Thoughts and Feelings
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Maybe it's time to move my MFP goal from 2 lbs a week to 1 lb a week. I've been SO HUNGRY. I've already blown past my calorie goal for the day and I'll still need dinner tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until the end of this week before doing it; maybe once my stress level goes down I won't feel the need to eat so much.0 -
thewindandthework wrote: »Maybe it's time to move my MFP goal from 2 lbs a week to 1 lb a week. I've been SO HUNGRY. I've already blown past my calorie goal for the day and I'll still need dinner tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until the end of this week before doing it; maybe once my stress level goes down I won't feel the need to eat so much.
Was it on an off workout day? I ask because the day after I do a long cardio session I am pretty hungry lately. Day of the long cardio I seem to be ok even less hungry than on normal cardio days.
Personally I would move my goal to slightly lower if I felt like I was getting close to breaking it regularly. It's better to slow down than to get discouraged and quit or lose my gains.1 -
Rangerharms wrote: »I'm so glad y'all brought up the loose skin issue...I am SO worried about that. I have had three kids all by C-section and my tummy is so saggy already. I'm hoping when I lose the weight, everything will tighten up and go back to the way it was BEFORE I was pregnant. Sometimes I just fear that it won't go back because I waited so dang long to fix it. My oldest is 8 and youngest is 1. I've steady gained throughout all of the pregnancies. Now I have over 115 lbs to lose and feel so bad about letting myself get to this point. Anyway, it's nice to vent here, so thanks for this thread! Y'all are awesome!
Me, too. I'm hoping that by losing it slowly, it will not be too disgusting. But I'm not young anymore so the resilience isn't going to be there, and 100# is a lot of weight. Saggy belly skin can be hidden by clothing, but not a wrinkly face.1 -
We are ready to kick off the start of summer with Memorial Day Weekend (here in the States). Does anyone have any advise for warding off those inevitable splurges at parties/picnics? I am stressing a little about my upcoming Monday weigh-in. Plus I am off on Fri so my holiday starts a day earlier.0
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Rangerharms wrote: »I'm so glad y'all brought up the loose skin issue...I am SO worried about that. I have had three kids all by C-section and my tummy is so saggy already. I'm hoping when I lose the weight, everything will tighten up and go back to the way it was BEFORE I was pregnant. Sometimes I just fear that it won't go back because I waited so dang long to fix it. My oldest is 8 and youngest is 1. I've steady gained throughout all of the pregnancies. Now I have over 115 lbs to lose and feel so bad about letting myself get to this point. Anyway, it's nice to vent here, so thanks for this thread! Y'all are awesome!
Me, too. I'm hoping that by losing it slowly, it will not be too disgusting. But I'm not young anymore so the resilience isn't going to be there, and 100# is a lot of weight. Saggy belly skin can be hidden by clothing, but not a wrinkly face.
I read that if you drink lots and lots of water, it can help with the wrinkles. My problem is getting the water down. Ha0 -
Rangerharms wrote: »[quote=
I read that if you drink lots and lots of water, it can help with the wrinkles. My problem is getting the water down. Ha
That's good to know. I drink 90-120ozwater/day.0 -
We are ready to kick off the start of summer with Memorial Day Weekend (here in the States). Does anyone have any advise for warding off those inevitable splurges at parties/picnics? I am stressing a little about my upcoming Monday weigh-in. Plus I am off on Fri so my holiday starts a day earlier.
I'm going to try and drink a glass or 3 of water before I eat at any event. I also am going to limit myself to 1 plate total, not heaping either. That plate I'll also try really hard to make a good balanced mean with a limited amount of carbs. No 3 spoons of potato salad for me unfortunately.
I am not looking to deny myself a good time just limit it a bit. Knowing full well and planning for it is better than complete denial. This way I don't get frustrated and end up stopping over 1 event that I could possibly keep to just over maintenance for the day.
Oh and remember that you are more than likely going to be eating a ton more sodium than normal.This could add some water weight and not fat. Last week I went over on sodium by eating a a restaurant. I know I came in at my limit that day but I somehow added almost 2 lbs to my weight. Not possible that I overate maintenance by 7000 calories and the water was gone after a few days sensible eating.2 -
We are ready to kick off the start of summer with Memorial Day Weekend (here in the States). Does anyone have any advise for warding off those inevitable splurges at parties/picnics? I am stressing a little about my upcoming Monday weigh-in. Plus I am off on Fri so my holiday starts a day earlier.
For me the biggie is sodium intake.
Be careful of your alcohol intake, too-- not only are there 100-250 calories/beer, it can cause overeating by lowering inhibitions.
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I have lost 48.4 pounds. Really close to 50. If someone else lost that amount, I would tell them to be proud of themselves.
Am I proud of myself?
Pride isn't a feeling I'm particularly accustomed to. It doesn't come easy to me. I know I have worked hard, and that I've kept going even when it's been hard. I'm impressed with myself, and frankly I'm surprised at how well I've done.
But am I proud? I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes, I think.
If I'm only maybe sometimes proud at 50 pounds down, how will I feel when I hit goal weight? Probably sort of proud? Kind of happy for the most part?
I think I'm starting to feel the thing that others have mentioned--I already knew it, but suddenly it's becoming very real that I will still have to deal with most of my hangups and problems even when I'm no longer fat.
The low self-esteem will still be there. Maybe it will improve, but it has left its mark, and I fear that it is indelible.
It's easy to be proud of other people. It's very, very hard to be proud of myself.5 -
I can definitely relate to that. I reached the 60 lb threshold this week. If I step outside myself, its an incredible amount, and I know my doctor is going to be absolutely thrilled. But do I see it as an accomplishment? In all honesty, no. I look in a mirror and I don't really see any difference in the face staring back at me. I've lost 4" off my waist, but I don't really see a difference in my profile. Yeah, my old clothes fit looser, but not so much that I've done any clothes shopping - I can't really afford to right now. Yes, I can get into my sister's size 26W jeans now, but I've been there before. In truth, in the back of my mind, there's that little voice that says "you've only come 1/4 of the way where you need to be. You're going to fail, you know you will - you always do. You failed last time, and the time before that. You know this won't be any different. You're going to plateau before you even reach your 1st major goal, and then it's going to come back on, just like it did before. Even statistics are against you - didn't you just read that only 1 or 2% of people lose the weight and keep it off?"
I think that's most of my problem. I'm naturally self-negative - badly so - and that little sarcastic, overly critical, self-bashing voice in the back of my mind never goes away, and never lets me truly accept a victory or a success. And all I can see if where I've tried before and failed. I kept all my big clothes from before because I knew I was going to be back into, and like a self-fulfilling prophecy, sure enough, I had to dig them back out. I lost 90 lbs before, but instead of being happy with myself, I was upset that I didn't go further, because I needed to go so much further. In all honesty, I needed to loose over 200 lbs, and that would put me in the lower overweight range. In all truth, I doubt I'll ever make it that far, and I know I'll never be in what is considered the healthy BMI range. I try to remind myself that I have a big frame, I'm a big woman, that newer research is showing that the BMI is too generic of a tool to force a whole population into, that I'm healthy and even 10% off is a great success, but it doesn't work.
I can be very considerate of others; I can be encouraging, sympathetic, and understanding. When others don't quite meet their goals, I can be very supportive, congratulating them on what they have achieved, trying to pull their focus to what they have done and how far they have come, and not to the little bit beyond. I can encourage people to be self-forgiving, to be realistic, to realize that just because they don't reach their set goal, that coming close is just as much as victory, that many times we set our expectations to high and set ourselves up for failure. I can do all that for others, but I can't seem to do it for myself.
Perhaps its partly how I was raised. I lose weight, and family says "oh, I didn't notice". Or they won't comment at all. Or I'll mention what I have lost, hating myself as I do it because I know deep down, I'm seeking affirmation, and all I get is "oh, that's nice. did you know how much your brother lost?" I visit my grandmother, and she always makes a comment on weight loss. When I was losing before, every time I came in, she'd ask "are you still losing weight?" It was so humiliating to admit the plateau last time.
I'm not an optimistic person. I say I'm a realist, but I fall over into pessimism all too often, and every week, I expect and dread "the plateau". I hope and even dream about one day being back down under 300 lbs - and even, on rare nights, day dream about being back under 200 lbs - but that hope is a fragile spark that is assaulted constantly by the icy rains of my fears and the sharp blasts of windy self- criticism.
I find myself needing affirmation and encouragement, needing others to remind me that I'm doing well, that I have been successful, that even when I stumble and fall that it's okay, even as I hate myself for needing it - which is such a paradox, because I don't judge others who need that, instead acknowledging that the need for others, the need for help and encouragement, is part of the human experience and nothing to be ashamed of, so why do I have such a high and completely unrealistic standard for myself?
Sorry for highjacking your post Wind - does any of this seem familiar to you? Perhaps its something we can both work on!1 -
You didn't hijack anything, I'm glad you posted. That's why I put my post here instead of just journaling privately. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I love this thread. We can explore our inner space while we work on improving the outer.
A lot of what you wrote is all too familiar. There are some differences--I am very fortunate that most of my friends and family have been very supportive of my weight loss, for one, that's a major blessing and I'm grateful. Also, although I'm worried about the journey and maybe a little scared of what life will be after I hit my goal, I have no doubt that I will hit it. I have a steely resolve. That's code for 'stubborn as hell'.
But the unfair double standard? That I recognize. It's so easy to be kind and supportive and forgiving for other people. And so impossible to be kind to ourselves, to forgive ourselves. And for me, at least, that comes with a dose of guilt. If I hold myself to a higher standard than other people, what does that say about me?
Warning: tangent ahead.
I have had a self-protective barrier of sarcasm and cynicism since I was a teenager. At the time I valued dignity and intelligence very highly. In the last few years I have come to value compassion and sincerity above other human attributes, and with that came a realization that my defining traits were no longer things that I valued.
Much harder than my weight loss, much harder than coming to terms with spirituality and gender and all the other big questions I've grappled with over the years, has been the task of shedding my skin of sarcasm and negativity. I want to be kind and generous and earnest. I have made progress.
That warmth usually flows easily nowadays, when directed at other people. But pointing it inwards is difficult. To say the least.
So when I note that I am not as proud of myself as I would want someone else to be if they were in my shoes, and when I note that I hold myself to impossible standards, it serves to emphasize that my change is not complete. I have a lot of work to do. It makes losing the weight look easy in comparison.
But damn, am I stubborn. I'll get there.0 -
I have one amazing husband!!! I don't have a gym nearby, nor the money to join if there was one. My hubby was visiting with a buddy of his and they got on the subject of cleaning out their excess stuff for our township's clean up day. The guy said he had an elliptical machine he wanted to sell because both he and his wife had knee replacements and couldn't use it. He said paid over $600 for it and didn't want to just junk it, my hubby showed some interest, but didn't think we could afford to buy it. The guy said he'd make him a deal -- if he helped him clean out his shed, he sell it to him for $20 !!!!! Long story, short - my husband work half day on Saturday so that I could be the proud owner of an elliptical machine - I will finally start an exercise routine!!!5
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That is wonderful, Kimber! You are one lucky woman to have a thoughtful husband like that! He wouldn't happen to have any umarried brothers, would he? lol0
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He does, but they are like night and day and I wouldn't wish him on anyone!!!! LOL! I didn't meet him until I was in my 40's and we married when I was 47 and he was 52 (my 2nd, his first) There's someone out there - be patient!!1
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*sigh* That's what everyone tells me, but I'm something of a pessimist - some people, I think, were meant to be single. When you get to 37 and have never even been asked out and barely had anyone show any interest at all (and the only 2 that ever showed interest was a guy older than your parents and another who you realized was flirting to get you to buy more sandwiches), you begin to think that it's probably not meant to be.
And I do fully acknowledge that I'd much rather be an old maid than stuck with the wrong person - I've had plenty of examples of that in my family! There truly are much worse things out there than being single!0 -
Not doing so great, tbh. The scale is actually a little higher than it was this time last week, despite being under on kcal every day except one. I've read that sometimes water weight from sodium can be delayed, and I had a ton of sodium earlier in the week, so maybe that's all it is. But I'm feeling discouraged.
So the scale isn't moving, but I did end up retiring two of my favorite pieces of clothing this week because I put them on and they were way too big. My everyday wardrobe is down to two pairs of pants, two shirts, and one sweater. And one of those pairs of pants really needs to go, but I really can't deal with just one. No money to buy clothes because I'm still dealing with money issues from the car wreck.
If my running wasn't going so well I don't know what I would do. But it is, and I don't want to lose momentum there. So I'm just going to keep trucking along under the assumption that things will pick up.3 -
I can commiserate, Wind. I don't consider myself doing so hot lately, either. I had a great loss last week, but this week, I barely lost 0.4 lbs. My activity is up because I'm working on my house to sell it, but that makes my hunger drive go up, and I find myself eating more than I should, and I've never had great will power to being with.
I've got some clothing I should retire, but I'm trying to make do with what I have, so I'm either wearing a belt with my older pants or taking them to the sewing machine and tucking the waist band. That's partly because I cringe at the expense of buying new clothes, and probably because in the back of my mind, there's always the worry of gaining the weight back again and needing them again, so if I just take them up, I can always let them back out. Of course, taking them up means they are really, really baggy on the legs!
I was able to wear a shirt to work today that I hadn't been able to wear in a while, and I'm pleased to say it fits nicely, and I have a few others in my closet that were smaller from the last time I lost weight, so I won't be in quite the dire straights you are lol Do you have a Gabes or a Goodwill in your area? Perhaps you can find something there that can tide you over until you can afford something better?
congratulations on the running, though! You are doing wonderful with it, and your determination to succeed is admirable!1 -
Thanks, I'm more proud of the running than I am the weight loss for some reason. Because it's harder, I guess.
There are some Goodwill and other thrift shops around, but I'm still unable to find anything that fits me. I'm just not there yet, but it'll happen.
Also, and this is totally unrelated to weight loss and clothes and everything--I am just super annoyed by everything today. I think I need a nap.1 -
It is Friday, and it's been a long week, so you're forgiven for being cranky today lol
I do understand. I mentioned to a co-worker this week that I was going to have to perhaps start looking for some new pants but that they were always so darned expensive online, and she says "just go to Gabes!" I told her that Gabe's doesn't carry my size, but she wouldn't hear it. "oh, yes they do!"
What she doesn't get is that most plus size sections in any store stops at most at a 24W, and usually all you see with any consistency is a 22W (all womens sizes, of course). Even Walmart barely carries anything in a 26W, and its only been on a very rare occasion that I've ever seen a 30/32W top at Walmart. Shoot, I have a hard time finding anything over a 26W on Amazon!
so sorry, wind, if it sounded a little patrionizing - being a woman who was up to a 30/32W top and 30W pants and just now flirting with 26W, I know all about not being able to find my size in local stores! You look great in your photos, so maybe we could consider the suggestion as a backwards compliment? lol1 -
haha, no problem. I can take a mean selfie and I know my angles.
If I wore clothes like most people I could probably find pants easier, but unlike most big guys I always wear my pants at my actual waist instead of under my stomach. This means I wear a much bigger clothing size than most people the same weight and build as me.
It also, frustratingly, means that pant legs are always crazy baggy on me, because manufacturers seem to have given in and started assuming even big guys are wearing pants at their hips.1 -
My brother wears his pants the way you mentioned - under his belly. I can't understand that; it looks so uncomfortable to me, not to mention I detest having excess material hanging between my knees that's a natural result of wearing your pants so low....
Yep, I can't figure that one - why do they think we need these huge, baggy legs on their pants just because we need more room in the seat? I have to wear FR clothing for my job, and I have to buy men's FR clothing because they don't make womens in my size, and because apparently, men don't have rear-ends like a womans, I find myself having to buy pants that are about 3 sizes too big to accommodate my plus size female frame - so I have to wear a belt at the waist, the seat is a little tight, and the legs are big enough that I could probably actually fit both of my legs in one side and still have room to spare!0 -
I wear my pants low. I think it is a mental trick to make me feel like I was not as fat as I am. I am starting to wear my pants higher but even belted they tend to slip to that hip spot anyway.
Not to worried about it as I lose weight I'll just move the spot up a bit to save some cash. The length thankfully isn't too bad even if I have them at my true waist. Oh and I did buy a pair of nice smaller pants to shoot for as a goal. Shirt size is getting smaller pretty quick but pant size isn't moving very fast. Stupid body not losing faster in places I want it to
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*laughs* I have a terrible muffin top, but thankfully, I'm losing there faster then elsewhere. Now if I could just get rid of the badly jiggly arms......1
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Don't get me started on the "bat wings" I had shoulder surgery last year and wasn't able to do anything with my right arm for 8 weeks (by the way I'm right handed). Because of that my right arm is one inch bigger than my left. Nothing seems to work to 1 get them even or 2 loose the juggles.
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*sigh* On my way to church this morning, my car was accosted by a deer.....needless to say, I didn't make it to morning services!
God was very merciful to me - I wasn't hurt, and the damage to my car is a few dents, a lost driver's side mirror, and a shattered windshield. The deer came up out of hte medium, but I had already been slowing down because I had seen another deer along the road, so when teh 2nd one stepped out, I was already slowing down and still had my foot on the break - otherwise, I'd have been going 70 mph, which is hte speed limit on that stretch. As it was, it tried to jump my car and landed smack on the driver's side of the windshield, which is hooved in pretty badly. I got out of the car with a lapful of glass. I say God was merciful, though, because if I had been going any faster, that deer would have come through teh windshield - it almost did at the speed I was going. Or worse, it would have hit my driver's side window instead!
Thankfully, I have a 2nd vehicle, so I had AAA tow the car to my house and tomorrow, I'll get the garage to tow it to be fixed.
Of course, now I want comfort food.....0 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »*sigh* On my way to church this morning, my car was accosted by a deer.....needless to say, I didn't make it to morning services!
Of course, now I want comfort food.....
I'm glad you've okay. That really does shake you up. Hang in there!!0 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »*sigh* On my way to church this morning, my car was accosted by a deer.....needless to say, I didn't make it to morning services!
God was very merciful to me - I wasn't hurt, and the damage to my car is a few dents, a lost driver's side mirror, and a shattered windshield. The deer came up out of hte medium, but I had already been slowing down because I had seen another deer along the road, so when teh 2nd one stepped out, I was already slowing down and still had my foot on the break - otherwise, I'd have been going 70 mph, which is hte speed limit on that stretch. As it was, it tried to jump my car and landed smack on the driver's side of the windshield, which is hooved in pretty badly. I got out of the car with a lapful of glass. I say God was merciful, though, because if I had been going any faster, that deer would have come through teh windshield - it almost did at the speed I was going. Or worse, it would have hit my driver's side window instead!
Thankfully, I have a 2nd vehicle, so I had AAA tow the car to my house and tomorrow, I'll get the garage to tow it to be fixed.
Of course, now I want comfort food.....
I'm glad you are ok!!!!!0 -
Pittsburgh Penguins win Stanley Cup. Bigger news is I didn't give in to my go-to game day goodies. I feeling extremely happy!!1
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I've started relaxing a little with my eating habits--not logging some evening meals and snacks, not worrying about being under calorie goal EVERY SINGLE DAY, etc.
Partly this is out of laziness, but mostly it's in response to a whole lot of thinking about the future. Some day I will be at my goal weight, and I don't want to have to log everything I eat for the rest of my life. Also there will be days I want to eat more, and days I don't want as much, and I feel like as long as they balance out, that's fine. So I'm sort of testing the waters, I guess.
I'm still weighing daily, and although I feel like my weight loss should have slowed down due to this change, it really hasn't, not much. I was losing a little over 2 pounds a week, and I'm at almost exactly 2 a week now.
So I guess I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing for now. Eventually MFP will lower my calorie goal and I'll go back to logging everything until I get used to the change.
EDIT: lol, I didn't actually get to the point, which is that my emotions are very confused about this development.
I feel like I'm cheating somehow, feeling a little guilty about it, but the scale is doing what it's supposed to, which means I'm doing what I'm supposed to.
I feel proud that I'm still losing weight even without having to track every single thing.
And I guess I'm feeling... optimistic? About maybe having a healthier relationship with food some day.2 -
I'm back from the conference last week, so its time to get back on that wagon and glue my blue jeans to the wagon seat! I knew it was going to be bad - I'd been struggling with cheating and staying under goal for a couple of weeks now anyway, and I knew going to this conference with its buffet lunches was going to be a failure because I simply do not have enough will-power to tell myself no. I mean, I did do a lot of compromising last week, and compared to what my sister ate, I found I was getting better at keeping to decent portion sizes, but I went over every day. I also made myself do a lot of walking, and the campus we were at is on a hill side, so that helped, but it wasn't enough to offset the damage. I stepped on the scale today for the first time in a week, and it wasn't pretty by a long shot. I've back-tracked, which I knew would happen.
I'll have to wait until Thursday, though, to see what true damage was done, because we were out to eat yesterday, and higher sodium intake always ups my weight the next day. And I'm almost always up on a Monday morning anyway.
I knew this was coming - I start strong, stay vigilant, strongly stand against myself and say no, but over time, that strength ebbs away, and the part of me that wants the sugar, that wants the extra helping, that is just plain hungry, even after I've eaten my calorie limit, chips away at that strength, slowly but surely, and the next thing I know, I'm giving in. Some folks will say "oh, it doesn't hurt to fudge a little; one piece won't hurt you; you can treat yourself once in a while". What they don't understand is I have very little will power, and if I give just a little, that other part of me takes a mile and that little turns into a daily thing and the next thing I know, I'm over my limit by 200 or 300 or more calories, or slipping and intaking more and more added sugar and carbs.
I've got to get back to the mindset I was in back in January when I started all this, but figuring out how to get back up that rocky slope is a challenge!1
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