November Chit Chat
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Dips on the protein shake job. You'll be repulsively rich, so you won't mind the six figure salary I'll require.0
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i had biceps like (little) baseballs this morning, and doms to the max. don't know what i did yesterday, but this took me by surprise.
i kind of like it. is that weird?0 -
Maybe a tad, but we like weird.0
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i love how you think.
sigh. having a discouraging 'conversation' right now with a young touchy guy friend. you can't tell him anything purely for interest or human-nature or entertainment purposes, because everything that you say is grist for some 'here's the solution to that' type of comeback.
SIGH. he's not even being condescending - i know that much. it's just the way his mind works. i know he does it, he knows i dislike it, i said i don't mind you having a mind that works in that way and i'm not trying to stop you from doing it. but just fyi the side-effect is i avoid people who never do anything else. or i just quit handing out information to them.
now he's wounded, in spite of an explanation about all the reasons for that. guess he'll thank me someday, however . . . because i suspect he's mostly wounded because now he's running his entire social life under review and starting to see certain reasons for certain patterns.
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I have a young touchy friend who has no solutions and wants to hear nothing about possible solutions. His comebacks are always "And here's why that won't work." It's exhausting, but also makes me sad -- he's so obviously depressed and in need of some direction, but just won't hear anything that might point him towards moving forward.
Le sigh.0 -
I have a young touchy friend who has no solutions and wants to hear nothing about possible solutions. .
we should introduce our two friends to each other and then you and me should just leave them to it and go out for a beer.
the whole problem about being depressed is it makes you stubborn. you might not have much, but you have your form of 'reality', which really is real to you. so you tend to fight anyone who comes along being Optimistic and tries to deprive you of it.
far too many of the people i like well enough to develop real friendships with them seem to be depression-prone, so i kind of know how it ain't easy being the undepressed one sometimes.
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oh and btw. never have i ever heard anyone say aboot except mayyyyyyyyybe a few maritimers. i think it's an easterner thing if it's even a truth.
in other news, i'm laughing at this. i went to the enviro-can website for my city, and they often have a 'warning' banner across the page for unusual or extreme weather, like 'wind warning' 'rainfall warning' etc etc. this time i just get 'special weather warning in effect'.
of course you can click through to the detailed info [hello studded ice-tires and several layers of clothes], but the first impression that makes is enjoyable. like, what kind of special weather? hail? mud? frogs?0 -
canadianlbs wrote: »oh and btw. never have i ever heard anyone say aboot except mayyyyyyyyybe a few maritimers. i think it's an easterner thing if it's even a truth.
in other news, i'm laughing at this. i went to the enviro-can website for my city, and they often have a 'warning' banner across the page for unusual or extreme weather, like 'wind warning' 'rainfall warning' etc etc. this time i just get 'special weather warning in effect'.
of course you can click through to the detailed info [hello studded ice-tires and several layers of clothes], but the first impression that makes is enjoyable. like, what kind of special weather? hail? mud? frogs?
The closest to aboot I've heard is the toronto accent which turns every "out" syllables into "oaut" (So it's a boat, but with a weird u lisp before the t). It's aboat time you got oat, mayte!
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I have a young touchy friend who has no solutions and wants to hear nothing about possible solutions. His comebacks are always "And here's why that won't work." It's exhausting, but also makes me sad -- he's so obviously depressed and in need of some direction, but just won't hear anything that might point him towards moving forward.
Le sigh.
For being guilty of a very similar thing I can say it's not easy being that way either. In my case it doesn't *really* have anything to do with depression (although the pattern does get worse when I'm not feeling great). I just have a very analytical mind and I'll always see the reason why something wouldn't work before I can figure out how to make it work. Stating the reasons why is a part of the process I try to keep internal to the best of my ability but sometimes it's good to hear yourself talk when you think, y'know?
Best piece of advice I got for dealing with someone like that is to not push the issue. The solution thinking process has started - if you keep trying to throw solutions the other party will shut him/herself off further and turn everything down. Give it time. The most humble of us will get back to you a while later and thank you for the insight, haha. Over tiem I have learned to recognize when I get into that defensive pattern and usually let people know, like "look, I'll be turning all your suggestions down from here on out, it's how I work, let's move on and avoid you being frustrated over it, okay?"
It's a very useful skill for a programmer, although it tends to drive my boss insane when I list him all the things that can go wrong about his ideas xD0 -
i kind of look a little like gidget if gidget was 50 years old, so i tend to get a lot of people who just have a habit of seeing every piece of random life-watching information from me as an excuse for suggestions. i've learned to say 'i'd prefer it if you stopped telling me what to do' and sometimes it works. sometimes they go through a disconcertment/sulk cycle or two before they adapt. sometimes people cop an offense attitude that they never get past, but it kind of weeds out the sheep from the goats so that's fine.usually let people know, like "look, I'll be turning all your suggestions down from here on out, it's how I work, let's move on and avoid you being frustrated over it, okay?"
lol. i remember this dev from my previous contract saying to one of the decision makers 'it's not going to matter to me what you say; i already know what i think. so if you're gonna say no just say it and let's both go back to our work.' i liked the guy he was talking to too, because he just said ' ah well, in that case then: no' and went back to his work. i could say things to him like 'i'm in no state to be talked to right now' and he'd just grin and leave me alone until i was calmed down enough to say what i thought of him in a more work-friendly way.It's a very useful skill for a programmer
heh. i agree. i'm working right now with a dev who is NOT analytical in that particular way although he has steaming heaps of other abilities, and he's driving a couple of us right out of our minds with inability to recognize the no-further-returns point of a big discussion.0 -
I have a young touchy friend who has no solutions and wants to hear nothing about possible solutions. His comebacks are always "And here's why that won't work." It's exhausting, but also makes me sad -- he's so obviously depressed and in need of some direction, but just won't hear anything that might point him towards moving forward.
Le sigh.
For being guilty of a very similar thing I can say it's not easy being that way either. In my case it doesn't *really* have anything to do with depression (although the pattern does get worse when I'm not feeling great). I just have a very analytical mind and I'll always see the reason why something wouldn't work before I can figure out how to make it work. Stating the reasons why is a part of the process I try to keep internal to the best of my ability but sometimes it's good to hear yourself talk when you think, y'know?
Best piece of advice I got for dealing with someone like that is to not push the issue. The solution thinking process has started - if you keep trying to throw solutions the other party will shut him/herself off further and turn everything down. Give it time. The most humble of us will get back to you a while later and thank you for the insight, haha. Over tiem I have learned to recognize when I get into that defensive pattern and usually let people know, like "look, I'll be turning all your suggestions down from here on out, it's how I work, let's move on and avoid you being frustrated over it, okay?"
I think my biggest worry with my friend is that he isn't analyzing things at all -- he's simply shutting down all options. I don't know his whole back story, but someone did a number on him so he not only believes he's beyond help, but also thinks those who could possibly help (i.e. therapists) can't or won't.
I have definitely learned (the hard way, unfortunately) to throw things out there but not push even a little bit. Of course, I'd rather he just let me take over his life and fix it, so this isn't easy for me.
But I want to be a good friend, so will keep on keeping on.
Thanks for providing a different perspective for me.
xoxox
C.
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he isn't analyzing things at all -- he's simply shutting down all options.
that sounds like an indirect way of saying 'leave me alone - but don't leave me.' you know? hope it works out and you don't end up feeling too drained or drowned. my hardest thing with depressed people is trying to ration my own degree of investment-versus-detachment with them. i have to try and make sure that i don't spend the farm in the first couple of months, because otherwise i find myself running bankrupt and cutting them off if things haven't changed by the time my resources run out.
eta: necessary because, let me be blunt: if/when somebody's depressed, there's a significant amount of not-a-whole-lot-in-this-for-me that's involved. it sounds coldblooded, but basically if it persists over a really long time, then there's a net emotional loss on my side. i'm kind of done being bottomless, personally. i can find myself nickel-and-dimed into the ground in the end.
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I wholeheartedly agree. Generally, I don't do well with one-sided relationships, so it's taking a significant amount of effort on my part at the moment since it's all about him. But, I've been where he is (perhaps not to the same degree), so I'm reminding myself that sometimes you do just have to give without getting. But I am already concerned about that inevitable moment when I can't do it anymore, which will likely only reinforce his already terrible self-esteem in a "See? I am miserable and unlovable and broken beyond repair" kind of way. Will just tread carefully for the near future -- and for me that means stomping slightly less violently than usual.
xo,
C.0 -
I only chat with people online and at work, so the types I deal with are limited for both the good and the bad.
So... I finally updated my macros on MFP to get it to recommend more than 60 grams of protein. I had to go over on the original set up to get near what I should be consuming. Now that it's fixed, my 61 so far today looks so little and sad compared to the recommended number (since I input my exercise already but haven't done it yet as that will be after work at 11 pm). Now to find something that has at least 40 grams of protein and only a couple hundred calories.... *le sighs*0 -
canadianlbs wrote: »oh and btw. never have i ever heard anyone say aboot except mayyyyyyyyybe a few maritimers. i think it's an easterner thing if it's even a truth.
in other news, i'm laughing at this. i went to the enviro-can website for my city, and they often have a 'warning' banner across the page for unusual or extreme weather, like 'wind warning' 'rainfall warning' etc etc. this time i just get 'special weather warning in effect'.
of course you can click through to the detailed info [hello studded ice-tires and several layers of clothes], but the first impression that makes is enjoyable. like, what kind of special weather? hail? mud? frogs?
The closest to aboot I've heard is the toronto accent which turns every "out" syllables into "oaut" (So it's a boat, but with a weird u lisp before the t). It's aboat time you got oat, mayte!
I would hear 'aboot' and 'hoose' on Property Brothers when it was filmed in Canada. I think it was done in Toronto so that makes sense. I grew up in Maine towards the French side and never heard that type of funny accent until HGTV.0 -
DawnEmbers wrote: »I only chat with people online and at work, so the types I deal with are limited for both the good and the bad.
So... I finally updated my macros on MFP to get it to recommend more than 60 grams of protein. I had to go over on the original set up to get near what I should be consuming. Now that it's fixed, my 61 so far today looks so little and sad compared to the recommended number (since I input my exercise already but haven't done it yet as that will be after work at 11 pm). Now to find something that has at least 40 grams of protein and only a couple hundred calories.... *le sighs*
I know it's a few days too late but I wouldn't worry about getting your macros spot on every day. I aim for about 100 grams and sometimes I'm around 60 while others I'm well over. It's difficult to reach it if I don't have meat for lunch and dinner.0 -
Yeah, I don't worry about every day. The trainer I last saw that helped show me some of the lifts also recommended 80 to 100, especially on lifting days. I just haven't cooked much so the chicken is frozen still and am can only use anything whey based occasionally. So, it's a challenge to get 80 or 100. I get to 60 some days too and less on others. Just one of those aspects need to work on. Want to try and get closer to decent levels at least on lifting days.
Though I'm reading New Rules of Lifting for Women and not sure how I feel on their meal plan already. I don't mind the occasion protein shake but like once a week, not really into the shake every single day. Will have to think things over as I continue to read.0 -
DawnEmbers wrote: »I just haven't cooked much so the chicken is frozen still and am can only use anything whey based occasionally.
i rely on protein powder and yogurt, and still i'm doing well if i manage 60, which is around my own weight in kilos. i've gotten obsessive about making soup. stock/broth especially, and then i weasel it into so much of the stuff that i cook it's almost unfunny by now. it's such a job to crowbar enough of the stuff into my life, i even look at a pile of used bones and think 'protein!' these days.
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