Introduce yourself
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Hi I am Rachel, I am 31 I am from New Zealand and have battled with problem eating since I was really young. I have never been diagnosed with eating disorders but if I know I have had them. I spent most of my teen years not eating or binging and purging (through exercising excessively) I have a the kind of body type that will hold weight so no one noticed and my Mum congratulated me when she did see I was losing weight and told me off when I carried even a little bit. I got a lot of bad attention as a teen too, often boys my age told me I was fat and ugly although I was 56-63kg (I swung in my weight wildly) I have a serious illness that means I carry a lot of fluid in my abdomen so every time I looked/look at my tummy I saw/see it as fat. I now have sorta swung the other way and food in general just makes me want to cry. I so want to be thin and I know that being 86.5kg isn't. I also suffer from fatigue and migraines so I find it hard to workout. The weeks I do have the energy I go really hard and then burnout for a couple of weeks making me feel angry and fat again. Sorry for being a downer. I do think I have a pretty face though and I am pleased with that, its just my weight I have an issue with. I am glad to be here with others who know how I feel.0
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Hi. I'm new to my fitness pal. I've had EDNOS for about 4 years now. It turned into bulimia-restrictive type, which is what I am currently diagnosed with. For those who don't know it mean I have a restrictive calorie intake, but I still purge. I don't really have binge episodes, I think in the last year I've had one. It is not apart of my bulimia. I'm in therapy for it and a few other things that might be the stem of the ED. I joint myfitnesspal so I could track what I eat and make sure I don't excessively restrict my calorie intake. I don't want to take steps backwards in my recovery, so I am trying to do things the healthy way. Feel free to message me or add me as a friend. I am new and could use the help
Thanks for reading,
Brit0 -
hi im jenny. i have suffered with anorexia for a few years. was hospitalised and refed back up to a healthy weight but then when i left hospital this time i binge ate. im now the heaviest i have ever been. im desperatly trying to loose weight healthily from all the binging. i dont want to become anorexic again. i would really love to have like minded friends, so please add me0
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Hello I am hoping to find friends who want to support each, encourage, motivate, understand and share. I am AGAIN on this roller coaster ED hoping to lose weight and not my mind on the way. Here is my story:
I started with ED's at 13 but was diagnosed at 16 with ENOS then I started really restricting foods and calories and was diagnosed with anorexia at 18. Had a strong episode was hospitalized at 20, started to binge and purge but got tired of it and went back to restricting. Hospitalized again at 23, 25, and tried recovering but hated it :-P. Then I sort of got ahold of it without letting me eat me completely but still struggled a lot so at 28started a water fast that lasted a month and again was hospitalized. Then I started practicing an incredible Buddhist philosophy which really changed the way I saw things and kept healthy for 4 years meditating and happy. Then my dog died on November 16 and I have stopped practicing Buddhism and I again find myself in this stupid maze !!! I am 33 now and thought I would be over it by now but as a psychiatrist once told me : Anorexics are like AA's you never recover completely and it is always latent.
I am fat now so I really hope to loose my bodacity and get in shape !! I am even thinking of a liposuction since my mom wants it too and we wanted to do it together. I just hope she doesn't notice I am back on restricting.
My friend did noticed and gets on my case sometimes but I don't care I am just not well right now!! I will handle it though.0 -
I am sorry you are going through this phase but we can help each other since I think we are in a similar boat. I understand what you are going through but if we are determined and keep trying to do this the right way we can achieve it!! It is a challenge but not impossible!!0
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Konnichiwa! I have been living in Japan for almost two years. My job is pretty stressful and I work crazy hours with no official meal break or place to eat. With so few foreigners in the area, simple things like eating become a spectacle. People blatantly watch, analyze, and criticize assuming we cannot understand. For someone who has a history of restrictive anorexia, this is extremely triggering.
For about a year the amount I eat has been decreasing. There was always something more important to do than eating. When I started my recent vacation I realized that I probably had been eating less than I should so I joined MFT to help me keep track. I was shocked at how little I've been eating but the thought of eating more made me feel guilty. Looking back, I see that there was a relapse coming on. Now I need to get my eating habits back on track and stop losing weight asap. It would be nice to connect with people who understand why "just go eat a sandwich or something" is not as simple or easy for me as it is for most.0 -
Hello, I'm Vicky. I'm 36 and have been with ED since I was 11, if not earlier. I've tried various kinds of recovery and now I am pretty much in the "obese" category of the BMI. I am attempting to lose weight again; to get back to the weight (or shape, rather) I was just a few years ago, but I'm wondering if there is a saner way to do this. I looked pretty good when I was at my "fittest," but I was restricting, over-exercising, and I was heading for trouble again. Due to an illness which took months to get over I stopped working out, and then I binged my way back to a healthier weight--and then some. I wonder if it's possible for someone who is legitimately overweight to count calories and do an exercise routine to lose weight yet not get carried away. I am upping my calories to standard ED-recovery levels, which are way more than MFP levels. I have no desire to eat that little and I know full well that people can maintain decent body sizes on ED-recovery amounts. My issue is that since it takes longer to achieve doing it that way instead of crash dieting I'm afraid I'll get frustrated and binge eat or restrict for a while and then binge eat. THIS is what I don't want to do.
I'm also keeping a blog about this experience on here.
One more thing. I am seeing a therapist, or will be starting next week, and I am pretty serious about stopping the binge-restrict-over-exercise cycle that has been my life since the early 00s. (Before that, I was just starving, bingeing and abusing laxatives.)
Thank you.0 -
Hi, I'm Sophia I'm 27 years old. I've had body image issues since the second grade (I know...) and developed a true eating disorder when I went to college at 19 years old. I was anorexic and, as my roommate called me, an "exercise-aholic." Through the help of my now husband, I was able to eat more and more "normally." Unfortunately it's not actually normal, but I think it's as normal as it's going to get. I have no sense of what "full" feels like. I know empty and I know bloated. I don't know if that makes sense. Anyway, I recently got brave and stepped on a scale, only to find that I am officially, actually considered overweight. I could never trust what I saw in the mirror, but I can trust the numbers and I need to lose weight. I came here so I don't lose myself in the process... I know myself well enough to know that this disease takes me over quite quickly and I might need a rope to grab onto if I start to fall. 0
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I'm 31 and have had anorexia since I was 11. Until I was 18 it was mostly restrictive anorexia although I did purge on occasion but didn't binge. When I went to college, I started really binging and purging because I became very good at purging but officially diagnosed with anorexia binge/purge subtype because of my weight, etc. etc. I have been hospitalized and in treatment centers more than I can count. Probably somewhere between 30-50 times. For the first time in my life, I am not at an anorexic weight and I'm not happy about it. As recently as last May, I was at my all time low adult weight which is about 35 pounds lower than where I am at now. I would say that I am recovering. I've managed to stop purging for a few months now which has been basically unheard of since I was 18. Even while in treatment, etc. I would always find ways to continue with my behaviors. I have been notably difficult to treat and treatment resistant even though I've almost always gone with the intention of getting better. I am eating pretty restrictively right now given that my maintenance calories are around 2500-3000 without exercise.0
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Since the DSM has changed some of its criteria for diagnosing eating disorders, today I'd be considered EDNOS. I started with bulimia in my late teens. Then I crossed over to anorexia. The last couple years, I had been compulsive overeating. Today, I admit I'm USUALLLY more on the restrictive side. I'm in my mid-forties. I don't remember the last time I really had a healthy relationship with food. :huh: This moderation and healthy relationship with food totally eludes me. Moderation? What the heck is that?!0
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Hi everyone,
I have been in recovery from EDNOS for about a year now, I wzs undiagnosed and untreated for about 10 years, since I was 14. When recovery started when I almost died from starvation after my first son was born. Recovery, and quickly getting pregnant again have caused me to gain a lot of weight. I am really struggling with losing it in a healthy way but I know it's possible. I'm glad you ladies are here. I know I'm going to need a lot of support!0 -
Hello!
I'm Jill and I have been in recovery for about a year now, but only serious about getting better in the last month or two. I struggle with restrictive tendencies, as well as over exercise. I'd love to add anyone and help support you all on your way to recovery!0 -
I am happy that I found this group as I never thought to look on here for support. I'm Allison, 26 years old from Ontario, Canada and have had an eating disorder for 16 years. I've been though severe Anorexia, Bulimia and now I have been diagnosed as EDNOS which is a mix of the two. I am newly starting on my journey of recovery and I am absolutely terrified and I'm glad that I found this group for support. I'm on the wait list for a day program at the hospital but I can't get in until the end of April or early May and I'm glad I found this group for support.0
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Hi, my name is Kassie and I am struggling. I want to be better, but I'm not sure how to go about that without sending myself into a state of constant panic and anxiety. I think I'm ready to recover, and Im glad there's a group here to support me, and for me to support. Any of you please feel free to message me at any time, I'm here to help.0
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I'm Cate. I've struggled with bulimia and binge eating since I can remember (over 20 years). I'm now hardly purging but my eating is very out of control. I'm finding MFP really helps me with structure and planning although it's early days and I have a lot of lose to be in a normal weight range. Would love to befriend anyone with a situation experience, it can be really isolating, especially when 'recovered' results in a lot of weight gain and thyroid problem.0
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Hi, I'm Allison, 27 years old, living in upstate NY. I am recovering from Anorexia. I do web development for a living.0
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I'm Lauren from NC. I suffer more from EDNOS than anything else, with periods of fasting/binging/restricting in periods of high stress. I need to lose weight because I'm an emotional, compulsive eater, and I'm addicted to food. But then I'm also addicted to when I don't have food and that feeling you get, so... double screwed, I guess. I hope that's not triggering, just being honest.
I've dealt with this ED crap since I was in middle school, and I have to be very careful if I try to change my eating habits for the better (I'm obese and in the category where I could definitely have some severe health problems if I don't nip this in the bud now) so it doesn't become an obsessive thing. I'm honestly scared about tracking again because of my OCD tendencies, and I do NOT want to go down the restrictive route again. And I'm terrified that if I track, it will go that route. But if I don't track, how do I hold myself accountable?
So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, as usual.0 -
Hello everyone
I'm Jade, 25, living in London. I work as a Chef and I'm studying to become a Nutritionist. It's safe to say my entire life revolves around food.
I struggled with Bulimia throughout my teens, for maybe 8-10 years. It started as the occasional purge after bingeing, so that the junk food "wouldn't count", but I soon got addicted to the feeling of being 'empty' so I stopped bingeing or eating much at all, and imposed a lot of rules on myself, about what I was and wasn't allowed to eat, and when, and would purge after every 500 calories religiously.
I'm in a much happier place in my life now and over the years I've only had the occasional purge, after really big binges. I'm at a healthy weight and trying to build a strong, healthy body and a healthy relationship with food. I'm still in counselling and I know I've got a long way to go as I still binge some days and blow double my daily calorie allowance, and some days I don't even eat half my calorie allowance. And I still give myself a lot of rules (to break!)
My main goals at the moment are to try to make sure my calories balance out for the week, even if some days are over or under, and to start doing some exercise. And of course to not return to purging!
I hope that this post wasn't triggering for anyone. I hope to find some friends through this group so please feel free to add me.0 -
Hi I'm Amber and I live in Texas. I'll be 25 in a couple of weeks, just graduated with my masters in statistics a month ago, and I've gained a LOT of weight in graduate school. I'm completely miserable!!! I was overweight as a kid (compulsive over-eater, really) then when I was 16 I started to develop anorexia. I went inpatient when I was 18 then became severely bulimic. All through college I went through phases of bingeing/purging, restricting, and over-exercising. The past two years I gained more weight than I want to admit from being so busy with grad school and working. I want to be within my healthy weight range but at the low end. At the moment I'm refusing to weigh myself until my clothes start fitting better. I've been pescatarian for 8 months now and I like to run and do free weights.0
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Esmay. I'm 23 and from New York. All my life has revolved around mental health issues.. everything about me is just wrong.. My eating disorder got the better part of me right after I had to take a medical leave from college for depression. I attempted suicide and became bitter and angry at the world and myself that I was still alive. I promised my bf at the time that I would stop cutting myself so my attention shifted towards trying to keep that empty-hallow feeling inside me and simply not eating helped with that. I started loosing noticeable amounts of weight and I couldn't stop...
That was three years ago. I've been in and out of depths of this disorder since then and now I'm at a point where idk what I want. I want to be healthier and be able to be happy with my body, but idk how to get there. I'm newly vegan--two and a half months in--and I was a vegetarian for over three years, previously. I do a lot of cooking, actually I friggin' love being in the kitchen. And as of late, I've been trying to allow my love for cooking help me appreciate the food I'm eating, enough to let that be that and not extremely hate myself for it afterwards. I'm trying to be better, but it's hard when I feel totally helpless against the thoughts that run around in my head.. they never stop; they are never not there.
I guess I was doing okay the past few months. But this cycle is endless and here I am, back at square 1.
I am ambivalent. Stuck. And everything always ends up in a mess.. just looking for places where I can feel less alone in all this..0 -
22 years old and depressed for the last 10. Started restricting when i was about 14. Got to my lowest weight freshman year of college and then began to obsess about food because I didn't want to gain weight. Have gained 40 lbs since my lw which is still in a healthy range but I am disgusted and tired of trying to be "normal" and comfortable with food. I am severely triggered by my close friends dieting and my roommate recently lost 30 pounds and I am upset because I can't win unless I lose more weight than her. I get jealous when I can see that she is so happy to be thinner and become very upset.0
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I'm Carissa. I'm 21. I started starving myself at age 14 when I had reached 167 pounds. I'd eat 250 calories a day and lost about 30 pounds in a month in a half. I began slowly gaining weight back after I couldn't manage on just the 250 calories anymore, so I resorted to puking up almost anything I ate (handful of pretzels, can of soup). I kept gaining and going through horrible cycles. I'd be puking one week, starving the next, and then eating relatively normal the next week. About four years later, I ended up in a psychiatric unit for stabilization and an intervention because I had attempted suicide. I was eventually diagnosed with an EDNOS along with depression, anxiety, BPD and OCD. It took about 3 more years of therapy and experimenting with medications to get to the place I am currently at. This is the first time I've lost weight the healthy way. I have had a few days where I have puked but they are so few that I don't think I need to worry about it. I think I'm okay. Sometimes when I lose another pound I get really scared of gaining that weight back or I feel this urge to start restricting so I can lose more quickly. I get too caught up in the numbers and how amazing I feel when I lose another pound. That's another issue I've been concerned about. I spend upwards of 3 hours a day measuring every part of my body and calculating things online. I still weight myself too many times a day. It's ridiculous and a huge waste of my time but I have to do it. I guess it's better than hurting myself though?
I'm looking for some friends on here who can understand the specific struggles we (who have suffered with eating disorders) go through while trying to healthily lose weight. I have a lot of good days but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to who understands the urge to restrict or purge during those bad days . Thanks for reading 0 -
Hi everyone,
I'm Ev, 25 year old student from the Netherlandst.
At the age of 14 I was diagnosed with ED-NOS, bulimic subtype. Officially 'cured' for a while already now, but now i'm trying to lose weight I'm struggling with unhealthy habits around food again (undereating, over excercising, stuff like that).
I feel like people who never dealt with eating disorders don't really understand what that's about, so I'm hoping to find some support here when I have a hard time
Feel free to add or message me ^^0 -
Hi, I'm Cheryl from the West Midlands and I'm 23 years old. I've had issues with my eating since October 2012 because I was in a psychiatric hospital for suicide attempts and the patients in there were really dangerous so I never came out my room which meant I didn't go down for breakfast, lunch or dinner and the nurses never even noticed so by the time I came out, I stopped being hungry and so I didn't eat properly. I started living of a tin of soup a day but then I went down to half a tin, then stopped eating soup and drank a bottle of milkshake but then I stopped drinking bottles and went down to miniature childrens milkshake, the ones they put into lunchboxes but I'm struggling to drink those now. I don't eat a single piece of food and haven't touched food since June 2013, I've been on a liquid diet for a year. I've lost 4 and a half stone in a year and I'm still losing weight. I guess the main benefit of an eating disorder is the weight loss, however, you have the physical illnesses like dizzyness, lightheadiness, weakness, rapid heartbeats and the mental health side effects are overwhelming. I just cannot stop thinking about weight loss, I don't think I go an hour without worrying about putting on weight. I feel anxious every time I drink, even if it's just flavoured water.
I used to be a little over 13 stone but now I am nearly 8 and a half stone. I couldn't believe it when I last went on the scales and saw I lost that much weight. Somehow, it hasn't built up my confidence because I still see myself as a really fat person. I'm currently receiving DBT and visiting an eating disorder clinic next Thursday so I hope they can help and I can start my road of recovery. It's going to be extremely difficult. My doctor has prescribed me Fortisip nutritional shakes but I cannot touch them, I am so afraid of them I haven't even tried one. I guess I should, especially now I've been working out more.
Has anyone else been put on nutritional shakes and do they put on weight? I really need some support.0 -
I'm a student studying film. My disorder started in February, I'm trying to stop this thing before it gets to strong, of course I believe it can never be to strong to handle. I still allow myself to eat "unhealthy" foods, my only problem is constantly checking calories and some days eating very little calories but still a bit of food. I have the same feelings though, not wanting to eat but still feeling hungry, not physically allowing myself to eat some foods. I want to be able to support whoever I can, and to conquer this thing that is over powering our minds. Feel free to talk to me anytime I can be the most serious person or I can just talk to have a fun conversation :P0
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Hey all!
I am Kelly. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and particularly with my relationship with food. In my closet I have sizes ranging from XS to XXL all of which have fit me in the past two years. I have starved myself to near hospitalization, I have abused exercise, laxatives and purged, I have eaten well over 20,000 calories in one sitting. I need help. The resounding message is I need help. I know that most of the posts on these types of boards go well, unnoticed.
I would like some support, a voice of reason and someone to talk to. Someone who may understand my struggles.0 -
Hello I am Jenny 47 y.o. Australian. I have had bouts of bulimia all of my life on and off, mostly related to sugar. I have little enjoyment of food and have over many years developed very unhealthy habits including restriction of different types of foods, bingeing and purging. I am now at an age where I have to really consider chronic disease as a result of my lifestyle so I am trying to really get on top of this. I quit drinking four years ago and it is partly coming off alcohol that has caused eating issues to resurface.
I found online support very effective in quitting alcohol so am hoping to get similar support here.0 -
Hello! Call me Kairu. I'm 20, from australia.
I've been unknowingly been struggling with ED's for most of my life.
I'm also getting treated for BD-NOS / Other mental illnesses.
Selective Eating Disorder Is the worst one that I only came to realize in the past few years.
It makes it hard for me to eat in general - I find it so HARD to eat over 500 Calories a day, Not healthy I know but I can't help it ;~;
Its weird because I was told it was picky eating and it can be out grown but for me, its become worse and worse.
I always avoid foods with certain tastes, textures and smells (even temperatures) etc. I used to suffer Bulimia, thankfully I was able to recover from that.
I want to be able to eat properly, normally.
I will keep working on it, so I can become healthy ; u ;0 -
Hello,
I am Lauren. It's a little overwhelming for me to scroll through so many introductions, realizing that so many young women endure similar struggles, struggles that I have been dealing with (on and off again, in one form or another) for about 15 years. I don't wish this for anyone, especially young girls who should be embracing their lives and celebrating their bodies in positive ways. Anyway, I am approaching my 32nd birthday and am hoping to finally free myself from this destructive cycle. I find that exercise, meditation and a busy schedule and social life help me to cope in healthier ways. I have to admit that I originally joined myfitnesspal as a way to further my disordered weight loss agenda... But now I am hoping it can be a tool for healthy living... A fine line sometimes!
Peace,
llaura8880
