Introduce yourself
Replies
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Hi im stephanie, and i really really just need some advice on how to help myself. i want to do sports but i cant let go of ana... i joined because i like knowing that im not the only one, and neither of my friends i told understand.
i also joined because i thought maybe teaming up on ana is better than fighting alone
i like hearing people's stories, so i hope people in this group post often! (but i have to admit, i have a hard time reading long ones)0 -
My story: I have struggled with eating disorders since I was 20 years old - that's almost 15 years. For the first 6-7 years it was Anorexia and at my lowest I weighed 100lbs. I began experimenting with laxatives and became bulimic to (try to) maintain my weight in between 140-160lbs for a few more years. When I was 31, I entered inpatient and outpatient treatment for Bulimia as I was struggling with significant distress - Clinical Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder. When I was inpatient I was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but I do question that a bit... I eliminated purging behaviours in treatment but continued to binge eat which would bring me to my current diagnosis Binge Eating Disorder (BED). I have gained 200lbs as a result of my binge eating in the past 5 years. My entire adult life has been the "all or nothing" approach and one thing that can be said for sure is starvation, binge/purging, laxatives DO NOT WORK. It destroys every piece of who you are and takes over your entire life.
This is my first real shot at true recovery ("normalized eating") despite all of the "attempts" in the past few years (which typically involved a never ending cycle of heavy restricting and binge eating). I am done. I can't do it anymore. This is no way to live! I have been in recovery for only 6 weeks so far but it has felt like a lifetime already. We are supposed to feel better but it is a constant struggle between the "don't eat" or the "you've failed, you may as well keep eating more" or "how can I get rid of it". I have hope it will get better though so long as I stick to my treatment plan (for real this time)!
Let's help keep each other motivated and accountable
Thanks for reading! 0 -
Meg, I really feel for you, I've struggled with the "B" disorder for 20 years, I recently had 2 kids ages 2 1/2 and 1 I went from a size 14 kids to a size 16 adults because of the pregnancies. I have a hard time dieting because of fear of binging I fight the urge all the time, I can't look in the mirror or the urge comes crashing in, thank God I have willpower. I have a tendency to escalate diets, hoping this website will keep me in line.
My new problem is that I justify eating fatty, fast food, my gained weight etc. because I don't want to be bulimic again. its a cop out. I hate my brain.0 -
Oh i'm 44 years old.. You'd think i'd know better by now.0
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Hi, I am Ali I am 26 and I live in the states
I have been on MFP for almost a year...
I have had problems with Disordered Eating since I was 11.... That was the first time that I made myself throw up. I have been in and out of IP for the last 7 years. Right now I am out and in "recovery". I go to therapy once a week right now. Sometimes as many times at 3 times a week depending on what they thing.
Today I reached my GW... decided to loose 3 more lbs.
I am tired of just surviving, I want to live life.0 -
Hello, everyone. I recovered from EDNOS several years ago.
I wish all of you well in your recoveries! Though it's been years since my recovery, I still struggle with diet and exercise issues on a daily basis.
I am going to get out of the obsession though, and have started a "no tracking allowed" challenge for myself to try to practice intuitive eating instead of dieting.0 -
hi i am 21 years old and although i havent been diagnosed with an eating disorder i'm concerned i'm slipping into one. because of recent events i've lost the desire to eat. i know i have to eat something to survive so i'll eat tops 700 calories a day, i'm scared that this will slip into something serious so i decided to reach out for help. i'm hoping that i can pull myself out of this mess and begin eating healthy again.0
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I don't really know if I fit here or not, but I'm reading along, so I guess it's only fair that I introduce myself. I'm 36 (going to be 37 in a few weeks). I'm 5'8", and as of this morning, I weighed 113.4, so my BMI is a little over 17, which is a bit underweight. Just over a year ago, I weighed over 100 pounds more, and was obese. I was diagnosed with food allergies last year and totally changed my diet. Cutting out my allergens and severely reducing my calorie intake led to the weight loss, and since reaching about 120, I've been trying to maintain, but I don't want to eat too much. At this point, my goal is to eat about 1400 a day and my hope is that I can maintain my weight on that, but so far, I seem to keep losing.0
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This is what I posted five months ago and it explains my situation before. I am on Prozac now since 5 months - this is when I finally admitted I have BN, and it has dramatically bettered my position although, I would say I am in remission now, I am still who I am. A person with tendencies toward the extreme in life. One good thing is, since I am better, I have not gained a pound being healthy. I'm a healthy weight and I eat around $ 2,000 cal per day - give or take depending on the work out. The longer I can stay b & p free the stronger I seem to get, but I need to stil consider, I have a very fragile side to me which needs care.
"I (...)
I was diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa and Bulimia nervosa (binge and purge) at the age of 14 (now I am 39). I would consider myself now mostly symptom free but it is still in my head and sometimes I still have to give in to the pressure which renders me sometimes depressed for days. One cause is definitely stress, I can feel getting nervous. And then the pressure builds up slowly and after fighting against it, I have to give in after 3-5 days. And you know what, it's mainly ok for me. Because that is who I am.
I have done everything you can do to get rid of it/deal with it: I was in the hospital (psychosomatic unit) in my mid 20s for about 6 months and then for the next 5 years I did 3 times a week a psychoanalysis with an MD and psychiatric. I have refused to take any pills and will continue to do so (so I can’t tell you about this). I did OA, too but found that to be worse than not doing anything because it depressed me even more (I think at times I suffer from mild depression which is all related to BN) and this is definitely a trigger for BN.
Having had an ED for well over 20 years and for the main part of my life I have come to realize: this is who I am. That doesn't mean I am lazy about it, it is hard work and determination which helped me in the long run – because I want to live a life! I understand that new studies (Europe) indicate: If you have an ED 15 years or longer, you can't get rid of it - so learn to live with it. In my case I strongly feel it is mainly genetic (my entire family has been having issues, all of them including me are thin) and very little environmental (now that I'm no longer modeling age ). However, now that I have a daughter I have started to get worried a little, I fight even harder and try to break the cycle. Long story short. The following is not a cure but these things have helped me tremendously (and the 5 year psychoanalysis) in being symptom free for 3 month at a time (not all the time) over the past 10 years and I speak from experience (but don't take what works for me for you. Your case may be totally different and other things may help you) So this is not a recommendation but only my personal guideline and it does help me some but not always but it is a work in progress:
- I never skip meals even if I am not hungry containing of breakfast - snack - lunch - snack and dinner (and I don't really count the calories).
- I nurture myself through food and try not to destroy it: I eat mainly clean and what one would consider healthy, but I have a sweet tooth, too. Since I work out a lot (my other addiction), I eat high protein, high complex carbs, fruits and veggies, salads. Continuously eating protein throughout the day helped me cut back my pressure and I actually lose weight if I am symptom free.
- I try to be not too hard on myself, but I am a very demanding person which I try to accept.
- take it with some humor.
- I brush my teeth in the evening at 10 p.m. which helped me not to eat at night.
- I work out on a regular basis (maybe too intense for a healthy person, but it helps).
- I have (finally) a good relationship with a wonderful husband who helps me out of my deeps (although I never talk about BN because most don’t understand).
- I don't talk about ED any more with anyone (drags me down).
- Occasionally, I search the internet for new studies and helpful information.
- Nobody is perfect and it is ok.
- I get massages twice a month – my treat it relaxes me.
- take the dog for a walk.
- hug the dog and smell her neck - she calms me down in a second
- I try to find the middle. I am an all or nothing very extreme person. I try to reflect (if I can) and not get hyper excited because I know a low will follow soon.
not sure if it helps me/doesn’t help me:
- MFP - I love it, but it is sometimes driving me crazy because I OCD about it.
- boost your confidence: I think it is a myth that BN stems from a bad self image or low self esteem (at least in my case).
-scary info about BN: your teeth rot, your espophagus will tear because of all the acid, you will die from a low weight, etc. I sure have to say my teeth aren’t the best but they weren’t either before I had BN, plus I am still alive after all those years (on a health weight BMI 20). My grandmother lived an extremely healthy life being anorexic. She died at 92 with only weighing 80 pounds at the time of her death (but she weighed more during her lifetime) (height 1.74 m – approximately 5’8 ½ and maybe 100 pounds or so). I try to not read those scare tactics because it does not help me (but maybe it helps you).
- dog and baby are jealous of each other and wear me out over it, that is a (new before unknown) risk for me. This is what I have to work on nowadays.
-more therapy. I think it helped me to live with it but it did not cure me.
What I still do:
- I hide/try to hide setbacks but I have found talking about it does not make it better for me.
- I think I’m in this alone as it is myself and my personal reasons for BN and truthfully, I think now there are a lot out there.
I am a BN person all my life, it is in my head and thoughts almost every day. I know I can’t be cured, but I fight every day! That’s why I put my this here today, I sure hope it helps someone else a little bit.
About my daughter I try to accept: this is genetic, you either have it or you don’t. So I don’t go crazy. If she’s healthy, great, if not, we deal with it down the road. She's my daugther, she's a fighter she'll live!
Thanks for listening to my story! "0 -
I'm Monica aka Catshark lol,anyway, I've never been diagnosed with anything other than depression and BPD in my 20's. I was always very naturally underweight until my mid 20's....I ballooned up to 150lbs ( very big for my frame). I decided to lose my beer gut last year but I went a bit too far and now even though I logically know I need to gain weight, I can't bring myself to and I restrict myself a lot. I also work out a bit too much and I obsess over how much I eat. I keep thinking that if I eat something "bad" that I'll instantly gain weight. I'm trying to not think that way but......
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I'll keep it short and sweet. I'm Emma and I'm 18 years old. I've struggled with three eating disorders; anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder.0
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Hello, I'm Justin, 41. I spend a long time getting fat, and then a few years getting thin sensibly, and then things went weird at the beginning of this year. I acknowledged by body-dismorphia and over-restriction in April, and eased my self back to normal eating by my birthday at the end of June. Then my partner of 19 years died a week later. I'm comfort eating, I'm eating to avoid doing things... and then I get this weird compulsive eating at around 2 am, where I *have* to finish something - it wasn't so bad when I had stuff like jam in the house, but now it'll be a jar of pickle, a bag of flour, whatever. I no longer know if I'm over restricting or over-eating, but I do know I'm ****ing my body over - eating a bag of 20 apples is uncomfortable, sends my blood sugar through the roof and leaves me running to the loo every half hour the next day.0
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Hi there~
My name is Kendal. I'm a 21-year-old college student, originally from Ohio, but currently residing in Kentucky. I've had disordered eating habits since I was about 17, but only in the past year have things become much more extreme. During the summer, my weight plummeted into the "underweight" category, but 2 months of solid binging caused me to gain 10lbs. I'm currently back to my "normal" eating habits (around 600-800 calories per day), attempting to reach my next goal weight of 115lbs.
I've not been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder. Mainly because I've kept it as much of a secret as possible. But my common sense tells me that if I were to speak to a doctor, I'd likely receive a stamp of anorexia or EDNOS.
My life is consumed by calories, food, numbers, weight, and my intense lack of self-esteem. I've had anxiety and panic attacks since I was 5, and I was diagnosed with depression at age 12. I am also a self-injurer.
Aside from the negative stuff, my interests include: anime, manga, cosplay, video games, horror films, Japanese culture, books, history, and music. If anyone would like to add me, please feel free! I love sharing support, especially with those who understand what it's like to deal with an ED on a daily basis. We definitely need to stick together.0 -
Hey guys, my name is Nathalie. I'm 22 years old and originally from Ohio.
WARNING! This post may be triggering:
When I was in elementary school I was always relatively skinny, but my weight boomed in junior high. I felt terrible about how I looked and my peers' constant teasing certainly wasn't helping. A friend of mine said her mom took these diet pills that were helping her lose weight - it seemed like such an easy fix! I did end up losing some weight - mainly because I took so many of these "herbal supplements" that I couldn't keep down any food. Eventually another friend of mine found out about the diet pills and turned me into the principal's office and I ended up being suspended for a week. I was so livid at her - I felt that she turned me in so I could get fatter, not that she was actually concerned for me.
In high school my weight yo-yo'd up and down as I went through periods of restricting and bingeing. I started purging my sophomore year after some issues at home (my mother's depression and alcoholism was leading her to make suicide attempts every month or so), but it never got really bad until a year or so ago.
I had reached one of my highest weights (160lbs), but although I was unhappy with my weight, I was happier than I had ever been. I had good friends, and I was in a relationship with someone I really liked. I had also started exercising regularly, which is what I used to combat some of my stress.
My breaking point was when the person I was dating suddenly decided to break up with me. They tried saying they felt that I "didn't like them" anymore, but I found out that they actually started dating someone else - someone a lot smaller than me. Although this hurt, what really triggered me was having to still work with this person. Every day I would overhear conversations about their "tiny little girlfriend" and their "size 2 jeans." I had never worn smaller than a size 10 in my life. I made it my goal to make it to size 2, no matter what it took.
I began working out twice a day and restricting my food intake. I ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection, which helped me shed another ten pounds. So when people started becoming concerned about my weight loss, I would say "Oh, it's just my gimp kidney."
I was back to purging at least once a day and I would run for an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I reached my lowest weight of 110 and got down to that size 2, and eventually a size 0.
At the beginning of 2011 I decided to make a change - I wanted to quit purging. It worked for the first couple months, but the stress of moving to a new location and gaining some of the weight back was too much - I began fantasizing about suicide everyday, and had to constantly walk out of work because I couldn't stop crying. One of my closest friends confronted me about it, and I told her about the bulimia and my suicidal thoughts. She begged me to go seek help, and I did.
Since seeking help, I've been purge-free since June. What's changed is I now have friends and an awesome boyfriend who know what I'm dealing with and are willing to support me. I've felt myself starting to relapse into my old habits as of late, but I'm trying to stay on top of it.
Nice to meet you all. 0 -
Hi everyone, I'm Bryn. I am 26 years old, and at 24 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on antidepressants. I have never been the skinniest girl, and had never felt entirely comfortable with my weight. When I was diagnosed, I weighed about 165 lbs on a 5'7" frame. My medication made me unable to feel hungry - the thought of food grossed me out. I lost 30 lbs in four months, and I felt incredible. I went on to lose more weight, getting down to around 125 at one point. I was so happy. I rarely ate, and when I did I ate what I wanted, just in very small quantities. I tried to hide it, but it became apparent that I was essentially anorexic. I avoided eating, I would eat just as much as I needed to in order to make it through the day. I became a workaholic to try to shift my focus from food. I avoided situations where I would want to eat. I would buy a whole package of crackers (or something similar), eat three, and then throw the box away in disgust. Despite being so restrictive, I had never been so happy and functional.
Then, my medication backfired. I ended up in the hospital with serotonin syndrome. I struggled with terrible life-threatening side effects and discontinuation syndrome effects for 13 months. The restricted eating resulted in Binge Eating Disorder, and cycles of strict starvation and terrible binging. An SSRI was added to my medications, to help curb the binging, but despite returning to the gym and having awesome (~600-700 calorie) workouts 4-5 times a week, the SSRI has prevented me from being able to lose any weight. Eleven days ago, I came off all of my medications entirely. Throughout that time, though, I gained back nearly all the weight I had lost. I am wearing my old clothes again, and weigh 151 lbs. I am so embarrassed.
I am almost through the worst of the withdrawal symptoms, and though I am hopeful for my un-medicated future, I still long for feeling so thin and careless. I have a hard time getting dressed in the morning or being naked; my fiance and I haven't had sex in six months. I am trying so hard to keep my head above water and to not give up. Everything seems to be a struggle: work is so hard, thinking about food all the time and how to avoid binges, always feeling gross. I am trying to be normal. Trying to have normal relationship with food and exercise and my body.
I don't have any friends on MFP, but if anyone would like to add me, I'd love your support, and hopefully we can help each other reach our goals.0 -
My name is Crystal, I have been diagnosed with bulimia and I also suffer from binge eating. I use laxatives, for I cannot make myself purge. I am a 46 year old preacher's daughter. A lot of my disorder comes from my childhood. I have always had a bad relationship with food. That is my stress reliever. I am also a carb and sugar addict, I have no stopping sense. I hope to get the support I need from MFP and this group. I am not in therapy right now because I have no insurance.
I have a fiance and it is really hard to be honest with him. I really don't think he get's it. So I really need the support!
Crystal0 -
Hi! I'm Jill and I'm 31. I live in Connecticut and am ED-NOS. Was diagnosed around 23 and have been struggling with food since I was 14. I was always overweight so it was easy to hide, even from myself. I have been in recovery for nearly 6? years. It was so gradual, its hard to pinpoint the exact time. Recovery made me gain a lot of weight fast. Meds made it hard to take it off. I just had 2 kids in 2 years, and that caused me to go back to my high weight. I'm losing slower than I would have liked. There are days I want to be "active" and not in recovery, but it is purely because I want to be skinny again and don't know how else to do it. Probably have more go say, but I'm using an app, not a computer, and I can't think when typing this slowly.
I'm gonna read the rest of the message boards, since there is no typing involved. PS: I was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm also ADD. Most of my issues stem from these three disorders (including the ED as the third). 0 -
Hi, My name is Katina... Most of the people in my life do not know about the ED that I struggle with. Even my girlfriend and my closest friend are unaware (although my Girl has suspensions). This past summer I really hit rock bottom with my self esteem and weight and decided that I absolutely cannot take anymore. Any more weight added on to my body was going to kill me. I started using MFP in September when a "friend' on a Pro ED site recommended it. Since joining I have lost about 30 pounds. I am really excited about loosing the weight bit I worry because it doesn't seem fast enough,.. I know that "healthy weight loss" is not fast or instant, but I feel panicked that it is taking so long. i have a desperate obsession and desire to be thin. Some days I am not eating hardly at all, and then other days I am stuffing everything I can get my hands on into my mouth then getting upset and letting it back out... I am at the point where I need some calm.. I need to be thin and feel thin and be happy... I want to be happy...0
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yeah well i am a nurse you would think i would know better. esp since I almost died 2 times..it is a very hard disease to overcome but it is great to see how everbody supports one another:drinker:Oh i'm 44 years old.. You'd think i'd know better by now.0 -
I guess I never introduced myself or told my story on here. I'm 37, and I must say it's comforting to me (maybe not you guys!) that I'm not the only "older" person on here going through this (though in my groups/inpatient we had patients much, much older--it really motivated me to recover last time).
Anyway. I don't remember ever having normal eating habits growing up: my parents were basically in denial and called me "picky", but it was truly a battle of the wills/control issue. I had a very controlling, abusive stepfather, and what I put into my body (or didn't) was the only real choice I had in life.
I've been hospitalized 5 times since I was 19, and I did an intensive outpatient program about. . .6 years ago? I really thought I recovered for *good* that time, as I did better than I have ever done in my life. In the past 6 months, though, things have been slipping away. I'm a single parent and my life feels really out of control again. It all comes back to this, my only coping mechanism.
I'm starting another outpatient program in a few weeks because I know I should, but my heart's not really in it. I know I still want to lose weight. I don't want to get really sick, though; my son needs me, and one of my best friends (who was in my last program) died a year ago from her eating disorder. So. . .this scares me. I already have a lot of health problems and they're mostly my fault.0 -
hey, you might think Im stupid or something or wanna kick me out but anyway
Hi I'm Tahlia, and Im not diagnosed with an ED but I'm really starting to think I've developed one over the past few months, I want to know for sure but I'm way too scared to talk to my mum or ask a doctor (cause I'd have to tell mum for that too)
I just don't know what to do. can anyone help me?0 -
hey, you might think Im stupid or something or wanna kick me out but anyway
Hi I'm Tahlia, and Im not diagnosed with an ED but I'm really starting to think I've developed one over the past few months, I want to know for sure but I'm way too scared to talk to my mum or ask a doctor (cause I'd have to tell mum for that too)
I just don't know what to do. can anyone help me?
That's not stupid at all! It's scary to try to approach your family and/or doctor about these things. I don't know your situation, so I don't know how bad telling your parents would be, but if you continue down this path they're going to find out anyway (from the eventual health problems, etc). It would be better to start now before things get worse.
In the meantime, you can always come here (and probably other places online) for support. . .are there any confidential support groups in your area?0 -
I wouldn't think it was stupid if I could just find out for sure whether its true or not.
yeah I knew online would be the best place to start...
no I highly doubt it, I live in the middle of nowhere which kinda sucks at times like this0 -
Hi everyone, new to myfitnesspal and the group. I'm Jenn, I started here with people I play an online game with (hence the username) but I've been in recovery from anorexia for 2 years and since I'm not in therapy I feel like I need the support of others who understand having an ED or trying to stay in recovery.
I started with bulimia at 11, got diagnosed at 17, and then was in a cycle of OE, and bulimia until a few years ago when Ana kicked in. My lowest weight was so low I was basically bones but very few people knew about it because I hid it so well. If anyone asked how I lost weight I just told them eating healthy and exercise, which was true to a point but they had no idea what lengths I was going to, how miserable I was, and how all I thought about was food and calories.
I'm kind of scared that trying to eat better and stay in shape will lead me back down that path...0 -
hey everyone, i'm rachel. i'm been suffering from EDNOS for about 8 months now. i joined myfitnespal to help me maintain my current weight (which is FINALLY in the healthy weight range). i'm just here to look for support.
if you want to know more about me, i have a tumblr (if anyone else is on there). just send me a message!0 -
Kris
20
EDNOS with Anorexic Tendencies
Chronically Ill
Deaf and Legally Blind
Addictive Personality [Self-Injury and my Eating Disorder are the only two addictions I'm dealing with now]
I'm usually very private about this but I thought letting others see what I eat may make me eat less.
I'm NOT pro-ana but I'm also not ready to recover quite yet. I'll add anyone but please keep in mind the things I post may be triggering for those who are wanting to recover.
Thanks for Reading!0 -
hi everyone,
im helena and im 21 years ago - suffering from anorexia. i have just started my weekly therapy and dietician appointments and am hoping the will really help me on the straight path to recovery. i know it won't be easy but i am determined and i hope that with the support of family and friends and people on here we can all help eachother. it is really nice that i have found this group as i really want to encourage and support others on the same journey or with the same experiences as me
any advice is appreciated! x0 -
Hi everybody! My name is Traci and I am fairly new to mfp. I am 36 and have struggled with undiagnosed anorexia since I was about 21. My mother was anorexic and bulimic, so I was around it alot growing up. She recovered from it, but it left her with alot of health problems. She passed away in 2003 from Stomach Cancer.
Right now, I am eating and trying to be healthy. The main thing I struggle with is the mental side to it. I obsess about food, exercise and ways to cut calories literally all day. I find myself sliding back into wanting to restrict. I can't do that, I have a family who I love very much, and I owe it them to remain healthy. I guess I just don't know where to turn.
Anyway, feel free to add me! I am looking for a good support system that truly understand!!0 -
Hi, I'm Rebecca, 27, from the UK
I was diagnosed anorexic at 16, a weird kind of bulimic from 21-23 and now just generally EDNOS/disordered eating. My weight is perfectly healthy but I'd prefer it lower. I'd like to get there the healthy way but not sure I can. I've definitely become healthiER since joining MFP and can now eat around 1050-1150 (can't quite bring myself to reach my goal completely!) but I can't make myself NET that so I dont eat what I burn off. It may not be perfect but I think it's on the right road.0 -
Hi! I'm Sarah. I am 23 and from southern Louisiana. I developed bulimia about 5 years ago. I wasn't fully bulimic because I wouldn't always purge after I binged. It wasn't in a hope to lose weight although there were a lot of guilty feelings about the weight I had gained at the start of college. I would eat and eat and eat for comfort and sometimes I would purge, other times I just sat there feeling miserable. I told my mom about it 3 years after it started. I went to see a therapist about it one year ago, but didn't stick to the appointments. When I got pregnant last March is when I knew I had to stop and take control over my eating habits. Now I am not pregnant with a handsome 6 week old baby. The body issues that got me started with an eating disorder are still here and every day is a battle to stop from going back to how I was. It is nice to know there is a support group out there for those that want to get healthy. I just hope that I can get back to my previous weight in a healthy manner. I don't want my son to grow up seeing me partake in the binging and purging. I want to set a healthy examply for him of eating right and exercising regularly. I had a major wake up call last night when my aunt told me I hadn't been eating enough with breastfeeding. I became obsessed with losing the weight that I wasn't getting enough to feed my son as well. So, I need to make healthier choices and just be healthy all around. No more bulimia for me and hopefully a new mental mindset will keep me on track.0
