Introduce yourself
littlemili
Posts: 625 Member
I'm Mili from London, age 21. I am in college studying to be a classical violinist and love running, clean eating and cooking. In early summer 2011 I was diagnosed with EDNOS anorexia nervous subtype. Currently I am receiving weekly therapy in a hospital and counselling. Generally my ED results in me eating around 700-900 calories per day, although recently I've been in a binge-starve cycle. Currently I'm trying to normalise my eating by finding consistency. I have the added challenge of being vegetarian and dairy intolerant.
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Replies
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Everyone calls me Faerie, or Fae, or FaeFae.....if you want, read my blog, it tells a lot about my struggles.......hopefully this will be a place that we can get things off our chest that others may not understand, and try to get to a healthier self....1
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Hi! Im Liz, 23 years young. I've been struggling for a little over a year with this. Most people dont even know I have an eating disorder and i have to admit, it's not the first thing i like to strike up a conversation about. Glad that there are others to talk too now. Let's be friends...I have lots of hugs and cuddles :-)1
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I'm Meg, 27. Struggling with bulimia for 9 years, weight issues all my life. Seemed to "recover" for the last 2 years, but it made me gain 20lbs. I freaked out and started all up again. I'm trying to find a balance between losing weight the healthy way and complete ****ing madness. Hope I can find some support here
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I'm Carol, in the states. Ana in my 20's. then B/N off and on ever since. I am in my 40's! This thing just doesn't ever go away.
I am trying to lose weight but in a healthy way. Of course, counting calories activates my anorexia tendencies, and I really struggle to get to 1000 every day.
Working out helps...meds help. Having friends here on MFP has helped a LOT! 1 -
Hi, I'm Becca, 21 years old. I was diagnosed with EDNOS (anorexic tendencies) almost 2 years ago, recieved therapy for 18 months but was discharged and technically 'recovered' around easter this year although it's a constant battle and I don't consider myself recovered. I enjoy running (in fact I have a place in London Marathon), trampolining, baking and climbing.
I'm glad that I've found others (I often feel really isolated from friends who don't understand how much of a battle it is).0 -
Hello. I'm Diane, I'm 23, a student of language and an aspiring writer. I worry, mostly, that my preoccupation with eating and weight loss is ruining my creativity and destroying my soul.0
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Hello there, I'm Anna. 18, and no idea what to do with my life. I hate the university I am at currently, and I am moving home in a month; after this semester. Ideally, I'd like to be in art somehow, but the current economy somewhat forbids that from being a plausible career. So for now, I suppose I'll go to be a nurse or a teacher. My thoughts are consumed with weight loss and calories and food and exercise. I hope to God that one day it isn't like this; it is ruining my life, like many of us here who struggle with disordered thoughts
I, just like anyone, just want to be happy. Talk to me anytime you want, all the MFP notifications go straight to my phone :')
Take care everyone!
xox0 -
Hey there, my name is Andrea
I too have disordered eating. ( I have not been diagnosed with this) but I know I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I also have a thyroid disorder. My days are also consumed with thought of calories, food, exercise. I know I do not eat enough.
Good luck!0 -
Hi, I'm Charli, I'm 16 & I live in the UK. I was only recently diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa in September but I've been struggling since I was 12-13. Like Mili, I usually restrict from 500-900 a day, binge occasionally and use laxatives. I may be receiving treatment soon.
On a more personal note, I really enjoy psychology, independent cinema, reading & creative writing. I've also been a figure skater for 7 years (: Feel free to talk to me whenever!0 -
Hey everyone...my name is Kayla and I am 28 I was recently diagnosed EDNOS, but have had issues since 2006. I tend to be very strict in what I eat and have a tendency to work out too much. Stress and anxiety bring my ED out in full force. My husband keeps me in check pretty well, but he goes out of town often and I revert back to my old ways. I have been doing a lot better since I came back from vacation, but I have good and bad days.
A bit about me...I am in the Navy (Have been for 9 years), going to school to become a Registered Dietician. I have been married for 3 years. I enjoy knitting, hoop dance, static trapeze, reading, fire, and dancing.
Anyone can add me if they wish. 0 -
My name is Lisa, I'm 16. I've been struggling with anorexia for around 10 months now. I used to restrict heavily (0-300 calories a day) and use laxatives from time to time. I'm doing better now (intake-wise) than I was in Summer but I'm not where my family would like me to be. I still focus too heavily on calories, my weight, and exercise. I'd like to be content and enjoy my life again without being consumed by this 24/7.
Aside from that.. I really enjoy watching The Big Bang Theory, volunteering when the opportunity arises, hula hooping, reading, and horse back riding. Anyone can add me or message me if they want to. :flowerforyou:0 -
Hi. Im a college student and i have recently overcome bulimia but i am now struggling with anorexia. i am trying to lose weight the right way and gain a better self-image. i dont have any friends around me that deal with the same struggles so i am looking to find some friends who can help support me and who i can support as well. i know its a long journey but im ready to recover, find the root of my need to control my eating, and hopefully learn to love myself- mind and body! i0
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Hello everyone. My name is Katie and i have had Bulimia for going on three years now. I suffered with anarexia when i was very young and saw the devestation and hurt it did to my family. I hate lying to my parents and friends about my eating but im so lost in a viscious cycle sometimes i see no hope for the future me. I turned to bulimia so i could hide my habbits better. I hate myself for it
I useed to be a happy fun loving girl. I loved horse riding, surfing and dancing. Now i am a shell of what i was, haunted by food each and every day. I dont like going out for fear that someone is going to make me eat.
If i do eat and cant purge i work myself up so im almost frantic.
As you can probly guess the harm that this has caused to my self confidense, social life and general happiness is somewhat severe.
(TRIGGERING)
On a normal day i will probably purge up to 10 times a day, Bad days sometimes in the range of 25-30 (even if theres only water in my belly) . I am desperatly trying to break myself out of this cycle. Its so hard though. Each and every day has new struggles and new challenges.
Baby steps is what i have to take.0 -
Hello ._.
it's so nice to have a supportive group like this on MFP!
i'm Mary. i'm 23 years old and have been struggling with my eating disorder for as long as i can remember.
i used to starve myself a lot &i started purging a few years back.
every day is a struggle, as i'm sure you all understand.
i've purged ONCE in two months, which is really good. i don't eat enough, but i am honestly trying!
i want to feel more confident. my body image is so distorted&terrible.
i haven't quite figured out how to change that yet .. but it would be really wonderful if looking in the mirror didn't bring me to tears on a regular basis!
xo0 -
hi i'm steph, i'm a grad student in atlanta and i've struggled with ED for a long time. Most of the time it was managed, but 2 years ago i lost a lot of weight and ended up getting really injuired... now my ED has become mostly a binging thing.... so i guess i'm just trying to really get my relationship with food and my body together a bit more.0
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I am Lisa. I live in 'burbs outside of the capitol city of Wisconsin. 29 years on this earth; my life currently consists of being wife and mum to three amazing gentlemen. My husband Matthew and I are nearing our 10th wedding anniversary. Our sons, Dugan (age 7) and Oskar (age 2) keep us very busy, diplomatically stated. I also work full time - a bustling professional - about 45+ hours per week at the office helping disabled individuals obtain income.
I've been dysfunctional with respect to nutrition and eating since the age of 14. Over the years, I have seen various health care providers, both of physical and mental fields of study. I know what my issues are, for the most part, and at present, I exist with varying degrees of strength and control of these. I've been extremely thankful for sporadic periods of remission on and off throughout the years. Very blessed to have been in a healthy mindset during my pregnancies. Outside factors have a tendency to exacerbate my compulsions regarding weight loss, and being bipolar type I also plays a role. I am at my worst when I am manic. Over the years I've learned to recognize when I am coming into a manic upswing, and as such, can make an attempt to gauge my behavior before control is lost.
Since the help that I've gotten has not "cured" me, and I don't have the time or money to participate in a full ED program (which, in the US, consists of 90 days inpatient and costs about $75,000.00), I try to better myself as I learn more about my disordered habits. There was a time that I wanted to "disappear", with weight loss being fully representative of that - as recently as a year ago. I DON'T want that anymore - I've got too much hanging in the balance. I'm not willing to compromise my sons' upbringing and stability by selfishly allowing myself to spiral out of control as I have in the past. While "recovery" for me might not mean exactly the same as it does for any one else, I am seeking my personal recovery for the benefit of those dear to me.
I'm sure I sound a bit mental, perhaps callous, but I assure you I am a warm, vulnerable and soft person when it really comes down to it.0 -
Hello! I am emme and live in the "driftless" region of Wisconsin.
I struggled with anorexia throughout my youth (age 13/14 through my 20s) -- generally through starvation or exercise. As I had children, I became healthier and was happy to eat without care.... Of course, as soon as the children were a few months old, I would return to my obsession with starvation and exercise.
Humorously, I am a pastry chef and my partner is a chef. We work around food all day, but besides a taste, I rarely actually eat anything that I make. We feature local food, and have a weekly changing menu, which means that we are always creating something new -- and we should sit and enjoy it, but my obsession with counting calories impedes.
I am trying to lose weight (almost 40y/o) and trying to be healthy and really trying to get off of the starvation/exercise yo yo. I want to get my calories up so that I can get my metabolism working again.0 -
Wow!! Great to see all the people on here!(Well not great that everyone is plagued with this, but nice we have people we can relate to and even help). My name is Theresa.I am a nurse although I am only working 4 hour shifts for the last 2 years b/c of my ED. Although next month I am going to try to work full time again. That is the one thing that makes me happy. As for the demons in my head(my ED) feel like I am possessed at times..hence the demons..it started with me back in 1986. I was an exercise and sports nut and some of the comments my coach would make made me want to lose weight. Anyway eneded up being bulimic. Exercised, puked and used laxatives really bad. Until my bowel perforated and I just about died on the OR table. Woke up with a colostomy..just from laxatives. So my first thing is to beg of you who use them to stop. They ruin your intestines and dont help you lose weight anyway. I stop binging after collage and was just purging. with low potassium levels I have damaged my heart..ende in the hospital again and almost died again The reason I am sharing this is b/c I used to think oh that wont happen to me..well it will the longer you keep it up. I have had my ed for 25 years and it hasnt made me happy but the anxiety and fears that go along with getting rid of it(besides the whole control thing) keep it active regaurdless of how many times I end up in the hospital.
I am very tired of it plus my body really cant take much more(it has done a lot of permanent damage) so the last 2 years I have been fighting to be free. The problem being at the age of 39 I became a widow. My wife who was 9 years older has a massive stroke and died. So now it is me and a house full of critters. 4 dogs(now had to have one put down) and 8 cats. So I do like animals. I love the outdoors and I love the beach. Other than taking care of the animals my ed has robbed me from doing the things I used to like. I pretty much have become a prinsoner in my own home from this.
I have periods where I start to do good(not supposed to say good I am supposed to say healthy..that way I am not judging my behaviors..I dont know that is what they tell me)I am supposed to be eating 3600 calories a day, but lately it is more like 300. So I need to get my butt more motivated..seeing you all here..knowing I am not the only one does help with the motivation part. Besides that when I eat so little all I do is sleep. Barely have enough energy to make it through my 4 hours..so I need to change that.
I know a lot of people who have beat this disease so it is possible..remember that. Didnt say it was easy..just said it is possible! Keep fighting my friends!1 -
Hello! I'm Sabrina and I come from the New York City area. I am 20 years old, in college, and was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had issues with food (as far as I can remember) since I was a child, about nine or so. More recently, since about August or so, I have been restricting to extremes and purging whenever I feel either strong emotions, satisfied/full from eating, and when under the influence of alcohol. I have lost about 35 pounds since July (I started at a BMI of around 20-21.) I started seeking professional help for these problems last month, and have since been back and forth about whether I'm ready to truly go through with it.
I am in psychotherapy for my BPD as well as the emotional/mental aspect of my eating disorder - as for the physical, I'm supposed to be seeing a nutritionist... I chickened out on the first visit but am now (most days) slowly upping calories on my own. Since I've started trying to eat more I've lost 3-4 pounds, am still purging but significantly less, am probably still not eating enough (most days) and definitely am not eating the right things.
It's so nice to meet you and I wish you luck on your journey to recovery. I've never contacted anyone on MFP before since I have been using it to obsessively track my (unhealthy, embarrassing) eating habits for the past few months, but it'd be really great to make some friends in the same boat.0 -
Yeah my bill for my last hospital stay was over$100,000 and I had to pay $900. Might not seem like a lot to some but when you ave no sick time you have no income either. It is not right that people cant get the treatment that they need. My insurance company will let me go to this hospital unlimited number of times but will not pay for Renfew once. Doesnt make sense to me...Nice to meet you!I am Lisa. I live in 'burbs outside of the capitol city of Wisconsin. 29 years on this earth; my life currently consists of being wife and mum to three amazing gentlemen. My husband Matthew and I are nearing our 10th wedding anniversary. Our sons, Dugan (age 7) and Oskar (age 2) keep us very busy, diplomatically stated. I also work full time - a bustling professional - about 45+ hours per week at the office helping disabled individuals obtain income.
I've been dysfunctional with respect to nutrition and eating since the age of 14. Over the years, I have seen various health care providers, both of physical and mental fields of study. I know what my issues are, for the most part, and at present, I exist with varying degrees of strength and control of these. I've been extremely thankful for sporadic periods of remission on and off throughout the years. Very blessed to have been in a healthy mindset during my pregnancies. Outside factors have a tendency to exacerbate my compulsions regarding weight loss, and being bipolar type I also plays a role. I am at my worst when I am manic. Over the years I've learned to recognize when I am coming into a manic upswing, and as such, can make an attempt to gauge my behavior before control is lost.
Since the help that I've gotten has not "cured" me, and I don't have the time or money to participate in a full ED program (which, in the US, consists of 90 days inpatient and costs about $75,000.00), I try to better myself as I learn more about my disordered habits. There was a time that I wanted to "disappear", with weight loss being fully representative of that - as recently as a year ago. I DON'T want that anymore - I've got too much hanging in the balance. I'm not willing to compromise my sons' upbringing and stability by selfishly allowing myself to spiral out of control as I have in the past. While "recovery" for me might not mean exactly the same as it does for any one else, I am seeking my personal recovery for the benefit of those dear to me.
I'm sure I sound a bit mental, perhaps callous, but I assure you I am a warm, vulnerable and soft person when it really comes down to it.0 -
Hi there! I'm 23 years old, and have been dealing with bouts of bulimia and/or restrictive eating for almost...10 years now. I have been relatively* stable for the last 2 or 3 years after I finally sought help from my doctor. I have always had issues surrounding food, and MFP has become a way I can try to be healthy about what I am doing. At the same time I have to balance it so it doesn't become another control mechanism for my food. I eat all my calories and aim work out around 5x a week doing various things I enjoy - not just things to do because they are exercise. It's amazing to me that so many people deal with problems like these, and I'm glad there are people on here that are willing to talk about them - people in our lives aren't always as enthusiastic about recognizing problems like these.
I wish all of you well, and I look forward to chatting with you!
*= I do well for months at a time then have a single relapse0 -
Hello. I am 31 years old and from Norway. I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 19, mainly anorexia. I have a lot of other mental issues as well because of it. I was self harming for quite some time untill my therapist made me stop most of my life threathening behavior. I dont think I would be alive if not.
Since 2003 I have been hospitalized for over 2,5 years. Some acute and some stays up to a year. I have also lived in other institutions for a few years. Since 2006 I have had my own appartment where I have staff that comes to see me every day, their office is in another floor. I have still had some hospital stays while I have lived here, but its not been that often.
I do have control over my ED now and I am eating a lot more than I used to. But medication and stress have made me gain weight that I am now working on loosing. My plan is not to loose control again.
A part from that I am in uni studying to become a clinical psychologist,
Both health care and university is free here and I get money to pay for bills and all of that. So I am not complaining.0 -
I'm Kristen, I'm 20 and live in the United States. I'm too nervous to go to a doctor or admit my disordered eating to any health specialist for fear of failing at recovery. I've had disordered eating my whole life. Growing up I was very overweight due to my binge eating disorder and after a tragedy and the stress that came along with it my disordered eating switched suddenly to heavily restricting with an on and off of binging/purging or overexercising. I used to self-harm but stopped in early 2006. Now being older I resort to drugs as a form of self-harming.
I have been attempting self-recovery and dabbled into it more than a handful of times. I usually hold out strong until a single moment and I'm triggered to my old habits. I have been contemplating different clinics to assist me in this tough process but fear failure after gaining weight after attempting to gain multiple times. This failure has been triggering towards jump starting weight loss thus leaving me without weight gain.
I'm extremely active on another eating disorder forum for the members, solely. The site itself is extremely triggering and would enjoy reading some success stories instead of pity parties. It's encouraging to read all of your brave stories and to push through this difficult process. I've learned that having the right type of support will encourage me towards certain behaviors and I'm hoping this support will provide me with the strength I need to increase my caloric intake and balance a healthy gym routine.
You all seem lovely
XOXO0 -
Hey! I'm Becca and I live in Boston with my new husband and our two gigantic orange cats. I have been struggling with food and weight since I can remember. Up until I was 16 I was overweight, then lost about 40 pounds using Weight Watchers. However, my restricting and heavy exercise definitely started around senior year of high school...but also coincided with when I began massive binges in the middle of the night. When I was 19, I was diagnosed with full blown bulimia/purging disorder. I was eating around 300 calories a day, purging twice, and exercising at full capacity for at least an hour a day. I was also drinking extremely heavily and was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.I began treatment and was in "recovery" for a long time. I maintained the same weight for about 5 years, then last summer gained 10 lbs when my metabolism cut me off. I joined MFP and realized I was only eating 600-800 calories a day. Since then, I have worked up to 1200 calories/day and stopped weighing myself.
I am finally in a good place, physically. I work out 5-6 times a week, but do tons of strength training and worry less about cardio. I have put on a lot of muscle, and lost fat, but probably weigh about the same as I did a year ago.
I was married 2 weeks ago, and the pressure of being the bride and everyone looking at me was really hard. I was able to stick to my plan throughout the process, but definitely felt my demons popping up every so often.
I love MFP, and try to support everyone as much as I can...but I have a hard time being friends with some people that are still actively in their ED and not seeking medical attention. I am happy to cheer everyone on, but can definitely feel triggered by people eating with negative net calories, and the such.0 -
Hi
I', Lyd and i'm 21 years old. I've always been on the larger size and turned to food for comfort. In 2009, while in my first year of uni, this turned into bulimia with anorexic tendentsies. I've been to 20weeks of councilling about a year ago, helped but didn't cure. I'm not waiting for CBT.
I eat mostly vegan and have recently started running (me and my bf want to run the Brighton half marathon in Feb). I jioned MFP to try and get a grip on my cals - as i can easily eat over 3000 in a day!! I still am rather all over the place but i don't purge much anymore and i am getting more regular with the way i eat, hopefully...
I'm glad i've found this community 0 -
Hi! I'm Danielle and I live in Boston. I am 25 years old and am obsessed food with running. I live my life calculating exercise and meals from one event to the next. I am constantly stressed and anxious; and even worse, lifeless. I have recently realized that I have had disordered eating since high school. The problem is that I am a naturally petite person, so people do not generally notice if I lose (or gain, which is rare) any pounds since I am so small to begin with. My ED has been the worst this past year (2011), where I drastically changed my behavior in the following ways: avoid social situations, run/exercise excessively, count calories obsessively, became vegetarian (1.5 years) and now vegan (6months), refuse to drink alcohol and fear any situation that involves the thought of uncontrolled food/drink portions, i.e. eating out. A year ago I would restrict calories to around 900-1000 per day; 6 months ago I restricted to 700-800 and currently I restrict to a maximum of 600 (net of all exercise). I have never in my life been able to or thought about binging or purging (I consider this quite astonishing, but the concept never crosses my mind and I could not purge if I tried).
Surprisingly, my vegan diet makes me quite happy. I feel so clean about my eating and never ate many processed foods/sweets to begin with. I enjoy researching vegan recipes and creating my own meals. I feel good about the food I do eat, only it is not nearly enough to be healthy. My problem revolves solely around control. I am a natural control freak and use food as my vice. I cannot stand the thought of being out of control for one second. I am the happiest when I can count and log my food and exercise, but if I can't I become a monster. I lash out at people and become mean. I just do not see a time when I could possibly give up this control. For example, I was formerly using Livestrong.com to log.track everything since January and slipped during the month of September due to SO MANY unavoidable social events. I was so angry all the time and hated everyday. I blamed Livestrong and decided to regroup in October by re-activating MFP account (I have had it since last fall). I refuse to log in to LS ever again because I know it will make me want to restrict even more.
Of course I have the constant mood swings, barely sleep, and plan my days solely around food/exercise. I don't really want help because I don't want to give up control. I just want to be happy.0 -
dlhoward5 I'm vegan too!
Altough the last few weeks i have began to relax this slightly as i have become very low on iron and B120 -
Hey I'm Lily. I struggle with ana, mia, and general disordered eating in highschool. I lost 40lbs the summer before freshman year through starvation and excessive exercise and I struggled to maintain that new body for years with starving, restricting, binging, and purgeing. When I dropped out, I finally recovered (oh, how many times I thought I had recovered during all of it. It seemed like always a thing of the past). I threw out my scale, I refused to count calories or measure my intake/output in any other way. I put on a little weight because of this, and a little more because of the birth control I was on, but I was determined to love my body no matter what. I was still healthy. Then my mom got sick and I put on a lot of weight. And she died and I put on even more. I felt I didn't deserve to feel beautiful. I can no longer justify these extra pounds, but this time I'm trying to do everything the healthy way. I'm a bit obsessed with weightloss, but mfp has really helped. The rules it gives me helps keep me from setting ridiculous goals for myself. I'm constantly on the app on my droid or finding thinspo online, but I'm not starving and I'm putting back in a lot of what I work off.
I just wanna let you girls know that I've been there, I'm here for you, and I've also been on the other side. When I was thin I thought I was fat, when I was fat I convinced myself that I looked good. You never truly recover, but you can put that thought process in the back of your mind and eventually learn to ignore it most of the time.0 -
We welcome..but guess wht??Even when you are in recovery you are in control. They might tell you how many calories you need but you are in control of what you eat. The mood swings are because your body isnt getting what it needs. Just somthing to think about.Hi! I'm Danielle and I live in Boston. I am 25 years old and am obsessed food with running. I live my life calculating exercise and meals from one event to the next. I am constantly stressed and anxious; and even worse, lifeless. I have recently realized that I have had disordered eating since high school. The problem is that I am a naturally petite person, so people do not generally notice if I lose (or gain, which is rare) any pounds since I am so small to begin with. My ED has been the worst this past year (2011), where I drastically changed my behavior in the following ways: avoid social situations, run/exercise excessively, count calories obsessively, became vegetarian (1.5 years) and now vegan (6months), refuse to drink alcohol and fear any situation that involves the thought of uncontrolled food/drink portions, i.e. eating out. A year ago I would restrict calories to around 900-1000 per day; 6 months ago I restricted to 700-800 and currently I restrict to a maximum of 600 (net of all exercise). I have never in my life been able to or thought about binging or purging (I consider this quite astonishing, but the concept never crosses my mind and I could not purge if I tried).
Surprisingly, my vegan diet makes me quite happy. I feel so clean about my eating and never ate many processed foods/sweets to begin with. I enjoy researching vegan recipes and creating my own meals. I feel good about the food I do eat, only it is not nearly enough to be healthy. My problem revolves solely around control. I am a natural control freak and use food as my vice. I cannot stand the thought of being out of control for one second. I am the happiest when I can count and log my food and exercise, but if I can't I become a monster. I lash out at people and become mean. I just do not see a time when I could possibly give up this control. For example, I was formerly using Livestrong.com to log.track everything since January and slipped during the month of September due to SO MANY unavoidable social events. I was so angry all the time and hated everyday. I blamed Livestrong and decided to regroup in October by re-activating MFP account (I have had it since last fall). I refuse to log in to LS ever again because I know it will make me want to restrict even more.
Of course I have the constant mood swings, barely sleep, and plan my days solely around food/exercise. I don't really want help because I don't want to give up control. I just want to be happy.0 -
My name is Julia and I live in Toronto. I'm 16 years old. I've been struggling for around a year with this. Only one person knows, and he's been nothing but supportive, which I'm extremely thankful for. He doesn't bring it up, nor does he try to force me to eat when I just can't. I'm glad I found this group because its made me realize that I'm not alone in this. Feel free to add me or send me a message whenever you want 0
