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I'll keep it short and sweet. I'm Emma and I'm 18 years old. I've struggled with three eating disorders; anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder.0
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Hello, I'm Justin, 41. I spend a long time getting fat, and then a few years getting thin sensibly, and then things went weird at the beginning of this year. I acknowledged by body-dismorphia and over-restriction in April, and eased my self back to normal eating by my birthday at the end of June. Then my partner of 19 years died a week later. I'm comfort eating, I'm eating to avoid doing things... and then I get this weird compulsive eating at around 2 am, where I *have* to finish something - it wasn't so bad when I had stuff like jam in the house, but now it'll be a jar of pickle, a bag of flour, whatever. I no longer know if I'm over restricting or over-eating, but I do know I'm ****ing my body over - eating a bag of 20 apples is uncomfortable, sends my blood sugar through the roof and leaves me running to the loo every half hour the next day.0
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Hi there~
My name is Kendal. I'm a 21-year-old college student, originally from Ohio, but currently residing in Kentucky. I've had disordered eating habits since I was about 17, but only in the past year have things become much more extreme. During the summer, my weight plummeted into the "underweight" category, but 2 months of solid binging caused me to gain 10lbs. I'm currently back to my "normal" eating habits (around 600-800 calories per day), attempting to reach my next goal weight of 115lbs.
I've not been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder. Mainly because I've kept it as much of a secret as possible. But my common sense tells me that if I were to speak to a doctor, I'd likely receive a stamp of anorexia or EDNOS.
My life is consumed by calories, food, numbers, weight, and my intense lack of self-esteem. I've had anxiety and panic attacks since I was 5, and I was diagnosed with depression at age 12. I am also a self-injurer.
Aside from the negative stuff, my interests include: anime, manga, cosplay, video games, horror films, Japanese culture, books, history, and music. If anyone would like to add me, please feel free! I love sharing support, especially with those who understand what it's like to deal with an ED on a daily basis. We definitely need to stick together.0 -
Hey guys, my name is Nathalie. I'm 22 years old and originally from Ohio.
WARNING! This post may be triggering:
When I was in elementary school I was always relatively skinny, but my weight boomed in junior high. I felt terrible about how I looked and my peers' constant teasing certainly wasn't helping. A friend of mine said her mom took these diet pills that were helping her lose weight - it seemed like such an easy fix! I did end up losing some weight - mainly because I took so many of these "herbal supplements" that I couldn't keep down any food. Eventually another friend of mine found out about the diet pills and turned me into the principal's office and I ended up being suspended for a week. I was so livid at her - I felt that she turned me in so I could get fatter, not that she was actually concerned for me.
In high school my weight yo-yo'd up and down as I went through periods of restricting and bingeing. I started purging my sophomore year after some issues at home (my mother's depression and alcoholism was leading her to make suicide attempts every month or so), but it never got really bad until a year or so ago.
I had reached one of my highest weights (160lbs), but although I was unhappy with my weight, I was happier than I had ever been. I had good friends, and I was in a relationship with someone I really liked. I had also started exercising regularly, which is what I used to combat some of my stress.
My breaking point was when the person I was dating suddenly decided to break up with me. They tried saying they felt that I "didn't like them" anymore, but I found out that they actually started dating someone else - someone a lot smaller than me. Although this hurt, what really triggered me was having to still work with this person. Every day I would overhear conversations about their "tiny little girlfriend" and their "size 2 jeans." I had never worn smaller than a size 10 in my life. I made it my goal to make it to size 2, no matter what it took.
I began working out twice a day and restricting my food intake. I ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection, which helped me shed another ten pounds. So when people started becoming concerned about my weight loss, I would say "Oh, it's just my gimp kidney."
I was back to purging at least once a day and I would run for an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I reached my lowest weight of 110 and got down to that size 2, and eventually a size 0.
At the beginning of 2011 I decided to make a change - I wanted to quit purging. It worked for the first couple months, but the stress of moving to a new location and gaining some of the weight back was too much - I began fantasizing about suicide everyday, and had to constantly walk out of work because I couldn't stop crying. One of my closest friends confronted me about it, and I told her about the bulimia and my suicidal thoughts. She begged me to go seek help, and I did.
Since seeking help, I've been purge-free since June. What's changed is I now have friends and an awesome boyfriend who know what I'm dealing with and are willing to support me. I've felt myself starting to relapse into my old habits as of late, but I'm trying to stay on top of it.
Nice to meet you all.
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Hi everyone, I'm Bryn. I am 26 years old, and at 24 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on antidepressants. I have never been the skinniest girl, and had never felt entirely comfortable with my weight. When I was diagnosed, I weighed about 165 lbs on a 5'7" frame. My medication made me unable to feel hungry - the thought of food grossed me out. I lost 30 lbs in four months, and I felt incredible. I went on to lose more weight, getting down to around 125 at one point. I was so happy. I rarely ate, and when I did I ate what I wanted, just in very small quantities. I tried to hide it, but it became apparent that I was essentially anorexic. I avoided eating, I would eat just as much as I needed to in order to make it through the day. I became a workaholic to try to shift my focus from food. I avoided situations where I would want to eat. I would buy a whole package of crackers (or something similar), eat three, and then throw the box away in disgust. Despite being so restrictive, I had never been so happy and functional.
Then, my medication backfired. I ended up in the hospital with serotonin syndrome. I struggled with terrible life-threatening side effects and discontinuation syndrome effects for 13 months. The restricted eating resulted in Binge Eating Disorder, and cycles of strict starvation and terrible binging. An SSRI was added to my medications, to help curb the binging, but despite returning to the gym and having awesome (~600-700 calorie) workouts 4-5 times a week, the SSRI has prevented me from being able to lose any weight. Eleven days ago, I came off all of my medications entirely. Throughout that time, though, I gained back nearly all the weight I had lost. I am wearing my old clothes again, and weigh 151 lbs. I am so embarrassed.
I am almost through the worst of the withdrawal symptoms, and though I am hopeful for my un-medicated future, I still long for feeling so thin and careless. I have a hard time getting dressed in the morning or being naked; my fiance and I haven't had sex in six months. I am trying so hard to keep my head above water and to not give up. Everything seems to be a struggle: work is so hard, thinking about food all the time and how to avoid binges, always feeling gross. I am trying to be normal. Trying to have normal relationship with food and exercise and my body.
I don't have any friends on MFP, but if anyone would like to add me, I'd love your support, and hopefully we can help each other reach our goals.0 -
My name is Crystal, I have been diagnosed with bulimia and I also suffer from binge eating. I use laxatives, for I cannot make myself purge. I am a 46 year old preacher's daughter. A lot of my disorder comes from my childhood. I have always had a bad relationship with food. That is my stress reliever. I am also a carb and sugar addict, I have no stopping sense. I hope to get the support I need from MFP and this group. I am not in therapy right now because I have no insurance.
I have a fiance and it is really hard to be honest with him. I really don't think he get's it. So I really need the support!
Crystal0 -
Hi! I'm Jill and I'm 31. I live in Connecticut and am ED-NOS. Was diagnosed around 23 and have been struggling with food since I was 14. I was always overweight so it was easy to hide, even from myself. I have been in recovery for nearly 6? years. It was so gradual, its hard to pinpoint the exact time. Recovery made me gain a lot of weight fast. Meds made it hard to take it off. I just had 2 kids in 2 years, and that caused me to go back to my high weight. I'm losing slower than I would have liked. There are days I want to be "active" and not in recovery, but it is purely because I want to be skinny again and don't know how else to do it. Probably have more go say, but I'm using an app, not a computer, and I can't think when typing this slowly.
I'm gonna read the rest of the message boards, since there is no typing involved. PS: I was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm also ADD. Most of my issues stem from these three disorders (including the ED as the third). 0 -
Hi, My name is Katina... Most of the people in my life do not know about the ED that I struggle with. Even my girlfriend and my closest friend are unaware (although my Girl has suspensions). This past summer I really hit rock bottom with my self esteem and weight and decided that I absolutely cannot take anymore. Any more weight added on to my body was going to kill me. I started using MFP in September when a "friend' on a Pro ED site recommended it. Since joining I have lost about 30 pounds. I am really excited about loosing the weight bit I worry because it doesn't seem fast enough,.. I know that "healthy weight loss" is not fast or instant, but I feel panicked that it is taking so long. i have a desperate obsession and desire to be thin. Some days I am not eating hardly at all, and then other days I am stuffing everything I can get my hands on into my mouth then getting upset and letting it back out... I am at the point where I need some calm.. I need to be thin and feel thin and be happy... I want to be happy...0
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yeah well i am a nurse you would think i would know better. esp since I almost died 2 times..it is a very hard disease to overcome but it is great to see how everbody supports one another:drinker:Oh i'm 44 years old.. You'd think i'd know better by now.0 -
I guess I never introduced myself or told my story on here. I'm 37, and I must say it's comforting to me (maybe not you guys!) that I'm not the only "older" person on here going through this (though in my groups/inpatient we had patients much, much older--it really motivated me to recover last time).
Anyway. I don't remember ever having normal eating habits growing up: my parents were basically in denial and called me "picky", but it was truly a battle of the wills/control issue. I had a very controlling, abusive stepfather, and what I put into my body (or didn't) was the only real choice I had in life.
I've been hospitalized 5 times since I was 19, and I did an intensive outpatient program about. . .6 years ago? I really thought I recovered for *good* that time, as I did better than I have ever done in my life. In the past 6 months, though, things have been slipping away. I'm a single parent and my life feels really out of control again. It all comes back to this, my only coping mechanism.
I'm starting another outpatient program in a few weeks because I know I should, but my heart's not really in it. I know I still want to lose weight. I don't want to get really sick, though; my son needs me, and one of my best friends (who was in my last program) died a year ago from her eating disorder. So. . .this scares me. I already have a lot of health problems and they're mostly my fault.0 -
hey, you might think Im stupid or something or wanna kick me out but anyway
Hi I'm Tahlia, and Im not diagnosed with an ED but I'm really starting to think I've developed one over the past few months, I want to know for sure but I'm way too scared to talk to my mum or ask a doctor (cause I'd have to tell mum for that too)
I just don't know what to do. can anyone help me?0 -
hey, you might think Im stupid or something or wanna kick me out but anyway
Hi I'm Tahlia, and Im not diagnosed with an ED but I'm really starting to think I've developed one over the past few months, I want to know for sure but I'm way too scared to talk to my mum or ask a doctor (cause I'd have to tell mum for that too)
I just don't know what to do. can anyone help me?
That's not stupid at all! It's scary to try to approach your family and/or doctor about these things. I don't know your situation, so I don't know how bad telling your parents would be, but if you continue down this path they're going to find out anyway (from the eventual health problems, etc). It would be better to start now before things get worse.
In the meantime, you can always come here (and probably other places online) for support. . .are there any confidential support groups in your area?0 -
I wouldn't think it was stupid if I could just find out for sure whether its true or not.
yeah I knew online would be the best place to start...
no I highly doubt it, I live in the middle of nowhere which kinda sucks at times like this0 -
Hi everyone, new to myfitnesspal and the group. I'm Jenn, I started here with people I play an online game with (hence the username) but I've been in recovery from anorexia for 2 years and since I'm not in therapy I feel like I need the support of others who understand having an ED or trying to stay in recovery.
I started with bulimia at 11, got diagnosed at 17, and then was in a cycle of OE, and bulimia until a few years ago when Ana kicked in. My lowest weight was so low I was basically bones but very few people knew about it because I hid it so well. If anyone asked how I lost weight I just told them eating healthy and exercise, which was true to a point but they had no idea what lengths I was going to, how miserable I was, and how all I thought about was food and calories.
I'm kind of scared that trying to eat better and stay in shape will lead me back down that path...0 -
hey everyone, i'm rachel. i'm been suffering from EDNOS for about 8 months now. i joined myfitnespal to help me maintain my current weight (which is FINALLY in the healthy weight range). i'm just here to look for support.
if you want to know more about me, i have a tumblr (if anyone else is on there). just send me a message!0 -
Kris
20
EDNOS with Anorexic Tendencies
Chronically Ill
Deaf and Legally Blind
Addictive Personality [Self-Injury and my Eating Disorder are the only two addictions I'm dealing with now]
I'm usually very private about this but I thought letting others see what I eat may make me eat less.
I'm NOT pro-ana but I'm also not ready to recover quite yet. I'll add anyone but please keep in mind the things I post may be triggering for those who are wanting to recover.
Thanks for Reading!0 -
hi everyone,
im helena and im 21 years ago - suffering from anorexia. i have just started my weekly therapy and dietician appointments and am hoping the will really help me on the straight path to recovery. i know it won't be easy but i am determined and i hope that with the support of family and friends and people on here we can all help eachother. it is really nice that i have found this group as i really want to encourage and support others on the same journey or with the same experiences as me
any advice is appreciated! x0 -
Hi everybody! My name is Traci and I am fairly new to mfp. I am 36 and have struggled with undiagnosed anorexia since I was about 21. My mother was anorexic and bulimic, so I was around it alot growing up. She recovered from it, but it left her with alot of health problems. She passed away in 2003 from Stomach Cancer.
Right now, I am eating and trying to be healthy. The main thing I struggle with is the mental side to it. I obsess about food, exercise and ways to cut calories literally all day. I find myself sliding back into wanting to restrict. I can't do that, I have a family who I love very much, and I owe it them to remain healthy. I guess I just don't know where to turn.
Anyway, feel free to add me! I am looking for a good support system that truly understand!!0 -
Hi, I'm Rebecca, 27, from the UK
I was diagnosed anorexic at 16, a weird kind of bulimic from 21-23 and now just generally EDNOS/disordered eating. My weight is perfectly healthy but I'd prefer it lower. I'd like to get there the healthy way but not sure I can. I've definitely become healthiER since joining MFP and can now eat around 1050-1150 (can't quite bring myself to reach my goal completely!) but I can't make myself NET that so I dont eat what I burn off. It may not be perfect but I think it's on the right road.0 -
Hi! I'm Sarah. I am 23 and from southern Louisiana. I developed bulimia about 5 years ago. I wasn't fully bulimic because I wouldn't always purge after I binged. It wasn't in a hope to lose weight although there were a lot of guilty feelings about the weight I had gained at the start of college. I would eat and eat and eat for comfort and sometimes I would purge, other times I just sat there feeling miserable. I told my mom about it 3 years after it started. I went to see a therapist about it one year ago, but didn't stick to the appointments. When I got pregnant last March is when I knew I had to stop and take control over my eating habits. Now I am not pregnant with a handsome 6 week old baby. The body issues that got me started with an eating disorder are still here and every day is a battle to stop from going back to how I was. It is nice to know there is a support group out there for those that want to get healthy. I just hope that I can get back to my previous weight in a healthy manner. I don't want my son to grow up seeing me partake in the binging and purging. I want to set a healthy examply for him of eating right and exercising regularly. I had a major wake up call last night when my aunt told me I hadn't been eating enough with breastfeeding. I became obsessed with losing the weight that I wasn't getting enough to feed my son as well. So, I need to make healthier choices and just be healthy all around. No more bulimia for me and hopefully a new mental mindset will keep me on track.0
