4-5 servings out of each can of corn & beans. You can of…
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Wait.......... are...... you........... breaking......... up........... with.............. me? :cry: :disappointed:
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She told me she fell in love with someone else on her way to the restroom
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Tangled
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With unrequited love :cry:
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Are you from Memphis? Cause you're the only 10 I see!
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She kept asking if she could get in my back door
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Because I Said So
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Father of the Bride
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Would you mind if I felt your girlfriend's boobs? This was actually said to me, while my female companion was in the bathroom. She was not my girlfriend & I advised him against it.
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She moved! Hey Jo's I'm still in the basement & the door is locked!