This Year is Our Year for Success!
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Our Thanksgiving went smoothly. The pumpkin pie I ordered along with the rest of my groceries was actually excellent. Even DH mentioned it. We're still eating turkey. LOL!0
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We had a nice Thanksgiving with my sister and her family but we are back home now. Today we plan to go to MIL’s place and decorate her apartment for some holiday cheer and check in on her. She didn’t call while we were away, but SIL reported that she spoke with some of the staff and they said she wasn’t doing well. The hospice nurse was supposed to check on her, but we weren’t notified if that occurred or not. The main problem seems to be anxiety now. Any change to her routine sets off an anxiety attack, and us being out of town apparently was a big trigger for her. Even though we were only 2 hours away and could easily return if needed.
I hope all of you had a nice Thanksgiving and are enjoying a relaxed weekend. I have no plans to go shopping until next week when people are back at work, lol! I had hoped to severely limit the number of people we were buying gifts for this year to only MIL and our young niece and nephews, but DH’s family threw a fit and he caved. So now our gift list has expanded and I’ll have to have everything ready to ship in time to arrive for Christmas.
I'm sorry your shopping expanded. I don't have a lot of presents to buy but my Christmas spreadsheet for CROM is still expansive with everyone I want to remember in some way.
I feel for both your MIL and all of you. That must be so terrible all around.0 -
I still have leftover turkey. It was a great buy and it was very tasty. Tonight is hot turkey sandwiches. We’ve probably got another day of sandwiches before it’s gone.0
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Going out to dinner with friends tonight. Afterwards we’re driving around to look at Christmas lights. There’s a neighborhood next town that really goes all out.0
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Going out to dinner with friends tonight. Afterwards we’re driving around to look at Christmas lights. There’s a neighborhood next town that really goes all out.
I was out after dark twice recently because of a cat show and got to enjoy some lights. Usually I just see the poor deflated (unplugged) decorations in the daytime. LOL!
I have next to no holiday spirit this year and I'm discovering that I'm not alone. I've had so many people say to me recently "thanks for admitting that, I don't either". Is it after pandemic burnout? No clue!0 -
It’s been a while since I’ve posted, so I’ll give a brief summary of events.
On Saturday, DH’s mother fell and ended up in the hospital with a fractured C2 vertebra in her neck. She’s at risk of permanent paralysis, but due to her age (96), the orthopedic docs are unwilling to do the surgery to repair it that they would normally do. Instead they prescribed 6-8 weeks of wearing a neck brace to restrict her from moving her neck. She was non-compliant with the brace, trying to remove it anytime she was left alone, so they put her in a softer foam brace. She continued to try to remove it. At that point DH and his sister both pretty much said if she paralyzes herself, so be it. She’s still in the hospital but we are hoping today to get some direction about what level of care she needs next and where it will take place.
I’ve mostly stayed out of the fray. I’ve been busy at home with Christmas preparations and baking. If asked, I offer my opinion, but I’m not spending time at the hospital. DH is only going once a day for an hour or two because he figured out that she acts out more when she has an audience.
On Sunday I went to a play and dinner with 3 of my friends. It was a Christmas play that was billed as “The Beulaville Baptist Book Club Presents: A Burle-Skew Nutcracker”. It was a bit raunchier than the description. Three of us laughed and went along with it, but the other one of our friends was pretty horrified. I did warn everyone in advance that the play would have some profanity, and partial nudity, so I don’t know what she was expecting.
I’ve completed all of my Christmas shopping, but still have to wrap and mail everything. I’m also working on completing the discovery questionnaire my attorney sent me related to my accident 2 years ago. I need to get that back to him by Friday. And I still have some cookies I want to bake to make up some gift platters I want to distribute before Christmas. I spent most of the day yesterday baking biscotti with a friend, but unfortunately, neither of us liked how our biscotti turned out. However, both of our DH’s liked them, so they will get eaten, but I’m not including mine in the cookie platters I’m making.
So that’s my update. I hope things are going more smoothly for you two!0 -
That’s so sad about your MIL. It’s a no win situation with her behavior so you’re smart to stay out of it. DH and SIL are in a tough spot with MIL being so uncooperative with doctors. I can understand and sympathize with their what will be will be acceptance. It’s good DH is time limiting his visits to lower his own stress over watching her behaviors.
It’s good that you are finding Christmas activities to bring you joy.0 -
Thursday evening MIL was moved to a skilled nursing facility to try to get her strong enough to return to her assisted living apartment. She is getting PT and OT for at least 2 hours a day. I went by to see her this morning and she was sitting in a wheelchair in a common area. She asked me to get her out of there, but I had to say no. There’s no place for her to go in her current condition. There’s no way we can care for her at our home, and she’s not well enough to go back to her previous living situation. There is a problem with her pain medications, so that is contributing to her misery as well. Apparently when she was discharged from the hospital, no pain medications were prescribed, even though she’s been on strong pain meds for years, taken twice daily. She very likely is going into withdrawal by now. I went to her assisted living facility and got a printout of all of her medications and DH is at the skilled nursing facility now with it, so hopefully we can get that straightened out. What a mess!
I did get all of the packages wrapped and shipped and finished and delivered my discovery document for my attorney, so I’m on top of a few of my To Do’s at least. I still have cookies to bake and platters to make up, but those are things I enjoy doing, so I’m looking forward to that. I have some of the cookies baked and in the freezer already, but I want to make a couple more for variety.0 -
Pam - that's so terrible about your MIL. I hope they can keep her from becoming paralyzed. Seems like that would be a "last straw" kind of thing. What a terrible thing for all of you to be dealing with at Christmastime! (Her experience reinforces my decision to never go in a nursing home that's for sure).0
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I'm drowning in the usual year end work load.
We had a young, friendly, cat dumped at one of our colonies and we got him to the vet Saturday. Fingers crossed that he's FELV and FIV negative. If so, I think he'll be a shoo-in for the adoption cage.
The holiday CROM newsletter went downtown Saturday as well.
I was glad to have Dancing With the Stars back on network TV. I really enjoyed Jason Mraz, someone I'd never paid much attention to before. I also watched The Voice for the first time. I enjoyed it but there's too much killing time. Hopefully that's just because of the strikes.
While there hasn't been much on TV I've been rewatchng old seasons of Grey's Anatomy, of all things. Why? Who the heck knows? Just got my attention.
I've promised DH I'll make turkey corn soup after Christmas so I'm accumulating ingredients. (I bowed out after Thanksgiving, just too busy!)0 -
I missed DWTS last season when they moved it to Disney Channel. I’m glad they moved it back to ABC. I wasn’t really familiar with Jason Marx before. He’s so talented. I think they had the most talented contestants of any prior season.
Pam, MIL’s situation is beyond sad. I’m guessing paralysis is off the table if they have her sitting in a wheelchair and doing PT. I hope she sticks with it and can recover enough to go back to assisted living.0 -
I also enjoyed DWTS this season. I enjoyed almost all of the contestants and thought the right person won. I knew Jason Mraz’s music but had never paid much attention to him. I liked the change in format for the finale with the final 5 contestants being allowed to compete.
MIL is proving to be a real challenge. She has refused to do PT some of the time, which prompted a meeting yesterday with the case worker and us at the facility. If she continues to refuse treatment, they have no choice but to recommend discharge since they can’t bill Medicare for services she is not receiving. We talked with her and asked her what her goal is, i.e., does she want to get better and go back to assisted living or does she want us to find her a place where she can receive hospice care and no treatment? She said she wants to get better so she can return to her assisted living apartment. We emphasized to her that it cannot happen unless she starts cooperating with the treatment team and doing what they tell her to do. We had SIL on the phone as well and she talked to her mom and reinforced what we were saying. MIL agreed and said she would do it. And 5 minutes later she was asking us to take her out of there, again. So we will see what happens today. I kind of doubt that she will do the PT, but I hope she proves me wrong. She continues to refuse to wear the neck brace, which creates an issue with PT because they won’t work with her unless she does, for liability reasons. We talked with her about that as well, but her memory is so poor and her stubbornness is so strong that I’m not sure she will wear it even for the hour or so her PT session lasts.0 -
I’m always surprised by how many people refuse PT. It made such a difference for me with my knee and back. I know both of you have had positive results as well. I’ve suggested PT to my brother several times. He even made an appointment for an evaluation last year at my urging only to cancel it. I hope the chance to go back to assisted living is enough to change your MIL’s attitude.0
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It’s really a roller coaster ride with MIL. She has been cooperating more with the PT, but yesterday she had temper tantrum with DH, hitting and cursing at him and demanding that he get her out of “this GD place”. She then wheeled herself out of the room and confronted a nurse to ask what she needed to do to get out of there. DH was pretty shaken as he had not seen this side of his mom before. We are exploring residential care homes as a discharge option since we are doubtful that she will be able to return to assisted living. She will probably not be pleased with that, but it’s either that or a nursing home and we feel residential care is the better choice. I think her dementia is much worse and while she is lucid at times, she has lost the ability to understand a rational explanation of why she is where she is and what needs to happen before she can leave there. It’s very sad, IMO. I truly hope not to live that long if I’m in the same condition.0
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Pam - I can't even imagine what you and your DH are going through with MIL. What a world we live in that we have no really good options for such patients. I know DH and I were lucky to avoid those issues with all four of our parents.0
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I’ve seen commercials about dementia patients getting agitated and lashing out. It mentions a medication that can help but I don’t recall what the name is. Has DH talked to her doctor about these episodes? He might have suggestions of medication that might help. It must have been so painful for your husband to see his mom lash out at him. I hope he knows it’s the disease talking and not something she can control. I hope the residential care option will work rather than a nursing home. Whatever happens, both of you have done everything possible to care for her and keep her safe, even if she doesn’t realize it.0
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Pam - I have already made the decision that I will never go into any such place and will make sure I retain the means here to make sure I can avoid it. The more I read, the more determined I become. with respect to cat rescue, we always say death isn't always the worst option and I think the same is true for older people.0
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Lots of things going on this week. In addition to trying to finish up all the Christmas related things, we decided to find a new facility for MIL to go to after she leaves the skilled nursing facility. We think she could probably go back to her last assisted living home, but are concerned that it’s no longer the best fit for her. We found a place near us that’s brand new, has a much better staff to patient ratio (1:5 versus 1:17), and they are equipped and trained to handle patients with more complex medical needs if that becomes necessary. The downside is that her room will be about half the size of the space she has now, so some decisions need to be made about what goes to the new place. Im trying to get DH to agree to switching her to a hospital bed because I think she will be more comfortable in it and it will occupy less space than the double bed she now has, and also getting rid of her 84” long sofa in favor of a couple of comfortable chairs. He wants to let his mom decide, but she is famous for her indecision so that will never happen. So I guess we will try to cram everything into the room then when they see how crowded and unworkable it is, we will probably then do what I suggested in the first place. SIL will be here on Tuesday, so she may be able to help me get them onboard. Or not. In the meantime, MIL is terribly unhappy about being in the skilled nursing facility. She cries every time DH visits and begs him to get her out of there, which upsets and frustrates him because she doesn’t seem to understand that he would get her out if he could. So he deals with it by not visiting more than every 2-3 days for a few minutes until she starts crying, then he leaves. It’s a mess.0
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I’m so sorry to hear how MIL’s situation has taken over your Christmas. Has DH gotten any counseling to help him come to terms with MIL’s reality? He needs better coping skills. I was reading an AARP article about caregivers and dementia. One man said one thing that helped him was to redirect the conversation on to a happier topic. When she brings up getting out of the facility, maybe he can tell her that her room is being prepared. She probably has no sense of time so he can repeat that each visit. He could tell her the room is being painted which would buy him time. Maybe asking her about favorite Christmas memories might steer her towards a happier topic. Encourage the PT so she’ll be ready to move. When he leaves, he could say he’s going to check on the progress of her room. There may be some fibs in there but it’s harmless and might give her a little happiness. Has he asked the staff how she is after he leaves? She might be like the daycare kids who cry when mommy leaves but settles down after he’s gone.0
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Helene, those are good suggestions. I’ve told him before to try redirecting her attention but I’m not sure how successful he’s been at doing this. As it happens, the patient in the next room is a friend from his church and her daughter frequently checks on her when she’s visiting her mom. She’s texted pics of MIL doing her therapies, so I do think she settles down when he’s not there. Unfortunately, he’s opposed to telling her anything but the truth, even if it’s harmless.0
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Rather than thinking she needs the whole truth,he might think about giving her comfort and something to look forward to by telling her that her room is being prepared. I would look at it as a kindness rather than telling her news that she’ll find upsetting. He might try that approach once and she what kind of reaction she has.0
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Merry Christmas, my friends! I hope you have a happy day, celebrating however you choose!0
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Pam - what a horrible situation to be dealing with at the holidays! I don't know how we were lucky enough to miss it with all 4 of our parents but I'm so thankful. I'm sure it's hard for your husband to see her as anything other than the parent he remembers.0
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A good news story from the county we grew up in: https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/25/us/pennsylvania-adams-county-animal-shelter-empty/index.html0
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We’re heading south finally. Saw NJ relatives yesterday. We’ll be passing through Maryanne’s territory this morning.0
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I’ve been MIA this week because we are still dealing with MIL drama. SIL arrived on Tuesday and she brings her own drama, so I’m exhausted from dealing with the 3 of them. We think we have finally settled on a new residential care home for MIL since the one we had selected last week declined to take her. The good news is the new one has evaluated her and agreed that they can care for her. The bad news is it is farther away and will be more difficult to get to for visits, etc. DH and SIL keep vacillating between going with this one which is the most affordable option and holding out hope that her current assisted living facility will accept her back, perhaps in their memory care unit. That is by far the most expensive option, but by far the most convenient (for us) option. We should have a decision on that this morning. SIL gets on my nerves after a couple of days typically, so this has been a long week and now she is going to extend her stay until Thursday to help get MIL moved and settled. I do think we need her help, but she is driving me crazy! Meanwhile, MIL has declined significantly in her cognitive abilities. She still recognizes us, but her comments are completely out of context and often about people who are long dead or haven’t been in her life for 70 years or more. It’s very sad.
We do have a New Year’s Eve gathering to attend this afternoon. My friend said she was hosting an “old people’s NYE party” because it’s from 4 to 6:30 so we can all get home before the drunks get out on the roads, lol! All of the guests thought this was a great idea.
Wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year! Let’s hope 2024 is a good one.0 -
I’ve been MIA this week because we are still dealing with MIL drama. SIL arrived on Tuesday and she brings her own drama, so I’m exhausted from dealing with the 3 of them. We think we have finally settled on a new residential care home for MIL since the one we had selected last week declined to take her. The good news is the new one has evaluated her and agreed that they can care for her. The bad news is it is farther away and will be more difficult to get to for visits, etc. DH and SIL keep vacillating between going with this one which is the most affordable option and holding out hope that her current assisted living facility will accept her back, perhaps in their memory care unit. That is by far the most expensive option, but by far the most convenient (for us) option. We should have a decision on that this morning. SIL gets on my nerves after a couple of days typically, so this has been a long week and now she is going to extend her stay until Thursday to help get MIL moved and settled. I do think we need her help, but she is driving me crazy! Meanwhile, MIL has declined significantly in her cognitive abilities. She still recognizes us, but her comments are completely out of context and often about people who are long dead or haven’t been in her life for 70 years or more. It’s very sad.
We do have a New Year’s Eve gathering to attend this afternoon. My friend said she was hosting an “old people’s NYE party” because it’s from 4 to 6:30 so we can all get home before the drunks get out on the roads, lol! All of the guests thought this was a great idea.
Wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year! Let’s hope 2024 is a good one.
Oh, so sad about your MIL and that you wind up in the middle of it!
I hope the "old people's NYE party" was fun. That's too funny actually!0 -
Happy New Year!
It was much quieter than usual outside last evening.
I watched a Hallmark movie about a blind single dad and the woman who convinced him he needed a guide dog. Not the usual Hallmark schmaltz. And it had a DOG!!! LOL!
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I watched that movie as well. Not their usual subject but it was very good. I watch a lot of Hallmark Christmas movies. They seemed to add some new subject matter this year.0
