Two months have passed since that eye-opening post, and I haven't binged since
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Summerfit321 wrote: »Thank you for the encouragement. 3 months might not seem like a lot, but to me it's a huge deal. Being so desperate and seeing my life changing almost weekly because of binge-eating? I was ready to throw my life away in my early twenties for food... 3 months have changed me, changed my mind and the way I and other people see me. I am now so determined to make this my new life: weight loss will always be secondary to not binge-eating.
Oh, three months is definitely a lot, we know!
I like what you said in this post and can certainly relate to it. Thank you for reminding us that this battle is worth fighting!
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I am new to the forums here, and I've been following your story Summerfit321, it is so inspiring!
I do have a question for you though--as someone who started binge eating in the first place in direct relation to severe calorie deficient dieting, but who now needs to lose some weight (due to said binging), how do you go about dieting without it triggering the urge to binge? You mentioned above that you take things very slowly and started off without tracking and then with only a small deficit. You also said in another post that you never go out to eat but do occasionally allow yourself a non-tracking day. Do you think these things have aided in your success while still allowing you to lose the weight? Would you have any other suggestions for someone who finds dieting triggers her binge eating disorder, but does still need to diet to lose weight for health reasons?0 -
I am new to the forums here, and I've been following your story Summerfit321, it is so inspiring!
I do have a question for you though--as someone who started binge eating in the first place in direct relation to severe calorie deficient dieting, but who now needs to lose some weight (due to said binging), how do you go about dieting without it triggering the urge to binge? You mentioned above that you take things very slowly and started off without tracking and then with only a small deficit. You also said in another post that you never go out to eat but do occasionally allow yourself a non-tracking day. Do you think these things have aided in your success while still allowing you to lose the weight? Would you have any other suggestions for someone who finds dieting triggers her binge eating disorder, but does still need to diet to lose weight for health reasons?
Hey! Welcome to the forums
In answer to your first question: Indeed, I never even knew what binge-eating was before I lost weight for the first time, and only started over time through dieting. I didn't count my calories the first few weeks... but I think what helped me most was the fact that I was scared to bits from the bingeing. I had been eating 5000 kcal a day several times a week and I could recognize my rock bottom. It was like I woke up when I wrote that post and so first few weeks just the fear of what was going to happen stopped me, so there wasn't really an urge.
Since then I do eat an average of 1250 kcal a day. I find that eating something I enjoy every single day helps, and for me that's desert. People can say whatever, but I rather eat a few hundred kcal a day of "unclean foods" than go with nothing for a week and then break down and eat 5000 kcal in one day.
One thing I do realize is that we are so afraid of the urge to binge, yet we should really only fear the bingeing itself. I decided that whatever happens, I would rather sit awake all night long and stare at the clock, feel my heart beating hard, etc. than to binge one more time. The urge won't go away immediately: I've had it about thrice and didn't binge, but I know that if I had binged, the urge would have come back sooner.
Stress is always a trigger for me: when I'm angry, upset or stressed my brain asks where the most sugary and fat-filled food is for me to gorge on. I have worked on dealing with stress and other negative so much: that has been the biggest change for me. I learned that you can feel that way and not cover it with food, and as I've done that I feel those emotions less and less.
Your second question: I never track Friday and I love it. I do however, eat almost exactly the same as I do during the week, except for dinner and I allow myself some alcohol and one extra sweet like a candy bar... It keeps me sane, happy, and helps me stay quite strict during the rest of the week, and it gets me to an average of 1250 kcal a day. I have only had fast food once since I stopped bingeing.
Thirdly: Eating out was a downfall of mine. I used to do so every Friday and it made me lose track, and so that has been a huge and not very easy change, but after almost fourteen weeks I'm used to it.
I wish you the best of luck! You really can do this. Just always remember that when you feel like you're going crazy because you want to binge, you can still not binge, and it will get better. And remember that it's just food... nothing more.0 -
Summerfit321 wrote: »One thing I do realize is that we are so afraid of the urge to binge, yet we should really only fear the bingeing itself. I decided that whatever happens, I would rather sit awake all night long and stare at the clock, feel my heart beating hard, etc. than to binge one more time.
Thank you for your advice--it is much appreciated! The quote above particularly rings true for me. I feel as if often I am most afraid of the actual urges, and the feelings I am trying to escape (the sadness or stress or loneliness or whatever) that I forget how truly damaging the actual binging in itself is as a coping mechanism.
And yes to desserts! I completely agree with eating something you really enjoy each day...it definitely lessens the binge urges for me when I know I can still eat decadent goodies (in portioned amounts).
Congrats and good luck with your journey and I look forward to reading more about it! 0 -
Summerfit321 wrote: »
Thank you for your advice--it is much appreciated! The quote above particularly rings true for me. I feel as if often I am most afraid of the actual urges, and the feelings I am trying to escape (the sadness or stress or loneliness or whatever) that I forget how truly damaging the actual binging in itself is as a coping mechanism.
And yes to desserts! I completely agree with eating something you really enjoy each day...it definitely lessens the binge urges for me when I know I can still eat decadent goodies (in portioned amounts).
Congrats and good luck with your journey and I look forward to reading more about it!
Bingeing really can be very dangerous: I guess what you define as a binge changes from person to person, but I know that mine kept getting worse. Eating thousands of kcal in short periods of time, the weight fluctuations, the pressure on your organs, feeling sick, difficulty breathing, and the excessive anxiety caused by it: it was all very unhealthy. I needed to stop sooner than my life was going to change... Indeed, sadness, loneliness, etc... they'll always be there once in a while, but that doesn't mean you need to binge once in a while.
Best of luck to you!0 -
Summerfit321 wrote: »Summerfit321 wrote: »
Thank you for your advice--it is much appreciated! The quote above particularly rings true for me. I feel as if often I am most afraid of the actual urges, and the feelings I am trying to escape (the sadness or stress or loneliness or whatever) that I forget how truly damaging the actual binging in itself is as a coping mechanism.
And yes to desserts! I completely agree with eating something you really enjoy each day...it definitely lessens the binge urges for me when I know I can still eat decadent goodies (in portioned amounts).
Congrats and good luck with your journey and I look forward to reading more about it!
Bingeing really can be very dangerous: I guess what you define as a binge changes from person to person, but I know that mine kept getting worse. Eating thousands of kcal in short periods of time, the weight fluctuations, the pressure on your organs, feeling sick, difficulty breathing, and the excessive anxiety caused by it: it was all very unhealthy. I needed to stop sooner than my life was going to change... Indeed, sadness, loneliness, etc... they'll always be there once in a while, but that doesn't mean you need to binge once in a while.
Best of luck to you!
I made a mistake with the quoting
sorry about that! I meant to quote the part about how damaging bingeing really is.0 -
Losing focus
Those are the two words which describe the last few days. But bingeing? NO WAY! So in a sense everything is okay... right?
Every day I now question whether I still want to lose weight. The truth I am not yet at the weight I was before my last binge-episode: I can tell even without weighing myself, but I'm tired. Tomorrow will be fourteen weeks of no bingeing, and about 10 weeks of really sticking to a low kcal diet. Each day now, I find myself hungry in the evening, and eating an extra 100- 200 kcal, giving me an average of about 1300 throughout the week instead of 1100, but still having that no-log day and above that, I struggle to fund time to do any cardio what so ever.
I've lost and gained weight so many times, that it isn't new to me. I find myself facing that very common dilemma: I really do want to lose weight, but when it comes to the small differences: eating 200 kcal less and burning 200 kcal more, I am often falling short.
And must admit that yesterday was a bad day. I was feeling so sorry for myself. I was thinking about so many things, feeling so much regret and anger, and for a good hour I wanted food. I'm not saying that I wanted a binge, but I wanted food and that can easily change into something else. I ate an orange and one slice of toast: I was hungry. Afterwards I sat down for an hour, talking to my family and interrupting what I had been doing. I could feel the urge building, but I was determined not to binge. After the hour, the urge had gone away, and I was fine. Today I realize how different this moment would have been had I binged.
Pfff... I need to regroup, or at least decide whether I want to lose more weight or take a few weeks off and reverse diet to maintenance. Having a plan and then not sticking to it is frustrating.
And for some silly reason I am still afraid of weighing myself. The scale still holds that power over me.0 -
I'm on my 15th binge-free week. Sometimes I don't take much note anymore, but when I think about it as I write, it makes me smile.
This Friday I ate out for the first time in months. I was scared of eating out: I'd eat too much there, without bingeing, but often come home and eat more... it was too weird, and I still don't know why I did all those things. It was a success! I ordered a normal amount of food, and enjoyed the evening, came home and didn't binge. I simply went to bed and slept, wondering what made bingeing so necessary before. Before I would wake up feeling hung over and depressed, realizing what I had done, but still believing that eating more could make me feel better.
Anyways, I have decided to try and maintain my weight now till the end of January. I am almost happy with how I look. It's the holidays, and there will be some days when I splurge with my family. As long as I don't binge, I'll be okay. It's almost new year, I want 2015 to be a year in which I relearn how to be normal around food. I want to make 2015 a binge-free year.
Best of luck to everyone!0 -
This will be my last post of 2014, on the eve of a 16-week binge free streak.
For me it seems like even longer. Things have changed so much in the past three and a half months that I finally feel like a different person.
I am going to celebrate New Year's Eve to the full with my family. My eating disorder has made me realize- and especially this year more than ever before- how precious those we love really are, how we should learn to enjoy the small things in life, and not take anything for granted.
From feeling so hopeless, so helpless, like I was going to die, from hating what I was doing, hating myself, and then taking it out on those I cared for the most, to being able to spend weeks at home with food all around me, and hardly ever obsessing, never despising, and more importantly, never bingeing. For me that change is more important than the weight loss, which I am also happy about.
My goal for 2015 is just to not binge: I don't really have any weight goals. truth is I love the healthy lifestyle, so I'll probably always be tracking most days and exercising as often as I can.
I wish you all a very happy New Year! I hope 2015 is the year you stop bingeing, and the year you achieve everything you want. 0 -
Big big claps for you!0
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Many many congratulations (-:0
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Thanks pudding and BB8773
Now over four months since I binged. Right now I'm feeling very "stable" and very optimistic.
It was my first binge-free semester for two years.
I want 2015 to be a binge free year. I want to put my eating disorder behind me and spend the time I used to spend on it doing other things.
I am hopeful. Waiting for the six month mark now. 0 -
Exams are ending in a week.
I haven't binged once: not during the holidays, not through the stress of exams.
I have made so many changes mentally.
Life is still so far from perfect.
I don't think I could physically eat as much as I used to.
Almost reached the 5 month binge-free mark.
I'm feeling hopeful 0 -
wonderful achievement 0
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It is now over 6 months without bingeing... at all. I am happy and hope to not binge ever again. I still struggle from time to time with diet, exercise, body image, hunger, cravings, frustration... but bingeing has gone.0
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So proud of you!!!!!!0
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You have made such amazing progress. Congrats!0
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that's really wonderful.
I'm just curious - is it an effort for you not to binge ie are you fighting the urge, and winning ? or have the urges stopped ?0 -
totaldetermination wrote: »that's really wonderful.
I'm just curious - is it an effort for you not to binge ie are you fighting the urge, and winning ? or have the urges stopped ?
They were completely gone in the beginning... they pop up once in a while. But they go away a lot faster. I still LOVE food and I know that it's something I will never be able to replace. But I can really choose not to binge
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As of today I have lost 8 of the 12 kg I gained. 0
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Excellent, well done
I did exactly the same thing after a 25 year battle with serious binge eating disorder and morbid obesity, countless food plans, therapists, support groups, books, spiritual/religious conversions, meditating on mountain tops in India. After all that the eating disorder was still going stronger than ever then on 10th March 2015 I just decided I was never going to binge again no matter what and I just knew it was true. I feel so liberated and like you that was my one and only rule, no more safe food lists etc , just I will never binge again. I have since discovered this technique has a name and is called rational recovery. Basically just means what you said that we take responsibility for and control over our own body and choices. I am early days still but I just know the battle is over, it feels amazing 0 -
very inspiring especially that you've succeeded for so long.Summerfit321 wrote: »I decided to accept that I had full control over what I ate, how much I ate
I was wondering whether you feel that you chose to make this decision and were just able to do it; or was it more of a 'realisation' moment where you suddenly somehow understood on a deeper level the truth of the decision.
For myself when I read those words, I nod and agree with them. Of course, I'm in control.
But inside I don't feel in complete control. And I don't feel I could just decide that I am in control when I'm not. It would be like deciding I'm going to fly. I can't fly - so just deciding that I can doesn't change the fact that I actually can't. So I'm wondering if you felt like this when you decided, or did something change and you felt the truth that 'yes, I am in control', and only then you were able to make that decision.0 -
persistentsoul wrote: »Excellent, well done
I did exactly the same thing after a 25 year battle with serious binge eating disorder and morbid obesity, countless food plans, therapists, support groups, books, spiritual/religious conversions, meditating on mountain tops in India. After all that the eating disorder was still going stronger than ever then on 10th March 2015 I just decided I was never going to binge again no matter what and I just knew it was true. I feel so liberated and like you that was my one and only rule, no more safe food lists etc , just I will never binge again. I have since discovered this technique has a name and is called rational recovery. Basically just means what you said that we take responsibility for and control over our own body and choices. I am early days still but I just know the battle is over, it feels amazing
I am so happy for you! Reading this gave me chills. Indeed: it is only that decision to stop bingeing. When you haveBED "clean foods" or counting macros/ kcal is not on top of the agenda: it's the bingeing that's killing you. Best of luck. You'll do it!0 -
totaldetermination wrote: »very inspiring especially that you've succeeded for so long.Summerfit321 wrote: »I decided to accept that I had full control over what I ate, how much I ate
I was wondering whether you feel that you chose to make this decision and were just able to do it; or was it more of a 'realisation' moment where you suddenly somehow understood on a deeper level the truth of the decision.
For myself when I read those words, I nod and agree with them. Of course, I'm in control.
But inside I don't feel in complete control. And I don't feel I could just decide that I am in control when I'm not. It would be like deciding I'm going to fly. I can't fly - so just deciding that I can doesn't change the fact that I actually can't. So I'm wondering if you felt like this when you decided, or did something change and you felt the truth that 'yes, I am in control', and only then you were able to make that decision.
I know exactly what you mean. I struggled with that feeling right until I stopped. Bingeing was a lot stronger than me and I couldn't stop. Some days I would cry because I knew I was going to bonge..
But that day I hit rock bottom and I knew I had to stop. My fear then was worse than ever before and I felt like I was standing on a cliff and the bingeing would push me over so I stopped. It was like the reality of what I was doing finally set in. But with time the fear went away and I realized that I really did have control and didn't simply have to stop bingeing to save my life 0 -
8 months without bingeing this Friday. I feel so determined to beat this.0
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Congratulations. and thank you for the update.
You're doing so well - I'm really happy for you. I can only try to imagine how it must feel.0 -
Such an inspiration!0
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