47 yo female: expectations and frustrations
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Yikes. You are going to need some exercise with that schedule. So true on making things work with what you got, which may not be optimal.
I've never tried IF by skipping or making dinner really small, just doesn't work for me.
Probably would make me want to go to bed on time. Oh horrors.0 -
Actually, skipping meals in general sounds a bit horrible to me! (Did I mention I like to eat and don't like to be hungry??)
Yesterday I decided to give it something of a trial run, since I am on spring break and have a little more control of my schedule. I made it to 9:30, at which point I got that shaky feeling. Blood sugar dip, I guess, plus I'd had a large cup of coffee. I love coffee, but too much on an empty stomach doesn't do well for me. (Or too much with something sugary).
So it will definitely take some resolve if I do it. (I write this as I eat my protein waffles this morning. . . . )
At the moment, I am happy to be hovering in one place, without feeling hungry (or too deprived--but to give myself a pat on the back, that is because I know how to plan within the parameters, for the most part, so that I don't run out of calories. Unless I do something stupid.). With warmer weather I will see what simply going back to my 3 day a week lifting/3 day a week running schedule will do. (plus and maybe I can add a bit more when possible--although not likely with the new schedule). Running definitely gives me more of a burn than what I have been doing for cardio. Plus when the weather is nice I love it, and it provides a great stress relief to my busy schedule.
On another topic, I think one reason I don't like the strength training as well is that I have to keep my brain engaged while doing it. At least to count, and really I have to concentrate to do it correctly. So it just doesn't give me the enjoyment of running. Any ideas to kill the weight lifting boredom? Basically the whole time I am doing it, in my head I am like, "3 more sets, almost done, two more exercises, yay almost done, five or six more minutes, and then I won't have to do this anymore for two more days. . . . ".
It really is done out of duty. And that is okay, some things are like that. But I would welcome any suggestions from those who enjoy. . . . .0 -
I listen to podcasts that I enjoy while I lift. As the mom of a 3 yr old I have almost no "me time". My workouts are my time and listening to podcasts give me something interesting to think about other than my daily chores/mothering duties. I do Stronglifts, so it's 5 sets of 5 reps. It's not hard for me to keep track of the count. plus, I use the app and as I do each set it gets recorded. Perhaps there is an app for DB lifting out there that can help you. My app also has rests factored in so a bell goes off when it's time to lift the next set. Makes it nice and easy so I can go back to listening to my podcast.
How many reps are you doing? I know that you are using DBs and that you said they only went up to 20-25lbs. I've read that lots of reps or low weights aren't as effective as low reps with heavier weights. Of course, it depends on what exercises you are doing. Tricep kick backs with a 25 lb DB will be tough but squats and deadlifts will be too easy at that weight. If you really aren't enjoying weight lifting maybe find something else that you enjoy more. Sounds like you need to find someone to help you with your schedule so you can free up an hour a few days to exercise. Are you friendly with another parent who also is in a similar spot? Maybe you could trade off sharing swim meet shuttle duties so some days you get to exercise and they take the kids and other days you do it. I only lift 3-4x/wk and it's an hour. I might do 30 min.of cardio 1-2x/wk.0 -
On the weightlifting...since you are at home...use an AP to count them for you. I use Daily Ab workout or Workout Trainer. There must be more..but they basically are the coach telling you what to do..eventually when you are an empty nester you can get to a gym with a buddy which makes time fly0
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Oh and one protein..watch the soy...women do not do well with soy and products tend to pump up the protein with soy0
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@Sumiblue--wow I really am a wimp! I'm not sure I could even do one tricep kickback with a 25! Right now I would feel it with a 10 lb, and I'm not sure I could do 6 with the 12! 15 would be out of the question. So I still have a lot of progress to make. I really did start from zero as far as muscle is concerned! You are right, though in that legs will be the place where I will have to look for other options first.
As for schedule, the tricky part is that my time is limited enough that I don't need to waste any in travel to the gym. It is not just an issue because of the kids--it is that I need that time to do the household tasks--dinner, laundry, etc. so, for now I will be ok at home.
@Frigs--are those apps you are talking about? Do you know any names for me to search?
Also, I have read that soy is good for menopause symptoms. But also I have read that it is bad for women. Don't know what to think there.
I am planning to start back at deficit tomorrow. Only about 200 a day deficit. That means I will be eating between 1300 and 1400. Hope it works.
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Oh, @tigerblue , I cant do tricep kickbacks with 25s! I think 15 lbs is the most I've done. I was just giving an example of an exercise using 20-25 lb DB that would really be working hard. I hear you in the household chores scheduling problems. Do you have a slow cooker? They can be a real time saver. Can your kids do their own laundry? I understand that your husband's schedule has changed and put a burden on you but you need to take care of yourself, too. I hope that your family can help out so you can find an hour here or there to exercise. At home or elsewhere. Burnout is no fun.0
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^^^^ Whew! I feel better! Maybe I'm not as bad as I thought! Definitely stronger than when I started!0
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I did a little Googling about the high rep/low weights high weights/low reps debate. It sounds like high weight/low reps (less than 10-12 reps) is king for fat loss. But, of course, "low" weights have benefits, too. Sounds like they are good for building endurance. And if the weight is heavy for you it's still good for preserving muscle as you lose fat. I know someone who lost 30 lbs in 3 months dieting without doing any exercise at all. I was impressed until I realized that she probably was losing muscle, too.0
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After maintaining at 132 lbs for 6 weeks while averaging about 1500 total calories a day (not net just total. I can see my misfit adjustment based on activity, but my goal is a TDEE deficit goal, so I'm not using the misfit to alter my eating, other than if it shows an unusually high burn for the day. That would be if I took a long run, or perhaps had an equipment moving day at work. Most days are not like that at work. I am trying to slowly increase the length of my runs, though. It is truly slow going, since I mostly took a break from running this winter).
I have changed my goal back to lose. I've managed to reduce average calories to 1400 total this week. It looks like I have perhaps lost 0.3, but I will wait to see when Monday's weigh in comes. I would like to be eating at about 1350 average. For anyone looking at my diary, I try to be accurate with my intake numbers, but my goal numbers really mean nothing. I know that I am trying to stay under 1400, and I just do the math in my head. The misfit is just there to alert me to days that are outside the norm with extremely low or extremely high activity, and the goal number is set to MFP default for 1 lb loss. It is sort of a calorie floor reminder, not that I need that very often lol!
I am also trying to increase cardio a little. I easily meet my step goal of 8,000 on run days, but on strength days, I don't usually. I am trying to add a short run (like 10-15 minutes) to those days to meet my step goal, at least.
I will watch and see and adjust.
It is still mentally frustrating to me that my maintenance number is 1500, even with exercise. But I've got to get past that and just accept reality. No more feeling sorry for myself. (Trying, anyway.)
I am hoping to see at least steady downward movement over time, even if it is slow. I will be ecstatic if I can just get down to where I was before vacation in July. (127). I don't like to set deadlines, but it would be nice to be there by June.0 -
And yesterday's calorie bomb was for celebrating my son's birthday. I don't usually eat 400 calories of cake in one sitting!!!0
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Has anyone suggested The New Rules of Lifting for Women to you? I found their actual program to be too fussy and overcomplicated so I did Starting Strength instead, but the first half of the book is a gold mine of information for women who want to lift but can't quite get their heads out of the calories-cardio-scale weight cycle.
I'm a year younger than you, about the same height, and ten pounds heavier. Right now I'm on a cut, so I'm eating around 1400 calories on rest days and 1750 on lifting days, which are three times a week; I also added in a couple of conditioning days where I do kettlebell work for HIIT - 35 pounds for one-handed swings and TGUs, 54 pounds for two-handed swings. My weight is trending downward at a comfortable pace and I'm never overly hungry.
Your current weight is around my goal weight, because if I get down any farther than that I'm going to start compromising my ability to lift heavy things, and getting to a 225-pound deadlift is more important to me than looking good in a bikini.0 -
^^^ Is the 350 difference on days because of estimated cal burn for lifting, or are you doing some kind of calorie cycling?
I do need to read the new rules book, I think. Good information I am sure.
My goal is definitely to improve my appearance (not sure I will ever be bikini ready at this age, but I did wear one last summer anyway!), and also fitness and functional strength to improve overall health today and as I age! Weight lifting goals really don't turn me on. As long as I can do my daily life duties, it matters not to me how much I can lift. For that matter, it doesn't particularly matter to me whether I run fast or slow. I just run where it feels good! That is probably another reason I struggle with the whole strength training thing. I am definitely just doing strength training because it is supposed to be good for me! Running, biking, and swimming I love. I enjoy the relaxation and stress relief, and the rhythmic movement, and being outside if the weather is good, the way i can let my mind roam free while I run, etc. lifting doesn't give me any of that, so it is totally just weight loss/fitness goal oriented.
I also think I could deal with the scale weight issue much better if I felt there was a reliable way to measure body fat loss. My Bodyfat scale seems to jump all over the place, and I don't really trust myself with the calipers. Measurements are helpful, but they don't catch everything. My measurements haven't changed in over a year. Which is good in one way since I have gained weight but not inches. Just recently I was thinking I could really tell a difference in my chest and shoulder leanness (the part above the breasts--those don't shrink much for me!) but of course that is not a place I have tracked measurement. So I do think the fat has come off in places, but really, there is no way to track every place it comes off. Last year I saw changes in the flatness of my abs below the belly button, but still no waist size change or hip measurement change. Again, improvement, but not measurable. And my jackets and shirts are fitting tighter in the shoulders and across the back. So,is that muscle gain, or have I put on fat there?? Soooo much easier when I could just look at the scale!0 -
The 350 difference is mostly because if I try to squat 145 pounds on 1400 calories it's going to staple me to the floor, and I don't want to lose too much strength and muscle on my cut. I just eat a little more on lifting days and a little less on rest days, and allocate most of my carbs to lifting days when I need them for fuel.
Lack of reliable body fat measures cause a lot of woe to a lot of people, me included. I wish there were better scales! But honestly, I like lifting heavy weights a lot, but it's not a requirement. I was mostly recommending NROLFW because it gives you a different framework for thinking about how your body looks and functions best.
!♥330 -
^^^I find eating my exercise calories is crucial. I eat more on lifting days and less on rest days.I was so weak at 1200 calories. It was also below my BMR and I believe that I wasn't losing weight because my body was holding onto my fat reserves for lack of adequate calories. I kept going down a little and up a little. I know that you don't eat your exercise calories, @Tigerblue. You run, do weight bearing exercise and are not sedentary. Looking at your diary I would guess that you are below your BMR frequently. The more you move the more you need to eat. My weight did not start shifting until I upped my calories from my BMR. Comparing my net calorie report from and my weight loss one, it's the same graph!0
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I stopped doing net calories and eating back calories only recently (in the past 6 months or so). I initially lost my weight doing net calories and following MFP numbers. I actually like that concept better. In my mind it seems more precise! I changed for two reasons: 1-it stopped working. 2-on rest days I was having to eat much lower than I liked. So I decided to go TDEE deficit to more evenly spread the calories.
Actually, I am learning that I am much more sedentary (outside of workout time) than I had thought. On rest days I get about 3000 steps. Based on the numbers passed between MFP and misfit, (it gives you negative exercise calories if you don't move enough based on the activity level selected in MFP) I probably hit halfway between sedentary and lightly active if I don't work out. This was a sad realization for me--I thought I was more active than that!
I figure that my workouts, averaged over 7 days, give me just under 200 cals a day. (Using MFP numbers adjusted for the fact that they don't subtract BMR first). The truth is that a 30 minute 11-minute-mile run really isn't as vigorous as I once thought, now that I see what others do.
As for eating below BMR, mine is probably between 1150-1200. I never eat below BMR unless I have been sick or have some weird scheduling such that I miss a meal. Now, if you mean NET below BMR, well that is really hard to figure since it is really hard to estimate non exercise activity, etc. and even exercise is something of a guess. Perhaps it is happening on long run days. But that is why I do add extra food on those days. This winter there have been few long run days. I'm hoping for some this spring!
Anyway that is why I am trying to base my numbers on my past results for now. And it is very evident that I have stayed pretty steady over the past 8 weeks eating at around 1500.
The truth is I have to log carefully, and be honest with myself about exercise intensity. I don't think I am far off, but when you do the math, it only takes an excess of 50 calories for a year to produce a 5 lb gain! That's really not that far off from what had happened this year. Those small things do add up! I guess the reverse would be true also--cut 50 a day for a year. . . .0 -
Monday update: kept average total calories to 1350 last week! Staying on a steady calorie goal, instead of relying on exercise to increase my goal is getting easier. Who knew that would be such a challenge! In the long run I think it will be better though.
This morning my weight is down 0.2 lbs from last week to 132.4. Waist and calipers steady at 29" and somewhere between 8-10 mm above the hip. I'm still up over 4 lbs compared to before last year's vacation, and I'm up 2 lbs from before thanksgiving/Christmas but at least it seems to be going in the right direction now! I must be patient.
Based on the past several weeks stats putting my maintenance around 1500, eating 1350 should produce a loss of around a 1/4 pound, so that seems to confirm what I have been seeing. That is pretty close to @heybales spreadsheet recommendations and results also. (Going by memory it suggested around 1340 cals per day for 0.6 lb loss) .
I am still sore from lifting on Saturday, so perhaps I might see another drop as muscles recover and get rid of water (weather is perfect today for a run, so that will probably be my workout). I usually schedule lifting to end on Friday so I get two days of no lifting before Monday's weigh in, but last week had some schedule and weather issues that affected my workouts. In the spring, I so enjoy running, or even biking, outside that I really try to watch the weather and schedule workouts accordingly!
I will continue to watch and adjust the calories and weight.0 -
Just a thought: this whole process would be SOOO much easier if I could set my own eating schedule! For example, yesterday afternoon/evening, after my run and after I got completely cooled down, I had a larger than normal snack, more of a mini meal, because I knew supper would be quite late (7:30 or 8:00 ish). So by the time supper arrived I was barely hungry. Of course this helped me to eat a smaller supper, but what if I was able to eat supper when I was truly hungry (5:30 or so)? How would that change things? The afternoon is so hard, because I am usually pretty hungry from 3:30 or so until supper at no earlier than 7. It is so hard not to blow everything!
Maybe skipping breakfast would help, as discussed above. Or maybe, since I enjoy breakfast so much, I should have more of a snack for lunch, and then a mini meal in afternoon. Or maybe a bigger lunch is key. Don't know, I'm just trying to think outside the box!
And these are not excuses, because we all have to "play the hand we are dealt". My boss would call them "opportunities"! But the reality is, these kinds of things do make things tougher for many people!
Anyway, I'm happy the scale moved down again today!0 -
I think some good ideas there, no lunch and bigger snack perhaps early afternoon.
I always tried to split the time evenly, but adjusted the snack based on after work workout, or later workout.
And having that driving schedule in there too.
Good job with doing what you could to see those results.0 -
Yes, I must think outside the box! I'm certainly a creature of habit, and that can hamper results.
One of the most helpful things I have done is the record keeping of diet and weight. Comparing intake one week to what happens the next. After I got my misfit, I really started doing this in detail, and it has been very enlightening. (And so much better than the Bodymedia. I still keep shaking my head at why it was sooo inaccurate for me).
Here is what I have learned about my TDEE(approximations):
On non-workout, stay at home days--1550
On non workout, going to work or other non exercise movement days--1600
On stay at home days with strength workout--1650
On go to work and strength workout days--1650-1750, usually 1700
On stay at home run days--1850-1950
On working run days--2000-2050 or more if run is longer than 30 minutes (yay spring!)
Probably what is most illuminating is just how sedentary I actually am outside of workouts. I am probably doing good to get one hour of non exercise activity in each day, per the misfit.
Also, it seems that if I have a deficit of 300-600+ per my misfit, my weight goes down. Probably with a deficit of less than 300 we are getting into that gray area of "margin of error".
Anyway, regardless of what the anti cardio people say, I have to have it, and I am grateful that the weather is better and I can get outside for the cardio. I have a hard time going more than 30 minutes with indoor cardio (either bodyweight stuff or machines) without my mind going crazy! And I also have a hard time extending my runs past 30 minutes when the weather dips below about 55 ( yes I am a southern wimp in the cold, but I can out do anyone any day when it comes to heat tolerance!! Just don't look at the sweaty red face! I feel fine, I just look awful, thank you.)
So, my continued plan for the short term is to keep my average calories lower (although maybe not quite so low, as I am increasing cardio with the nice weather), and continue enough strength training to maintain my strength and muscle. Hopefully I can do that until I reach my first goal (about 6 more pounds), or for about two months, whichever comes first. Then I will stop and maintain for awhile and focus more on strength. That will be in the summer, so I should be able to still fit cardio in too.
It may be as someone mentioned above that I need to think of this as cut cycles and recomp cycles. I don't think at this point I will ever need to intentionally bulk, since my body seems to do that unintentionally very easily!!! As in basically the last three years! At any rate, I think I have learned the importance of diet breaks, regardless of what you call them.
Also, when I do finally reach goal, I have a much better understanding of how to make this work for life.
Oh yeah--a new schedule hurdle--track season started, so now I will have afternoon track meets to attend. Too bad they won't let me run with them! (Oh, the humiliation that would ensue! I am truly slow, especially compared to these kids. Maybe I at least can find somewhere to run while warmups are going on anyway.)
Many thanks to you who have made suggestions and comments. Especially @heybales, who has followed me through at least two threads! The comments are helpful and definitely help me to explore options. I've learned a lot. And hearing from several people that my calorie goals are not unreasonable FOR MY SIZE AND AGE was helpful.
I am continuing to post, as I get a number of messages from women who are my age and small and who are struggling in similar ways as I have. They tell me they appreciate my sharing the struggles, and what has and has not worked.
With that being said, I think there is a huge need in the MFP community for help for smaller, fitter folks like myself. It is so easy to be misled into eating too much or too little. I cringe when I read of someone with a large weight who is eating very low calories (certainly not a good idea) and I also cringe when I read of someone small who is trying to reach a reasonable goal, at least according to the BMI, but who is told either that she is trying to lose too much, or that she is starving herself eating what is not unreasonable for a small body. It is so hard not to just give up in that situation.
Here's to hoping I can continue to meet my own personal goals!
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