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littlemili
Posts: 625 Member
I'm Mili from London, age 21. I am in college studying to be a classical violinist and love running, clean eating and cooking. In early summer 2011 I was diagnosed with EDNOS anorexia nervous subtype. Currently I am receiving weekly therapy in a hospital and counselling. Generally my ED results in me eating around 700-900 calories per day, although recently I've been in a binge-starve cycle. Currently I'm trying to normalise my eating by finding consistency. I have the added challenge of being vegetarian and dairy intolerant.
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Replies
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Everyone calls me Faerie, or Fae, or FaeFae.....if you want, read my blog, it tells a lot about my struggles.......hopefully this will be a place that we can get things off our chest that others may not understand, and try to get to a healthier self....1
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Hi! Im Liz, 23 years young. I've been struggling for a little over a year with this. Most people dont even know I have an eating disorder and i have to admit, it's not the first thing i like to strike up a conversation about. Glad that there are others to talk too now. Let's be friends...I have lots of hugs and cuddles :-)1
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I'm Meg, 27. Struggling with bulimia for 9 years, weight issues all my life. Seemed to "recover" for the last 2 years, but it made me gain 20lbs. I freaked out and started all up again. I'm trying to find a balance between losing weight the healthy way and complete ****ing madness. Hope I can find some support here
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I'm Carol, in the states. Ana in my 20's. then B/N off and on ever since. I am in my 40's! This thing just doesn't ever go away.
I am trying to lose weight but in a healthy way. Of course, counting calories activates my anorexia tendencies, and I really struggle to get to 1000 every day.
Working out helps...meds help. Having friends here on MFP has helped a LOT! 1 -
Hi, I'm Becca, 21 years old. I was diagnosed with EDNOS (anorexic tendencies) almost 2 years ago, recieved therapy for 18 months but was discharged and technically 'recovered' around easter this year although it's a constant battle and I don't consider myself recovered. I enjoy running (in fact I have a place in London Marathon), trampolining, baking and climbing.
I'm glad that I've found others (I often feel really isolated from friends who don't understand how much of a battle it is).0 -
Hello. I'm Diane, I'm 23, a student of language and an aspiring writer. I worry, mostly, that my preoccupation with eating and weight loss is ruining my creativity and destroying my soul.0
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Hello there, I'm Anna. 18, and no idea what to do with my life. I hate the university I am at currently, and I am moving home in a month; after this semester. Ideally, I'd like to be in art somehow, but the current economy somewhat forbids that from being a plausible career. So for now, I suppose I'll go to be a nurse or a teacher. My thoughts are consumed with weight loss and calories and food and exercise. I hope to God that one day it isn't like this; it is ruining my life, like many of us here who struggle with disordered thoughts
I, just like anyone, just want to be happy. Talk to me anytime you want, all the MFP notifications go straight to my phone :')
Take care everyone!
xox0 -
Hey there, my name is Andrea
I too have disordered eating. ( I have not been diagnosed with this) but I know I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I also have a thyroid disorder. My days are also consumed with thought of calories, food, exercise. I know I do not eat enough.
Good luck!0 -
Hi, I'm Charli, I'm 16 & I live in the UK. I was only recently diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa in September but I've been struggling since I was 12-13. Like Mili, I usually restrict from 500-900 a day, binge occasionally and use laxatives. I may be receiving treatment soon.
On a more personal note, I really enjoy psychology, independent cinema, reading & creative writing. I've also been a figure skater for 7 years (: Feel free to talk to me whenever!0 -
Hey everyone...my name is Kayla and I am 28 I was recently diagnosed EDNOS, but have had issues since 2006. I tend to be very strict in what I eat and have a tendency to work out too much. Stress and anxiety bring my ED out in full force. My husband keeps me in check pretty well, but he goes out of town often and I revert back to my old ways. I have been doing a lot better since I came back from vacation, but I have good and bad days.
A bit about me...I am in the Navy (Have been for 9 years), going to school to become a Registered Dietician. I have been married for 3 years. I enjoy knitting, hoop dance, static trapeze, reading, fire, and dancing.
Anyone can add me if they wish. 0 -
My name is Lisa, I'm 16. I've been struggling with anorexia for around 10 months now. I used to restrict heavily (0-300 calories a day) and use laxatives from time to time. I'm doing better now (intake-wise) than I was in Summer but I'm not where my family would like me to be. I still focus too heavily on calories, my weight, and exercise. I'd like to be content and enjoy my life again without being consumed by this 24/7.
Aside from that.. I really enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory, volunteering when the opportunity arises, hula hooping, reading, and horse back riding. Anyone can add me or message me if they want to. :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi. Im a college student and i have recently overcome bulimia but i am now struggling with anorexia. i am trying to lose weight the right way and gain a better self-image. i dont have any friends around me that deal with the same struggles so i am looking to find some friends who can help support me and who i can support as well. i know its a long journey but im ready to recover, find the root of my need to control my eating, and hopefully learn to love myself- mind and body! i0
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Hello everyone. My name is Katie and i have had Bulimia for going on three years now. I suffered with anarexia when i was very young and saw the devestation and hurt it did to my family. I hate lying to my parents and friends about my eating but im so lost in a viscious cycle sometimes i see no hope for the future me. I turned to bulimia so i could hide my habbits better. I hate myself for it
I useed to be a happy fun loving girl. I loved horse riding, surfing and dancing. Now i am a shell of what i was, haunted by food each and every day. I dont like going out for fear that someone is going to make me eat.
If i do eat and cant purge i work myself up so im almost frantic.
As you can probly guess the harm that this has caused to my self confidense, social life and general happiness is somewhat severe.
(TRIGGERING)
On a normal day i will probably purge up to 10 times a day, Bad days sometimes in the range of 25-30 (even if theres only water in my belly) . I am desperatly trying to break myself out of this cycle. Its so hard though. Each and every day has new struggles and new challenges.
Baby steps is what i have to take.0 -
Hello ._.
it's so nice to have a supportive group like this on MFP!
i'm Mary. i'm 23 years old and have been struggling with my eating disorder for as long as i can remember.
i used to starve myself a lot &i started purging a few years back.
every day is a struggle, as i'm sure you all understand.
i've purged ONCE in two months, which is really good. i don't eat enough, but i am honestly trying!
i want to feel more confident. my body image is so distorted&terrible.
i haven't quite figured out how to change that yet .. but it would be really wonderful if looking in the mirror didn't bring me to tears on a regular basis!
xo0 -
hi i'm steph, i'm a grad student in atlanta and i've struggled with ED for a long time. Most of the time it was managed, but 2 years ago i lost a lot of weight and ended up getting really injuired... now my ED has become mostly a binging thing.... so i guess i'm just trying to really get my relationship with food and my body together a bit more.0
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I am Lisa. I live in 'burbs outside of the capitol city of Wisconsin. 29 years on this earth; my life currently consists of being wife and mum to three amazing gentlemen. My husband Matthew and I are nearing our 10th wedding anniversary. Our sons, Dugan (age 7) and Oskar (age 2) keep us very busy, diplomatically stated. I also work full time - a bustling professional - about 45+ hours per week at the office helping disabled individuals obtain income.
I've been dysfunctional with respect to nutrition and eating since the age of 14. Over the years, I have seen various health care providers, both of physical and mental fields of study. I know what my issues are, for the most part, and at present, I exist with varying degrees of strength and control of these. I've been extremely thankful for sporadic periods of remission on and off throughout the years. Very blessed to have been in a healthy mindset during my pregnancies. Outside factors have a tendency to exacerbate my compulsions regarding weight loss, and being bipolar type I also plays a role. I am at my worst when I am manic. Over the years I've learned to recognize when I am coming into a manic upswing, and as such, can make an attempt to gauge my behavior before control is lost.
Since the help that I've gotten has not "cured" me, and I don't have the time or money to participate in a full ED program (which, in the US, consists of 90 days inpatient and costs about $75,000.00), I try to better myself as I learn more about my disordered habits. There was a time that I wanted to "disappear", with weight loss being fully representative of that - as recently as a year ago. I DON'T want that anymore - I've got too much hanging in the balance. I'm not willing to compromise my sons' upbringing and stability by selfishly allowing myself to spiral out of control as I have in the past. While "recovery" for me might not mean exactly the same as it does for any one else, I am seeking my personal recovery for the benefit of those dear to me.
I'm sure I sound a bit mental, perhaps callous, but I assure you I am a warm, vulnerable and soft person when it really comes down to it.0 -
Hello! I am emme and live in the "driftless" region of Wisconsin.
I struggled with anorexia throughout my youth (age 13/14 through my 20s) -- generally through starvation or exercise. As I had children, I became healthier and was happy to eat without care.... Of course, as soon as the children were a few months old, I would return to my obsession with starvation and exercise.
Humorously, I am a pastry chef and my partner is a chef. We work around food all day, but besides a taste, I rarely actually eat anything that I make. We feature local food, and have a weekly changing menu, which means that we are always creating something new -- and we should sit and enjoy it, but my obsession with counting calories impedes.
I am trying to lose weight (almost 40y/o) and trying to be healthy and really trying to get off of the starvation/exercise yo yo. I want to get my calories up so that I can get my metabolism working again.0 -
Wow!! Great to see all the people on here!(Well not great that everyone is plagued with this, but nice we have people we can relate to and even help). My name is Theresa.I am a nurse although I am only working 4 hour shifts for the last 2 years b/c of my ED. Although next month I am going to try to work full time again. That is the one thing that makes me happy. As for the demons in my head(my ED) feel like I am possessed at times..hence the demons..it started with me back in 1986. I was an exercise and sports nut and some of the comments my coach would make made me want to lose weight. Anyway eneded up being bulimic. Exercised, puked and used laxatives really bad. Until my bowel perforated and I just about died on the OR table. Woke up with a colostomy..just from laxatives. So my first thing is to beg of you who use them to stop. They ruin your intestines and dont help you lose weight anyway. I stop binging after collage and was just purging. with low potassium levels I have damaged my heart..ende in the hospital again and almost died again The reason I am sharing this is b/c I used to think oh that wont happen to me..well it will the longer you keep it up. I have had my ed for 25 years and it hasnt made me happy but the anxiety and fears that go along with getting rid of it(besides the whole control thing) keep it active regaurdless of how many times I end up in the hospital.
I am very tired of it plus my body really cant take much more(it has done a lot of permanent damage) so the last 2 years I have been fighting to be free. The problem being at the age of 39 I became a widow. My wife who was 9 years older has a massive stroke and died. So now it is me and a house full of critters. 4 dogs(now had to have one put down) and 8 cats. So I do like animals. I love the outdoors and I love the beach. Other than taking care of the animals my ed has robbed me from doing the things I used to like. I pretty much have become a prinsoner in my own home from this.
I have periods where I start to do good(not supposed to say good I am supposed to say healthy..that way I am not judging my behaviors..I dont know that is what they tell me)I am supposed to be eating 3600 calories a day, but lately it is more like 300. So I need to get my butt more motivated..seeing you all here..knowing I am not the only one does help with the motivation part. Besides that when I eat so little all I do is sleep. Barely have enough energy to make it through my 4 hours..so I need to change that.
I know a lot of people who have beat this disease so it is possible..remember that. Didnt say it was easy..just said it is possible! Keep fighting my friends!1 -
Hello! I'm Sabrina and I come from the New York City area. I am 20 years old, in college, and was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had issues with food (as far as I can remember) since I was a child, about nine or so. More recently, since about August or so, I have been restricting to extremes and purging whenever I feel either strong emotions, satisfied/full from eating, and when under the influence of alcohol. I have lost about 35 pounds since July (I started at a BMI of around 20-21.) I started seeking professional help for these problems last month, and have since been back and forth about whether I'm ready to truly go through with it.
I am in psychotherapy for my BPD as well as the emotional/mental aspect of my eating disorder - as for the physical, I'm supposed to be seeing a nutritionist... I chickened out on the first visit but am now (most days) slowly upping calories on my own. Since I've started trying to eat more I've lost 3-4 pounds, am still purging but significantly less, am probably still not eating enough (most days) and definitely am not eating the right things.
It's so nice to meet you and I wish you luck on your journey to recovery. I've never contacted anyone on MFP before since I have been using it to obsessively track my (unhealthy, embarrassing) eating habits for the past few months, but it'd be really great to make some friends in the same boat.0 -
Yeah my bill for my last hospital stay was over$100,000 and I had to pay $900. Might not seem like a lot to some but when you ave no sick time you have no income either. It is not right that people cant get the treatment that they need. My insurance company will let me go to this hospital unlimited number of times but will not pay for Renfew once. Doesnt make sense to me...Nice to meet you!I am Lisa. I live in 'burbs outside of the capitol city of Wisconsin. 29 years on this earth; my life currently consists of being wife and mum to three amazing gentlemen. My husband Matthew and I are nearing our 10th wedding anniversary. Our sons, Dugan (age 7) and Oskar (age 2) keep us very busy, diplomatically stated. I also work full time - a bustling professional - about 45+ hours per week at the office helping disabled individuals obtain income.
I've been dysfunctional with respect to nutrition and eating since the age of 14. Over the years, I have seen various health care providers, both of physical and mental fields of study. I know what my issues are, for the most part, and at present, I exist with varying degrees of strength and control of these. I've been extremely thankful for sporadic periods of remission on and off throughout the years. Very blessed to have been in a healthy mindset during my pregnancies. Outside factors have a tendency to exacerbate my compulsions regarding weight loss, and being bipolar type I also plays a role. I am at my worst when I am manic. Over the years I've learned to recognize when I am coming into a manic upswing, and as such, can make an attempt to gauge my behavior before control is lost.
Since the help that I've gotten has not "cured" me, and I don't have the time or money to participate in a full ED program (which, in the US, consists of 90 days inpatient and costs about $75,000.00), I try to better myself as I learn more about my disordered habits. There was a time that I wanted to "disappear", with weight loss being fully representative of that - as recently as a year ago. I DON'T want that anymore - I've got too much hanging in the balance. I'm not willing to compromise my sons' upbringing and stability by selfishly allowing myself to spiral out of control as I have in the past. While "recovery" for me might not mean exactly the same as it does for any one else, I am seeking my personal recovery for the benefit of those dear to me.
I'm sure I sound a bit mental, perhaps callous, but I assure you I am a warm, vulnerable and soft person when it really comes down to it.0
