This Year is Our Year for Success!
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I'm sorry about your MIL but glad you were able to get some assistance!
I'll cross my fingers that Medicare doesn't pull approval for your Prolia! That would be ironic for sure.
LOL on the hair! I missed a lot of haircuts during the pandemic and DH was thrilled but as soon as I could I got to the hairdresser.
I have to leave shortly. The family of the friend who died is having something at her house. Sounds sort of like what my BIL did after my sister died. Not sure if this is a new "thing" replacing funerals or what. I'm exhausted and really don't feel up to this but also feel like I must go. That sounds terrible doesn't it?0 -
Maryanne, I don’t think it sounds terrible at all to not want to attend a memorial or celebration of life or whatever it’s called. Especially if you are exhausted from a lot of other demands on you. That sort of gathering takes a lot of physical and emotional energy, so I definitely get why you might not want to attend. I think this sort of thing is becoming more and more common and traditional funerals are becoming less common. Perhaps because so many people are no longer claiming a religious affiliation?0
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It sounds like Hospice is the right decision. Who would want to use extreme measures to extend the life of an ailing 96 year old. Treating her for infections will give her the longest and healthiest life possible. I don’t see a downside to using Hospice. A friend had called Hospice for her husband when he was in the final weeks of life. Hospice told her most families wait too long to ask for help. Families are physically and emotionally exhausted by the time they call Hospice. A patient only needs a diagnosis of 6 months life expectancy to be eligible. Many patients exceed 6 months. Jimmy Carter entered Hospice last spring. He and Roselynn rode in a car in the peanut festival. He looked pretty good through the car window. I think the report said he’ll turn 99 pretty soon.0
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The transition to hospice care is not going well. MIL is not happy about it. When we made the decision, she had a severe UTI and her mental status was very confused so we were unable to discuss it with her before going ahead with it. Now that the infection is better, she is more lucid and not happy. The first aide that was assigned to her was young and apparently rather aggressive about trying to get her to get up everyday, shower, and get dressed. MIL is not in the habit of doing that first thing in the morning, so she dug her heels in and became pretty obstinate. We talked to her case manager and she agreed to assign a more mature worker to her and to have her come later in the day. Today was the first day the new aide came and she still refused to let her help her. DH went over and tried to talk to her about being more cooperative. Her response was to leave the room and go into her bathroom and take a shower, presumably to show that she doesn’t need any help with that. All of this behavior reminds me of how she behaved when she first went into assisted living, against her will. She sulked and pouted, refused to participate in any of the many activities that were available to her, and generally made herself and everyone who had to deal with her miserable. I hope she will settle down and give them a chance to show her that they are there to assist her with anything she needs help with, but she’s incredibly stubborn, so it could take awhile.0
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I’ll bet they are used to dealing with difficult clients. Hopefully she’ll settle down as she realizes they are making her life easier. I can understand her wanting to take her own shower as long as she’s able. It gives her a bit of control over her situation and as long as it’s safe for her, I think it’s a good thing. I hope they can bear with her and give her time to adjust. Having them there will maybe prevent some of the uti’s she keeps getting.0
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Maryanne, I don’t think it sounds terrible at all to not want to attend a memorial or celebration of life or whatever it’s called. Especially if you are exhausted from a lot of other demands on you. That sort of gathering takes a lot of physical and emotional energy, so I definitely get why you might not want to attend. I think this sort of thing is becoming more and more common and traditional funerals are becoming less common. Perhaps because so many people are no longer claiming a religious affiliation?
It turned out to be really strange. The house has fairly small rooms so the attendees split into small groups, mostly of people who already knew each other, and talked about whatever. The deceased person's sister and her husband were busy playing host offering drinks (including champagne?) and food. Anyway just all struck me as strange. But what do I know?0 -
The transition to hospice care is not going well. MIL is not happy about it. When we made the decision, she had a severe UTI and her mental status was very confused so we were unable to discuss it with her before going ahead with it. Now that the infection is better, she is more lucid and not happy. The first aide that was assigned to her was young and apparently rather aggressive about trying to get her to get up everyday, shower, and get dressed. MIL is not in the habit of doing that first thing in the morning, so she dug her heels in and became pretty obstinate. We talked to her case manager and she agreed to assign a more mature worker to her and to have her come later in the day. Today was the first day the new aide came and she still refused to let her help her. DH went over and tried to talk to her about being more cooperative. Her response was to leave the room and go into her bathroom and take a shower, presumably to show that she doesn’t need any help with that. All of this behavior reminds me of how she behaved when she first went into assisted living, against her will. She sulked and pouted, refused to participate in any of the many activities that were available to her, and generally made herself and everyone who had to deal with her miserable. I hope she will settle down and give them a chance to show her that they are there to assist her with anything she needs help with, but she’s incredibly stubborn, so it could take awhile.
Wow, what a sad situation!
I can still remember my grandmother telling her sons that when it was time for her to go into a nursing home they should just do it!
I had the unfortunate experiences of visiting both her and an elderly aunt in two different nursing homes and I know one thing for sure. I AM NEVER GOING INTO A HOME. I have the means here to end my life and will do so before that happens.0 -
Maryanne, I agree with you about nursing homes, but assisted living is a much better situation, if you are reasonable. My MIL isn’t being very reasonable about this and it’s really kind of ridiculous because her basic situation hasn’t changed. She was content with it before, but now she’s getting more help and care and not having to go to doctor’s appointments and she’s mad about it. It really doesn’t make any sense. She’s beginning to come around, so maybe she’ll adjust in time.0
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Maryanne, I agree with you about nursing homes, but assisted living is a much better situation, if you are reasonable. My MIL isn’t being very reasonable about this and it’s really kind of ridiculous because her basic situation hasn’t changed. She was content with it before, but now she’s getting more help and care and not having to go to doctor’s appointments and she’s mad about it. It really doesn’t make any sense. She’s beginning to come around, so maybe she’ll adjust in time.
Here's hoping she adjusts and can get some enjoyment out of what life she has left. Must be terrible to be in that situation.0 -
I have a long term care policy that will cover assisted living which is where I figure I’ll end up. DH is 10 years older and has several Medicare conditions so I expected to be a widow at some point. We don’t have children so assisted living makes sense. Selling our home would put me in a position to afford a nice place. There are several nice places in FL that I’d consider. I would move in while I was still healthy enough to enjoy the amenities and social activities. I’ve always been a planner so knowing what I’d do isn’t unusual.
That celebration of life sounds strange. I’ve only been to one of those and it was nice. My friend had died in the winter after a long illness. Her husband waited until summer when friends would be back on the Cape. He had the celebration at a friend’s house. The house overlooked pond and there was a lovely patio outdoors. The couple were dog lovers so both of their dogs were present. In many ways, it was more enjoyable than a traditional funeral.0 -
I found it strange.
I guess I'd consider assisted living if DH went first and I was sure I could end my life as easily there as in my own home, in order to avoid a nursing home. Morbid today aren't I? LOL!
We have long term care policies too. I think that's probably more important for us than life insurance at our age and physical condition.0 -
I remember seeing my first assisted living complex back in the early 80s. We used to bring library books to some of the residents. It was pretty nice and had lots of activities. I was in my early 30s and decided then I could live in a complex like that. Somebody else did the cleaning and meals were served in a restaurant like setting. I knew I wasn’t having children so I wouldn’t have family around to care for me. It’s a reasonable solution for someone in my situation.0
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MIL seems to be settling down and making the best of things. We did request a different aide be assigned to her and that has helped. She seems to like the new person much better.
Not much going on here this week. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m tired today. I went with DH to a doctor’s appointment, which is not typical but he seemed to want me to go with him this time. He had a CT scan a couple of weeks ago, so this was a follow up for the results. Our doc wants to refer him to a pulmonologist and apparently post Covid, there aren’t that many of them in private practice anymore. He said that many of them closed their practices and went to work in hospitals during Covid, and have not reopened their offices. So it may take awhile to get an appointment with one. I have a good friend who used to market liquid oxygen for home health use, so I’ve reached out to her for recommendations. She gave me a couple of names and said she can also advise who to avoid, so we will see who our doc recommends as well as who she says to avoid. DH’s lungs have a lot of issues and there is a strong family history on his father’s side of pulmonary fibrosis. The scan indicated that pulmonary fibrosis was not an issue, but did show some other anomalies that need to be checked out.0 -
I remember seeing my first assisted living complex back in the early 80s. We used to bring library books to some of the residents. It was pretty nice and had lots of activities. I was in my early 30s and decided then I could live in a complex like that. Somebody else did the cleaning and meals were served in a restaurant like setting. I knew I wasn’t having children so I wouldn’t have family around to care for me. It’s a reasonable solution for someone in my situation.
Of course I'd have to find out if you could have a cat. LOL! I know someone whose hubby had a stroke. They are waiting for an apartment at a place like that. Apparently they can take all their cats!0 -
MIL seems to be settling down and making the best of things. We did request a different aide be assigned to her and that has helped. She seems to like the new person much better.
Not much going on here this week. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m tired today. I went with DH to a doctor’s appointment, which is not typical but he seemed to want me to go with him this time. He had a CT scan a couple of weeks ago, so this was a follow up for the results. Our doc wants to refer him to a pulmonologist and apparently post Covid, there aren’t that many of them in private practice anymore. He said that many of them closed their practices and went to work in hospitals during Covid, and have not reopened their offices. So it may take awhile to get an appointment with one. I have a good friend who used to market liquid oxygen for home health use, so I’ve reached out to her for recommendations. She gave me a couple of names and said she can also advise who to avoid, so we will see who our doc recommends as well as who she says to avoid. DH’s lungs have a lot of issues and there is a strong family history on his father’s side of pulmonary fibrosis. The scan indicated that pulmonary fibrosis was not an issue, but did show some other anomalies that need to be checked out.
That's interesting about pulmonologists. I wonder how many more changes there have been in the health care industry that most of us don't know about (yet).
I'm glad your MIL is settling down. It must be so hard for everyone on both sides!
I realized some years ago that most of those places are owned by what I call "real estate dudes". Once I realized that was when I swore never, ever. We have numerous real estate clients who have branched out into assisted living and they treat it like all their other real estate holdings. Not at all interested in the people living/ending their lives there.0 -
MIL’s assisted living is part of a family-owned business with homes in several states. It’s been 14 months now, and I really can’t say I have any complaints about the care she receives or how the place is run. Of course, I’m not the one who lives there. She might have a different viewpoint, but overall I think she’s been pretty satisfied there. In my mind, it’s far better than any of the previous 3 she’s lived in. The company that owns it is called Legends Senior Living. They have a lot of properties in Florida, Pennsylvania, Kansas, Oklahoma and Texas. There may be some in other states, but those are where most of their properties are located. All of them appear to be small to medium sized properties, which I prefer. Her first and last places (before this one) were pretty large and I felt that she didn’t get nearly as much personalized care or attention. Here, every staff person knows her name and ours, they know what she likes and doesn’t like, and are quite respectful, IMO. Most assisted living places do allow pets, but may limit size and number. The resident is expected to take care of their pets, of course, so staff won’t walk dogs or clean litter boxes.
Today is my 70th birthday! If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself, lol!0 -
Happy birthday! Mine was 10/4 and I turned 75. I’ve never thought much about age and growing older never bothered me. My brother sent me a 75th bday card. I didn’t realize what age I was turning until I saw the card. My first thought was when did I get so old?0
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Happy belated birthday to you, Helene!0
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It’s been a difficult week here. About 3 weeks ago DH saw our family doc because he hadn’t been feeling well for awhile, and he had noticed that he was losing weight, unintentionally. The doctor ordered some lab work and a chest CT scan. When we went in for the results, the doctor mentioned a possibility of Addison’s Disease, which is basically failure of the adrenal glands. The adrenal glands produce and regulate the production of cortisol, which is the fight or flight hormone. It’s treatable, but not curable. In addition, the CT scan showed a lot of potential issues with his lungs. However, the doctor would only say “ there’s a lot of words there about your lungs.” He made no attempt to explain any of it, only that he felt a referral to a pulmonologist was needed. As I said in an earlier post, getting in to see a pulmonologist as a new patient is difficult. So far the earliest appointment we’ve been offered is mid-December, but there is a possibility of being seen sooner if there is a cancellation. This doctor’s office does keep a wait list, and indicated that they do frequently have cancellations. We notified our PCP where we wanted the referral to be sent, then it took 4 days of nagging on our part to get the referral sent. We are still waiting for the pulmonologist office to respond with an appointment confirmation. In the meantime, we have also requested an appointment with an endocrinologist to follow up on the suspected diagnosis of Addison’s Disease, which our PCP seemed to have forgotten about after getting sidetracked by all the words related to DH’s lungs.
Needless to say, we are very unhappy with our PCP. He’s in the process of changing to a concierge medical practice and it seems like he’s completely checked out of dealing with his current patients. Until November 30, he is still supposed to be seeing patients under the usual conditions. If we had even been thinking of joining his concierge practice, we would definitely be rethinking that. However, neither of us sees the value in paying $2250 per year, each, for the privilege of having 24/7 access to him and his personal cell phone number and a comprehensive yearly physical. There will be 2 new doctors taking over his regular practice, so we will try them out before we start looking elsewhere for a new PCP. Hopefully we will like one or both of the new docs.
DH tends to be very pessimistic about health issues. He actually told one of his friends that he is terminal! I quickly corrected him and told him we don’t know at this point that he even has a diagnosis and definitely don’t have a prognosis. I finally got the CT scan report through his patient portal and looked up most of the words in the report and concluded that there may be several individual issues going on with his lungs, but none of them sounded especially alarming. He finally settled down after that and has been better since. One plus out of all of this is that it did finally spur him to make an appointment with an attorney to get our wills and other documents done. We have been putting that off for much too long.
Oh, and a week ago, we went out to dinner with some friends who were visiting from out of town. Afterward we went to an ice cream shop for dessert, where I had another fainting spell. Luckily, a very nice man helped DH lower me to the floor and kept my head from hitting the floor. He stayed with us until I was conscious again and coherent, then helped me outside to a bench while DH went for the car. Aside from scraping my arm on something on my way down, I had no ill effects from that incident. I’ve had several similar incidents over the years, and the various docs I’ve consulted have never been able to find a cause for them.
So that’s how my week went. How was yours?0 -
That sounds like a rough week for sure. Is it possible the fainting could be dehydration or a side effect of some medication you’re taking? DH gets lightheaded when he hasn’t had enough water. He had some experience with dropping to the floor a time or two but I don’t think he lost consciousness. Luckily he wasn’t hurt. When trying to figure out what was happening, I read the leaflet from a BP medication he’d been on for a couple weeks. He was already on one kind but the cardiologist thought he needed the second medication too. Sure enough, dizziness was a side effect. We called the cardiologist and she stopped it immediately. The risk of breaking a hip was riskier than the benefit of slightly higher pressure. Also, check with your pharmacist to see if any of your prescriptions may interacting adversely.
Good thing looking up the words in DH’s tests. The outcome seems less dire than your dud of a PCP. Good luck selecting the replacement. Are the two choices new to the practice or just new to you? We’ve had difficulty with referrals. DH’s PCP gave him a referral for a specialist in June. We finally got an appointment for early September. They canceled the week before and the rescheduled appointment is the day before Thanksgiving. What do you think the chances of that getting cancelled are? We took it but also called another practice. They had appointments in October but needed a referral to them. We got that and are now waiting for the appointment person to call us with a date. It’s not easy getting specialists in my area.0 -
Helene, I don’t think it’s dehydration because it’s happened several times following a meal where I also consumed at least 1-2 glasses of a beverage. I know before the last one I had 1 glass of wine and a large glass of water with my meal, plus my usual amount of fluids during the day, so I really don’t think I was even a little dehydrated. It’s truly mystifying. My heart is in good shape, my EEG didn’t show any issues, there doesn’t seem to be any heart arrhythmia, my blood glucose levels are stable, etc. My doctor told me awhile back that he wanted me to come in the next day if it happened again, but given the issues we are having with him, I didn’t bother. Plus, it happened Friday night and the earliest I could have seen him would have been the following Monday, which would have been too long for him to find anything meaningful. My earliest recollection of a similar incident occurred when I was 14 and fainted in church. Since then, it’s happened at least 7-8 times.
The 2 new doctors will be new to the practice. Currently he is a solo practitioner, with 2 nurse practitioners and a PA. I think they will be staying on and working with the new doctors. I’ll give them a try and hopefully we will like them enough to stay with them. It would be so much easier than trying to find a new doctor that takes Medicare and is accepting new patients.0 -
Pam - I'm sorry you had such a bad week! A good friend is dealing with feeling sort of faint at times. I hope both of you are able to get some answers!
DH has a similar worst case approach to any health issue. Here's hoping you can get an earlier pulmonologist appointment. Lack of available specialty appointments drives me nuts!
I finally replaced my PCP and really really like the new young doctor I found. Plus she's practically right around the corner from my house. It took awhile and I did have to wait for an appointment. And then the first appointment I had they cancelled their whole day because their systems were down. Did they pick up one extra appointment a day until they caught up? Of course not! They moved everyone back to their first open (later) appointments!
She's also right next door to their lab which is super convenient (as long as you don't eat before you go).0 -
Helene - that's interesting about dizziness as a side effect of BP medication. I'm glad you got it straightened out so quickly.
One thing we're lucky about here in Baltimore is lots of specialists even though many of them are busy. I think the PCPs are the busiest.0 -
I've now had my flu, COVID and RSV shots. No reactions to any of them.
I continue to feed 5 days a week and the rest of the time I hunker down and work.
Last weekend I finalized the CROM holiday newsletter.
This coming weekend I need to start trying to figure out the new Maryland state computer filing system for non profit annual reports. Can't wait (SARCASM!!)0 -
Happy belated birthdays both of you!
I've been AOL I know. Drowning here in work and government filings and everything else. I have "just" two more government computer systems to learn (Maryland state and post office). If I can conquer those maybe I'll finally get a minute to myself.
When I just can't take it any more I take a break and read. I'm on the 12th book of the Marie Force Fatal series. Really enjoying it!0 -
Helene, I don’t think it’s dehydration because it’s happened several times following a meal where I also consumed at least 1-2 glasses of a beverage. I know before the last one I had 1 glass of wine and a large glass of water with my meal, plus my usual amount of fluids during the day, so I really don’t think I was even a little dehydrated. It’s truly mystifying. My heart is in good shape, my EEG didn’t show any issues, there doesn’t seem to be any heart arrhythmia, my blood glucose levels are stable, etc. My doctor told me awhile back that he wanted me to come in the next day if it happened again, but given the issues we are having with him, I didn’t bother. Plus, it happened Friday night and the earliest I could have seen him would have been the following Monday, which would have been too long for him to find anything meaningful. My earliest recollection of a similar incident occurred when I was 14 and fainted in church. Since then, it’s happened at least 7-8 times.
The 2 new doctors will be new to the practice. Currently he is a solo practitioner, with 2 nurse practitioners and a PA. I think they will be staying on and working with the new doctors. I’ll give them a try and hopefully we will like them enough to stay with them. It would be so much easier than trying to find a new doctor that takes Medicare and is accepting new patients.
I saw a nurse practitioner for years. Since I don't rely on the PCP for much of anything at all (too much access to specialists around here) it worked well. UNTIL the hospital decided they had to do all these "old people tests". I tried saying "no" every way I could think of and finally decided to leave.
Most of my specialists did get a belly laugh out of my description of it all. E.g. she turned over a piece of paper and wanted me to draw a clock face. I thought my cardiologist was going to roll on the floor.0 -
Maryanne, the “old people” tests are really a joke, unless one is really having cognitive issues. I forgot to mention that while everything else was going on last week, I also went for a hearing evaluation and during the intake I mentioned that I knew that hearing loss can accelerate cognitive decline. The next thing I knew, they had me doing a computerized cognitive evaluation! Apparently I still have most of my marbles, because I scored in the high normal range. And my hearing is still pretty good, although tinnitus is greatly annoying me. But I’ve had that since the mid-90’s, so I’m used to it.
With 3 large medical schools in this area, we also have a lot of specialists, but it is still difficult to get in to see certain ones, depending on the specialty. Apparently pulmonologists all across the country are in short supply, thanks to Covid. Our PCP said many closed their practices to work in hospitals during the epidemic, then either stayed with the hospital as hospitalists, or retired, and of course, some succumbed to Covid. So that means the ones that are still in practice are completely overwhelmed with patients.0 -
Gee, I’ve never been asked to take any old people’s tests. People tell me I look younger than my actual age. Good Genes from my mom and sun avoidance let me avid a lot of wrinkles and crow’s feet. Other than that reason, don’t know why the topic hasn’t come up in my doctor visits.0
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Gee, I’ve never been asked to take any old people’s tests. People tell me I look younger than my actual age. Good Genes from my mom and sun avoidance let me avid a lot of wrinkles and crow’s feet. Other than that reason, don’t know why the topic hasn’t come up in my doctor visits.
This nurse practitioner was supposedly ordered to do it with every patient over a certain age by the hospital they are affiliated with. Probably to collect the separate Medicare fee for it. Where DH goes it's a separate module done by someone other than his doctor and apparently easy to say "no" to. I'm hoping he gave me an accurate description. LOL!0 -
Michele, from the NS board, her cancer has recurred and she's been given a 25-30% chance of survival.0
