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A promise to myself.

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  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Pudding1980 wrote: »
    Great job!
    Thank you. The constant updates forced me to continuously observe my determination level, and to actively adjust it it as soon as it started to slip; something I might not have even noticed if I wasn't watching so carefully.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    lunch was good. I am still on track and feeling positive.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Starting to plan dinner. I walked over 15,000 steps today so have more calories than I know what to do with. I am not going to eat them all (like I did yesterday). But I don't want to increase my deficit because I want to feel a bit more stable before I do anything that might challenge me. So I am going to save 400 for tomorrow which I know will be a much less active day. I ate at 1000 cal deficit for 4 months and have been eating at 750 deficit for the last month, so this is really a lot of calories for me. but that's a good thing because I am eating a lot, though staying within my calories and not binging.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Yesterday was a success.
    I managed to eat within my calorie target.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Today, Saturday November 1st I will stay within my calorie budget.
    I am focused, committed and determined to do this.
    I will check in regularly to maintain my focus. It should be an easy day because I am staying home and there is not enough food for me to binge on, even if I wanted to. Though there is enough food for me to go over my calories.
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Way to go :)
  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
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    doing great!!
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Pudding1980 wrote: »
    Way to go :)

    girlviernes wrote: »
    doing great!!

    Thank you both.

    This is turning into almost a diary, and I am trying to use it as an opportunity to learn about my eating habits. I am very open to feedback, so please let me know if you have any observations or suggestions.

  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    dinner time - with lots of calories left. I'm planning my meal.

    I happened to glance at the clock at about 12 and thought 'oohhh.. nearly lunch time'. I hadn't even thought about food until that point. Suddenly, I was checking the time every 5-10 minutes - 'is it lunchtime, yet ?', 'can i eat, yet ?'. I realised that this reaction was more about time being a trigger for me to think I should eat, rather than me being hungry.
    so I just decided I wouldn't eat until 2.30pm. even if I was hungry. (that would make it a late lunch, but because of my work I often eat at that time, so its not unusual for me). Suddenly I stopped watching the clock tick.
    I actually ended up eating a bit after 2.30 because I finished what I was doing before starting my meal. I still wasn't particularly hungry - though my hunger cues don't always work.but the rest of my afternoon has been easy because I had such a late lunch.

    This means that now that it is dinner time, I'm really not all that hungry.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,381 Member
    edited November 2014
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    Hello, I am going to join you if you do not mind. My goal each day is no fast food. I have to start somewhere to get back on track. I am hoping this will help me

    No fast food today and to stay under my calorie goal
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,381 Member
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    girlviernes wrote: »
    In dialectical behavioral therapy we talk about making a commitment, and being 100% intending to follow that commitment, but also 100% going to be compassionate with yourself if you fall short. It's a tricky concept, but a helpful one I think. Looking forward to hearing how it goes tomorrow!

    Thanks!
  • Pudding1980
    Pudding1980 Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Me too. My promise to myself today is to come up to bed at a decent hour (by 10) so that I don't eat mindlessly in front of the TV, and to get some extra rest.
  • crepes_
    crepes_ Posts: 583 Member
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    This is a fantastic idea and I think you're doing an amazing service to yourself. It was inspiring to see your thoughts throughout the day - so similar to my own. It's helpful to know that we're not alone in how we feel.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    thank you to everyone for your comments, and I am sorry that I haven't been checking this thread to give you encouragement.

    It really worked for me, and has gotten me back on track. I think the reason was the constant updates which kept my resolution strong throughout the day - not giving temptations an opportunity to start to form in my mind.

    I was 'being in control', rather than 'controlling my urges'. Once the urges start its a battle to win back control. Prevention is easier than cure, but required constant awareness. I didn't give those urges a chance !!
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
    edited November 2014
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    crepes_ wrote: »
    This is a fantastic idea and I think you're doing an amazing service to yourself. It was inspiring to see your thoughts throughout the day - so similar to my own. It's helpful to know that we're not alone in how we feel.

    Thank you. I am so focused on 'winning' this battle that I didn't really thinking of it in terms of the big picture - that I am actually doing something really positive for myself. thanks for the reminder :smile:

    It is a new experience for me to be sharing this with people. I only acknowledged to myself that I had a problem on my hands at the beginning of this year. I had been in denial - thinking that I could control my eating habits if I wanted to; and convincing myself that I didn't mind being obese. I was lying to everyone, including myself.

    It is helpful to hear that others go through the same challenges as I do.

  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    I have been a little out of control the last couple of weeks. nothing major. In fact, I wouldn't even call it 'binging', in the sense that it has probably 'only' been 100-1500 calories over maintenance each day. But each day I think to myself that from tomorrow I will get back under maintenance calories, and then each 'tomorrow' I go over again.

    I know that I just need to get back on track and I will be ok. I also know that I am definitely capable of doing this.

    So I'm back with another promise :neutral:
    Tomorrow, Monday June 15th, 2015 I will stay within my maintenance calories.

    I am absolutely committed to achieving this, and will update this thread as often as I need to during the day to ensure that I do.


  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    I will also weigh myself everyday until the end of June. I know that for some people daily weighing is not a good idea, but I did it for a year and it really helps me. I changed to weekly weighing a month or two ago because I was no longer trying to lose weight, but I think now it will help me if I see the number on the scale each day.
    For reference, for the last 6 weeks, my ticker has shown between 60 to 62 pounds lost. I am happy with this as a maintenance range, and my aim is to maintain at the 60 to 65 lbs lost mark, which puts me in the middle of the healthy bmi range.
  • stepawayfromthebiscuits
    stepawayfromthebiscuits Posts: 25 Member
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    I'm so inspired by this and reading through it is encouraging to me to stay on track too. Good luck for tomorrow (I'm sure you won't need it though :wink: )
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    great start to the day.
    I weighed myself (which I was not really looking forward to), and I am still at 60lbs lost.
    I was expecting to have gained a couple lbs and had my reasons ready, water weight, salty meals yesterday etc
    but I'm really happy that I haven't. even though its just a number on the scale, its always nice when its a good number :wink:

    I feel so positive about getting back on track.

    This time yesterday I was aware of the situation I was in, wishing that I would change it but (if I'm honest) not ready to actually make the effort to change. I was on the forums and read this thread https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10184931/what-was-your-no-more-moment and just for a moment felt my motivation rekindled. With that new found motivation I wrote the post above with my promise. That got the ball rolling, and I now feel as though I'm back in familiar territory. Keeping within my calories is something that I know I can do. I have the method. I have the tools. I guess you could say that I have the habit.

    I feel as though I have gotten off a couch and am back on a very slow moving treadmill. As long as I don't get off it, its actually pretty easy to stay on - its set at a very easy pace. And despite the effort involved, it feels so much better to be on it than not.
    It also feels so much worse to be off it than on.

    Writing this post has made me feel even more focused and determined.
  • totaldetermination
    totaldetermination Posts: 1,184 Member
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    So its been a very busy day which means that its easy to stay within my calories.
    Now its dinner time and I've got about 900 calories left - pretty confident to say the day will be a success.
    In terms of overeating I am not facing too many challenges at the moment. TB is not around, and my overeating triggers are pretty minimal. It has been relatively easy to stay on target, but only because I made up my mind to do so. I would have been over, otherwise.

    The only challenge was walking past some shops that sell those pack 'n weigh candy mixes. Before MFP I would buy some whenever I walked past. Often finishing them within minutes of leaving the store and immediately going back for more. Once I started on MFP I stopped having them altogether since it was virtually impossible to know the calorie count. About a month ago, as I was transitioning into maintenance and I decided to allow myself a little - just once...for a treat. Then I had some more another day, then some more another. Well that got me back into my old routine and by last week I was having some every second day. So I *almost* bought some today but I thought of this thread and my promise to myself and so I didn't. It wasn't that hard not to, but I'm pretty certain that if not for this thread then I would have had "just a few" ;-)

    Basically, I think I'm struggling with the reality of maintenance. The truth is, if I ate as much as I wanted I would put on weight. The natural conclusion of that statement is that I cannot eat as much as I want. ever again. Now that's a very long time.

    I'm not talking about eating from hunger, from emotions, from binging etc. (though I do do all of those things). I'm talking about eating just because I like it. Because I want to. Its natural to want to do something you enjoy, and I want to eat. But I can't do that (as much) anymore. Which means that I am going to have to resist the urge to do something that I want to do. and I am going to have to resist that urge forever.

    There are lots of things in life that we don't do even if we want to. Because of the law or because of society's expectations. ie we don't do it because of the consequences. So we control ourselves.
    For me, overeating is the same. There are consequences. They are not worth it. I've just got to get used to the fact that even though I want to eat lots and lots and lots. Its not worth it. Maintenance means changing the way I eat forever.

    The treadmill is going slowly and its easy to stay on it. I have to make sure that I do that - its a much better ride !

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