NatasPV

I wanna thank everyone for their time to read and reply. I'm definitely a step closer to realizing it isn't just me... That this is real and I gotta change now before its too late. I'm gonna overthink the getting help thing over the next few days and I'll let you know how I'm doing sometime later :) Thank you all again!!

I know you're right... But my first post was 8 hours ago.. In the meantime I was too weak not too binge, strong enough not to purge and now the other side of me ( the side that desperatly wants to be skinny) hating me again for what I ate and didn't purge... So I guess it's also that side now trying to convince myself that…

Thanks for your example, that's pretty accurate

Just one last question: I'm SO cold all the time. When people are walking around in shorts and t-shirts I'll still be freezing in a big sweatshirt and jeans.... I guess I already know the question to this one too, but... would that have anything to do with my eating habits?

There is also another thing that makes me doubt whether my case is serious enough to seek help or not... and that is the fact that since I (sort of) told my mom (Who is a psychologist and specialized in EDs) wouldn't she have wanted me to come home is this was serious enough? Or wouldn't she have told me to see someone…

Bumping this up since I just got home from my Track Meet. I'm staying IN the USA and I am from The Netherlands... I do have to tell you, coming hear was a great experience, but it has also been the worst year for my self esteem. Everything in America is about dieting, calories and being perfect.....

So you thing 2 more month on 600-800 kcal will get to me?m Are there other people who eat way less than that? Ughh... Like I said.. sometimes I feel like such a poser >.<

First of all I wanna thank you all SO MUCH for replying. I'm happy I started this thread. Second I gotta tell you another part of my problem: I'm an exchange student. I'm momentarely doing Senior Year in High School and I live with a host family. This also makes me afraid of what will happen when I would seek help..…

You know what's ironic...My mom is a psychologist. GUESS WHAT SHE TREATS....

Yes, that's me.... I know it's not fat...but I also know I'm not happy with how it looks... It keeps me kinda motivated...

I feel like such a failure... I know it's totally wrong but this crossed my mind when I read this: "You can't even have an ED without failing" How pathetic am I....

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again.... And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know…

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser... I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

Would anyone know a study on this? Something that proves that eating more will not make me gain weight

I know it's messing with my mind and distorting my body image... but the reason why I'm striving for this is because I wanna try and become a model...