FauxNinja

Grow Hundred Dollar Bills.

1.What is your eye color? Brown 2. What is your favorite season? Summer 3. What is your favorite Holiday? Christmas 4. Have you ever been arrested? Yes 5. What are 2 things with in arms reach of you right now? Calculator / Zoi Vanilla Yogurt 6. Would you rather know how you are going to die, Or know when you are going to…

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.

My Mom and Dad both smoked for 40 years. My Dad came home from work one day and said "I Quit." He never smoked again and didn't appear to have any problems. My Mom tried to quit. Took her about a year and she was a total b itch the whole time. As soon as my Dad died, she started smoking again.

I'm not a REAL Engineer, but, back in the 70's I sent in 2 Good-N-Plenty box tops and 5 bucks and got a "Choo Choo Charlie" Hat. True Story. I stil have it.

Hey. Get down to the 150's and it won't be an issue.

FC Barcelona

Sexy is not a physical attribute. It's an attitude brought on by a person's own self-confidence.

Because they are shallow?

Heartbreaker -- Led Zepellin

1972 Miami Dolphins

1. Do you like yourself? Why/why not? Yes. I have all the qualities that I would look for in a friend. Trustworthy. Loyal. Confident. Apathetic. 2. What do you like about yourself? My tenacity. 3. What don't you like about yourself? My inability to conquer my weight. 4. Do you ever have days when you look in the mirror non…

Caring

I wouldn't do anything over again. Got me where I am today.

When you have a valuable tool, you build a shed over it.

I'd rather eat a raw animal? Would you want a rich considerate ugly partner or a poor hot good-looking mate?

I flick my boogers on the bathroom stall door at work.

"It's not you. It's me."

I've actually never sent a FR. Guess that's why I only have one friend.

Death

My first wife thought her nickname was "B*tch."

I had a boss in the 70's. One day I was leaving for lunch and ran into her daughter in the lobby. Started talking to her. She was meeting her mom, my boss, for lunch. For her birthday. Turned out to be my birthday too. We talked for a few minutes and then they left. When they got back from lunch, I asked my boss if she…

I don't imagine anybody wants to grow older, but considering the alternative, I will be thankful.

A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's." His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't *kitten* her."

Getting about 5K back. Don't really have anything to spend it on. Have already paid for this year's vacations, so we will probably bank it and plan a more extravagant vacation for next year.

36?

He's probably old enough to switch to oral now, but don't forget to clean the thermometer real good first.

Have your best bff pass his bff a note during last period.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work hadbeen completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't…

I strongly object to this stereotypical objectification of men. I have a mind too. HEY! My eyes are up here.