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Where to start? I have an issue with food, (I guess that’s a good starting point if I am to write a post about my eating disorder). In fact I have a huge issue with food. I’ve had an issue with food my entire life. As you may or may not be aware I am trying to lose some weight for my forthcoming wedding on August 25th 2012, and to help me do this I joined MyFitnessPal.com. But It was my food diary that a lot of people took interest in because my diet was so limited. People would ask me why I just didn’t eat a wider range of food?
Whenever anyone asks me about poor diet, I don’t really know what to say. I have an eating disorder, which is more like a food phobia. I am scared of food, or to be more precise, I am scared of trying new food. Almost everything I eat, everything I ‘trust’, I’ve been eating since I was very little and I have never really ever strayed from these ‘safe’ foods. It is easier for me to list the things I do eat rather than the things I don’t it. If I had to make a sweeping statement on the things I don’t eat, it would be this;
“I don’t eat meat, fruit or vegetables.”
I don’t really know the cause of my eating disorder. Trying to find the answer is bit trying to find the killer in a “whodunit” murder/mystery. My family seem to point fingers at each other as to who is to blame. There are a few theories. One is it being down to me having cerebral palsy and due to this I was not able to suckle as a baby. Then there is a dramatic story of me being traumatised after being force-fed food when I was very young and having to eat my own vomit. Whatever the cause, my issue with food has affected my whole life.
Growing up with this phobia was difficult. I don’t think people realise how much they take food for granted. How it – food – has an impact on everything. During my school years my fear of food would cause me to panic about school trips, staying at friend’s houses for dinner, and I even remember having to miss out on my best friend’s birthday party because they held it at Pizza Hut. I couldn’t go out for the day unless I knew there was something I could eat when I got there. I just wouldn’t eat otherwise. This behaviour seemed to be socially acceptable as a child. One doctor told my mother that it would be something I would grow out of, but I never did. The older I got the more it affected me. I felt even more alienated then I did at school. I was embarrassed by my disorder. I never went out on dates, going out meant eating out and that was something I just didn’t do. I couldn’t travel. I couldn’t see the world, and because didn’t really eat anything I was also very underweight. I am 5′ 8″ and until I was about 25 years old, I weighed less than 8 stone (112lbs / 50.8kg).
It was around this time that I met a girl who didn’t try to change me but instead gave me options. For example she knew I liked cheese and she knew I ate plain pasta and asked if I ate macaroni cheese? For years I thought that macaroni was a vegetable and refused to eat it. I thought it was the same thing as cauliflower cheese. I had no idea that macaroni was pasta. She also introduced me to the plain cheese pizza. She phoned a take-away and asked for a margarita pizza without the tomato base. This was something I was too scared to do. What if they laughed at me? What if they ask why? What if they forget and it came with tomato? But she didn’t see my phobia as a problem, she would just help me work round it. She was great. She introduced me to more foods and because of her I put on a healthy weight, but I knew my diet wasn’t a healthy one.
My weight has been up and down ever since, and this normally depends on if I am in a relationship or not. I don’t really have a love for food, I hate cookery programs. I see food as more as a necessity rather than a pleasure. When I was single I would forget to eat, I don’t think I really register hunger. Buying food just seemed like a chore. I would buy food like bread. Forget to eat it. It would go mouldy. I would throw it away, and the cycle would start again. So I would then stop buying bread. I would stop buying milk. I would stop buying things that had a short ‘best before’ date. I started to get back into old habits, but now because I wasn’t as young as I was it started to affect my health. Different girls I dated had different ways of dealing with my disorder. One would try to trick me into eating things I didn’t like by hiding things in my food. This didn’t go down well at all. Some chose just to ignore it and let me eat what I wanted. Then when I was about 30 I had one girlfriend who was very militant about fixing my diet. She was tired of me saying that I would to get round to fixing my diet one day. She wanted me to fix it now.
I talked to my GP who referred me to a nutritionist. The nutritionist made me keep a food diary, but made it very clear that she wasn’t a therapist and could only advise me on my diet. I saw a therapist who tried CBT, but it didn’t get me anywere. I looked online trying to find help for people with eating disorders, but I couldn’t find anything that related to me. I wasn’t bulimic. I wasn’t anorexic. It was like no one else had the same issue as me. Then I found a web forum called http://www.fussy-eaters.com/. The introduction to the forum reads:
We are an online community providing support and information for people with eating problems related to Selective Eating Disorder (SED) and Food Neophobia (fear of trying new foods).
I had finally found other people who had the same issues as me, and it was through this website that I was contacted by one of the producers of a program called Freaky Eaters. She sent me a set of questions for me to ask my friends and family about my food issues. She also asked me to make a small video diary of my eating habits, and to video myself trying new things, so thats what I did.
I sent them the videos, and the answers to their questionaires and they got back to me said they were interested in my story and would be in touch. I started to get my hopes up. I was finally going to be getting help. Real help. They started to interview my family, and friends, and then a few days later a camera crew arrived at my flat. It was now my turn to talk about my phobia. I was very nervous, but the woman interviewing me said I had nothing to worry about and she talked me through how it would work. This was just stage one. This was just the ‘getting to know me’ part. She would ask me a question and I would reply with that question and an answer. For example if she said; “What food do you like the most?” I would reply with “I think the food I like the most is..” etc. This was so they could remove the questions in the edit. The also filmed ‘cut aways’, which were just shots of my hands and eyes, and things they can use to edit my responses. They wanted me to talk a lot about pasta, the types of pasta I eat and how I just have it on its own or with cheese. No sauce. I became very aware that I was being pigeon-holed and that the name of my episode was probably going to be “Addicted to Pasta”. As things progressed I started to have concerns about how I was being portrayed on camera. I’m not addicted to pasta? I’m not a freak. I’m just someone who has an eating disorder, and one of the few foods I do eat is plain pasta. Then she asked me the question I dreaded the most. “What I thought caused my phobia?” I started to feel like I was on trial. They wanted me to point the finger. Point the finger on national TV as to who I thought was to blame for my condition. I started to worry about what my family had said on camera. Who did they blame? I answered the question the best I could. which is ‘I don’t really know what caused my phobia.’. She didn’t seem to be happy with that answer.
When the interview was over she opened a bag and brought out a carrot. She wanted to film me trying to eat it, raw. The camera focused on me. I couldn’t do it. She said this was brilliant. It shows I have a real issue. They wrapped up filming that day and said that they would be in touch about stage two. As soon as they had left I was on the phone to different members of the family with questions about what they had said to the film crew. Everyone was pointing fingers at each other. I got in touch with the producer and asked if I would see the program before it aired. If I had to give approval? She said that the first time I would see it was when it was broadcast. She told me that I had any worries and didn’t want to continue that it wasn’t too late to pull out. So I pulled out. I liked the idea of getting free help but was worried that the program might start a family feud. So that was the end of that.
Apart from getting over some of my anxieties, I haven’t made much progress since. I am too much of a stubborn person, but with my wedding fast approaching I have been thinking more about the future and how my diet is affecting my health. I also want to have children one day and I don’t want to pass my eating disorder on to them. I don’t want them to have the same problems as I do. I keep having visions of me trying to explain to a 3 year old child why they have to eat their vegetables but daddy doesn’t have to. Children learn by example and I wouldn’t be setting a good example for them, but I just don’t know where to go from here? In a way this is the first step. Admitting that I have a problem. Talking about it. Writing it down. I know it isn’t much, but it’s a start. It’s like being part of a help group.
*stands up*
“Hello everyone. My name is Russell, and I have a selective eating disorder”0 -
Hi my name is Michele, but you all can call me Shelly :happy: hmmmm well lets start at the start i guess. I've always been a very picky eater. When I was a baby (6 months old) I got stomach flu. My mother has said many times that before that I was a very good eater. I ate alot, so much the folks at the grocery store thought she had twins :noway: LOL. And there was nothing I wouldnt eat. The way the story has been told to me, my mother took me to the doctor because she thought I was getting sick, they weighed me and I weight 32 lbs, they told her I had a cold and sent me home. My poor mother realized I was more sick then they thought and took me to the hospital 3 days later. When they took me to the back I weighed 14 lbs. :noway:. I was in the hospital for awhile and was in icu for most of the time. So I obviously survived lol and got better, but afterwards I wouldnt eat alot of things. I now believe that I had damage to my digestive track because of the bad virus, since I to this day have alot of issues with my stomach and stuff. growing up I wouldnt eat alot of things ...they were yucky ! I didnt like the taste of it :sad: and if given the choice of eat this or dont eat ..i would choose dont eat ....I still dont eat alot of things
so growing up i was a thin child. I can remember being 12 and weighing 96 lbs ...then hitting puberty and next thing I remember I'm 13 and 130 lbs. by 16 I was 160 lbs and by the time I graduated at 17 i was 180 lbs
I got a job after highschool at a large women's clothing store and of course everyone was over weight. During my year of working there I gained up to 220 lbs.
I realize now that during some point from hitting puberty and getting to 220 lbs I developed an addiction to food. I decided to lose weight and went on a diet. and lost 80 lbs. felt great and was then sexually assaulted. Afterwards I gained the weight back rapidly ....and stayed at 250 lbs or so, with brief periods when I would diet and exercise and lose. Only to have a man come up and "notice" me and because I never dealt with what happened to me ( i never told anyone) I would run back to the food and the fat which made me invisible.
In 2007 I was told by my doctor that I needed to do something about my weight, I was now a severe diabetic and was starting to show damage to my kidneys. I told him I wanted the gastric bypass surgery and he said that my insurance would make me join a weight loss program for a year before approving the surgery and referred me to the program. When I went I found out they offered a program called the "vlcd" and it promised a weight loss of 3 - 5 lbs a week. That sounded like the plan for me and what did I have to lose ...if I did the plan for a year, I would either lose the weight and be happy or not lose the weight and be approved for the surgery. I weighed in at 271 lbs at the beginning of the program and in 7 months made it down to 155 lbs. Then I began to binge :ohwell: ...and fell off the program all together. They sent me to a eating disorder psychiatrist who at that time told me I had compulsive over eating disorder and needed help. I made another appt and walked out of there knowing full well I would never come back.
I kept trying to restart the vlcd diet and in june of 2010 for whatever reason successfully stayed on the diet and in march of 2011 hit my goal weight of 130 lbs. Now the last several months of the diet I was again beginning to binge but since it was only happening once or twice a month. I would get right back on the diet and made it down. when you do this diet you have to be reintroduced to food, since you are drinking all your food. and after the 6 wks of being "re fed" I weighed 108 lbs :noway: and was fainting ....I was exercising everyday for 100 minutes cardio and weights.
I did make it back up to 118lbs, and stayed there from may to the end of aug ...and yes I was still once or twice a month binging. The end of aug was my birthday and the day before I weighed and weighed 118 lbs like normal...and then all you know what broke loose .....by sept 2nd I was up to 151lbs ...by nov 13th I weighed 180 lbs
...i called to see the eating disorder therapist and found a wonderful one ..and have now been given the diagnosis of EDNOS with anorexic tendencies ....which is why i do ok for awhile ( i limit my calories to around 900 a day) and i still exercise for a hour at a time. Then after awhile my body begins to want more food....and I then binge ( i dont purge at all) ....
so here i am :drinker:0 -
Hi
I'm Tea and I'm actively EDNOS.
26 yrs old (in feb), have a 10 month old son, and married to my prince charming. I was EDNOS at 17, recovered at 19, and steadily gained weight until I hit xlbs. I relapsed recently and am seeking a support network.
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Hi, I'm Jule. I am a junior in college and I have been struggling with disordered eating since I was 13. Up until 18, I suffered from anorexia, but 2 months before I graduated high school, it switched over to bulimia and it has been that way ever since. I went to treatment when I was 19 for six months and I don't do it everyday like I used to, but I still do three times a week so I'm definitely not recovered. The bingeing causes me to gain weight despite the fact that I purge and I'm extremely self-conscious about it. I have isolated myself from the world and decided I can't even be seen by people that would recognize me until I lose the weight. I wish I could feel differently, but I get so anxious at the thought of people seeing me. I also deal with depression, anxiety, and OCD:/ This isn't a life.0
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Hi. I'm a girl in my mid-20's from Finland. I'm a student in university. I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder as my eating has always been a secondary problem and a form of self injury. I've had lots of labels put on me - depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder.. I've never been happy with how I look, so I guess the first time I tried to lose weight was partly because of that and partly just to get something else to think than being anxious or depressed. I've restricted my eating, not as much as some, but enough to get my body starving. I've been able to stop restricting, but then purging the "bad foods". I've had good times, when I haven't worried (as much) about my looks.
But it seems that every spring my stress level goes too high for me to handle and I need something to keep my mind busy, so I'm not too anxious over my studies. So I count calories. A friend of mine told me about MFP, and the eating disorder in me cheered. Finally an easy way to count calories. I try to be reasonable, not to put my body into starvation mode, but my behavior now is definitely not me. I exercise way more than normally, I have to force my self not to do cardio every day and I don't eat the foods I love, they just have too many calories. I hide this from my partner, try to eat as little during the day as possible, so I can eat "normally" in the evening when he is at home. I also try to exercise so that he wont see it every time.
Every night as I am missing a couple hundred calories from my goal, I think about not eating any more. So far I've eaten all or nearly all my calories (well, not one day), but it's so tempting to eat less, even though I know it won't make me lose weight faster if I go to starvation.
This is all just so I have something in my head that hides the stress and anxiety. I do this to deal with my anxiety disorder. I've been in therapy for more than 6 years now, I've had medication, but none right now. Nothing seems to reduce the anxiety as well as self injury in any form.
I'm here partly to get a bit fitter, but also it's the eating disorder tendencies that made me join. We'll see how I'll do, I believe that when the stressful time is over, I'll go back to normal eating.0 -
Oh, if anyone wants to add me as a friend, feel free to do so.
And OT, can you edit your posts after you have sent them? I don't see an edit button, but might just not notice it.
Edit: Now I see it. :P Apparently there's a time limit though, as I can edit my post above?0 -
I'm Laura. I've had eating disorders or ED behaviours for as long as I can remember. My mother had a massive effect on me and pretty much enforced restriction, fasting and binging (if her and my sister wanted to eat something bad, they'd physically force me to eat more bad foods than they did which eventually led to me purging).
I have recently been diagnosed with b/p anorexia, my psychiatrist was reluctant to make my diagnosis EDNOS despite my current weight due to my behaviours being so severe. Basically, he knows it's only a matter of time before I'm underweight and it's only because my starting weight was so high that I'm not there already.
I had BED for about 4 and a half years but then realsped back to ana last April. Since then I have lost 6 stone 4 lbs/88lbs/39.91 kg. I'm currently on about 150 calories a day when I'm not binging.
So, yeah, hi.0 -
I'm Karen, I'm 46 years old. This is my second year in remission from my Bulemia.
I spent most of my life beating myself up with food. Punishing myself for what happened to me. Ashamed of myself.
I'm a survivor of a childhood crime. I spent my early years being obese to purposely hide behind a fat body. When I was a teenager I had counseling for depression and a attempted suicide. Uggh. So... I went to weight loss camp a few summers in a row when I was 14 & 15 years old, and took some weight off. But by the time I was 22 I weighed 206 lbs. I had a car accident Xmas Eve 1986 at 206 lbs. It went in Slow-Motion. And the one thing I was sorry for never doing, was ice skating (In a Fit Body). My dreams of being a olympic figure skating champion when I was a little kid. I liked to ice skate. I saw a commercial for Nutrisystems. And I joined Nutrisystems Jan 1987. It took me a year, and I achieved my goal weight 120 lbs. -86 lbs And I was ice skating 2 - 3 times a week. I loved it. After losing weight on NS and being on maintenance, I started working for a company where my supervisor was bulemic & learned how to do her trick. I ate one cookie, told her how sorry I was about it. And she showed me how to throw it up. I abandoned the NS maintenance program. And started my own selective maintenance, that consisted of throwing up whatever I felt didn't fit into my plan.
For the next 23 years, that was my plan.... I never told any doctor that entire time. But some family members knew. I spent 23 years of my life throwing up, once, twice, multiple times a day. Just some things I thought I should throw up. And all the while I was gaining weight anyway. This habit doesn't do a metabolism good. My metabolism slowed down. I'm up to 175ish lbs. A "Unsucessful Bulemic" Thats what I called myself. The Unsuccessful Bulemic. Why was I so fat, when all I did was throw up? I lost all reason when it came to what I could eat without guilt. Is that ok to eat? Should I throw this up? Should I keep that? I don't know.
I hit a low point December 2010. I prayed to God and My Dad in Heaven. And I asked for help. I said Pleeease, give me the strenght not to do this anymore. My back hurts. I kinda had a horse accident Aug 2009 and all my right posterior ribs were broken in multiple places, my collar bone was broken, my lung punctured. Yes its very hard to throw up in this condition. Talk about major pain. They said I was lucky to be alive and walking. Eveything hurt very bad. So December 2010 I decided to tell my doctor, I told him, and I told a ED Counselor I have bulemia. I've had it for 23 years. And I'm ready. I'm ready to do it. I'm ready to get better.....And that I knew Nutrisystems plan may help me. And thats what I'm going to do. I'm going to "keep" everything, and stay on their plan. And thats what I did... All last year.....
I joined Nutrisystems and started Jan 4th 2011. Even thou there is a disclaimer that anyone with ED could not be on their plan. I kept that to myself, and shared only with a few select trusted friends there. After a week, after a month, after 6 months, after 11 months... No throwing up. I went nearly all year not throwing up. And in the meantime took off about 35 lbs. Down to 136.5 lbs Thats great. But what matters most, and what I'm more proud of is the fact I have not thrown up. I have learned to eat a reasonable breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, & dessert. Thats something you really can't cheer about over there. Some people were kicked out recently for admitting their problem. I tried to defend them because I wanted that person to put their ED to rest, like I have. Although NS really does not support people like me. Its legal issues.
I had two setbacks since Jan 2011.......All last year I went until Nov 26th (Not Thanksgiving...the day after) I had a family member visiting, I think it really triggered me. And Dec 20th. Thats it. Twice last year. And not once since then. Its actually a miracle. I think someone heard me up there. I want to take the credit just for myself. I think I'm a strong person. But the illness I had for soo long, I believe its asleep or in remission. I never want it to wake up again.
I decided to come here to log everything I eat. Since doing that last year helped me so much. It makes me accountable. It helps me stay aware. It reminds me that I don't have to starve or throw up, to be at goal weight and to be healthy & feeling good. It reminds me, no matter what my size, I still do need a nutritional breakfast. I still do need to eat lunch. I still need to eat dinner. And a dessert. And I need to keep it all.
I'm looking for friends who can relate. Who can support openly. And who want to get better, and stay better. There is hope. There is feeling better. There is feeling well. You have to believe that you deserve to feel better. Your worth it. Everyone here is worth it. Not just me.0 -
So glad to see all of the new posts on here..anyone can feel free to add me as a friend if they are looking for support! It is a horrible disease and it helps to have the extra support. I am pretty much an open book since i have struggled with all 3 eds. Ana/Mia and overweight..kind of been there done that, but destroyed my body in the process. So now I am fighting like hell to get my life back!0
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hi everyone
im jay, 22 from Cambridge UK... i am new to this group and hope that i will be able to make use of the support and success stories to get better!!
ive struggled with my weight for as long as i can remember. it only became a major issue about 7 months ago when i decided to eat healthy and slowly cut stuff out till i got to complete restriction. I am now trying to eat little bits despite the nausea and disgust and guilt i feel when i attempt it.
The road to recovery is apparently not a short or easy one but i'm keeping my hopes up. good luck to everyone 0 -
Hi, I'm Louise. I suffered from anorexia for three years, had to suspend my academic studies, and developed severe bulimia in recovery. Now I am living a normal life and only really b/p when I am really tired and stressed. Looking forward to getting to know you all 0
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Hey everyone! My name is Lizzie and I'm 20 years old. It's been almost 2 years since I started to have issues with food. I've never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, yet I'm pretty sure I suffer from one. I started by having anorexic behaviour, such as skipping meals, being terrified of gaining weight, etc. I got better from that, but then binging episodes started, and I hit a point where I couldn't control them.
Luckily I found my nutritionist. She's very patient, and basically thought me how to eat normally again. It's been almost 2 weeks since I started to follow the nutritional plan she made for me. I'm doing well, but sometimes I feel like relapsing, so that's basically why I joined the group... We can support each other, right?0 -
Hi! I'm Cherry! 23 year old college student. I've had anorexia/bulimia since I was a preteen. I'm in treatment for my eating disorder and mental illness. I'm just trying to stay healthy and sane!0
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Hello all, my name is Julia and I'm 24 years old. I've been struggling with my eating issues since I was around 13 or 14 and spent time in an inpatient program for Bulimia in 2005. Since then my eating issues have bordered more on EDnos in my opinion though. Feel free to add me 0
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I'm kera, 18. I started losing weight for my wedding. From September to January, I lost 30 lbs from little food and lots of exercise. I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but if I was to categorize myself, it would definitely be EDNOS( I'm NOT under weight & still get my period) with anorexic tenancies. I purge after binges only. I'm on myfitnesspal for the support for weightloss. And I'm within ten pounds of my goal and not sure I want to recover and learn to bring healthy again. I almost feel like I'm not sick hurt o begin with, ya know? Since I've never been diagnosed. . . I don't know what to explain how I feel about that. My husband is in no way supportive of the ED, & doesn't see it as something that is damaging to me since I'm at a healthy weight. I almost feel like its a challenge to prove to him that its not just a diet, that its not a phase, itll be with me for the rest of my life. Its in my head its not like picking up a fork and eating. Its so much more and he doesnt understand so i get frustrated and restrict more. I dont know how to explain. But anyways, currently, I'm bouncing in-between a want to be healthy and an all consuming need to be thin. I've only got ten pounds left to lose. Hopefully, that'll be enough.
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So happy I found this group!
My name is Anne-Marie, I am 24 years old and currently living in Hong Kong (for my semester abroad).
When I was 17 I gained a lot of weight. I ate more and moved less. By the time I was 18 I weighed 85kg (187lbs). I am 168cm (5'6) so that comes down to a BMI of 30. Funnily enough, I had not been aware of the fact that I was gaining weight. At some point I realised "Hey, I am big!" but during the process of gaining the weight I (apparently) was not bothered at all. I remember the very day I decided I have to lose weight. It was on a class trip to Prague. Two of my friends and I went to the Vietnamese market. Both of them were size XS-S and I was too ashamed to try on anything in front of them. I felt so stupid and there were so many things I would have liked to try on, but I was too scared they would not have it in my size, so I did not ask.
Back home, I started shedding pounds. But I was stupid and impatient. I wanted to lose weight as quickly as possible so I ate too little. As a result I began to binge once in a while. After a few months it was either one (starving myself) or the other (binging). If I had 50 calories too much, I would start binging because to me the day was ruined anyway. I lost a lot of weight but it did not seem enough and I got harder and harder on myself. I thought of ways how to punish myself for binging and it seemed that fasting for 2 days was appropiate (I know how sick that sounds). On other days I would throw up and/or take laxatives to "make up" for eating too much.
I ended up weighing about 50kg (110lbs) and at some point I collapsed because I had not eaten the third day in a row. I realised that I have to gain some weight, but I gained too much and ended up having to lose weight again. That was in 2009 and it has not changed ever since.
I have been losing and gaining weight for the past years and I am truly sick of it! Thankfully, I managed to change my behaviour so that I am not starving myself anymore - however, I am still struggeling with binging. As soon as things do not go as planned I have this feeling "Now it does not matter anyways".
Last week I went out for dinner (after a good week) because that is pretty much the only thing I can do here to get food and picked "Sweet & Sour Cod with Rice". I hardly ever had Chinese at home so I had no idea I just ordered the dish with the highest number of calories. Back at home, when I found out it ended in a 5-day-binge.
I am still trying to lose weight but mainly I want to find peace and balance. I am sick of my weight fluctuating like that and I am sick of how much it influences me.0 -
My name is Brian and I am 32 years old. I have read through all the introductions and am not sure if I am in the right place. I suffer from Compulsive Overeating (COE). I have had this problem since I was a child and have been struggling with it my whole life. I have Low T also which makes my metabolism almost non existent. I have been looking for any support I can get. Feel free to add me as a friend and if it is improper for me to be here just let me know. Thanks 0
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Hi my name is Katie. I'm 36 years old and a single mom of a 9 year old daughter Rylee. My Eating Disorder is that I have been undereating and starving my body. in doing so my body stores it as fat. I am 5"4 inches tall and weigh 200 pounds. I have dealt with this eating disorder since age 9 years old. but covered it with excessive exersize spending hours outside playing basketball to get rid of the problem. in 1996 I weighed my higest weight of close to 300 pounds and wore a size 30W. I enrolled myself in a christian online based Eating Disorder rehab program called In His Image. I am working on eating healthier as well as exersizing to lose weight.
I need a lot of friends here who understand me will support me .0 -
Hi,
My name is Katie and I have a binge eating disorder and compulsive overeating.
Some background:
I grew up with a mother who didn't have a good relationship with food either. I learned some of my behavior from her. When I had a cookie, it wouldn't be just one. It would be a whole row of cookies. I would start obsessing about it until the monster was quieted with those cookies. I loved 4 miles outside of town and in desparation I would bike down there and back. OR ride my horse to the store and back. Halloween was a great thing also. My lowest moment as a teenager was that I sold candy bars for 4-h. The candy bars were in my room so my brother wouldn't eat them. I ate them. I ate so many my other had to throw in almost 100.00 to cover it. That was SO difficult and that was the last year I sold them. Thankfully my mother was the 4-h leader so no one found out.
I never was thin. I wouldn't purge because I don't like throwing up at all. My mom told me that I don't have a ED because I am not skinny. There was so many times I heard that I was never pretty enough, smart enough, etc because of my weight. I would go on blind dates and the guy would walk out. The blind date that hurt the most was that I was sitting at the resturant and told the guy I was in a pink skirt and leather coat. I was at the bar and was sitting there for a long time. I finally went home and emailed him. He said I didn't see a pink skirt only a fat girl in an orange skirt. I told him..um..that was me. Never talked to him again. Yet another ding that made me binge and feel miserable.
I ended up having multiple miscarriages and in 2002 was my lowest point. I had lost my beloved son at 20 weeks pregnant and was devasted. I went to a follow up with the dr and she outright told me that it was my weight that attributed to it (she was wrong, I had a blood clot that went through cord). Three weeks later I joined weight and lost a 100 lbs. The binge monster stayed quiet for a long time due to being busy with school and very active. I could get away with eating a lot and burning it all off. I hurt my back shoveling stalls and couldn't exercise for 3 years. During that time I gained 70 lbs back and was miserable again. The monster reared it's ugly head again becuase of the depression. I just pretty much gave up on fighting it.
My wake up call was my beautiful horse that I had. His back was suffering because of my weight. I saw a picture from a horse show and was digusted with myself. I started Medifast which is a VLCD and lost 75 lbs. Last year I decided to leave my hubby because I couldn't take it anymore. The binge monster poked it's head up because of the stress level of that. Between moving, divorcing, no exercise, no time for myself, and job stress. That monster was starting to control me again. Only in the last couple of weeks have I been actively trying to control my monster within. I know that I have a problem and I need to deal with it.
On top of everything else..I have many food allergies so my diet is really restricted. I can eat: Fruits, veggies, lean protien, small amounts of dairy, almonds & walnut (almond milk), soy, eggs(a few) and potato products. I have to eat gluten free, palm oil free, peanut free, banana free, finned fish and other things. SO my diet is very difficult to deal with on top of it. I eat those products I can stop breathing or end up throwing up. I hate throwing up so I really do try to avoid those things that make me sick.
I do have a horrible body image and am working on that. i want to get down to 145 for myself. It will put me right in the middle of my healthy weight range. I will always fight the binge monster...0 -
Josie, 27, Washington, bulimic, crazy cat lady, recently diagnosed with MS and my weight's been all over the place because of it.
I could seriously use some friends as I've nobody to talk to about any of this.0 -
I'm Brianna and i've struggled with ana, mia, and ednos. i'm 15 and i'm in high school. i want to lose 15 pounds and i would love any support i can get. i love music and art. i have a dog and a cat. i like wasting time watching movies and tv. and i hate having major depression.0
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Hello. I'm Diane, 24, London. I am recovering from anorexia, it is hard work but I am desperate to find a healthy and happy place in my life.0
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Hello, I'm Eleonora, almost 21 years old from Italy. I've always been the fatty, chubby, plump kid and girl while growing up. I've never liked my body and I've always felt ugly, due to my extreme lack of self esteem. I've been complaining superficially about my body all of these years but never really put myself through an eating disorder because I was like.. Okay I'm ugly and fat and I'll be forever. But food is good to relax and everything so just accept it, you're going to be fat forever. My self hate and sense of worthlessness led me to various kind of self harming, including binging and purging during the last months. I haven't told this to anyone and I'm doing my best to lose some weigh by myself, the healthy way, even though I don't think it will help me to gain more self confidence. I just don't want to struggle all my life with such problems 0
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Hello, I'm Victoria Elizabeth. I'm 18 years old and a sophomore in college. I was diagnosed with EDNOS a few months ago, but I've been struggling with an anorexia and bulimia for years. When I went off to college for the first time last year, my ED got really bad. I stopped eating and lost 20 pounds. Over the month of winter break, I gained 15 pounds back, which triggered my ED even more. It got so bad, that by the end of January I had to drop out of school and move back home.
Since then, I have been working on my ED with a therapist and a dietician, and I am feeling so much better. It's still a daily struggle and I have a long way to go, but I'm stable enough now to go back to school in the fall. I feel like I'm getting my life back!
Please feel free to add me or message me, I'm not shy!0 -
Um, hi. I'm Doriya. I'm 18 and I'm about to go into my junior year of high school. I lost two years of school because of ED treatment. My first diagnosis was Anorexia restrictive sub type and my second was EDNOS AN restrictive subtype. According to the new DSM, my next diagnosis will probably be atypical anorexia. Unless I've lost weight by the time I'm in treatment next. I will say this.. If you're in recovery and you don't want to be triggered then don't add me because I would really hate to trigger anyone.
I recently tried to eat a little better but then I stepped on the scale and freaked out and now I'm back to doing what I was doing before because that's just what happens with me.
Anyway, feel free to add me. If you want to know a little bit about me, I love doing ballet, singing, and acting. I went to an arts high school for two years, a world renown one, for singing and am a classically trained singer. I would like to become a psychologist because I love to help people and after being a psychologist for a while I would love to open a ballet studio. I love to read and I love fashion and I'm a nerdfighter and I love British tv shows.
Ummmm... yeah.. Oh! I'm also a vegetarian for moral reasons and I have been dealing with body image and food issues for as long as I can remember.0 -
Hi, I'm Megan. I'm 24 years old and I have 3 little boys ages 6, 3 and 11 months. I'm divorced. I've dealt with eating issues since I was 13 on and off. I've never been officially diagnosed because I hid it quite well in my teens and my mom wasn't around much for awhile. I recovered for awhile but it has come back with a vengeance. I believe I'm probably anorexic or perhaps EDNOS. I really want to beat this, I want to give up the thoughts....not sure if I ever will but I'm going to try. My boyfriend is helping me, otherwise I'd probably weigh much less by now. The symptoms that came on this time around have scared me. I can't live with way for the sake of my kids at least! Add me if you're trying to recover
I eat vegan as well 0 -
Hi, my name is Katie, I'm 18 and I'm fairly new at this. A lot of people have been struggling with an eating disorder for years. I haven't been diagnosed but that doesn't change anything. I've been struggling with food for years now but for the past 6 months or so, it's been getting harder and harder. I'm eating around 600 calories or less, depending on the day. I exercise a lot also. I also have depression and social anxiety. I was diagnosed with those. I was on medicine but stopped taking them. I've had social anxiety since I was little. I hope to find some friends on here!0
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Hi everyone. My name is April. I'm on the road to recovery from anorexia/bulimia, and it's not easy. I'm here to lend an ear, lend a shoulder, try to help others and sometimes lean on you when Ed's voice (Ed=eating disorder) gets too loud.0
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Hi, all. I do not currently struggle with anorexia/bulemia, but have in the past. I truly do need to lose about 30 pounds, and that is not an exaggeration or result of unhealthy self-perceptions. My profile photo was taken in 1999 and represents the "ideal me" (at least 40 pounds lighter than I am now). Just joined My Fitness Pal, and all this calorie counting and logging is starting to bring back the old feelings of deprivation = good and other kinda scary, yet somehow also appealing, control-freaky thoughts. Thought I'd seek out some others who might understand before I find myself alone and in trouble!
Namaste.0 -
April, you sound like just the kind of "My Fitness Pal" I need. 0
