BABIES
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I hope no one gets offended, this is just my own personal opinion. I recognize that their are a lot of families with this tradition and it works for them, it just doesn't work for me. I also apologize this turned into a rant, but I didn't appreciate being forced into this position before we married much less got pregnant.
My husband is the "fourth". So he is John Kevin Doe IV, his father is John Kevin Doe III, etc. His grandfather (number II is still alive). I personally find naming a child after oneself a little arrogant, although in this case in can just be called a family name, so whatever. But it is also incredibly confusing to be in the house with two, much less three or four people with the exact same name. To deal with this by giving my husband a nickname that doesn't even remotely suit him. I cringe every time I hear it and I think it's ridiculous to give your child a name that then requires they have a completely unrelated nickname just so everyone knows who is being talked to or about. I hate talking with my FIL's wife because the whole conversation is "my John" and "your John". It's confusing, annoying, and I don't own my husband. He is his own person and I should be able to speak about him without qualifiers. The same thing happens if I am telling a friend or family member a story that involves both my husband and FIL. Their is also a story from when my husband was younger in which the airline thought my FIL had accidentally booked two tickets under his name and canceled my husband's ticket. These are frustrations I just don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with on a daily basis. What happens if I yell for/at son or husband and they can't tell who I mean?
Also, while my husband is the most lenient of his family regarding the name, this family does not have a sense of humor about it. A month before we got married we went to my husband's cousin's wedding. The groom was his cousin. The bride and her stepmom did the invitations, seating chart, seating cards, etc. They didn't realize that grandfather is John Kevin Doe II not the first, so all the roman numerals were off by one. My husband commented when we got the save-the-date that people would be mad about the inaccuracy. He commented again when we received the invitation and tried to correct it on the response card. Then we got to the reception and OMG. There was complete panic about how it needed to be corrected before some of the other family members including grandma showed up or there would be hell to pay. I just spent the whole thinking, it's an honest mistake, what's the big deal?
I have tried offering compromises like changing the middle name, which the child can then be referred to as or anything else along those lines, but since the tradition is the entire name, my husband told me no. No compromise. It has to John Kevin Doe V.
Part of my frustration is probably related to how I now get named. As soon as my husband and I got married (literally on the checks that were gifts at the wedding) I became Mrs. John Kevin Doe IV. Not Mrs. Puffbrat Doe (my name) or just Mrs. Doe (also my name) and certainly not Mrs. Puffbrat Maiden Name Doe (my new full name). Nope I am Mrs. Husband's Name. I realize that these are old rules of etiquette which are considered polite, but it makes me feel like I am no longer seen as my own person, but as one of my husband's appendages. I don't want to force a child into this same mold of old rules of etiquette and heavy expectations with generations of force behind them.
I have mostly resigned myself to this and am already planning things to use in negotiation for keeping the family name (I get to design the nursery my way or something along those lines).
On a happier note, @WifiresGettingFit we are thinking 2 or 3, but have agreed to take it one at a time. My husband said it will mostly be up to me since I have to grow them and push them out
@VeryKatie my husband and I have agreed not to follow the family tradition on his mother's side of one kid every 4-5 years. I can't imagine stretching out pregnancy/infant/toddler care over 15-20 years and he agrees.0 -
I hope no one gets offended, this is just my own personal opinion. I recognize that their are a lot of families with this tradition and it works for them, it just doesn't work for me. I also apologize this turned into a rant, but I didn't appreciate being forced into this position before we married much less got pregnant.
My husband is the "fourth". So he is John Kevin Doe IV, his father is John Kevin Doe III, etc. His grandfather (number II is still alive). I personally find naming a child after oneself a little arrogant, although in this case in can just be called a family name, so whatever. But it is also incredibly confusing to be in the house with two, much less three or four people with the exact same name. To deal with this by giving my husband a nickname that doesn't even remotely suit him. I cringe every time I hear it and I think it's ridiculous to give your child a name that then requires they have a completely unrelated nickname just so everyone knows who is being talked to or about. I hate talking with my FIL's wife because the whole conversation is "my John" and "your John". It's confusing, annoying, and I don't own my husband. He is his own person and I should be able to speak about him without qualifiers. The same thing happens if I am telling a friend or family member a story that involves both my husband and FIL. Their is also a story from when my husband was younger in which the airline thought my FIL had accidentally booked two tickets under his name and canceled my husband's ticket. These are frustrations I just don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with on a daily basis. What happens if I yell for/at son or husband and they can't tell who I mean?
Also, while my husband is the most lenient of his family regarding the name, this family does not have a sense of humor about it. A month before we got married we went to my husband's cousin's wedding. The groom was his cousin. The bride and her stepmom did the invitations, seating chart, seating cards, etc. They didn't realize that grandfather is John Kevin Doe II not the first, so all the roman numerals were off by one. My husband commented when we got the save-the-date that people would be mad about the inaccuracy. He commented again when we received the invitation and tried to correct it on the response card. Then we got to the reception and OMG. There was complete panic about how it needed to be corrected before some of the other family members including grandma showed up or there would be hell to pay. I just spent the whole thinking, it's an honest mistake, what's the big deal?
I have tried offering compromises like changing the middle name, which the child can then be referred to as or anything else along those lines, but since the tradition is the entire name, my husband told me no. No compromise. It has to John Kevin Doe V.
Part of my frustration is probably related to how I now get named. As soon as my husband and I got married (literally on the checks that were gifts at the wedding) I became Mrs. John Kevin Doe IV. Not Mrs. Puffbrat Doe (my name) or just Mrs. Doe (also my name) and certainly not Mrs. Puffbrat Maiden Name Doe (my new full name). Nope I am Mrs. Husband's Name. I realize that these are old rules of etiquette which are considered polite, but it makes me feel like I am no longer seen as my own person, but as one of my husband's appendages. I don't want to force a child into this same mold of old rules of etiquette and heavy expectations with generations of force behind them.
I have mostly resigned myself to this and am already planning things to use in negotiation for keeping the family name (I get to design the nursery my way or something along those lines).
On a happier note, @WifiresGettingFit we are thinking 2 or 3, but have agreed to take it one at a time. My husband said it will mostly be up to me since I have to grow them and push them out
@VeryKatie my husband and I have agreed not to follow the family tradition on his mother's side of one kid every 4-5 years. I can't imagine stretching out pregnancy/infant/toddler care over 15-20 years and he agrees.
I actually agree with you 99%. The 1% being that I'm one who would fight it forever, never resign. Naming a child is a big deal and both parents need to be 100% happy. Designing a nursery wouldn't even be a big enough negotiation point. I'd at least say you get 100% choice on the name for the next child and pick something you like. Honestly if it's a strong enough dislike, it's almost like negotiation point for the rest of the child's life... since it's a decision that will affect his whole life... But that's me. I have a tenancy toward extreme stubbornness that probably isn't healthy...
And I agree not every 4-5 years either, that's too far apart! I want 12-18 months between giving birth and trying for the next one. It's what doctors recommend as the minimum for a healthy next pregnancy. Otherwise one's body may not be fully healed. For frame of reference, my husband and his sister are 11 months and 3 weeks apart in age. My MIL would have been pregnant 2 months after giving birth to her first. 8 weeks. Some doctors don't even recommend sex for 6 to 8 weeks after birth. So I mean their family is awesome, and if it worked for them great, but all I can think of is "OUCH!!!"0 -
@VeryKatie 3 kids in 3 years wouldn't be for me either. @puffbrat I can't imagine stretching it over 4-5 years either.
I'm thinking maybe one every 2-3 years. I've noticed at least in the pregnant women I've been around that they usually start getting baby fever again around the time their baby turns 2 so it'll work out. haha We may start trying as earlier as a 1 1/2 years since my boyfriend is significantly older than I am but probably no sooner than that.
@puffbrat I'm actually in agreement with you and like VeryKatie I don't know if I could resign my stance on it. My cousin and his wife could never agree on a baby name so all their kids have two middle names. He actually wanted his kid (his first son) to be named after him but his wife said no so now their first son is named Jack John Smith Doe IV as opposed to just John Smith Doe IV.
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One every 1.5-3 years sounds reasonable to me. Certainly easier on the body than one every year or less!
It's nice to hear that I'm not totally crazy or heartless for not agreeing with the family naming tradition.
@VeryKatie I agree with you that naming a child is huge! I think that is why I get so wound up about it and can't let it go. Especially when I see the small issues/annoyances that already happen in this family from so many people having the same name. Like I said, I also take it personally because I feel like this family has already done the same thing to my name. They adjusted to fit their family rules and expectations. So now instead of my own name, I share the same name, different number, as three other living women (Mrs. John Kevin Doe). Maybe they just can only remember a couple of names and that's why they want everyone to be the same
I haven't totally decided whether or not to resign on the name. I go through fazes of resignation and determination to fight. I am trying to learn not to be so stubborn but I am also trying to teach my husband that our life together doesn't have to follow all of his family's rules and traditions. I suspect my husband and I will both have to decide how strongly we feel about it once I get pregnant and if the baby is a boy. I put in the nursery as a negotiation example because I got so tied up in my frustration that I lost my train of thought. I am actually thinking a more reasonable compromise would be that I get to pick the next child's name or I get to pick the name for any girls we have.
@WifiresGettingFit I like the idea of sneaking in an extra middle name. I will try suggesting that, although I suspect it will get shot down.0 -
@puffbrat No, there is nothing crazy/heartless about how you feel.
You're probably right about it getting shot down since you already said it has to be the exact name but it doesn't hurt to suggest anyway. I hope when the times does come for you two to have to decide, you're able to find something that makes you both happy.
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Thanks @WifiresGettingFit. I really appreciate the support. I have no doubt that my husband and I will figure something out that we are both happy with. He is a wonderful man and takes my opinions and feelings seriously, so I don't think I will be totally stonewalled. I clearly just have a lot of frustration from fighting this fight before we have even started TTC.0
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@puffbrat You're welcome, it's one of the things i'm here for!
Yeah, it is quite a fight to fight and I can understand the frustration. Maybe you'll have all girls :P 0 -
@WifiresGettingFit Girls would be great A friend already told me that I have to have a girl because she didn't get hers (2 boys that are her world) and wants to spoil mine. 0
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@puffbrat haha yeah, it would definitely take care of that name issue :P
You'll be doing plenty of your own spoiling I'm sure. :P0 -
@puffbrat ugh that is a sucky situation! It sounds like you are close to your husbands family, so you will be seeing these people often. I think either way you will be unhappy unfortunately. If you choose to name your son something different, they may hold it against you for the rest of your life, or tell son "you should have been John Jacob Jinglehimer Smith V, but your MOTHER chose Bob! That would cause issues and really make you angry. On the flip side, you may feel resentment at every Christmas, birthday and get together when there are 5 John Jacob Jinglehimer Smiths running around and you don't know who is who. Bad situation all around.
My advice? Hope for a girl
I don't know if hubby and I will decide easily on names, he refuses to talk about it until we have a bun in the oven. I will randomly ask him what he thinks of "Emily" and he says "I work with an Emily! No way, shes weird." no matter what the name, he knows someone who has that name and doesn't want to "name our baby after that woman in HR."
I'm like...we aren't naming them after that person...?
He has a suuuuuper popular name though and I know like 4 other people in my immediate work/family/friend circle with that name and so does he, so that gets annoying. My name, KIRstie (not kRIstie) is very unique and I haven't ever come across someone with the same name, so I get wanting to be original. I just wish we could start a name list!
I really like Allison for a girl. It was very popular when i was growing up, but has fallen I think on the name ratings-is around 40 in US names for girls and has been there for the last several years. So its not a weird name, but not super popular anymore either.
I dont want my kid to be one of 4 Isabellas or Madisons in her class.
Anyone want to share your baby name list for fun?
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I mean I would rather not use a name of an ex or of one of his exes but my mom has the same name as his ex so at this point, it's just whatever. haha. They're just names. Not that names aren't important but it's just one of those things where there are so many people in the world that it's highly unlikely that someone isn't going to have a name you choose.
I knew a Kirstie in high school. I'm not sure if she was the only one with that name in our high school but she was the only one I knew. The high school was rather big so anything is possible. I had 8 Kayla's in my graduating class. One of which I have known since kindergarten who I'm still friends with today. I also had a Kayla in my college program and one at my first job. It's a pretty popular name.
My boyfriend likes unique names but we have some relatively common names on our list as well. Some off the top of my head for a girl are: Amber, Gabriella, Olivia, and Lydia. The boys names are evading me at the moment. haha This is probably the problem with ongoing verbal list. :P
You can always start your own name list to run past your husband at a later point.1 -
@puffbrat That is a tough situation! But I agree that you should have a say in the final decision and if you aren't 100% on board, something needs to be done. I would say to just keep talking about it and see where it ends up. I am also not a fan of II, III, IV, etc. and neither is my husband. We do like the idea of certain "family" names that are especially meaningful tho. But not a Jr for the sake of having a Jr.
As for baby names, we've talked through a bunch already and actually have two frontrunners. This is what we recently have been talking about on our 3 mile dog walks every day, haha. For a girl, we like Giuliana Grace; for a boy Thomas Christoph. Thomas is both my father and DH's grandfather's (who raised him) first name, both who have passed away. So that means a lot to us. And we both love GG and always have. Neither is set in stone though, and could definitely change by the time we have a little.
BTW, I am Isabella, which I absolutely love and there were ZERO repeats growing up... until stupid Twilight ruined it and so that's out.
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You bet I do! And note, this is my list, not all of them are approved by my husband. We wrote them down and will revisit when we get the BFP.Kirstie155 wrote: »I dont want my kid to be one of 4 Isabellas or Madisons in her class.
Anyone want to share your baby name list for fun?
For a girl:
Madelaine
Jane
Elizabeth
Cecile
Andrea
Melanie
Vanessa (I love this name and need to really sell it hahah)
I really wanted some kind of version of "Ann" which is my middle name, my mom's is Anita, , Grandma's is Anne, Great Grandma's was Anastasia... but my sister did "Anthea" and my husband has an ex who he dated for a long time named Anastasia and HOLY COW SHE IS TERRIBLE. Like essentially tried to kill him terrible. I also have jealousy/possessive qualities apparently...
For a Boy (holy cow I have trouble finding ones that are even just "ok"):
Nathan
Vincent
Wade (Is kind of a family name. My husband's and FIL's middle names are Wade).
Kenneth (but sadly it sounds so bad with my last name)
I'm not huge into unique names or abnormal spelling of names (not that I want my children to be 1 of 4 in a class lol)... mostly because it can be so confusing! My first name is "Lekatie" and people are always spelling it "LeKatie" or "Le Katie" (it's not a last name, people.. it's not like "McLeod" or "Van Heussen") and it drives me nuts. I never know when to just use Katie and when to use Lekatie (unless it's government forms) especially when I prefer to be called Katie. Though my parents told me the other name they considered was "Tamsin". Which sounds cool but I'm not sure it's better lol.
I also don't want to choose gender neutral names. My husband loves the name Leslie for a girl. The only Leslie I have ever known was Les, my brother's best man. So it's a guys name to me and I don't want a girl to have it (and it's traditionally a guy's name, just like Kelly).
Feminine forms of male names are okay though. Like Alexandra or Victoria. Except ones like Kelli instead of Kelly. That's just messing with spelling again.0 -
I of course don't have any boys names picked out but my absolute favorite for a girl is Kayla (hope you don't mind @WifiresGettingFit ). I also really like Katya. My name is Jessica which is painfully popular. I'm not terribly concerned with choosing a unique name but would hope to pick one that would be slightly less popular than mine as it gets confusing sometimes. Like @Kirstie155 my husband refuses to discuss names until we have a baby on the way.
I love all of the names on here. You ladies (and your SOs) have great taste!0 -
6 months until we start TTC!
My name list is also all in my head, which is why I could only remember Allison, lol. There are plenty more that I love but can't think of any at a moment's notice.
I really love Olivia and Vanessa, Charlotte and Grace.
I don't even have any boys names. I want a girl, or 2 girls. I don't even know what I would do with a little boy. My FIL passed away before we started dating, so I wouldn't mind naming my son after him. It would mean a lot to my husband, and I dont mind the name (Timothy.)
Also my sister already took my parents first names and used them as middle names for her 2 kids. What a kiss *kitten*. Lol (not that I would use them anyway- they are both living and well.)0 -
@puffbrat I don't mind at all! and ironically, my boyfriend's daughters name is Katya. It's a beautiful name. I have two cousins named Jessica and I've always liked the name so if it wasn't already in the family it would probably be on my list.
I come from a big family (particularly on my dads side) so finding names that haven't been used can be difficult. I think that's why I'm so open to more unique names or why I would rather have a less popular name too.
@Kirstie155 Six months seems so far away yet I know it will go fast! I'm so excited for you!1 -
My husband actually brought up names the other night. I was a little shocked since we are not planning on starting to try until next spring. We already have a boy's name picked out, Thomas Elias, since our first was a girl. My husband wants another girl though and is convinced we will have one. We both like Elizabeth, though we know so many kids with the name it's off the table. I like Emily or Amelia, which he doesn't mind but Amelia he always laughs and follows up with Pond from Dr Who so I think Emily will win. Emily Ann, specifically. Our daughter's name is Rebecca Lee which I love. We both enjoy classic names but something that isn't super popular at the moment.
Thomas is a family name, my husband's grandfather was named Tom and his oldest uncle Thomas but no one in the family has used it since. (Surprising since there are 12 kids and they all had 2-4 children.) So we are going to swipe that one if we have a boy. Lee is a family tradition on my side, my middle name, my mother's, etc and Ann is used often in my mother in law's side.
We are planning on one more, though I really wouldn't mind two (not twins!) but we'll have to see after this one and if we are ready again before I'm 35. The one time I mentioned it, my husband was looking at me like I was nuts. Considering what happened with Rebecca and the increased risks we'll have to deal with, I often wonder if I am nuts for even thinking of having one more.
Everyone's names are so nice! And though I don't mind a family tradition, having so many named the exact same would drive me batty @puffbrat and I completely get where you are coming from.0 -
@NatashaLP2014 oooh, I love Emily and Amelia too those are 2 more names that are on my mental list! I think they are beautiful and not overly used, but unique in a way that isn't weird like no one knows how to pronounce them. I don't have any middle names picked out, but Lee runs in our families. Lee x2, Leigh, Le' and Leland are middle names of me and hubby and our parents.
I also like Violet and Victoria, so regal sounding! I love this conversation 0 -
I love Amelia also. A good friend just had a baby a couple months ago named Amelia Rae, which is gorgeous.
@Kirstie155 my middle name was Lee until I got married. I think it makes a very nice middle name although I do also love Leigh or Lea as a first name.
I accidentally deleted my written list a while ago, so now it is just in my head. I also really like Christine, Eliza, Katarina, and Lexi.0 -
:O I love the name Rae now that you mentioned it! Even though I suppose it's a female name of Ray which I said I don't like before hahah. But... Sailor Mars...0
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@NatashaLP2014 @puffbrat Those are beautiful names! I like Lexi too. I also like Alexia and Alexa.
Thomas seems to be a popular family name. Especially in our group!
haha @VeryKatie you just never know! Names can grow on you :P But Rae goes well with most of the girl names you picked (in my opinion) so you could always use it for a middle name if not a first
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@VeryKatie it is the girl's version although I think Ray could be used for either gender. The mom's middle name is Rae and her boyfriend's middle name is Ray, so they thought it would be a nice family tradition.
@WifiresGettingFit I also love Alexia and Alexa and almost listed them, but my brother-in-law's name is Alex. I think that would be a little too similar, especially with the boy's name issue 0 -
My mom, sister and niece all have the middle name Marie so there's a little tradition going there.
@puffbrat yeah, that may be a bit to similar. haha0 -
Eeeek!! YOU GUYS!!!! One of our to do list items for "before baby" is pay off my car loan. Ive been working really haed to make that happen, and had planned to make the final payment with my next check in a week. Last night my hubs made me check my account balance on my car...he made an extra payment so I could pay it off a week early (I only have $40 til pay day now, but so worth it!)!! He's amazing and one more baby box has been checked. I *may have * gotten a little teary eyed. Now we are just saving and waiting until October. Oh yeah, and lose like 40 pounds. Haha. Eeeeeeek so excited at the progress we have made, the baby wait has not been easy, but checking a box makes it worth the wait
I just had to share with you ladies. Have a kick *kitten* Friday!!1 -
@Kirstie155 That's awesome! *happy dance*0
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That is so great! October will be here before you know it!0
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That's fantastic! What an awesome feeling!0
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Wow yes, fantastic paying off the car! That must feel so good! I want to pay mine off... bought it in 2012 with no money down and a 7 year loan ahahahah. Stupid thing is still sticking around. But alas, the city called and they're assessing our property for tax so I'm going to need that money for that *cries* - back paying property tax from last year AND getting a new bill for this year just a month apart sucks.0
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So I'm kind of excited...
Tomorrow marks the first day where I won't be using hormonal birth control in order to attempt to let my body kind of get back to "normal". We won't be trying until June/July but this still feels like a big change.
At the same time I'm not looking forward to my symptoms worsening hahah.
Is that TMI? Probably..2 -
I don't really think that's TMI but I'm used to people sharing a lot. haha and that is exciting!0
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